Author's Note:
Babes, guess what? ANOTHER UPDATE! Heck yes, I am spoiling you! You all deserve to be spoiled, you guys are just so sweet and kind. All of the nice words you all have been telling me are words I only hoped of hearing so thank you so much for making my dream come true and making me feel like a part of something!
How did you all handle the emotional roller coaster in the last few updates? Well...prepare yourself for another...
Love you!! Xoxox
Harry's POV
I stand by the large window, surveying London at night. Normally, the sight of lit up buildings and twinkling stars usually give me a sense of peace, but not at this moment. In this moment, I can't help but feel like I'm back in my dark days, to the days before; the days when I didn't have Ryder. This waiting around for her to wake up from her harsh ordeal is absolute torture, and it feels like I have lost her; even though Shawn and every other medical expert I have annoyed, has told me otherwise.
A very evocative feeling washes over me, along with worry and dejection, as my mind flashes to the past couple of months. I can't help but think back to the begining of when things started with Ryder: Her snobby attitude at the train station, her fear at gunpoint outside the night club, her worry for me when I got drenched on with soda...her first kidnap.
I close my eyes while clutching my hands into fists inside my jean pockets, as a deep puff of air blows past my lips at the image of Ryder's beaten and shivering body, paints briefly in my mind. Turning around I walk over to Ryder's hospital bed and carefully take a seat in the chair I have spent most of my time at in the last three days.
I sniff as my eyes move up to Ryder's sleeping face, her hair fanned out on her pillow with a nasal cannula to help her breath more easily. A small purple bruise covered the apple of her left cheek, which lacked their usual rosy tint that I adore.
I shake my head, reaching out to firmly grasp her right hand with mine.
"Ryder baby, I should have done it." I mutter. "I should have killed him. I had him. He has been responsible for a lot of hurt in your life. I should have shot him. Now you're in here because of me...because I couldn't be brave enough to pull the trigger."
"I'm so sorry baby." I say looking at her through teary eyes as I give her hand a squeeze.
"Just come back to me." I sniff."Please...please wake up."
I watch her for a few seconds longer, watching her resting state, hopefully waiting a response from her but the moment is filled with silence and it breaks my heart even more.
"Come on baby, wake up." I plea, helplessly as I sniff, shaking my head.
"Don't blow me off God!" I exclaim, raising my head to the heavens, tears running down my cheeks. "I never come to you for anything and I hate that it's right now that I do but please... please don't take her from me."
"Don't take her." I shake my head, as I cry, letting out a few chokes sobs as I lean forward and gently rest my head on Ryder's stomach, still holding her hand in mine, ignoring the ache in my torso from my stitches.
"Harry..." James quiet voice suddenly speaks, interrupting my sobs. I was lost in my own conversation I didn't even hear him come in.
"Aren't you suppose to be resting?" James questions as I hear the door shut.
"I'm fine, James." I say rolling my eyes as I lift my head off of Ryder, willing my tears away with the back of my hand.
"Ryder is okay, kid. Her body is just tired."
"If she was okay, she would have woken by now." I retort in a grumbling tone, scowling as he comes to a stand beside me.
"Harry, she had to fight harder on the operating table. The bullet missed her heart but it was close enough."
"It should have been me. I should have shoved her down or-"
"Harry, don't waste your time on thinking what you could have done. Thank God you are both alive. Don't waste another day pondering on the past and what you want to change, because you can't."
"She is alive." He says as I turn my head to look up at him. "You two have been given another chance."
"You're father has taken enough from us already. Don't let him ruin anything anymore." James mutters placing his hand on my shoulder, shaking me a little. "It's time you live your life like a normal twenty-two year old."
"You have a door to happiness." He continues, looking away from me and gesturing towards Ryder with his chin. "Now it depends if you are willing to open it and seize the day."
Ryder's POV
"I'll be out in the waiting room with your sister." A familiar voice speaks as I hear a click of a door opening. I furrow my brows, letting out a small hum as I turn my head, fluttering my eyes open.
Momentarily, my eyes sting at the bright light in the room but eventually they focus on my dad who is walking out of the room.
Where am I?
My eyes flicker to my side and I see the familiar brown head of curls that I love.
"H...Harry." I mutter, my voice dry, not sure if he heard but his sudden head turn towards me made it quite clear that he did.
