If looks could kill, the look I was giving my mother would set her on fire. She had the biggest smile on her face as she looked back and forth between Shane and me and I just wanted to disappear.
Was she really setting me up on a play date because she thought I needed another freak like myself in my life?? Is there some sort of law that says that all the freaks just have to be friends?? I didn't know this guy and just because he didn't fucking talk like me did not mean that I would like him!
I just stood there, my hands balled into fists and clamped at my sides. I went to automatically nibble on my lip ring and just stare off into space, disconnecting myself entirely from this situation.
"Frankie, are you listening?" my mom asked. It had become a skill of mine not to listen, so I hadn't heard a single word she said. I shrugged. "Ruth was talking, Frankie, don't be rude."
"Oh, it's fine," Ruth smiled, waving her hand. "Shane does that all the time. They can't help but zone out."
The way she said they as if this stupid deformity made us one person made me want to attack her. I stole a glance towards Shane, wondering how he felt about the situation.
"Please go on, Ruth," my mother said, "and be polite and listen, Frankie."
"Well, as I was saying," Ruth said, "Shane wasn't always this way. It started just a few years ago and I could never understand why. He just suddenly became very disconnected from everyone and now I don't get to hear him speak. Your mother tells me you've always been this way, Frankie, so I thought if anyone could understand Shane it would be you."
I cringed when she called me Frankie. She should not be getting this comfortable with me. Just because I was somewhat the same as her son, did not mean she knew me at all.
"Ruth and Shane can't stay long, but why don't you take Shane to your room?" my mom suggested. My mouth hung open and I went to staring at her again. I hated to be alone with anyone and just because this guy didn't talk would not make it more bearable! "I know you two probably won't talk or anything, but just get comfortable."
I couldn't do anything to object. Ruth was already ushering Shane out of the sofa and my mom followed through by pushing us both towards my room.
"Ruth will be leaving in just a few," my mom said at my door. "So just get acquainted." She closed the door behind her. I stood in the middle of my room with my back towards Shane, sincerely trying to figure out how the fuck my mom thought this was a good idea. I wanted to be a total ass hole, but if anyone deserved that, it was my mom and Ruth. Shane didn't seem so comfortable either, so I couldn't really take it out on him. I took a deep breath and turned around to face him.
He stood there, hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans, looking down at his feet. His hair almost entirely covered his face when he had his head down and I could make out a Misfits t-shirt under his half-zipped hoodie. He liked good music, so maybe he wasn't all that bad. I cleared my throat and he quickly looked up at me. I gestured towards the chair at my desk for him to take a seat and he did so. Fuck, this was awkward.
I sat on the edge of the bed, facing him, and we both just sat there in complete awkward-filled silence. My mother and her plans were fucking genius.
I nibbled on my lip ring the whole time, the clinking of metal against my teeth filling the room. I actually wanted to talk to him, but just because he was the same as me didn't make the nerves go away. Plus, I couldn't help but think if I talked to this stranger before I talked to Gerard I would be a complete dick.
We were sitting there for a few long minutes when I finally sighed and just decided to use my phone to at least say something. I pulled it out of my pocket and wrote a text on there. I wrote,
"Was this genius plan my mom's idea or yours?"
I handed him the phone and I thought I saw him smile slightly, but I couldn't tell. He quickly went to write something back. He handed my phone back to me and it said, "I don't know. I left to go to the bathroom and when I came back, they were both going on about how they couldn't wait for us to meet."
"I wonder if either of them thought about how fucking awkward this would be," I wrote and handed the phone to him. I usually hated even having to text people, but since he understood why I had to do that and he did the same, it made it just a little bit less nerve-wracking.
He smiled and this time I could see it clearly. He replied to me again, saying, "Of course not. They thought that the moment we met the angels would fucking sing or something and we would start talking. It's common sense, really. Of course that would happen, the angels are just stuck in traffic."
I had to hold back a chuckle. He was actually an okay guy, I guess. I shook my head and shrugged at how our mothers' minds worked.
"Frankie? Shane?" my mother poked her head into the room. "You guys getting along?"
