XXI. Shutting It ALL Out
Song of the Day: - Tonight (Best You Ever Had) by John Legend
*It Wasn't Me by Shaggy
*Gorilla by Bruno Mars
Dedicated to evie1090 for being a stellar human being and for voting!
Angelo Tallerico
The pain was numbing and that was just what I needed. The numb, other than this stinging pain that was my heart being stabbed over and over again. Seeing her face again felt as though an electric cord had been passed through my body. And when I had seen her at school with Jasper, my whole body had itched for nothing mom than to just beat him within an inch of his life. The harsh truth was that I was still in love with Madison Shepherd, and the harsher truth was that she was a manipulative little Delilah who had played me for a fool. Madison Shepherd had no place in my life now.
Soto and Damien had shown me how to rise above it all.
"Shut it off," Damien had advised. "No place for emotions or feelings in this business."
It burned me because I knew Damien was right. Whatever I felt for Madison, all my feelings for her had to die. I had to let it die. And so I did. I had told her to leave, that I never wanted to see her face again, that I didn't love her anymore. I hated the thought of her with another but I knew it was over, she wasn't coming back. It had been nine days, too many hours and I was still hurting so much that I could die.
I was twisted, completely screwed over because one side wanted so badly to just hate her so it could be easy to forget her and the other I just wanted to break down and cry. And at the same time I wanted to run after her and beg her to take it all back, to say she still loved me... back to those times when I held her against my heart.....
'Snap out of it Angelo!' my mind screamed at me. That was all lies and it's all gone now. I had work to do.
Leaving with Damien, I met up with Soto as he had given me an assignment. Working with Soto wasn't bad, I'd quit my job at the Italian Kitchen and had been given a generous allowance. Who was complaining about that? Definitely not me. In his office, I placed a file on his desk before him. My assignment had been to find out some info on a notorious drug baron that was pushing drugs on our own turf without permission.
"His name is Bo Winogratski," I said as Soto flipped through the file. "His main guy is some meth addict named Tom Rogers. He hides out like a rat and he's Winogratski's personal pet dog but he usually hangs out at this sleaze bag joint called Dudley’s. And guess what?" I held up a Snicker's bar, "Rogers' is allergic to chocolate."
Soto's eyebrows flew up in surprise. "Chocolate? Are you kidding?"
I shook my head. "I kid you not. We're talking deathly allergic. What do you say we go down to his hang out and good cop/ bad cop this guy into telling us where Winogratski is?"
Soto raised an eyebrow. "You're getting really good at this business, Angelo."
I smirked. "I know my stuff."
Dudley’s was a cheap bar flooding with crack heads and addicts looking to score more rock. I knew exactly how to control our situation. Immediately Soto entered, I placed a wad of cash into the two guards' hands. "Keep it quiet around here. Got a little business to take care of."
They both nodded solemnly. "You got it."
I added some extra bills. "Buy yourselves a drink, boys." Once in the bar, I slid my credit card to the barman. "Hey, drinks on me for everyone." I placed a finger in my lips and winked. "Shhhhh..."
He nodded once, understanding the lingo. Money doesn't just talk, it sings.
“There he is," I told Soto, nodded to a shifty character at the end of the bar.
We approached him and the other patrons subtly gave us space. I took a seat next to Soto and placed the box of Swiss Chocolates on the counter. Unwrapping a treat, I listened to their conversation.
"Tom Rogers?" Soto asked pleasantly.
"Who's asking?" Rogers replied gruffly.
"Can I buy you a drink instead? And while we're at it, can we also talk about that drug business you're running on my turf?"
Rogers finished his drink and stood up to leave. "I think I'll be going now."
I knew when I was needed. I blocked his way and shoved him back lightly. "What's the matter, compadre? We were just starting to play nice."
Rogers took a look at the tattoo on my hand and spat, "Columbians!"
"I'm looking for Bo Winogratski," Soto told him simply. "Now you being the first of his dogs I've met," he smiled, "I would like to arrange a little meeting as your operation doesn't quite sit well with me."
