Chapter twenty six.
The next morning, Jay woke up next to Max. Max's arm was still wrapped around Jay's waist, but tighter. Jay trained his eyes onto Max's face, whose eyes were wide open. He chuckled at the telly in the room. Jay recognised reruns of Celebrity Juice.
Jay pretended to be sleeping for a few minutes more. He liked hearing Max's chuckling and the sound of his heart beating strong. Jay smiled a bit. Max must've seen him smile, because he said, "Good morning, love!"
Jay smiled up at him. "Morning", he replied.
"I was surprised to wake up to you", Max said.
"I felt like I had to visit you, and I guess I fell asleep."
"You sleep a lot, you little bum", Max said that smile that brung out those cute crinkles by his eyes.
"I know. Must be the stress", Jay replied.
"The doctor said I can leave tonight", Max said happily.
"Really? That's great!" Jay said as he hugged Max tightly.
A few moments of silence passed before Max said, "Hey, just know it wasn't your fault that Tom died. You had no idea what the button did. You're not a murderer."
So he had heard when Jay had been talking to him as he slept. Jay felt the burning in his eyes that usually meant he was about to cry. Jay was tired of crying. It seemed his life revolved around it lately.
"I can't believe he asked me to do such a thing. Didn't he know I would feel like it was my fault?"
"I've no idea, but I knew Tom. He always had a good reason for everything he did."
"Did he when he raped me?" Jay said involuntarily.
"WHEN HE WHAT?" Max shouted.
Jay's eyes widened as he realised he spilled it. Now Max would ask for an explanation he was in no mood to give.
"Jay, he... he forced you? W-when? How? Where the hell was Nathan?" Jay felt tears spilling as he felt overwhelmed by Max bombarding him with questions. It was too soon.
Then he realised... Nathan. Nathan! Jay had asked him to wait outside! He felt even more horrible. The poor lad was probably sleeping on the floor!
Jay jumped out of Max's bed and ran towards the door, looking for Nathan.
"Jay, where are you going? You need to explain what the hell happened with Tom!"
"Max, I really don't want to talk about it", he replied through his tears. He wiped at the treacherous things fiercely, wanting to seem somewhat strong. But the damage was done. Jay said too much, and now his strong façade was broken. He couldn't fake a strong face anymore. Saying what Tom did to him made it even more real, and again Jay grew lightheaded as the horrible memories came rushing back- Tom kissing him fiercely, sucking on his neck, pinning his arms under his knees as he stripped him of his clothes, the intense pain and pushing in and out...
Jay almost collapsed under the sudden wave of vertigo that took him over. He wanted to throw up more than anything.
"Jay? What's wrong? You're paler than a ghost." Jay shook his head, still trying to seem strong, but the dazed look in his eyes told Max differently. Max wondered if he did wrong in demanding answers that way. Clearly, it was a traumatic experience for the poor lad. He should've let Jay tell him when he was ready.
"Jay, you look horrible. Come back to bed, love. You're gonna fall", Max said in a softer voice, trying to coax Jay into coming back into bed with him. He figured Jay would tell him when he was ready. He had no right to demand answers that way.
Rather than coming back to bed, Jay opened the door to Max's room to find Nathan. He peeked out, but no one was there. Jay's heart was in his mouth as he looked around frantically. Nathan wasn't there. Why wasn't Nathan there?
Jay ran back inside of Max's room to search for his phone before remembering that he'd smashed it against the wall when he found out about Tom's death.
"Jay, what's wrong?" Max asked, imagining that it was longer all of Max's questions that had Jay looking so sick.
Jay panicked and felt an anxiety attack coming on. His breaths came quicker and deeper. His palms started sweating, and he began to tremble with the fear that Nathan had had enough of him and had left him. More tears spilled down Jay's cheeks and his chest seemed to tighten even more with every breath he took. He knew he had pills for his anxiety attacks, but they were back at his house. There was nothing that could help Jay now. Nathan wasn't there to calm him, and he didn't have his pills. Jay's mind screamed at him, saying Nathan was tired of him and abandoned him. Little voices told him it had only been a matter of time before Nathan would have decided to give up on his crazy self.
