Chapter 26 – Part 2
Even as nervous as I was, being next to him relaxed me. That man could always calm me down for some reason that I still didn't quite understand.
“So...what’s going on with you?” I asked him, remembering how he was acting when Joey and I got here.
“What do you mean?” Blake asked, still so close I could kiss him without moving much.
“When I got here, you looked pissed off or irritated...how come?” I asked.
“It doesn't matter, it's...stupid.”
I didn’t move nor did I respond. I was waiting for him to continue. When he noticed I was still waiting he pulled back from me and took a deep breath.
I sat up and got comfortable on the couch because I knew we were going to be here awhile.
“Are you...” He started to ask and passed his fingers through his short hair. It was obvious he didn’t want to ask but he needed to know and I couldn’t help, I had no idea what was going on in that head of his.
“No lies?” He asked me and I nodded in agreement. “Are you angry with me?” He asked.
I looked at him and I was confused, “No, should I be?” I asked in return.
“Not that I know of...” He answered. “It’s just... you’re pulling back from me again except instead of walking out the door like you used to, it’s...mentally. You’re always in your head so I figured it could be two thing, you’re either angry or...”
“Or...?” I asked, starting to get nervous. I had to admit, I was very much lost in my thoughts, feeling and fears but...was I that transparent?
“Are you seeing or are you with someone else?” He finally asked his question that was on his mind.
I looked at his face and he was completely serious. How could even think that?! That was the farthest thought that was in my head.
“You really think I would do that?” I asked him.
“I don’t... No, I don't think you would...it’s just... You’re acting different and I can’t figure out why. We both know you’re not much of a talker, certainly when if comes to how you feel so... Are you?” He asked again.
I knew he was right, I hated to talk about my feelings, I had enough of that with Emily but for him to think that poorly of me, hurt. I could feel my anger raising and I wanted to either hit him or leave his apartment except I couldn’t make myself leave and I would never hit him so I just got up off the couch. I started to walk towards the kitchen to grab a glass of water when I heard the noise and I knew it was him getting off the couch. I turned and looked at him and placed my hand up showing him I wanted him to stop moving. When he did, I turned again and made my way back to the kitchen, I grabbed a glass and filled it up with cold water from the fridge.
I calmed myself down a bit in the kitchen, I knew he was waiting for me but I needed to calm down before talking or I’d say things I would regret later on.
He thinks I’m cheating because I’m not here mentally while the truth is I’m in love with him and I’m trying to make sense of it in my head. Our sex life was still amazing, or to me it still was. We didn’t have sex every single night but still a few times a week and more than once a night. When we started sleeping together I wasn’t here that much so we always had sex because I didn't want him for anything else. We’d have sex, I’d wait for him to fall asleep then I’d leave. We were having sex a lot more now than before. Was he bored with me? Was he asking me only to give himself permission to see someone else? Now I was just more confused than when I entered this freaking kitchen...
I left the kitchen and he was exactly where he was when I told him to stop moving.
“I’m not seeing someone else. I don’t want to see someone else. Are you? Do you want to see someone else?!” I asked him.
“There’s only you. It’s always been just you.” He answered, giving me full eye contact.
“So... why... why do you think I’m with someone else or seeing...?” I asked him.
“You’re not ‘here’ with me. I know you’re stressed and everything but... you just shut me out. I didn’t know if it was on purpose or if you really didn’t know...I panicked." He explained.
"That's why Joey said there was no need to worry?" I asked.
"Yeah." He said passing his fingers through his hair again.
"I wouldn't cheat on you. I know that's what everyone usually says but it's the truth. If I wanted someone else, I'd just tell you and that would be it. I hope that if it would be you, you'd do the same. I wouldn't stop you. I want to be with someone who wants me for me exactly like I would want him for him. If I was seeing someone else, I wouldn't be standing here...in your living room, across the room from you." I slowly started to walk towards him, "I wouldn't be here almost every night. I'm here because I want to be, I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. I want to be next to you. I want to be able to touch you and hear your breathing change when I reach a spot that you like." I was close enough to touch him but I didn't, I just kept eye contact.