Rogers looked around the bar for assistance but everyone was minding their business and very obviously not looking in our direction.
Sensing his train of thought, Soto said, "Oh I wouldn't count on anyone for help. My friend here has tipped everyone off generously if I do say so myself. Not to be cliché Tom, but we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way."
"Fuck you, Soto!" Rogers said angrily. "I ain't helping you with nothing!"
Soto nodded and looked at me. "Angelo, do you think you could convince our friend?"
"With pleasure," I smiled. Soto stepped out of my way and I picked up a piece of chocolate. "Tell you what, Tom; we're going to play a little drinking game. Something I like to call: Truth or Chocolate." I held the candy under his nose.
Rogers looked at the chocolate as though it was a poisonous snake, and I knew I had caught his attention. I signaled two hefty men over and pointed at Rogers. "Help me with this one, boys. He's a little rough around the edges."
They needed no further encouragement other than the fact that Soto was here. I directed them and in a matter of minute Tom was positioned to my liking, which was being tied to a pillar with his head aligning with the dart board.
"Excellent," said Soto, who had reclined to watch.
My fingers were coated with the chocolate and I smeared it over his face earning a very inspired sputtering fit.
"Get that shit away from me!" he cried. "I'm fucking allergic!"
I licked my fingers. "Mmmmm. Too bad." I picked up a dart, coated it with chocolate and tossed. Rogers shouted a profanity.
I clicked my tongue in disapproval. "Language." I mixed the chocolate into a glass of scotch as Soto grilled Rogers some more but stubbornness wouldn't allow him talk for his own good.
Thirty minutes later with seven darts lodged in strategic places across his body, his head, legs, arms, Rogers was still adamant. He looked at me in terror as I licked some chocolate office a dart and then I tossed it. It hit him in the shoulder and he cried out again. By now the bar was almost empty so Rogers was completely at my mercy.
"Tommy," I sang merrily, picking up another dart and walking over to him. "You can end this right now. Just tell us where Winogratski is."
I can't," he sobbed making his puffy face look even more pathetic, I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
"I know, I know," I sighed gravely and pointed at Soto with that dart, "but you see, he's not going to let me and I can't help you. You're going into anaphylactic shock and you could die from it. You think Winogratski's gonna observe two minutes of silence? Get real and don't be a tool. Save yourself the trouble."
Rogers considered it then nodded morosely. "Fine. I'll talk."
I looked back at Soto. "Chief, he'll talk now."
"Good job, Tallerico," he commended looking over Rogers, "you'll have to teach me some of your tricks." Rogers gave us the address and I went back to the box of chocolates. Rogers began whimpering but I chuckled. "Relax. You're going to want this and you'll thank me for it." I produced a syringe filled with the anecdote for his allergy and jabbed it into his heart. He breathed a sigh of relief and I winked. "You're welcome."
I tipped the guards once again and Soto said to me, "You are really something else, you know Tallerico?"
I smiled dryly. It was easy to do what needed to be done when I blocked it all out, when I was thinking with my head and not my heart. "I'll take care of Winogratski for you."
"Use caution, kid," warned Soto, "I hear he's real shady."
"I'll be going with Damien. I don't think I've met anybody shadier than Salvadoré." I pointed out, "speaking of which, I've gotta run. It's happy hour with the boys."
Soto shook his head with a smile. "Just use protection for me."
Before meeting up with Soto, I stopped at our apartment first to change. I had decided I didn't want to live with my mother anymore regarding issues of my paternity. Leo had tried to talk me out of it but I couldn't stand the tension there anymore so when Damien had told me he needed a roommate, I accepted. Damien lived in a colossal beach house that he'd acquired with the money from his numerous assignments along with a Rottweiler named Titan and an Alsatian he called Colossus. The beach house had four wings and I took the west wing.
