"How was your first day?" I asked Luke and Laelia as I flopped onto the couch in the living room.
"It was so fun Mama!"
"What about you Lily?" That was a nickname she told me to call her.
"I loved it Mama! Everyone was so welcoming and no one picked on me."
"Laelia?" Rosa asked holding EJ and Matty.
"Yes Miss Rosa?"
"Sweetie can you get me the twins' diaper bag?"
"Yes Miss Rosa." Lily quickly ran upstairs to get the diaper bag and quickly ran into my arms.
"Is everything okay love?"
"Yes Mama," I held her close to me a stroked her hair.
"Lyric, I'm gonna put the twins down for a nap, and maybe take one myself. I'm really exhausted."
"Okay baby, I will be up in a minute okay?"
"No, babe it's fine. Stay down here with Luke and Lily." When Rosa said Lily, Laelia flinched a little.
"Goodnight Mommy!" Luke said hugging Rosa.
"It's not night time yet Lukey."
"Can I tuck Mommy in, Mama?"
"If you want to, but remember you have homework."
"Okay Mama, I will hurry." Luke ran upstairs and Rosa followed closely behind with the twins.
"Lily, would you like to tuck Mommy in with Luke?"
"No Mama, I'm fine."
"Okay love."
"Mama?"
"Yes, my love?"
"Can I tell you something?"
"You can tell me anything?"
"Miss Rosa looks like my mother."
"What happened to her?"
"My father killed her --- when I was four. He made me watch."
"Laelia, I'm so so sorry. No one should ever have to go through that especially not someone as loving and innocent as you. Is that why you can't really call her Mommy?"
"Yes. All I remember is calling out for her," I pulled her closer to me as tears began to stain her face.
"It's okay Lily, I promise."
"And also, my mother was really mean to me. But I still loved her."
"How was she mean?"
"She would yell at me, hit me, and hurt me."
"At the age of four?"
"Yes Mama."
"I'm sorry babygirl." I grabbed some tissues from the coffee table.
"There's more Mama?"
"What else?"
"I had a big sister and her name was Kennadi."
"What happened to her?"
"My dad killed her too. Right after my Mommy."
"How did you get away?"
"I ran when he came after me. First I went to a neighbor's house. Then I went to a bunch of my family's houses until I was five. Then I got put into foster care when they told me my dad died and in after a year of bad foster homes I went to the adoption center. The only thing that kept me happy was reading, I taught myself a lot of things. That's why I talk like this. I didn't want to be just some dumb Colombian kid."
"I'm so sorry Lily."
"I don't want to be hurt again."
"Neither of us will ever hurt you. We love you."
..........
"That's why she always is uncomfortable with me," I had just told Rosa what Laelia had told me. We were in our bedroom getting ready to turn in for the night. The kids were already asleep thank goodness.
"I don't even know if I was suppose to tell you, I just figured you should know."
"Now I feel like my presence is making her uncomfortable. Should I go away for a while?"
"No running away Rosy. We will get through this together."
"But L-"
"Do you remember the first time you ran away?"
"Ly-"
"I got in a car accident and Maia almost killed you."
"Ly-"
"Nothing goes right when we run away."
"Lyr-"
"Nothing!"
"You don't have to yell at me!"
"I'm not yelling at you Rosa."
"Yes you are! I just want her to feel comfortable and loved!"
"So what? You're just going to abandon the rest of our children? The other three children that need you?"
"Lyric I-"
"You what Rosa? Do you just like giving up when things get a little hard?"
"LITTLE HARD LYRIC? I ALMOST DIED!"
"Rosa stop yelling, the kids are sleeping!"
"Lyric I just don't want her to be uncomfortable in her own home. She has been through too much."
"Rosa, she will get used to it."
"Lyric you can't promise that."
"Rosa she will."
"Maybe I should go stay with Luci for a little." she said getting out of bed. Luci? She barely knows her.
"Rosa!" I grabbed her arm and pulled her down onto my lap.
"What Lyric?" She turned pushing me away from her.
"Stop running away."
"Lyric get off of me."
"No! Right now you are going to listen to me."
"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW!"
"Rosa, you never want to talk about it. This time we are!" I put her over my shoulder and took her to the family room in the basement. If she yelled at me during this argument, it would be muffled, so the kids wouldn't wake up. I could tell this would be a long night and I probably would have to call out of work, which could be bad, I'm still in the probationary period.
"Lyric I d-"
"I don't give a damn if you don't want to talk about. This is what we're going to do, so sit down."
"What. The. Hell Lyric? Just let me leave!" she said hitting my arm. It wasn't very hard though.
"NO ROSA! I'M TIRED OF YOU LEAVING!"
"SOMETIMES I HAVE TO!"
"EVERY DAMN TIME SOMETHING GOES WRONG OR WE HAVE A DIFFERENCE IN OPINIONS YOU JUST GO. WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. JUST TALK TO ME. IT'S REALLY HARD TO EXPLAIN TO LUKE, 'MOMMY COULDN'T HANDLE LOVING US RIGHT NOW, SO SHE LEFT. MAYBE SHE'LL BE BACK.'" I took a deep breath to calm myself down. "Just talk to me Rosa, you don't have to go. I know that's what you are used to but running? That just drives a wedge between us, if you always having leaving in your back pocket and I'm always censoring myself so you won't go. Rosa, I don't want to have to hide my feelings because I'm afraid you'll leave me."
