Once again I knocked on the Goodman's door.
...
Gee, they're taking a while, Mum knocked this time.
"Where are they?" She asked.
"Is their car here?" I asked. Mum checked.
"Yeah, they knew we were coming. Jackie! Martin!" She shouted.
"I'll check the side door" I went around to the kitchen and found it unlocked. I entered the kitchen and witnessed a half naked Martin listening to the radio full blast while replacing the bin. He and Aunty Jack were singing. I tapped on his shoulder and he flinched so hard he hit my arm.
"Bloody hell! You scared the shitting crap out of me Viv" Martin yelled. I stopped myself from laughing at his jiggly belly.
"Martin! Don't talk like that to Vivian. Sorry love, where's mum?" She gave me a kiss.
"At the front" I went to open the door. Aunty Jack rushed to the door and apologised to Mum. Looks like the boys are arriving. Last time I saw them I had to kiss Jonny, which actually brought flashbacks to when we were 11, Adam dared us to kiss so we did, otherwise, I would have gotten punched in the arm.
"Go on, give her a kiss" Mum teased Jonny and me. She had her camera out, why don't these guys use phones?
I stepped back as he came near, forgetting that tonight was supposed to be our anniversary dinner. The things I do for these boys. I gave Jonny a kiss for the crowd and everyone awed. I can't believe Adam is still with this girl, she's already added me on facebook and 'persisting' that I change my relationship status, luckily I have some self-control and ignore those who are annoying.
"The house looks wonderful mum, look, sweetie, flowers everywhere" Jonny pointed around the room and there was indeed an assortment of tulips, roses, daisys and petunias all over the place, Jonny opened the bathroom and there were some more.
"Banners too," I commented on the big white sheet which said 'Happy Anniversary Jonny + Viv', "I'm assuming Martin produced this masterpiece" I observed the still wet blue paint.
"Or a three-year-old" Jonny commented in my ear. I smiled instead of laughing.
"Your father worked very hard on that Jonny" Aunty Jack smacked him on the shoulder, "now kids, into the living room I haven't finished the roast yet. Val, join me in the kitchen" she spoke like she had gossip.
"Where's your dad?" Donna asked me...I'm assuming. She just kind of spoke aloud.
"Um," I started.
"Viv's dad passed away a while ago" Adam spoke softly. I nodded.
"Oh, so your mum remarried" Donna is quite observant. I don't exactly have Larry's balding red hair or turkey neck passed onto me.
"Yeah, Larry is the current husband" I replied, it was silent for a little bit. I tapped my finger on the couch a few times, "who wants a drink?" I asked as I stood up.
"Oh, I'll have one, champagne?" Donna's request shocked all of us, "aren't we having it anyway to celebrate?"
I walked out, Jonny followed.
"Alright, Mr. Morris" Jonny commented. I rolled my eyes.
"What is her problem? Why is she so..." I trailed, I couldn't find the words.
"I know right" Jonny and I walked into the kitchen. I grabbed the glasses while he raided the pantry, grabbing some whipped cream.
"Jonny stop eating all the cream!" Aunty Jack told him off, we both laughed.
"Do you think she'll notice the difference between Pasito and champagne?" I asked the general area.
"She wants champagne?" Aunty Jackie asked, "Mr Morris all over again" she rolled her eyes and got some out the fridge.
Before I returned to the living room I heard sounds, kissing sounds. I knocked before entering just invade they wouldn't notice.
"Here you go" I set all the glasses down on the ottoman.
"Ooh, very nice. You know I can actually take the cork off with a knife" Donna told us.
"Aw, really? That's so cool" I spoke sweetly.
"Yeah, do you want to-" she started but stopped when I popped the lid off.
"Excellent" Jonny commented.
"I'll be right back," I said after I poured everyone a glass. I went to the upstairs bathroom because the sign in the ground floor bath said 'bog buggered'. While walking to the toilet, I noticed Adams door was open. Perhaps I should attempt to rebuild what I destroyed last week. Jonny and I hidden the box of porn under Pusface's bed.
