MAJOR SMUT, sorry if you die from smuttiness... not really actually... hehe.
'Yello, guys, it's been a while, actually since August. Yes, I know, I suck.
I hear enough, I get it. >.< Everyone's a frickin critic. Anywa~y, here's a new chapter. I hope you like, because it's long. And it took a while. It's naughty so be careful. I've lately become more insane towards sexual tendencies so yes, this is sexy. Lots and lots of smut. I know, I can't control myself. There's two or three more parts then it's done!~ Yay! I hope I get votes, I deserve none but I really hope there's votes and comments, because I'm shallow and I need love... Yeah. Well, whatever read on, if you did read, if you read, then SMOOKIE, I LOVE YOU LOTS with much pookie and smooshie I CAN SNUGGLEMUFFIN cooties boooties, that's your reward.
Yeah, I'm insane. (＾ω＾) Yay, bless the insane!
***
Chapter Thirty-One: Atychiphobia - Fear of Failure
♪Adam’s POV ♥
I admitted it to myself that the night before was a failure. A rather pathetic one. But slowly, I'm understanding more and more. I've searched everywhere and, "I can't find a single picture of us or me in his apartment. There's also none of his family, so maybe he's not just big on pictures. But I just find it weird that there's no evidence of me ever being to his apartment before, how long were we dating?"
"Quite some time," Ajay said, grinning. Don't get me wrong, I liked Ajay. But I sometimes felt like he wasn't nice as he seemed, "Well, at least for Adrian, he has liked you for a long time, you were probably oblivious. Not sure. Anyway, it's true, he hates photos. He, in his words, 'likes to live in the moment.'"
I looked at him, questioningly.
"He didn't like his childhood," he said plainly.
"Ah," I nodded my head in acknowledgement. I could understand that in the least.
"Not to say he didn't have a nice one, but there was quite of a lot of drama when he left the household," he smirked, but lost it in a moment, "It broke him."
"Is it about Simon?" I asked, looking up at him.
Ajay blinked and then looked at me, "He... told you?"
"In so little words. Just about some guy he liked and that he thinks he killed him," I shrugged, and bit my lip. I was trying to understand my boyfriend but the more I did, the more it confused the hell out of me.
"Oh, Christ," Ajay rolled his eyes upwards, then he looked at me, "He didn't kill anyone, okay?"
"I believe you."
"You should. Whenever he accidently hurt me during a play wrestle or when we were arguing, he'd start to hyperventilate," he sighed, "He can't possibly cope with him hurting someone he loves."
"I said I believe you," I told him, honestly, holding my hands up.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you believe me?" he grinned.
"Because every moment I'm with him, he's so cautious on everything, especially around my feelings," I looked down, "But like you said, he's like that with everyone."
"Don't sell yourself short, kid," Ajay stared warily at me.
"I'm older than you, kid," I rolled my eyes.
"You are?"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes," I glared.
"You have any memories of the last couple of years?"
"Um, no..."
"Then your mentally eighteen, therefore we're the same age."
I closed my mouth and stared upwards, annoyed, "I hate you."
He shrugged, but I could tell he was smirking, seemingly amused by it. I stared at my hands, trying to calm myself and bit my lip in an effort to erase the thought that had been tormenting my head at constant, but it escaped, without much fight on my behalf it seemed, "Am I Adrian's type of boyfriend?"
Ajay looked at me, and slowly nods, "I would think so, you two are dating."
"Are we?" I asked him, actually maybe no. Maybe I was asking myself. I didn't know if Adrian and I were actually, truly.
Ajay looked nervous and he stares in front of him and takes a drink of a yellowish substance that was in his crystal glass, "Yes, why?"
"Because I think we're in the relationship, but he acts like he's repulsed by me."
Ajay snorted out whatever he had been drinking and turned his whole body and smiled, "Repulsed? You're kidding me, right?" I shake my head no, confused. "Adrian is madly in love with you, so mad that he's like a alpha male on a leach only an inch away from a bitch in heat."
My lip twitched, "Ew."
