Media: Mercy – Shawn Mendes
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Coe's POV
I stood outside the door, nerves frazzled, head spinning and wishing I had more balls to take the elevator all the way to the ground floor and walk out of the building with my chin in the air and my pride intact. Instead, I only managed to take the elevator just one storey down from Jared's apartment, my head hung in shame.
The door to Heath's apartment swung open almost immediately after I had pressed the doorbell and I stared with wide eyes at the naked chest bulging in front of me. I blinked several times, realising how incredibly fit Heath was, and the fact that he was currently only dressed in a pair of sweat pants and nothing else. I blinked a few more times to try to get my thoughts back together as I forced myself to look at his face instead of the tattoos he had on his exposed skin.
"Coe?" He looked flustered to see me at his door step. I couldn't blame the man. I have never travelled anywhere between the ground floor and Jared's apartment in the years that we have moved here, and while Heath and I have grown relatively friendly with one another, we weren't well acquainted enough for me to come to his house unannounced.
"I tried to call you earlier, but the call got cut off in the elevator..." I started to explain.
Heath looked away from me to look down at the phone in his hand, "Hang on, I have a phone call from-"
"Jared, it's probably Jared calling. Can I come in?" I asked, feeling vulnerable, as though Jared would come for me and drag me back to his apartment if I don't get inside fast enough. I wouldn't put it past Jared to take back his words and decide that I wasn't allowed to leave his apartment to stay anywhere else, not even at Heath's. He was always erratic with his decisions, doing things as he pleased, when he pleased. I hated that about him.
He eyed the backpack on my shoulder that I have yet to zip up, exposing all the clothing that I had chucked into my bag without a care, before he nodded and stepped aside for me to go in. The surprised look on his face was still etched on his face as I walked through the doors.
Heath's apartment was vastly different from what I imagined, and definitely completely different from Jared's. There was no spiral stairs in the middle of the apartment as I enter, and I reminded myself that Jared's home was a penthouse, and he had two-storeys to his apartment, while Heath lived one storey under us and only had one level to himself.
Judging from the looks of things, he really lives by himself and only himself. Figures. I can't imagine anyone else would be alright with him fawning over Jared day in and day out, catering to his needs at any time of the day. I know I'll hate to have to share Heath with someone else so demanding of his time.
Instead of a kitchen island, Heath had a small dining table with two chairs tucked under it. His fridge was smaller than the one in Jared's apartment, but there were stacks of wine and other spirits in racks and shelves in the kitchen. It honestly looked like Heath had an unhealthy addiction. The unwashed glasses in the sink did nothing to prove me wrong.
As Heath stepped away from me to answer the call on his phone, I let my eyes wander around the apartment from where I stood, tuning out Heath's voice. I didn't really want to eavesdrop, and I didn't want to invite myself further into the house either, in case Heath decides that he didn't want me to stay. Who am I kidding, really? Heath would do anything Jared wanted in a heartbeat.
The house was spacious with not much furniture, but the couch in the living room was big enough to almost be used as bed. I suppose Heath spend quite some time on a particular corner of it as it was draped with a fleece blanket and it dipped slightly where he would sit at. I could already see him in that corner, where there was a small work table beside it that had his tablet, laptop and charging cables draping down the sides of it. I'm quite sure Heath's life could be summarised from that corner of the couch.
The couch faced a relatively large television and apart from a simple wall clock, there were no other decorations around the house. Not a photo frame, a hook, a vase or anything remotely decorative. A door was left ajar, and I assumed that it would lead to Heath's bedroom. Apart from that door, I could make out no other rooms. Strange. The house should be the same floor size as Jared's apartment, at least one storey of it. Jared had space for a den and a spare bed room on the first floor, apart from the kitchen area and the living room. So where was all the space lost to here? Maybe he has expanded the space for his room and it took up both the space of the den and the bedroom.
Heath cleared his throat beside me and I spun around to face him.