"Pissface!" I yelled out.
"Yeah!"
"Can you come up here for a second please?" I asked nicely. Soon he was up.
"Pest. Don't bend over in a dress" he smacked my bum, I swatted him away. I was still pulling the box out.
"Rude, now help me put all this shit up so they break up and this awkwardness can die" I sat down next to him.
"Oh come on. We're having a little fun being a couple aren't we?" Jonny scooched closer and wrapped an arm around me. I looked at it with a frown.
"You're being weird. Don't make this weird Pissface" I grabbed one of the photos, her name was apparently Vivian as well.
"Oh look, it's you in 5 years" Jonny pointed at the picture. I mocked his laugh and gave him a pen, "you're a master at signatures, write Adam's name on the back. I'll get started on the wall"
"I love you," Jonny said, realising what I was doing.
"You should after 3 years" I joked. I went to the bathroom to get a lotion to put next to his bed.
"What are you guys doing up there?!" Adam asked. I could hear his footsteps up the stairs. I grabbed Jonny and dragged him into the hall. I closed Adam's bedroom door and took Jonny by the hand downstairs. Adam met us at the corner.
"Oh hey" I greeted. Adam looked down to our hands and frowned.
"What did you do?" He asked.
"Had sex on my childhood bed. Like all couples should do!" Jonny is the worst liar.
"Yeah right. Why are you really flustered?" He seemed really suspicious.
"Dinner!" Aunty Jack called out. Thank you, lord.
"Dinners ready Pusface " I slid between him and the wall.
*
I kept making eye contact with Donna from across the table, she was eyeing my food as well. Oh my gosh, her eyes are so blue and creepy.
"This is really lovely squirrel Jackie" Uncle Martin made his weekly joke.
"Yes, really lovely Jackie," Mum said.
"Squirrel?" Donna whispered. I choked on my water a little bit.
"Jonny, you didn't salt the water did you?" Aunty Jack asked. Jonny was about to answer but I interjected.
"No, no. That was all me" I breathed deeply. Jonny put a hand on my back and rubbed.
"Practising for later?" Jonny whispered. I held in my disgust, turn my head and smiled at him. I then place my hand on his thigh and slid it up towards his inner thigh, his eyes widened.
"You alright Jonny?" Aunty Jack asked.
"Yep," his voice squeaked. I knew I was making him uncomfortable. My hand stopped moving just below his gonads. I let go and he let a breath out, that's when I flicked him. He shrieked, scaring everyone at the table.
"Bloody hell" Martin jumped.
"Jonny! Are you alright?" Aunty Jack asked.
"What happened?" Adam asked.
"Yeah, what happened?" I asked. He breathed deeply for a few seconds.
"I-excuse me" he ran out the room and went upstairs muttering 'ow ow ow'.
"Adam go check on your brother" Aunty Jack told Pusface.
"No, it's okay. As his girlfriend of..3 years, I'll go" I went to Jonny's room and saw him cowering on the floor on the verge of tears with his trousers down. I crouched down, "It gets worse for a second doesn't it"
"You have no idea. Why did you do that?" He was in pain but getting better.
"Pissface you can't talk like that in front of your parents, or mine. Real or fake girlfriend, I'm not having it" I brushed his hair out of his face.
"Sorry. It was pretty naughty" he apologised. Jonny sat up and got on his bed, I joined him.
"It's just fun you know, nothing serious about us. In fact, there's a girl I have my eye on-"
"Stalking is illegal" I cut him off. He pushed me playfully.
"Her name's Vickie-Victoria" he corrected himself.
"Vickie Victoria, I think she collaborated with Hannah Montana" I made another comment.
"Wow you should be a comedian" he spoke sarcastically, "she's properly nice though, gorgeous-nothing like you" I laughed.
"That's fantastic to hear. I'm really happy for you, but if she turns out to be anything like Pusface's girlfriend. I'm going to break you up, I'm not kissing Adam" I promised him. Jonny thought about my threat then nodded.