He rolled his eyes, "I've seen the way he stares at you. I remember Simon, and not even when Simon was in the room had Adrian seem ever stared at him like he stares at you. If anything he's holding himself back."
"Why would he do that?"
Ajay seemed sad but it faded away before I could make a mark of it, "Because he wants you to want him the way he wants you.
"Why?"
"Because he's a gentleman. Well, and a idiot, too, but..." he saw me staring at him in disbelief, "Why yourself? Why are you...?" I blushed. He smiled, "Never mind, but don't worry yourself, he loves you and wants you. He's just waiting for you."
I nodded and turned around and saw Adrian working around the shop, moving things around. I stared at him a moment too long it seemed when he turned around and saw my stare, and then he smiled. And within that, I realized Ajay wasn't lying.
***
"What were you and Ajay talking about today?" Adrian brought up casually as he brought sheets and pillows to the couch. After a long argument, I brought him to understand that if I'm staying at his apartment and he's insisting we don't sleep in the same bed, that I slept on the couch, not him.
"About our relationship," I told him honestly.
Adrian stood up rigidly and sighed, "Can you do me a favor and the next time he butts into our relationship that you smack him in the face?"
I grinned, "He just wants to help."
"He doesn't know how to help, he knows how to complicate things further and further," Adrian seemed exasperated. I don't want to him to get angry so instead of starting another useless argument, I nodded and agreed with him.
But stupidly I questioned further, "What do you mean?"
Adrian stared at me, "Nothing."
I blinked and just kept quiet. It seemed to drive Adrian angry and he stops trying to tuck the sheets in the couch to make it more comfortable and sit down with his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry I asked."
"No, no, it's not..." Adrian stared at me, and frowned, "Ajay, do you want to be with me? Do you want to leave me? Tell me now and I won't hold it against you, and I have no right to. I don't want you to feel captive here..."
"Do you?"
Adrian looked confused, "Don't change the subject, we're talking about you. Do you want to leave?"
"Do you want me to leave?"
Adrian groaned, "Of course not! But I'm asking you, my opinion is completely irrelevant to the answer."
"No, it isn't. I'm staying here until you tell me to leave, until then you're stuck with me."
Adrian stared at me, "Why, why do you want to stay? You don't even remember me. I'm a stranger."
"I just want to, okay?"
"Do you think you're trapped here? I'll help you, I'll ask Ethan and..."
"I'm fine right here."
"But..." Adrian sees my determination and chokes. I pulled his head to mine and kiss him softly on the lips. As we separated, I felt his breath fan my face and I open my eyes to see his wide open. He gulps and shoots out of the seat, "I'm gonna take a shower, bye."
He ran out and once again I'm sitting on the couch, feeling more and more lost.
I stared at my feet before I felt a bitterness wrap me up in its deadly clutches and I found myself take one sock off then the other, glaring at the bathroom door.
♥ Adrian’s POV ♫
Okay, what am I doing? I'm not only shoveling my grave deeper, but I'm only ruining his life more. What am I thinking? I tossed my clothes in the hampers hard, before opening the shower and setting the water to hot. I stare my nude reflection in the mirror and waited for it to fog up. I took a big breath and calmed myself, very, very slowly.
I'm driving myself to the very edge of insanity... Wait, this isn't my fault! It's Ajay's. That bastard caused all of this shit, it's unbelievable. I'm hurting Adam with every move I'm making and it's all Ajay's fault, I sighed loudly and stepped in the shower, letting the water flow onto me and soaking my hair.
What this ends badly? Adam is like a child, well actually, he's technically only eighteen within his head. He's just a kid! He had a fucked up life before and looks what happened! I kind of am conflicted because I almost want to blame all this on someone else. But it's my fault! Mine. No one else's.
I sucked on my own teeth and looked upward at the shower handle. I gripped it until my knuckles went white. I released when I heard a noise. I looked outside of the shower and saw nothing had fallen, "Adam?"