My suite was twice the size of my house with its own en suite, a king sized bed with a life sized mirror up on the ceiling which I found very ironic, and a balcony that opened to the ocean. I entered that bathroom and stared at my reflection. A lot of things had changed about me in the past week and not just physically and socially. I had embraced the other side of me that I had hidden all these years in my bid to be the perfect son and I'll admit it felt good to be bad, to not care about anyone's feelings. To do what I wanted, when I wanted and however I wanted. I had cut my hair and gotten a new tattoo. The new rose dipped in blood was the insignia for the Columbians; for our family and I can say it fitted. My clothes were also different, Columbians weren't thugs. Nope, we knew what we were all about, we did things with style and class, no sloppy work on our part and that also included the way we dressed. My car was a different matter all together. It turned out that Eli Baum's place was an automobile dealership.
Damien had said to the manager, "Soto wants a favor from you, Eli."
"Anything!" Eli had said at once.
"Set my man up for a hot new set of wheels right away."
Walking down the rows of expensive cars, I felt as though I was hallucinating until I set my eyes on the Bentley Continental. You could say it was love at first sight. Wait.... no, I would say that for my Bugatti Vernon motorbike. It just gave me this euphoric rush, an exquisite wired sensation, the kind you got by having sex with another man's wife. In a public place with this chance of getting caught. Since I had a strict code against adultery, I limited that wired sensation to my wheels. I smiled as I stripped down and got into the shower.
After my shower, I changed into J- Brand jeans, a blue chinos, red blazer and black boots. I gave my hair the once over, hopped into my ride and set out for another gentleman's lounge known as Chocolat Royale. I tossed my keys to a valet. "If you scratch the car, you better blow your head off swiftly because I won't do it with mercy," I warned and went inside.
Soto also owned Chocolat Royale but unlike all the others, this was classy and he didn't allow any funny business going on in here. I was ushered in without any of the regular hassle when people were queuing and waiting impatiently to be admitted. The ground floor was dimly lit and crowded as bodies pressed together, moving roughly against the deafening music. I however was not on the ground floor. Oh no, Soto's top guys were on the top floor, the way it should.
The sultry rnb number was played in the room with a golden hue. All around me, women were clad in sexy lingerie and provocative dresses. At first, I hadn't really known how to react but like all other situations I adapted and so the sight of their bodies undulating to the music for the men barely fazed me now.
"How's it going Angelo?" a dancer cooed at me, brushing her hands against my chest flirtatiously.
I winked back at her. "Going sweet sugar." I produced a credit card and handed it to her.
"Would you get me and my boys something sweet to drink? The expensive stuff, preferably French Cognac. There's a good girl."
"Sure," she smiled and walked away.
I spotted my guys across the room in our lounge, where four guys all dressed impeccably were laughing and enjoying drinks.
At 17 almost 18, I was the youngest member of our pack as Damien liked to call it and easily accepted once Damien told them the story of how I proved myself to Soto. Damien Salvadoré and Andrés Olivares were the oldest at 19. Andrés was a Berkeley freshman and played the role of our older brother. Tahj Keller, 18, was a beefy African American with thick long dreadlocks and a bit of a temper. He was also a father to a year old boy I had never seen but he talked about a lot.
Quinn Hyman, 18, was a smart talking Jewish guy and our resident Don Juan. Quinn wasn't afraid to say what needed to be said, when it needed to be said regardless of whom he pissed off.
I sat down and they all greeted me heartily.
"How's it going?" Tahj nodded at me with a smile.
"Sweet," I said and snapped my fingers signaling a waitress. "Set me up for a glass of grape juice, tonic water, nicest orange juice and a little shaved ice."
"You still drink that stuff?" Andrés screwed up his face.
"Awww man," Damien complained and held up an almost empty bottle of Remy Martin. That guy could put away liquor faster than anyone I'd ever seen (except maybe Enrique Vazquez). "We're outta liquor."
"No you are out of liquor," I corrected smoothly, "because I don't drink like a fish."
"Uh oh!" Quinn laughed and reached over to ruffle my hair. "Here comes the Altar Boy."
"Excuse me?" I drawled quirking an eyebrow.
"You're like an Altar Boy," he laughed again, "I mean you gotta admit, you're way too Choir Boy type."