"I'd be okay with that. Also, I get to brag about shagging you for the rest of my life. Make Adam mad whenever I need to"
"We've never.." I trailed and make the fornication hand symbols.
"We're going to though right? I mean, what if Pusface marries this girl?" We started heading downstairs.
"He is not going to do that. I hate saying this but I'm going to make sure they don't last. Should we start now?" I asked. Implying that we should get Donna up to see Adams porn covered room.
"Start what?" Mum asked, whoops. Perhaps they overheard our conversation.
"Wedding preparations! She said yes!" Jonny lied. You. Are. A. Shit. Mum and Aunty Jack started squealing with happiness.
"What?" Adam looked dumbfounded.
"I'm so happy! You're finally together! At first, I thought this whole thing was just for Donna but you guys wouldn't joke about marriage!" Aunty Jack hugged me tightly, I gave Jonny a death glare and mouthed 'I hate you'. He grimaced and mouthed back 'love you too'
*
After Donna left, Jonny and I went to his room for privacy. I punched him on his arm, "What is wrong with you? You're just trying to shit up my life even more!"
"Ow! Okay, I may have gotten a bit too carried away with the lie"
"I'm going to have to fake my death you realise that?" I responded, I know I was over dramatic.
"We could just say you got cold feet. Or you could do what Grandma did and fake a heart attack during the ceremony"
"We're not going through with all the crap needed to throw a wedding. I've finally met a guy I like and like always you guys shit it up!"
"Alright, calm down" hell was about to break loose. I grabbed Pissface by his shirt and pulled him down.
"I can't! I haven't had sex in 4 months and you're the first guy I've kissed in that time so it's really hard for me not to pounce on anyone at the moment"
He stared silent, I loosened my grip. Jonny grabbed me and kissed me, hard. He let go and tested my reaction, we kissed again then I pushed him away. Then I pulled him back, "this is just going to happen once and you can't tell anyone, not even Adam. If you do decide to tell anyone I will never talk to you again, that means no more lifts, no more late night bitch sessions, and no more pranks on Adam" he nodded looking excited, "I'll drive to yours straight after dropping Mum off"
I feel bad for Bradley right now but we're really not serious at all, he was nice at dinner but he hasn't called me or messaged me in 2 weeks.
I pulled up to Jonny's flat, he lived alone and I had a key. I rushed inside and saw candles everywhere.
"Pissface?" I said. I stepped slowly so as not to burn myself, I never knew he had this many candles. They created a path to the bedroom, Jonny was standing there putting rose petals on the bed. He noticed me and stopped.
"Oh, hey" he wiped his hands on his trousers. He grabbed a bottle of wine and a bottle vodka which were on his side table, "I know you don't like red wine, so I thought I'd get white-but I also know you generally don't like wine at all so I got this" he lifted he vodka. I fought the smile forming on my face. The alcohol would definitely take the edge off.
I sighed and sat on his bed, "Perhaps we shouldn't" I looked down and cracked my knuckles, something I do when I'm nervous. Jonny sat down next to me.
"It's okay. We're friends, we've known each other for ages" Jonny hugged me.
"But I'm so horny ever since I broke up with Evan and I don't want to just have sex with a random"
"Exactly, exactly. I'm someone you can trust, we already have that emotional connection" I think Jonny is just agreeing with me. I grabbed the white wine and had four gulps.
"Why did you agree to this? I thought you liked a girl" I asked. What was her name?
"Oh. Right. Well to be honest...I made her up" he admitted.
"You're so good at doing that" I teased. Referring to Allison, the famous 'girlfriend' that no one ever saw.
"Viv. I have to tell you something and it's going to ruin our entire relationship, certainly test it at least" oh god, "I really really fancy yo-"
I cut him off with a kiss. Not just a peck, but one of those kisses that make you want to grab onto the other person and throw them on a bed, "Excellent" Jonny commented when we separated for a second. As soon as I knew it I was shagging my best friend.