It was quiet and for a moment I assumed I imagined it and went back to showering. It was quiet for a long time except the sound of the running water. I blinked when I heard a creak and I opened the shower curtain to reveal Adam stark naked at the bathroom doorway.
"Um, Adam?"
He stared at me and I tried not to look down. Slowly, his face went red but he continued to come closer.
"Adam, is everything okay?"
I heard him gulp and then grab my face, kissing me hard. I was frozen for a long moment before I put my hands on his chest to push him away, but I couldn't bring myself to. His hands went from my head to lower back. He used his body to push mine back so he could bring himself into the shower. As my back hit the wall, I found myself unable to say anything. The hot water poured on our skin and I felt suddenly aroused, unable to control myself I touched his shoulder. It was now slightly warm from the water and my hand slit down his side to his waist where I instinctively pulled him closer to me. He breathed hard, and had to lift himself away from my mouth to moan.
"Adam, what are you..."
"Please," was all he said and he kissed me again, but with more urgency.
I fell the tiles behind my back and felt any curve and crack ease in my skin. Every motion and touch became more intense, making my thoughts become blurred. I almost thought that Adam might've drugged me, even how ludicrous it sounded. It sounded ridiculous in my head, but now, written on paper or spoken in word, reveals how stupid it actually is. Now, I think I only tried to plug this in my head to ease my guilt. I was not pushing Adam away, though every moral bone in my body screamed no and refused me.
Adam sighed into my mouth, feeling that I have surrendered to him. He pulled our bodies close and I felt the steam ease us. Our lip were sliding against together and our mouths were one. I felt my erection get the better of me and every time it was against Adam's skin, it made me ache harder and harder for him. I peeked my eyes and saw Adam's staring back into mine, looking devious as I felt his hand grip my erection with urgency. He rolled his hand up and down the shaft, playing particular attention towards the tip, once he even slid his thumb against the slit, causing me to shiver throughout my whole body.
He started going faster and faster, and when I started moaning, I heard him chuckle. I realized this was a game for him, him trying to become the leader towards sex. And I never lose. I was being nice and gentle, but I realized even with him losing all his memories, he was no innocent member towards sex play. My eyes opened and I grinned against his lips. He suddenly looked very surprised, but not in the way of being scared, rather thrilled. I took my hands away from his fun and gripped on one of his ass cheeks, the other to tease him as he teased me but I was a bit more quicker and more skilled than he was. I started slow, gripping the tip slightly rough, just to tease him and he groaned out loud, implying I was not wrong.
One of his legs came around and pulled closer as his arm came around my neck on one side and his mouth, removed from mine, to the other side of my neck to bite hard. Instead of being insulted by the love bite, implying that I was his, I decided to respond with a small kiss on his. I got a small thrill at the thought of little Adam actually being possessive, like truly possessive.
I groaned loudly into his skin and reached behind me to turn off water, "Bedroom, now..." He nodded and reached to get out but not before I reached for him and picked him up. He seemed surprised - and honestly, so was I - but I continued to carry him to the bed, not letting his skin come off mine.
♪Adam’s POV ♥
I was enjoying every moment having Adrian against me, and he was much better at this than I would've thought. I would've thought he'd be more gentle, more loving, but at this moment, I didn't care, it gave me something I felt like my body craved for from him.
I moaned as he dropped me on our bed and crawl on top of me, reminded me of an animal. I cried more and more louder and he rubbed our wet, hot bodies against one another. Slippery and wet, and fuck me. I widened my legs to allow him access. He seemed to understand but seemed hesitant. I looked up to him, "Are you going to fuck me or am I going to fuck myself?"
His face reddened and I realized what he was thinking. But despite his embarrassment, his boner throbbed against mine and I realized he wanted to see me do it. I grinned, "Lube, condom?"