"Really Quinn," I said in a fake hurt voice, "You gonna go there with me? I would expect that from them," I pointed to Tahj and Damien, "but not from you."
"What? Because I'm black?" Tahj laughed.
"Yes!" I said simply.
“Now, I don’t get mad because he’s bold enough to say it,” Damien said and we laughed.
"Check it out," Tahj nodded to a curvy girl in red lace, "Wilya look at that ass?"
"You'd think after Lil' T the guy would learn to keep it in his pants," Damien mocked.
"Look who's talking, Cirrhosis the Wonder Boy," Tahj retorted.
"Ladies," Andrés laughed, "why down we just get right to the hair pulling."
"Salvadoré started it!" complained Tahj.
"I don't care who started it, I'll finish it," Andrés declared.
"I'm going in." Tahj stood up, adjusted his dreads and jacket. "You boys watch the magic." He watched him strut around to the lady.
"A hundred bucks says he doesn't last twenty minutes."
"Two hundred says he doesn't last five!" Quinn countered.
"You're on!" We all placed our bets and watched Tahj work on the lady then burst out laughing when she gave him a resounding slap!
Tahj turned around and walked back to us with dignity. "She's crazy about me!" he smirked.
"Pay up!" Quinn ordered triumphantly. We all grumbled but relinquished the cash. He smiled as he counted his winnings. "You know I feel bad taking all your money like this."
"So give it back!" I whined.
"Nah! I'll get over it." He pocketed his money, stood up and said, "Now you kids watch some real magic at work." He strolled over to the same girl and began chatting her up then turned to walk back to us.
"He didn't get her number," I frowned.
Because Quinn's back was turned, the lady didn't see him count down with his fingers. "Three .... Two.... One ...." he mouthed.
"Hey, Quinn! Wait a minute!" she said to him.
He winked at us and went back to her. This time however when he looked at us again he didn't have a smug expression but when he sat down again, his frown dissolved into a smile and he produced a piece of paper. "Uh huh! Uh huh!!" he moaned. "Who's the man?"
We all high fived hint and Tahj reluctantly said, "Alright, you win."
The waitress came back with my drink and I thanked here. "Call me back if you need anything else," she said touching my shoulder before walking away.
The other boys were staring at me.
"What?"
"Are you gay Angelo?' Andrés asked me curiously.
"Excuse me, Compadre?"
"Didn't you see the way she looked at you man?" Damien demanded incredulously. "Boy, she's practically begging you for it!"
"You could have her like this!" Tahj snapped his finger.
"A hard dick and a soft pussy creep up on people in a number of ways." Quinn said wisely.
I almost choked on my drink. "I love it when you wax poetic."
"Fuck you."
"Awww. How sweet. When I'm at a loose end, I'll think of you first."
"If the two of us were to," Quinn whistled suggestively, "it would be the best fuck of his life."
"Do you ever truly get embarrassed of anything?" I wanted to know.
Quinn shook his head. "Not really, no."
"Speaking of which," Andrés turned to me and asked , "who was that pretty señorita you were with this afternoon?"
An image of Madison came to mind and I pushed it away. Holy Mary! I couldn't even escape here! I came here to forget, not to discuss my ex girlfriend that did a number on me!
Scowling, I said, "Just a bunch of BS, nothing important."
"Damn! That girl was sexy!" remarked Quinn.
I speared him with a look. "You want to say that again, Quinn?"
He raised his hands and chuckled good-naturedly. "Ah, dude, I didn't mean to offend you. I was just saying."
"Well I wouldn't know!" I snapped.
"You mean you wouldn't tap that ass?" Tahj exclaimed in surprise.
"I would definitely tap that," Damien closed his eyes and moaned as though in ecstasy, "With pleasure."
"Don't tell me the both of you are virgins or something," laughed Tahj. When I said nothing he gasped. "Oh my God! You're serious?! You're a virgin?!"
He was about to make another smart ass remark but I cut him off. "You better stick a sock in it, Bob Marley before I do it for you with my fist." Tahj knew when he had gone far enough with me.