"Ryder?" Harry gasp, looking at me with wide eyes and parted lips. He's looking at me like he's seeing a ghost and not believe it, he is looking at me like his shattered world is being restored as the light and hope in his eyes begin to flow right back in.
God, I deeply love this man.
"What did I miss?" I smile, still feeling half asleep.
Abruptly, Harry grasp my cheeks as he stands off his chair, before firmly pressing his lips to mine as he leans down; first molding around my bottom then top lip. I feel out of breath when he pulls away, blinking up at him.
I blink at him, completely off guard by his sweet assault. "Harry, I-"
"Marry me." He breathes his eyes locked with mine, keeping his hands on my cheeks.
My lips part as my eyes blink and subtly widen.
Did I hear him correctly?
"What?" I mutter.
"I want you to marry me." He smiles, smoothing his thumb over the apple of my cheek.
I let out a small giggle, shaking my head. "I think Im probably still dreaming."
Harry chuckles."No, you're not dreaming. We have been given another chance and I don't want to be the stupid one and not seize it. I want you to be mine, always. You have been mine since the start. I want to live the rest of my days with you."
"Marry me, baby." He says kissing me once more, before pressing his forehead to mine.
Two weeks Later
"So what do you say baby? Vegas tomorrow?" Harry asks, tightening his his arm around me that was draped over my torso above the bed sheets wrapped around our bare bodies.
I giggle.
"Harry, are you crazy?" I ask, shifting onto my back so I can look up at him.
"Well you never gave me a proper answer." He mutters softly, pushing my tangled hair behind my ear, looking down at me with adoring eyes.
"Well you didn't properly ask me." I retort, teasing him. "Plus, did you even ask my father about this?"
"Who do you think gave me the idea?" He says with a small chuckle. I hum in response.
"Okay, well you do have a point. I guess asking you at the hospital wasn't the perfect Kodak moment huh?"
I scrunch my nose, shaking my head.
"Alright, point taken." He smiles with a nod before leaning down kissing my nose. "So is Shawn really having a party for us tonight?"
I sigh. "Yes. I mean the thought is sweet. But, I'd much rather spend my Christmas Eve with just you."
"Well we do have all day..." He trails giving me a mischievous grin and I giggle, placing my hands on his cheeks as he leans down and brings his mouth to mine. I melt as soon as his lips press to mine while he rolls over to hover above me and I can't help but let the small hint of pain seep in as I think that I could have lost this man to the hands of his own father.
"Baby are you ready yet!" Harry calls out. "You're brother is going to kill us if we are late!"
"I'm coming!" I reply back rushing down the stairs with my black heels in my hand. "And don't rush me. Who was the one who decided to have a shower?"
"Well, we can't go without showering love." He chuckles as I step off the last step before sitting down.
"Yeah but it was your idea to do the dirty." I tease him, giving him a smile as I place my last heel on my foot before standing.
"I want to take every opportunity I can to make love to you." He replies back while placing his hands on my waist tugging me to him. My smile widens as he presses his forehead against mine before pecking my lips.
"You look beautiful by the way." He adds before leaning back to look down at my black dress.
"Thank you." I reply back reaching up to adjust his tie.
"You know." Harry mutters as he places his hand over my left one.
"This is my favorite thing." He says bringing my hand to his lips, placing a kiss over my middle finger where the ring he bought me at Brighton, rested on. I can't help but smile even more at his words.
Shawn and Hannah did not disappoint on the party. Their beautiful vast house looked incredible with the large lit up tree and Christmas decorations around the house. There was a lit up fireplace in the living room and right outside the two doors, the back yard was decorated with bright fairy light hanging all around the metal fence and trees.
There were a lot of guest tonight, mostly friends of Shawn's and Hannah's but Michael and Katie were here as well, along with the lads.
Taking a sip of my wine, my eyes scan around the living room seeing everyone with wide smiles and bright faces, chatting among themselves. I smile and I can't help but feel a slight wave of melancholy wash over me the longer I look at them.
I could have lost everybody. I would have not been able to see my dad smiling again with his co- worker, Marilyn under his arm. Yes, they just started dating but I don't think I have ever seen him this happy with anyone before. I could have missed the sight of Hannah's stomach getting bigger by the second as the little miracle of life inside her kept on growing.But worse of all... I could have lost Harry.
My heart sinks at the idea.
