"So, Declan, have you made any plans for college?" My mom asks, taking a sip of her wine.
"I haven't, but now that Elly has helped me stay on track with my homework, my grades have gone up. I think I might consider it."
"Really? That's great Declan," Elly says with surprise in her voice. I haven't told her that I have been thinking about it, mostly because she was on lockdown by Darren.
"Have you had any thoughts on where you might go?" My mom inquires further.
"I'll most likely apply to the community college Jonah is going to. It's nearby and it's supposed to have a decent science program. My physics teacher really feels like science is my area of expertise." This past week he actually wrote me a letter of recommendation if I decide to go to college. I must be good because he is notorious for turning students down when they ask for letters.
"I can agree with that, seeing as you help me with my chemistry work and you've never taken that class." Elly smiles at me and it makes my chest burn with happiness. She squeezes my hand under the table. "You're very intelligent Declan and any college would be lucky to have you."
My face heats up from her compliment. "Well, I don't even come close to your level of intelligence. Why don't you tell everyone your plans?"
"Declan, it's not a big deal..." Elly says, looking like she wants to drop the subject.
"Not a big deal?" She must be out of her mind if she thinks it isn't a big deal. "Mom, Elly has a full scholarship to Stanford's medical school program."
"Holy crap!" Tuck almost chokes on his drink. "You must be a genius."
"Congratulations Elly! That is a great achievement." I can tell my mother definitely approves of Elly now. She went to Stanford once upon a time, but she never did anything with her degree; mostly because of my father.
"What's a great achievement?" The booming voice from my nightmares asks.
My dad walks into the room wearing his fakest smile, leaving behind the scent of whiskey as he passes me. My chest constricts and an immediate need to run takes hold.
My mother smiles back at him. "Hi hunny, this is Declan's friend, Elly. We were talking about how she has a full scholarship to Stanford."
My dad takes a seat at the head of the table. "Smart..." his eyes travel over Elly. "...and beautiful. How did Declan manage to snag you?" Elly blushes, but I'm sure she doesn't like the way my dad is speaking to her; I sure don't.
"Declan is amazing, he could snag any girl," Elly says, putting force behind her words.
My dad chuckles. "He gets it from his father." He winks at her and I explode internally.
I stand. "Elly and I have to go...nice seeing you, Dad."
My dad narrows his eyes at me and I stare back, the tensions builds until my mother speaks up.
"Declan, won't you stay for a little while longer. I have ice cream and homemade apple pie for dessert?" She isn't noticeably begging because my father would get angry over that, but I can see it in her eyes.
I give in and sit back down. My mom disappears to fetch dessert, leaving us with my dad's cold stare.
"So, Elly." My dad takes out a business card and slides it down the table to her. "If you ever get lonely-"
Elly grabs the card and tears it up before my dad finishes. She stands up and calmly takes the pieces over to him; sprinkling them on his plate. Tuck stares at her with his mouth wide open and my expression is nearly the same.
My dad's face is beat red as Elly speaks. "Mr. Wayson, your actions are deplorable and if you think that I will ever do anything with you, you're insane."
My mom returns with dessert and Elly sits back down. My mom looks at my dad's red face and Elly's smug one, the she looks at me. I shake my head to indicate it's better if she ignores it.
Dessert doesn't bring any more conversation; the only sound is the clatter of silverware and chewing. I'm surprised all hell didn't break loose when Elly did that, I was bracing myself for a fight if he touched her. My dad is not afraid to show his true colors unless people from his job come over.
My dad works at a company that is always coming up with the latest technology, last I knew, they were working on holographic smart phones. Anyway, that's how he affords this place and everything in it. I also believe it is the main reason my mom won't leave him. She loves her comfortable life too much even though it comes with a beating almost everyday.
After dessert tuck asks me to come to his room to show me something. I'm reluctant to leave Elly, but my father locks himself in his office so she should be okay for a little while. Besides, she's already occupied by my mom gushing about Stanford and showing her pictures.
Tuck shuts the door behind us once we're in his room.
"Declan, you gotta come home." Tuck crosses his arms and tries on a serious look that's too old for him.
"Are you out of your mind Tuck? What's here for me? A black eye or a broken arm? No, no thanks." There's no way I'm coming back here for anything other than to have the occasional dinner with my mom.
Desperation is the next look on Tuck's face. "Declan...Mom is so depressed when you aren't here. This dinner? This is the first home-cooked dinner I have had in weeks. I almost forgot what it was like to see her out of her room and smiling until tonight."
I push the guilt away. "That is not my problem. She can leave him and be happy."