"What are you saying?" Blake asked.
I knew this was the perfect time to say those three words...
"I don't want to be anywhere else and I don't want to be with someone else." I answered.
"What are you saying?" He asked again. Slowly his eyes changed and he was smirking at me. He knew exactly what I was saying. He wasn't nervous anymore and his confidence was back. I rolled my eyes, he was going to make me say it and I could feel my face going bright red.
I put my hands over my face to cover the redness and I heard him chuckle.
"I'll repeat it for you... What are you saying?" He said. I took my hands away from my face and he had a big smile across his face.
"You already know." I whispered.
"No I don't." He whispered back. "I can never guess with you. You're a mystery most of the time and almost impossible to read." He finished.
I took a deep breath and thought, 'let the cards fall where they may'.
"I love you." I said, loud enough for him to hear me and not ask me to repeat it.
His eyes searched mine, I guess he was looking for confirmation. "Almost impossible to read..." He repeated and his smile was bigger than before. "Since I first met you, I've been hoping that one day I would hear you say those words to me."
"And? What do you think?" I asked nervously.
"What do I think? ...it's about damn time." He said chuckling. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. "I've loved you from the first second I saw walk-in the garage at work. You can confuse me like no one else can, frustrate me, piss me off and you can irritate me but at the end of the day, I'm always glad you're lying right beside me." He whispered.
It was great to hear those words coming from him, I wasn't sure if he was going to say them but now that he had, I had a big smile of my own.
He pulled away and took my hand in his. With a smirk on his face he started to walk towards the bedroom pulling me forward to follow him.
"No." I said loudly, making sure my feet stayed firmly on the ground.
He turned and looked at me, it hurt me to see confusion and hurt in his eyes.
I walked to him while still holding his hand and I was glad he didn't move at all.
"There is nothing in the world that I'd rather do than to be in that bed with you... I do love you..."
"So why aren't we in that bed already?" He asked with a small smile.
I took a deep breath, "Because I love you, but you can't fully love me if you don't know my past. There are a lot of things that I obviously haven't told you and now I think it's time that you know. I can't be in that bed with you and then tell you because...if you rejects me, you'd regret sleeping with me and that...that would kill me." I said, trying my best to keep my emotions in check.
"I remember what you told me...about you and your mom and meeting your dad for the first time a few years later... Is that what you're talking about?" He asked.
I nodded my head.
"Listen gorgeous, you were just a kid. I'm sure it's not that bad." He said.
I didn't know how to answer or react to that except I knew he wasn't referring to the whole situation. A part of me was saying he was right and the other part was screaming 'Not bad?! Since when is killing someone not bad!'.
I turned away from him, walked to the couch and sat down. "Please?" I asked Blake, hoping he would sit down with me so I could get this over and done with.
He nodded his head, walked over and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. He knew me well and he knew I needed my space, another reason why I loved him. He didn't know my past, didn't know the whole me but he definitely could keep up with my frame of mind, even if sometimes he got the wrong message.
I wasn't looking forward to the next part. Telling him the truth was a tiny bit scarier than saying I love you for some odd reason, I thought it would be the other way around.
I took a deep breath and thought, 'Ready or not, here we go...'
End of Part 2
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Hey everyone!
I hope you guys liked Part 2! I've been waiting for the 'perfect time' to write that and I'm so happy that it's finally here!
I don’t think I can cut the next chapter in half like I’ve been doing. I received a lot to messages with regarding to future uploads. To make it simple, it’s all on my Facebook page. Everything is on there, where I’m at with editing, next uploads and a bunch of other stuff. I write it there, it’s just simpler instead of sending and bothering you guys with a bunch of emails… and on Facebook if you don’t want to read it, just skip it/keep on strolling. Lol. My Facebook name is the same one on Wattpad : Strength0629
I hope you guys had a good weekend! xx