So many terrible things could have happened the day we got shot. I could have been the only one that survived or vise versa and just like Harry's confession to me the other day, about us one day having to finish our journey on Earth without each other , could have been our twisted reality. Our love for each other; our deep chaotic, erotic, beautiful love for each other, could have came to an abrupt end.
"Hey Harry." I mutter to him as I turn my head breaking his conversation with Louis.
"Yeah love?" He smiles placing his hand on my lower back as I briefly look over at Louis who was giving me a friendly smile.
"I'm going to go outside for a bit."
"Okay." He nods. "Do you want me to go with you?"
"No it's okay. Stay here with Louis. I'll just be a few minutes." I inform waving him off as I place my wine glass down on the table by the couch before turning around and opening the back door.
Harry's POV
After drinking my glass of wine, I lean against the door frame of the backdoor looking out into the yard at Ryder and Katie who were talking under the large tree, sitting on a bench. There was a soft song playing through out the sound system in the living room and also through the speaker installed into the roof out on the porch.
As much as Ryder tried to play off that going outside was nothing, I knew better. I knew she wasn't okay, I knew she needed space but as much as I want to go talk to her I can't. I know she is still a bit on edge with what happened, and even though we both know that the danger is finally put to rest, the worry is still there. My eyes continue to gaze at her as my hands subconsciously continue to twirl my cigarette box, in some sort of calming gesture.
"Hey kid," James mutters as he comes to a stop beside me.
"Hey." I reply back, looking up at him.
"What are you up to?"
I shrug. "Just thinking."
"About what?Is everything okay?" He says looking and sounding concerned, as he looks outside at Ryder and Katie. "Are you and Ryder okay?"
"We are fine." I assure him. "It's just...I've been thinking and-" I pause, looking down at my empty cigarette box, desperately wishing there was at least one left.
"Tell me." James presses and i feel his stare on me until i finally look back up ati him.
"I know everything is over and I thank God for it. But the thing is, you only had me around because you couldn't find Tobias," I begin, making sure that I call Tobias by his name and not Father. That man is not my father, he never will be, even if he is, he is nothing to me.
"But we caught him now and I can't help but wonder what happens next? What's my next move from here? What does this mean for me? Am I out of a job?" I ask, shurgging nocimittal. "Even if yo say that I still have a job as a criminal consultant, I don't want that. I don't want that job because it reminds me of who I was and all I want to do is push all of that aside and let it come to an end like eveyrthing else. But at the same time, i don't want to say I quit my job because Ryder needs me to support her. Yes, she has her job but I want to feel like i can offer her something."
"I don't know what I'm going to do." I quietly add looking back down at my hands, opening the cigarette box before closing it again.
"Harry, you can do anything." James mutters, but ignore him.
"How can I offer a life to Ryder if I can't even financially support it?"
"Have you not been listening to what I have told you? You love her and she loves you. Everything else will fall into place. Besides," He says palcing his hand on my shoulder making me lift me head up. "You're not alone."
The corner of my lips pull into a smile. "I thought you hated me?"
"Yeah well what can I say. You remind me of myself."
A laugh escapes past my lips as my eyes crinkle.
"Now, give me that box." James says taking the empty cigarette box from me. "You really need to stop."
"I only smoke when I'm anxious."
"Yeah which has been practically all the time since I meet you and I bet your lungs can agree."
"I've held back.Ryder doesn't like it either."
"Alright, now go." He says tilting his head to the side gesturing me to go outside, his voice now clear with the small pause in the music flowing through the house.
"But are-"
"Go." He presses with a nod. I give him a smile before stepping out onto the back porch.
Walking across the yard I can't help but admire the shine in Ryder's eyes by the small lights stringing down from the tree branches. Her black dress is simple, no design at all plastered on the front, it was sleeveless and looped around her neck. Her dress was not short as one that she would wear to the club, but the material reached down just several inches above her knee that showed off her beautiful legs very nicely. My girl can look beautiful in anything and I am damn lucky to have her in my life.
"I'm just so happy you are okay. I don't know what I would do without my best friend." Katie says as I approach the pair of them by the bench.
"And I'm happy you're okay too, Harry." Katie adds looking up at me and I smile.
"Thank you Katie." I reply with a nod before my focus goes over to Ryder.
"I'll...I'll leave you two to talk. I have to go find Michael." Katie adds after a moment, before standing from her seat and I politely step aside to let her move past me.