"We have gotta get this guy a woman," Andrés declared, "and fast!"
"Amen to that!" seconded Quinn.
"Alright, brother," Damien waved his hand regally gesturing to the women around, "What's your pleasure? Pick your flavor; we have Mexican, Asian fusion or how about some good old American comfort?"
"I see I'm dealing with a connoisseur," I replied dryly.
"Or I could help you out, set you up," offered Quinn helpfully, "I know this hooker, she's not so pretty on the face but she's clean enough for what you have in mind and I reckon she'll pretty up once you two get acquainted huh?" he winked at me.
"Dude! She's like thirty five!" Andrés laughed.
Quinn shrugged. "I ain't complaining, age is just a number, boys. Besides you know what they say; the older the wine, the smoother the taste."
"You're disgusting." I said simply.
"I know," he leered.
"I got three rules," Tahj informed me, "Look the door, wash your hands and don't get caught."
I raised an eyebrow. "Get caught? Why would I get caught?"
"In case you're fooling around with someone's girl or another man's wife," explained Quinn. He grinned again, "And that's when it's the hottest!"
"Quinn has a thing for married, older women," Andrés said.
"Guys, we're all sitting here, why don't we go hook up with a couple of honeys?" suggested Tahj quickly.
"Hmm, like your mom?" Damien sneered and the other boys crowed.
"Ouch!" I high fived Damien.
"Show some respect!"Tahj growled at Damien, then he glared at Quinn menacingly,
"And you'd better stay away from my mom you little prick!"
"Your mom wanted it badly I just had to give it to her," Quinn boasted.
"You little motherfucker!" hissed Tahj.
Quinn smiled, smugly, "Yes I am," he held up two fingers, "twice."
Tahj would have charged Quinn if I hadn't held him down with Andrés' help.
"I know just the perfect honey for you," Damien said to me and waved over a buxom redhead in white and black silk, "Oh Cinnamon!" he sang.
"Hi Damien," she purred huskily.
Damien ruffled my hair playfully. "What do you think about my friend? Cute, ain't he?"
"Cut it out!" I hissed under my breath.
Damien ignored me, "Whilst I would love a shot of your finest bourbon, my friend here would love your attention."
"Are you insane?" I said to him again.
Quinn leaned over and put two packets of Durex rubbers in my pocket. "Give the girl a good time and make me proud son."
Cinnamon came up to me and boldly settled herself on my lap with her full bottom nestled on my crotch. "Whoa honey," I laughed, "can we just hold up on that? We haven't gotten to that stage yet in this relationship."
"Awww, don't be shy," Andrés coaxed and they all laughed.
Cinnamon trailed her hands down my chest until she got to the base and fondled junior.
My body responded to her touch and I could feel the works of an erection coming. "Guys,
I'm in trouble," I groaned, "this babe is insane!" So saying, I brought Cinnamon's face to mine and caught her plump red lips in a kiss. Swiping my tongue across her bottom lip, I gained access into her inviting mouth. Our tongues parried and fought for dominance until she submitted to my will. I bit her lip and pulled on it.
"That's my boy." Damien crowed with delight.
"Ohmigosh!" Tahj wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "Our baby boy is growing up.
"Let's play Beirut!" Tahj suggested as our bourbon arrived. Even though I didn't drink, I was able to beat out expected drinkers like Damien.
"Who'd have thunk it that Saint Angelo of all people is good at a drinking game?" Damien asked in amusement.
"Well I have spent enough of my life crying over a broken heart and so I have had plenty of practice to drown in my sorrow," I tossed a coin and it landed neatly into the glass, "wallow in guilt," another perfect toss, "regret my existence." I tossed the final coin and motioned with my finger, "drink up, Damien." He picked up a full glass of bourbon and downed it. "It's basically precision born out of loneliness and boredom."
I looked at Cinnamon and said, "Come on honey, let's go. Game if you are."
"Lead the way," she challenged.
I stood up and addressed them, "Gentleman, I bid you all good night."
"Have fun!" Damien called.