I woke up with ghost still in my bed. It took awhile but I managed to get out of bed without waking him up. It was around 5:30 in the morning, so I did my Saturday chores. After I had finished all my chores including feeding the animals, I started to prepare breakfast. Knowing that the smell was traveling through the house, I expected toast to be running down the halls soon. I was making his favorite, with of course cheesy toast. I always made them when I was feeling a little down, because the smile and my bros face was priceless when he bit into them. I could hear Ghost walking down the hall, the minute I started making coffee. He sounded like a zombie. I quickly gave him his cup and went back to cooking. I had the table set and the newspaper by toast's spot.
I was in the process of plating when Toast finally made his appearance. He looked down in the dumps. He didn't seem to know why, but he was so upset and frustrated he didn't care. That was not like Toast, but it was like Ghost. Meanwhile Ghost seemed to be fine, tired but ok. Which only confused me more. I was trying to see what was wrong when he slammed his hands on the table making everyone jump.
"Will you stop looking at me that way. What is with you?" All his anger was pointed at me, and that's when I realized it had been this entire time. Was he upset over the kiss? Did he think I was trying to take ghost away? What's so wrong he snapped over it? "You are such a... You're all nice and sweet and then such a jerk." I don't understand what is going on. I was just taking everything he said because I was so shocked I could do anything else.
Ghost was trying to calm him down but it wasn't working. Toast looked me straight in the eyes but all I saw was Jimmy. He was even radiating the same energy as Jimmy. It hit me as hard as any punch I could have gotten. Toast was channeling without realizing it. That would explain the confusion. But why was Jimmy so angry. And how was it that Toast was the one affected but not ghost. I am so confused.
Toast was screaming at how I was being stupid and so many other things that I lost track. But I could sense my blood start to boil. He wasn't hurting me but I was getting angry. Not only cause I was the target but because Toast NEVER got upset, not like this and I hated seeing this. Especially since it wasn't even him. Ghost was staring at me and a spark of fear started to show up with him. Even Toast was starting back down a little but I was too far gone. I was pissed.
I could see myself through ghosts eyes. My hair was still red but once again It was whipping around, and my eyes were as bright as a flashlight. I had enough of this ridiculous situation for some reason Jimmy is pissed at me and Toast is feeling it. I just wanted to punch Ghost but I knew It wouldn't help.
I was across the room and in front of toast in an instant. Toast was so shocked and frightened that he fell onto the floor. I didn't want to hurt my brother but I wanted this to end. I figured he wouldn't do anything, so I turned my focus onto Ghost. I turned around as slow as I could as to seem at least a little normal. (I figured I must have been moving at least as fast as Jimmy, which is to say too fast to see.) I looked right a ghost but tried as hard as I could to reach into his mind and touch Jimmy that way I would know he heard me.
I was rewarded with the familiar gust of black energy. I could sense Jimmy was indeed upset. But he wouldn't tell me why. It was as if he was locking it all away from me. He was being very childish. Now to you, it might sound weird for me to call ghosts another half childish seeing as though they are basically the same person. But to me in my mind's eye, I was seeing Jimmy as clearly as I was seeing Ghost. Two separate people. And he was being childish, saying his feelings are the biggest secret he could have. It was just pissing me off more.
It was all I could do not to slap him in the face, but unfortunately, Ghost was still in charge. Toast seemed to have gotten better. He was so upset at himself for what had just happened, even though he still had no clue why. I tried to tell him to forget about it, but I couldn't make my self-speak. It wouldn't have mattered anyway because as soon as he could he was out the door. Probably went to the garden to work things out like before. I inclined my head towards the dining room chair, in hopes that Ghost would understand. He did of course but he didn't know why I wanted him to sit or why I didn't say so. He was still a little afraid of me, though he didn't say anything.
I sat down in the chair next to him, trying so hard to go the normal speed but I still ended up going so fast that the placemats flew across the room. I figured out pretty fast that in the current state I was in I would be unable to talk. So that made things very difficult. I didn't know how to proceed. We spent the next 10 minutes just sitting there. Johnny was watching me trying to figure things out. While Jimmy was STILL being childish.
I through my hands in the air and yelled in frustration, but as I suspected, no sound was made. When Johnny saw this he realized I didn't talk to him because I couldn't, and he started to panic. He got up and started to pace again. Every once in a while he would stop, ask me a stupid question, and then get pissed at himself because I couldn't answer. When I finally had enough of it I grabbed him and kissed him to shut him up.
Stop worrying so much, I'm fine. You can be so emotional sometimes. He was always like this with every little thing. I would have a small cut on my arm and he would freak and get the first aid kit. Was this his way of showing me he cared... I just thought he was emotional. The look on his face was one of shock and awe. I just stood there staring at him, unable to voice my confusion.
"I'm not emotional... I just care a lot..." Now it's my turn to be shocked. He heard me. I was just thinking to myself. He just laughed. I'm standing to here with the knowledge that he can hear my thoughts, and he's laughing at me... What the heck?
"I'm laughing because...You're so cute when you're flustered." he pulled me back into an embrace and held me until toast came back inside. By the look on his face, he thought that ghost was consoling me. That what he had said was so bad that it was up to ghost to make me feel better. That thought hurt him more than the situation itself. I couldn't help but start to cry.