Shane and I both glanced at each other, smiling, before I looked to my mom and nodded.
"Great!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "Shane, your mother says you have to go, but since you hit it off, we'll definitely have you over more often and give you two more time together." She walked out of the room and I just shook my head and her over-excitement. I would almost feel bad if I hated Shane and probably pretend to be cool with him just so I didn't disappoint her.
Shane stood up off the chair and kind of stood there for a few seconds, looking like he was thinking deeply about something. He nodded, what I guessed was to himself, and then stepped over to me, taking my phone from my hands. He texted something really fast, dropped my phone in my lap, then hurried out of my room. I picked up my phone and saw that he had written "text me" with his number right below it. I shrugged and saved his number. So this guy wasn't all that bad, but I still couldn't stand the plan my mother had come up with.
I listened to my mother cheerily saying her goodbyes and when the front door closed, I made my way into the living room. My mother was beaming.
"So, how did it go??" she asked, but I ignored her, walking right past her and taking my guitar from where she'd left it. I took it and made my way back into my room, slamming the door shut behind me.
My mother was quick to follow me.
"Frankie, what's wrong??" she asked. "You two looked like you got along!"
I just shot her a glare over my shoulder. Wow, first I glare at Gerard and then my mom. Seriously, when did I decide to have some balls?
"Did you not like him?" she asked.
I took a seat on my bed and took my guitar out to my lap, strumming the strings to calm my nerves. I usually did this when I had to have talks with my mom. I just played random notes while talking. It soothed me and helped keep my nerves from going crazy.
"He's ok," I said.
"Then what is it?" she asked.
"Am I a freak?" I asked, resting my head against the wall and shutting my eyes.
"Of course not, Frankie! Why would you think that?"
"I don't need you to help me make friends," I said simply.
"That's...that's not what I'm doing," she said, seeming to understand what I was getting at. "I know you can make friends without me, you made friends with Mikey and Gerard without my help. I just know it can be difficult for all of your friends to talk when you can't. I just wanted you to have someone you can feel level with."
I stopped playing. Shit, now I felt bad. I knew all along her intentions were really clear and all, but it just made me feel like shit. But now she felt like shit and I felt worse, so that didn't help much.
"I know," I sighed.
"If you don't want to keep talking to Shane, it's ok I understand," she said. "You don't have to do it for me."
"It's ok," I shrugged. "He's ok."
My mother took a seat next to me and rubbed my hand that was resting lazily on the guitar. "I love you, Frankie, and I just want what's best for you. I'm sorry if sometimes I don't make the right decisions."
Fuck, this guilt trip was not pretty.
"I know you don't always like to speak up, so maybe I don't always know exactly what to do, but I'm always ready to listen, okay?"
I sighed. Now I had to become best friends with Shane just to clear my conscience. She had no idea but she was making me feel like such a dick of a son. I nodded and smiled at her.
"I know, Ma," I sighed. "I love you, too."
Her face lit up when I said that. I hardly said anything to her, much less those words, so they never failed to make her happy. She kissed the top of my head and stood up.
"I'll go get lunch started for us," she said, and left my room.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX-Time Lapse-XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
The rest of the day was pretty dull and eventless. I spent it doing homework that I had slacked on yesterday since I was at the Way home. By the time night came, my brain was ready to shut down completely. I changed into a pair of pajama pants but I was too lazy to look for a shirt, so I threw the long sleeve I had on onto the floor and got into bed, cuddling within the sheets. It never got that cold in my house, so I was warm enough to quickly fall asleep.
I was always a light sleeper unlike most of the members of the Way family, so when there was some clattering at my window, my eyes flew open and I was wide awake. I quickly sat up and looked towards my window that was shielded by curtains so I couldn't see what was going on outside. There was hardly ever any commotion in my neighborhood so I went to straight freaking out.