He leaped off the bed to the wardrobe and tossed out socks and underwear until he came across a small black box. He grabbed a condom and small bottle of lube at me. I smiled at how excited he was before I smeared the lube onto my fingers. He stayed at the wardrobe, noticing my smile. I laid on my back, legs open as I inserted one of my fingers inside of me. I bit my lip, surprised at how unused I was. I finally felt some pleasure from it and then added the other. It stretched me and I bit my lip and tilted my head back, moaning. I sighed and added the third, widening my legs for Adrian to see, pumping them in and out, my other hand went to assist my throbbing erection. I moaned and jumped when I felt Adrian's hands on me. He took my hand away from me, revealing his erection, condom on, lubed, ready. I bit my lip, ready, "Adrian... go ahead..."
He slowly went in, careful. It hurt quite a bit, throbbing from just the touch. I was surprised that it didn't relieve itself even after Adrian waited several seconds to let me wait. I couldn't wait, despite the pain, "Go."
He nodded and went out and then back in, triggering something. I groaned and Adrian seemed happy by it. He did it again and I moaned again and again. He leaned forward, putting my legs over his shoulders to lift my hips off the bed and into his hands where he controlled the amount of sex and friction in our bodies. He huffed and huffed harder, becoming rougher and rougher, as if he craved this for centuries, "Adam, fuck!" He groaned loudly, and I expected him to cum, but he did, instead he changed positions and turned our bodies in order to get me differently. Now he hung over me, this position seemed more intimate and surreal to me. He got me into a more pleasured state and kept going on and on that seemed like centuries, until I cried out and clamped my legs around him and came. Then, it seemed, he allowed himself to. Before I could say another word, Adrian leaned forward and kissed me, softly. I smiled and cradled his face. He laid next to me and slid out of me in silence. He took his condom off and tossed it to the floor before covering us with the sheets. He pulled me closer to him and he breathed in my hair in pleasure.
"I love you, Adrian," I whispered, contently and fell slowly to sleep, ignoring the pain but embracing the pleasure.
I felt his breath escape him, it wasn't warm. It seemed cold. Like fear. But ignorant as they came, I ignored it and slept.
♥ Adrian’s POV ♫
I was insane for letting this happen in the first place. I messed with his entire life and now, look at me, here in my bed, him naked. He didn't know what was going on. I let him sleep, because I couldn't let him wake up to this world. This world was cruel enough to him. First letting become an orphan to being raised in a home that didn't love him, doing things in this world came hard on Adam, despite the fact all he did was to please others. I knew that, because he allowed Ethan to be the Twins despite that he loved him. And nobody can tell me differently, I can read Adam and I know what he was thinking. And I didn't feel betrayal then, I had no right. And I know this is terrible, but I knew Adam had no shot with Ethan. Never did, never will.
Adam was the one who got my life in order, whether he knew it or not. Okay, he definitely had no idea that he did. He doesn't even remember me. Not from when I was nothing, nothing when I really was an asshole. He doesn't remember that he was blind and his terrible memories from his small life in New York and he doesn't remember that Ethan kissed him or the Twins breaking Ethan's heart, practically forcing him to do it. And for Adam to realize that Ethan kissed him just because of that. If that makes sense.
I was going insane, I was breaking me. I was... breaking me?! What about Adam.
I withdrew my arms from around him and sat the corner of the bed, confused. I rubbed my head in my palm.
"Fuck," I mumbled. I always have a way to ruin the people I love. Simon, the boy I loved and the boy I killed. Ajay, my brother who lost his love from me. Mom, who lost Ajay because of me. Dad, who lost his family because I ruined it. Ozzie, who I couldn't return my feelings towards and taken advantage of. And Adam.
Most of all Adam.
I didn't notice time. It drifted away from me. I didn't notice the sun come up or the tears streaming down my face in guilt, in shame, in hatred. Or that Adam woke up, until he said the one worst thing ever.
"Adrian." Me.
"Adam, I'm so sorry..."
"What? What happened?"
"Please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."
"Adrian?" he sounded so urgent... so concerned.
"I h-have to tell you something."
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
If not God forgives me, if not my own family or friends, then please you, Adam, please.
***
AN: Back again, lots of smut and sadness. Please comment, tell me how you'll this conversation go and then two/three chapters and it's done. I won't promise they'll stay together at the end.