I hated this situation so much. I hated not being able to talk to him, tell him it's ok. I don't know what I did to piss Jimmy off, but it was me he was mad at. It was because of me that toast channeled any anger at all. What is wrong with me!?
Ghost practically yanked me away from him. I couldn't even look at him. I knew he saw that I was crying but I couldn't help it. I felt so bad for putting Toast through this. And I don't even know what I did. There's got to be something wrong with me to be able to attract so many bad things.
"There is nothing wrong with you." Those words echoed in my head but my only reply was you wouldn't know. And how could he, he's been away for so long. Not to mention he isn't even fully aware of his own demons, let alone mine. Toast was just sitting there at the table taking in everything. Eating what his stomach would allow him, but mainly just listening to us. See just how bad he had made things.
"There is nothing wrong with you!" he repeated it word for word, even the tone matched, but there was something different this time. I caught it but was so distraught I couldn't make my self care. I forced myself to sit down at the table across from toast. Still unable to speak I just sat wordlessly. Toast caught on pretty fast that the only one speaking was johnny but he didn't bother asking why.
"This is not your fault it never was." That got both mine and toast attention. Toast looked over at Johnny and then back at me. The realization, of just how upset I was, hitting him. I just stared at the table trying so hard not to look at either one of them. I wouldn't let them see my pain anymore. I don't want their pity, but most of all I don't want to see their pain.
"Stop moping about, it not like I meant for this to happen. How was I supposed to know he would channel me. Kinda wanted it to be a secret." I heard as Toast shot up out of his seat. The fear and shock emanating off of him in tidal waves. I should've known. I should have caught on. He was right there holding me and still couldn't tell. I knew something was different but I couldn't close the gap. The man with a secret just one-upped the psychic.
"Johnny, you ok?" the concern rolling off his tongue with every word. He could tell something was up with johnny but he could pinpoint what it was. I couldn't help it I started laughing. The sound of my laugh resonated with every wall. Filled the room with a light almost as bright as my eyes.
"Don't even bother, johnny can't hear you." I managed to say in between laughing. I don't know why it was so funny to me. But the thought of Toast saying that every time Jimmy was out, made me want to laugh. Does he do it every time... I mean surely he would have caught on by now.
"Yep, every time." Jimmy's confirmation of my thoughts only made me laugh harder. To think I realized it wasn't Johnny faster than my bro when they've been together most of their lives. How is that possible, Toast is far more powerful than me when it comes to psychic level. How is it that he has no clue.
"Don't know... maybe it's just me, and you should probably start saying thing out loud before your brother goes crazy himself." It was like a punch to the face... I was laughing. I had even said 'don't bother' I could speak again, but They could still hear my thoughts. Guess it wasn't a one-time thing... the look Toast was giving Jimmy was all I need to know it was just us.
"Sorry... Guess it went over my head." now it was his turn to laugh, and laugh he did. The entire room shook with his presence from the minute he started. Toasted just kept staring, more confused than ever. But more than that he was just worried. Worried for his friend, worried for me, worried something bad is going to happen.
"Relax brother, nothing going to happen. He couldn't do anything even if he wanted to." but that was just it, he didn't want to. He was so angry at me but he doesn't want to do anything. I don't understand. When I looked into his eyes I saw anger and frustration but no will to do anything about it. He just stared at the ground. When his face changed from anger to regret, I realized he knew what I was thinking. I looked away before our eyes could meet. The sound of Jimmy's fists slamming on the table made me jump. And Toast, who had sat back down when Jimmy and I were talking, was once again standing at attention.
"That's why I'm so angry..." I took a step towards him. All the while, Toast was staring daggers at me, trying to get me to stop.
"The fact that I that I don't want to..." another step, another wave of figurative daggers.
"I could take my knife and stab you right now if I wanted to. BUT I DON'T..." Another step.
"I WON'T..." now toast is getting worried. But I had blocked him out.
"I CAN'T" I was standing right next to him. His emotions covering him like a shield. He doesn't want me in. He doesn't want me near.
"Do you want to know a secret?" His eyes lit up like the fourth of July. He wasn't expecting that. His lips curled into the trademark smirk of his while he closed his eye, unsure what was next.
"Sure, what's the secret?" I waited for a few seconds, just until toast started to fidget in his seat. I'm glad you won't kill me, do you want to know why... He looked up at me with the question written clear as day on his face.
"Because then I can't do this..." I grabbed Jimmy by his shirt, twisted my hand in such a way as to eliminate any chance of him pushing free, and kissed him. This wasn't like when I kissed him the first time, or when I kissed johnny. Not only was I kissing him, I was in a full-blown emotional overload. I let down all my walls, and shoved everything at him and I mean everything. By the time we were done he knew everything about me, not quite sure at this moment if that's a good thing. I had used so much energy in that overload, that when I finally pulled away I was weak and tired. It took all I had to not pass out.
I heard the clink of something hitting the floor, and as I glanced over, I saw his knife resting where it had fallen. I knew he needed to pick it up so I let go of him so that he could... BIG MISTAKE. I felt it before my head had registered what was happening. Jimmy had caught me before I hit the ground but I felt like I had. Toast was yelling in the background, his words so muddled I couldn't make them out. I watched as Jimmy picked me up and brought me back to my room. I seem to be spending a lot of time there.