The clattering got even louder and now I was sure it sounded like someone was trying to open it. My heart started beating painfully fast and my limbs tingled numbly. I looked around the room, searching for something I could use as a weapon but the only thing that caught my eye was my small laptop. I rolled my eyes, thinking that was just the perfect weapon to get me killed. I panicked, though, when I heard the window swing open and the cold night air rushed into my room. I leaped from my bed, grabbed my laptop and went for the window. Before I could attack my attacker, they flew into my room and landed on me, sending me straight to my back and squishing me against the floor.
I squirmed uselessly, my short body being completely overtaken by this body on top of me.Fuck, I thought, I'm gonna die and I can't even scream to do anything about it.
"Hey, Frankie," my murderer giggled and I gasped out of both shock and relief when I recognized that undeniable giggle to be Gerard's. I tried to move out from under him, but he still had all of his weight pressed on top of me and I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I was shirtless. "You're comfy."
He let his head rest on my bare shoulder and I would have been pretty excited by this except for the fact that I couldn't fucking breathe. I finally pushed Gerard off of me and sat up. Luckily no damage was done to my laptop so I took it over to my desk and grabbed my phone so I could talk to Gerard, who sounded and looked absolutely drunk.
I wrote, "What are you doing here and why are you drunk?"
He was still sitting on his knees on the floor, but I couldn't see him that clearly since it was pretty dark.
"Well actually I'm here because I am drunk," he corrected. "I'm not that drunk, just like a little, but I don't wanna go home cause my Ma will kill me."
I rolled my eyes, backspacing the first part of the text so that I was just asking him why he was drunk.
"Don't worry about it, Frankie," he said. "I'm really not that drunk, though. I swear. Like I could drive no problem. I just wanted to see you, though. I missed you all day."
My heart fluttered and I couldn't help the smile that made its way onto my face. Even drunk Gerard was still fucking charming.
"So can I stay here?" he asked, reaching out for me in the dark. He had a hold of my hand and I just couldn't say no to him, so I nodded. "Please, Frankie? I promise I'll be quiet."
I forgot he couldn't see me in the dark, so I reached over and turned on the small lamp on my desk. Gerard cringed at the light at first, but then his mouth dropped when he saw me. Fuck, I forgot I didn't have a shirt on again. I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling self-conscious, especially with the smirk that crept onto Gerard's face.
I nodded again, sort of regretting it with the way Gerard was staring at me.
"Yay, thank you, Frankie!" he squealed, crawling on his knees to wrap his arms around me.
My knees buckled at the position we were in. Gerard's head was literally right next to my crotch. I mean right fucking next to my crotch. I cleared my throat, careful not to move because movement was dangerous. It was like a minefield, an explosion could go off at any second. I wondered if Gerard had done it on purpose. When he nuzzled his cheek against me like a kitten, I thought fuck yes he knew exactly what he was doing.
I gasped slightly and bucked my hips backwards so that I could get away from him before he felt me hardening beneath my pajama pants.
"Oops," he giggled innocently, shrugging his shoulders. Why did I say yes to letting him stay?
I took my phone and wrote, "Go to sleep, Gerard." I handed it to him and went over to close the window, then crawled back into bed. I watched Gerard as he stood up off the ground, stretching and popping his back. He wasn't as drunk as he was the day before, because he wasn't losing his balance or anything.
Still, I didn't understand why he was drunk. He never answered my question. The day before, he got drunk because of what happened between us, but now there was nothing wrong so what was his reason? I knew Gerard enjoyed drinking, but I swallowed a little when I thought about the possibility that he could be addicted. He couldn't be, though, because Gerard had no qualities of a drunk. This was only the second time I'd seen him drunk...even though Mikey did say he'd seen him drunk plenty of times just never when I was there. I shook my head, not wanting to believe it.
"What's wrong, Frankie?" Gerard asked, taking a seat on the bed. I just looked up at him and knew I couldn't give him the real answer. "Oh, where's the phone," he looked around until he spotted my phone on the floor and handed it to me.
I started typing while he stood up off the bed and stripped of his leather jacket and his boots. Then he crawled under the sheets next to me. I handed him the phone with the message, "I was just wondering why you were drunk. You didn't answer me."