Heath scratched at his head awkwardly, before he crossed his arms, "That was boss on the phone. He said you would be staying here for a couple of days." Heath glanced at my backpack, "Or as long as you need. I don't have any issues with you staying, but I don't have a spare room like boss does, this is a one-storey, one-level apartment unlike his penthouse, so if you don't mind, you can have my bed, I'll sleep out here."
I shook my head, "The couch is more than enough for me. It's a big couch." I set my backpack down on the floor beside the couch, "Thanks, Heath." I said gratefully. I don't know where else I could go if Heath didn't offer me his couch. I hate to think that I'll have to shamelessly go back upstairs to Jared's house if I Heath didn't let me stay. I mean, I always have the third option: to run out of this building, to get gunned down by Jared someday. I assume I won't be as resourceful as I'd like to keep myself from being caught by Jared.
"Take my room. Come on, I'll show you." Heath gestured as he reached for my backpack, but my hands shot out to stop him.
I shook my head stubbornly, "I'm good here, Heath, really." I bit the inside of my mouth, "You are already doing so much for me by letting me stay here. I cannot take your bedroom too. I'll be comfortable here, on the couch, if you don't mind." My voice broke a bit as I spoke, charged by all the emotions that was swirling within me from my conversation with Jared earlier.
Heath lingered for a second, before he backed away. He looked around the living room at the couch, before he sighed, "I won't fight you tonight, but we'll talk about the arrangements tomorrow. I'll get clean sheets and a spare duvet."
I shook my head quickly, "That's too much trouble. Forget it, I'll be fine with just the couch. You already have a fleece laying there." I didn't want to be too much of a hassle since I've just arrived unannounced and he probably would have said no if Jared didn't talk to him.
He chuckled, "Boss would have my head for letting you sleep on a dirty couch. Just hang on alright?" He said, disappearing into the only other door in the house.
Heath returned in no time, this time clothed in a shirt, with a stack of sheets in his arms. I gulped, wondering if it was wrong that I was actually comfortable when Heath was half naked.
"Sorry about this, really." I murmured, feeling guilty about everything as I wrapped my arms around myself.
"Don't apologise." Heath said as he got to fitting the sheets around the couch. I hurried to help him and he smiled at me, "As you can probably tell, I renovated this place quite a bit. Unfortunately, it also means that the only bathroom in this apartment is in my bedroom, so you'll have to use that. You can feel free to come in and out of the room, there's no problem. I will leave the door open."
I felt even more like an intruder, knowing that I will have to invade into his private space in order to use the washroom. It all felt like a really bad idea to stay here, "Sorry."
"Like I said, don't apologise." Heath patted my hand as he walked past me to get the duvet. With one swift motion, he spread the duvet across the couch neatly, "You can treat this place as your own. Don't worry about it."
I grimaced, "I should really look for another place to stay." I sighed, staring at the makeshift bed.
"I won't allow you to leave, unless you're going back upstairs to boss." Heath crossed his arms, looking at me with an obvious look, "You know boss won't let you go anywhere else, Coe. Stop thinking so much and just stay, and stop apologising for it."
I squeezed my eyes shut with a tired breath. Everything was still about Jared and what he wanted. Jared had all the say, and I had none. Not even Heath had any say when this was his house. No matter how much I wanted to escape from Jared, it feels like I'm just a flailing bug stuck in Jared's web, and I will never manage to escape him far enough, or long enough. It was just all a futile struggle, and in the end, I'll still be Jared's prey to do as he liked. God knows he already had my heart and had his fun with it.
In that moment, I felt so tired. So tired of everything. So tired of being tired. I didn't realise how tensed I had been about everything that I just crumbled onto the floor beside the couch, breathing heavily, trying to release the tension in my body from the past week.
I buried my face in my hands as the tears started to leak out of my eyes.
Just breathing in the air in this apartment that didn't smell like Jared made the air lighter. Just knowing that he wasn't in the same space that I was occupying, made the space feel bigger.
I didn't belong here. Maybe this was what I needed. I had gone too long living with Jared and in the manner that he wanted me to. I had grown so used and so comfortable to Jared's presence and his apartment that I never truly considered what it would be like to be away from him, away from the comfort of the only place I could call 'home'.