Jay gasped for air, but he couldn't breathe. A wave of desperation on top of his anxiety and fear took over, and then added to the memories of Tom touching him and forcing him, Jay felt as if he was about to fall apart like a house of cards. Just one blow and he would collapse.
Max was at a complete loss of knowing what to do next. He did what he thought was the only natural thing to do- he got up from him bed and pulled Jay toward him in a tight embrace.
Instead of cuddling into his shoulder, Jay thrashed and pushed Max away.
"No! Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me! I know what you want! You're not getting it this time, Tom! Get off of me!" Jay shrieked as he nearly pushed Max to the floor.
"Jay! Calm down, I'm not Tom! It's me, Max! I'm not going to hurt you! I don't want anything from you! I just want you to calm down and be okay! Jay, please, come here", Max pleaded. Jay only sobbed and sobbed.
"Stop lying to me!" Jay shouted and threw the lamp on Max's bedside table at him. Max barely dodged it. He didn't know what to do. Jay needed help.
Max stopped trying, for Jay's own good, to calm him down himself. Instead he pushed the button for nurse assistance several times whilst still pleading with Jay to calm down. A few minutes later, a nurse came in. She took one look at the situation before she ran off and brought back two security guards and a sedative. Max hated what he knew they would do to Jay next. He imagined Jay would feel betrayed by him, but he had no idea of what else to do. He watched with regret and nothing but guilt as the nurse plunged the syringe of sedative into Jay's neck as he tried to fight back the security guards, calling them Tom and Siva. In a few seconds, Jay slowly slid to the floor and stopped crying and screaming. He only had a blank expression on his face as the two guards picked him up and dragged him out of the door.
"Mr. George, are you okay?" the nurse asked worriedly, checking on all of the machines Max had know clue what they did and coaxed him to get back into bed.
"Yeah, I'm fine, but will Jay be okay?" he asked worriedly.
"Yes, he'll be fine in our hands", she replied before walking out the door and leaving a sorry and anxious Max behind.
~*~*~
Nathan felt something wrong. Jay was in trouble, yet again. He had been sat by the same tree under which he and Jay had kissed for the first time. He would never forget that day for as long as he lived. But now, that moment seemed so inconsequential. Jay loved Max. He found himself questioning if Jay ever loved him at all.
Even if he did, who did Jay love more? It seemed that Max was the only person Jay wanted to be around all the time. Even Tom had seemed to have been a bigger priority to Jay than Nathan had. Nathan knew he had to go get Jay out of whatever entanglement he'd gotten himself into now, as it was required, being that he was Jay's guardian angel and all.
Nathan had cried the last of his tears a few hours ago, and now all he felt was numbness. He didn't know what he would feel when he saw Jay again, but he was soon to find out.
~*~*~
Jay finally reached awareness of his surroundings a half hour later. He shook off the daze caused by the sedative and tried to sit up from the bed he was laying on. Instead, he found that he was restrained. His wrists and ankles were strapped onto the bed. Jay realised he was in one of those wards where they put crazy, dangerous people in. Jay would have normally felt a panic attack coming on then, but there was nothing. He found a needle stuck into his arm, which was attached to a litre of the same medication he took for anxiety at home.
Jay struggled against the restraints, but he knew it was of no use. He would be strapped there for ages unless someone came to get him. He felt all of his hope slip from his fingertips. Jay's life felt truly pointless now. Nathan had left him, Max probably was terrified of him and wanted nothing to do with him, Tom was dead, and Siva never cared anyway.
Jay was truly stuck, and he feared that even more than being touched by anyone but Nathan. He feared that almost as much as Nathan not being there to save him and love him. Nathan had given up on him, so Jay gave up on himself.
He felt nothing, as that was all the meds let him feel. A strange silence and calm that were foreign to Jay. No panic, no fear, no anger or sadness.
Jay feared that the most out of everything he feared at the moment. He feared losing his last grip on reality and slipping into a life of numbness and illusion.
Written by @chasing_TW.