"And then where would we go? She has nothing, we have nothing without Dad. I can show you how to avoid Dad's wrath, just come home." Tuck's eyes plead with me. He doesn't understand what coming back would do to me and he doesn't understand that it's wrong that Mom won't leave.
"Tuck, no. I'll try to visit more, maybe once a week, but I'm not coming back."
"And if Mom offs herself it will be your fault," Tuck mutters to himself.
That's it, I'm done. "If Mom offs herself it will be because she chose to let us be abused until I had no choice but to leave. She chose this..." I point to the walls and expensive things around the room. "...over us."
I shove him away from the door he had been blocking. "Don't you ever say anything like that to me again, Tuck. You don't know what you're talking about; you're too young."
Tuck scoffs. "I'm fifteen."
"Fifteen years too young," I tell him and slam the door.
"They were some of the best years of my life," my mom says to Elly as I return to the kitchen.
"Elly, are you ready to go?" Elly nods and grabs her bag.
"Can't you stay any longer?" My mom begs.
"No Mom." The look on her face almost makes me lose my resolve. "I'll visit next week." There, that restores more happiness in her features.
"Wonderful!" She hugs both me and Elly. "I can't wait," she says.
"Oh, and Mom?" We're at the door now. "Please leave him."
We leave her there on the porch with her thoughts. I hope that maybe this time my words will persuade her to leave, but I know they won't. Saying 'please leave him' isn't very persuasive, I know. I've said so much more in the past, though. It just seems like a waste of my breath to say anything more than that now.
"What happened in Tuck's room?" Elly finally asks. We are on the road and she's been looking at me periodically, trying to guess why I'm silent.
I let out a breath of anger. "Tuck asked me to come home. I guess my mom is really depressed because I'm gone. He acts like being beat by our dad is okay as long as he keeps us living the 'sweet' life."
"Oh."
"It's all so...fucked. They're both fucked," I say through gritted teeth. Why are we all so fucked? I want to be with my family, I want to be around to teach Tuck things and help my mom with chores. I want us to be a family again, but it will never be that way with him around.
"I know what that's like. I'm sorry we're both so fucked up," Elly says and takes my hand.
"Life is shitty." I grip her hand tighter and lay my head on the window.
"Agreed."
Later, we're in Elly's room, laying on the floor and staring at the intricate patterns painted onto her ceiling. I'm not sure why we are doing this, when I got back from going to the bathroom she was on the floor. So, I joined her and it is kind of relaxing.
"Declan, why haven't you asked me to be your girlfriend yet? Have you...have things changed for you?"
I turn and look at her incredulously, but she still faces the ceiling. Her hair curls around her head like a halo, which is ironic because sometimes I feel like she is my angel, like she's here saving me from myself.
"Elly, nothing has changed and it never will. Stop being silly. The reason I haven't asked you yet is because I think you need more time to move on from Darren."
Elly rolls her eyes. "Fuck Darren."
I laugh. "Yeah, it's not for his sake though. It might not be a good idea to start another relationship so soon."
"Why wait? I've been wanting to be with you for a long time now. I don't want to wait anymore." Elly turns and slides her hands up my chest, under my shirt, shooting tingles everywhere.
"Elly..." Elly kisses me hard, pausing my train of thought. I kiss her back just as hard, pushing her back down on the floor.
"Elly, I don't want you to have any regrets. I think we should wait to be together," I say, hovering over her.
A small laugh escapes her mouth. "You're all I want, there's no way I could regret you."
I want so much to be with her, to be able to call her my girlfriend, but I don't want either of us getting hurt if we move too fast.
"Please Declan, I want to be more than this. I love you." Elly reaches up and kisses me again.
My resolve is weak, I want to be with her. This girl could convince me to do anything, that's how in love with her I am.
"Okay, I give in." I lay back down. "I hope you're sure about this."
"As sure as I'll ever be," Elly says happily. My stomach flutters at the sight of her gigantic smile.
Everything about Elly is more than I've ever hoped to have in a girl. With just one smile she can change my entire day. I love that she's tough too. How she stood up to my dad today? Absolutely incredible, something that I wish my mom and brother could do.
Elly sits up. "Well?"
"Well what?"
Elly gives me a look. "Are you gonna ask me to be your girlfriend?"
"Do I reeaally have to ask you?" She's such a dork.
"Yes you do. How do I know I'm your girlfriend if you don't ask?" Elly smirks.
"You're crazy," I smile back at her. Then, I take her hands in mine. "Elly, will you be my girlfriend?" I feel ridiculous just asking, but that might be because I've never done it before.
"Hmmm...maybe," Elly says rubbing her chin in fake consideration.
"Elly!"
"I'm kidding, yes I'll be your girlfriend. I want that more than anything." Elly takes my head in her hands and kisses me and I melt into the taste of her.