I used to call Jared my 'home'.
I sobbed into my arms, suddenly remembering how it was like to be abandoned by my family. I had been so lost, so hurt and so confused then. I thought I would die from the heartbreak of being forced to leave a perfectly good home at such a young age. I thought I would stop breathing. I thought I didn't have a purpose anymore. I was aimless. I thought the pain would eventually overcome me and I would choose the easier way out and end my own life.
But the pain then cannot compare to what I was going through now.
After all, Jared was like a breath of fresh air that rescued me. He forced me to breathe when I thought I didn't want to breathe anymore. He gave me a reason to look ahead and at him, instead of my past. He may have been stubborn and he may not return my feelings for him, but he had been my saving grace. He pulled me out of the depression that I had been in, and he showed me that there were things in my life that were beautiful, and if I needed a reason to live, it was for those things.
I admitted how difficult it would be for me to forget my feelings for Jared, for me to put some distance between us. He was my shelter and my family. He had always been there for me like it was only natural. At some point in my life, Jared became my oxygen and my sustenance. Now I have to learn to give it up.
I should feel less suffocated, less pressured here, away from him. This was what I wanted, right? I wanted space from Jared, I needed it. But why does it make me feel so empty? So alone?
I heard feet shuffling and my breath stuck. I had forgotten that I was putting Heath in an awkward situation right now. I looked up to see him sitting silently on one of the chairs of by the dining table, watching me break down on his apartment floor. The moment my eyes met his, he held out a mug of water that was steaming slightly.
My heart ached. Just seeing that he was still there, just giving me space without leaving me alone, offering me comfort with such a simple gesture, made me wish so hard that Jared was just a little bit like Heath. Why couldn't I fall for a man like Heath instead?
"Feeling a little better at all?" He asked after we just stared at one another quietly.
I licked my lips, nodding mutely. Heath moved towards me to help me up and I pushed myself off the floor before he could get to me. He pursed his lips as he settled back into the chair.
"I'm here if you need someone to talk to, or if you just need me to sit around."
I laughed, clenching my fists when my heart skipped a beat, "I'm good, Heath." I leaned on the low back rest of the couch.
He nodded thoughtfully, before he started, "You don't have to be strong in front of me, Coe."
"I'm really alright, Heath." I waved him off as I let my gaze wander around the apartment, feeling amazed once more that there was absolutely nothing personal in this house.
"I'm not blind, Coe. In fact, I am actually very good at observing. That's how I got to be boss' right hand man." I turned to look at Heath when he spoke, and I noticed that his face had gone grim, "You've never left boss' apartment ever. No matter what disagreements you've had, you've always returned to his apartment. I am honestly surprised he's allowed you to come here, so I can gather that something big has happened for him to let you out of his sight." Heath frowned, "I know you both been having a rough time lately, you especially. I can guess why you're here."
I know Heath didn't mean anything by it, but being reminded that I always returned to Jared at the end of the day, just made me want to strangle myself for being so fucking weak, "I just need some space from Jared right now."
Heath nodded, "I'm saying that you can talk to me about it. We're not strangers, Coe. I've been there to witness enough to clue myself in." He reached out to ruffle my fringe, "My place is open to you for as long as you need. And of course, a listening ear whenever you need someone."
"You're a God-sent, have I ever told you that?" I chuckled bitterly, "You seem to be always there to save me when I need saving." I smiled at him, "That time with my brother in the alley, that time when I fought with Jared, and now this. Thank you."
Heath grinned, "All in a day's work. I'll always save you when I can, alright?"
"Don't make promises you can't keep." I joked, raising my brows to remind Heath about what happened with Jared the last time he promised me that he would come for me if I ever needed him.
Heath regarded me seriously, "I don't need to make promises to be sure that I'll take good care of you."
The hairs on my skin stood on ends and I gulped, "T-Thank you."
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Looks like Coe and Heath will now be discovering a lot about themselves and each other, without Jared.