He put the phone down and smiled at me. "You're worried about that?" he asked. I nodded. "I'll tell you now I'm not an alcoholic, Frankie." I blushed that he had guessed it right. "Don't worry about me," he smiled, scooting closer to me on the bed and bringing his hand up to my face. "Can I cuddle with you?"
I bit my lip, holding back a smile. Even though Gerard was impulsive, I still found it endearing that he wouldn't cross any line without my permission. That by itself made me want to give in even faster. I wonder if he knew that. He most likely did. He was a fucking genius like that.
"Is that a yes?" he asked and I had completely forgotten to answer him. I nodded and he smiled widely, not wasting anytime to scoot closer to me and wrap his arm around my waist. He was lower than me on the bed, so his head was able to rest right at the crook of my neck. I threw my arm loosely over his shoulder and just let it rest there. Gerard ran circles on my back with his thumb and I bit my lip to hold back a sigh or any sound for that matter. Gerard was so close to me and I seriously hated myself for not wearing a shirt. His skin being so close to mine was intensifying everything and I was literally holding my breath when Gerard started to rub his entire hand up and down my back.
He tilted his head up to look at my face and I rolled my eyes when I saw him smirking arrogantly. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. I shut my eyes and took deep breaths. I would prove to him that I could handle it.
It was like Gerard sensed that I was trying to fight off these urges, because as soon as I closed my eyes, he brought his forehead back to my neck, his hair tickling my skin. Without warning, he pressed his lips to my chest and I did nothing to hide the gasp that escaped my lips. Gerard didn't waver. He kept placing soft kisses along my exposed skin. Kissing Gerard was mind blowing, but Gerard kissing me...fuck, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't even fight it.
My fingers subconsciously clutched on to the back of his shirt and he pressed his lips harder, more forcefully, to my chest, making each kiss like it was his last. At one point, I felt his tongue press against my skin and I all but lost it. I threw my head back and bit my lip, struggling to keep myself quiet.
"Ngh," a small grunt escaped from my lips, but I didn't even care at this point, because the way Gerard was working his lips and tongue on my chest was enough to make me fucking forget my own name.
Wanting to push me even further, Gerard clamped his mouth around a section of skin and holy fuck he began sucking. My whole body was tingling with pleasure and I felt a moan ready to escape the back of my throat, but that's when I pushed him away. It was too much. I wasn't ready for that much. I still couldn't think straight enough to let him go further without later regretting it. God, even though there wasn't a damn thing to regret. I just couldn't do it yet.
Gerard looked up at me, breathing heavily. A huge smile made its way across his face when he saw how labored my breathing was. I rolled onto my back, and shut my eyes, wanting to ignore his taunting, teasing, and tempting smile.
"Sorry," Gerard giggled childishly, "I kind of lost it."
I opened my eyes and looked down at him as if to say "you think??" He giggled again and licked his lips, making me want to attack him right then and there, but I wouldn't. I quickly looked away from his face and towards the ceiling, taking deep breaths to calm myself down.
"I'm sorry," he said again, this time sounding more sincere. "Did I cross the line?"
I put my hand out as if to ask for my phone, still refusing to look at him. He laughed and put the phone in my hand.
I wrote, "No, but you fucking pushed it," and threw the phone at him, not really caring where it landed.
"Ow, my nose!" he said, and I grinned, satisfied.
He paused for a minute to read the text and then laughed quietly. "I'm really sorry, Frankie." His apology was only half genuine but I couldn't blame him because my anger was only half genuine as well.
He scooted closer to me and draped his arm across my waist and I shot him a warning glare.
"I won't do anything," he laughed. "I promise."
I nodded and leaned in to his embrace, rolling just slightly to my side.
"You forgive me?" he asked, bringing his hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I rolled my eyes and nodded. "Ok, good," he smiled and pressed a very innocent kiss to my cheek-well anything could be considered innocent now after what he had done. "You know I just can't help myself if you come at me like that without a shirt on. So it's not all my fault."
I shoved his shoulder, and rolled away from him, giving him my back, but he wasn't fazed at all. He just scooted closer again and held me from behind.
Asshole. Only Gerard Way could fucking apologize one second, practically take it back the next, and still get away with it.