"Lyric-"
"I'm not finished Rosa. I love you okay? I've loved you for a really long time and you know that. Yet you keep leaving us. It's like a ladder --- we started with 7 rungs. Each time you run away a rung on the ladder goes missing.
"How many rungs are left?"
"I'd rather not say. Let's just say we won't be climbing to the roof anytime soon."
"I'm so sorry Lyric. I didn't know you felt that way," she began crying as she threw her arms around me.
"Mama?" A little voice called. We both look up seeing Laelia standing in the doorway. How'd she even find us down here?
"Yes Lily?" Rosa began to cry more.
"I had a nightmare," she looked down at the floor.
"I'll come tuck you in," I started toward her still having Rosa hanging to me.
"Can Mommy do it?" Rosa and I both looked at her surprised.
"Me?" Rosa asked.
"Please."
"Of course love," They began heading upstairs when Rosa turned around facing me.
"I told you it would be okay. I love you, " I mouthed to her.
"I love you too," she mouthed back before she rushed behind Laelia.
..........
"Lyric! Come here! Mi mamá está en el teléfono."
"Carina?"
"Do I have another?" She said laughing.
"No, I guess not," I laughed with her.
It was currently a Saturday morning. The kids had completed their first week of school and they were sleeping in. Rosa and I had been working out some issues over the past few days. Trying to get her to stop running away was proving very difficult. All her life, that's exactly what she did. She had to run away to be safe, from her father, exes, etc. I just want her to feel comfortable enough so she won't feel the need to leave. I don't wanna lose Rosa, I can't lose her again.
"Lyric, say hi to my mom! You keep zoning out." Rosa beckoned me over to her. I grabbed the phone from Rosa and put it to my ear.
"Carina! How are you?"
"I'm missing you guys!"
"We miss you too!"
"Rosa told me you a adopted a little girl."
"Yes, we did. She is so precious."
"You guys are the perfect little family. I'm so happy for you. How's everything down there in New Mexico?"
"Everything is great! Luke started school and so did our daughter Laelia. The kids love it here, and honestly, so do I. I'm glad that we are finally safe."
"Me too. But Lyric I have to go now, Jacob wants to talk to Rosa and I have to get ready for dinner with him tonight."
"Okay, have fun. We love you."
"I love you too," I handed the phone back to Rosa and sat down next to her. She put the phone to her ear.
"Mami?"
"Yes mija?"
"Please be safe when you go out later."
"I promise I will."
"Okay. I love you Mami."
"I love you more mija. I'm giving the phone to Jacob now."
"Okay. Lyric, shall I put him on speaker so you can hear?"
"If you want to my love."
"Hello?"
"Hey Jacob!" we said in unison.
"I see I get to speak with both of you lovely ladies."
"I don't do anything without my wife Jacob," Rosa said giggling.
"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about Rosa."
"Okay, what's up?"
"Rosa, I know how protective you are over your mother and..."
"IS MY MOM DYING!?" Rosa gasped.
"No Rosa she's not dying."
"Jacob, I think you should get to the point before you give my wife a heart attack," I said laughing.
"Rosa, I want to marry your mother. I just need your permission to propose to her."
"JACOB OF COURSE! MARRY HER! MARRY THE FUCK OUT OF HER! MAKE HER YOUR WIFE!"
"Calm down Rosy," I said pulling her close.
"I know, I'm just really excited," Jacob and I started to laugh.
"Thank you so much Rosa, I'm so in love with your mother, and it would be an honor to have her as my wife and you as my daughter."
"Oh my God Jacob you're making me cry!"
"I'm sorry, please don't cry," We looked at each other and smiled.
"Happy tears," we said in unison.
"Oh okay."
"Jacob please don't hurt Carina and Rosa, they have been through too much already."
"I would never! When I met Carina, she was so broken. I want to put her back together."
"Awwww, I know you'll make my Mami happy."
"I'm proposing tonight and hopefully she says yes."
"I know she will! She can never stop talking about you when she calls."
"I'll let you know what happens. Have a good day," he clicked off the line leaving an awkward atmosphere fall around us.
"We need to talk Rosa," I sat on the floor staring up at her.
"About?"
"Are you leaving?"
"Wha-?"
"I can see it in your eyes. You have the free spirited look in your eyes."
"I do?"
"You want to leave? I'm not going to stop you."
"L-"
"NO! Rosa, I tell you everyday how much you mean to me. I love you, I care for you. I'm there when NO ONE ELSE IS. When you said NO ONE ELSE CARED. I CARE! I'VE CARED FOR ALMOST TEN YEARS-"
"Lyri-"
"No Rosa, you always have your turn. Now it's mine," I let out a long sigh. "You're usually fine you know. You go about life okay. Until you start thinking a million miles per minute and you begin accusing me of not caring and lying and not loving you. Do you think I would have abandoned my family if I didn't love you? Do you think I'd share my son with you? Do you think I would have been going crazy when you were shot? When you left, the first time, do you think I would have sat and cried for as long as I did? I care about you Rosa, do I have a hard time showing it, maybe I do-"
"B-"
"BUT I TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU. EVERY SINGLE DAY! EVERYDAY I TELL YOU. I TELL OUR CHILDREN. HELL, I'VE BEEN SHOUTING IT TO THE WORLD SINCE YOU CAME BACK INTO MY LIFE".
"I'm sorry, Lyric. Sometimes you don't talk to me and I just have to assume."
"Assume the worst, Rosa? That doesn't get us anywhere."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry," I grabbed her hands and kissed them. "I promise you forever didn't I?"
"Yes?"
"Then forever we shall have."