As soon as Lorelei and I arrived at our hotel, I was already in need of a nap and it was just barely lunch time. On the drive, I'd told Lorelei that she could pick the music, and she surprised me by saying she wanted to listen to Harry's CD which was still in my player. Though she was somewhat familiar with One Direction, she didn't really know their music, but she was curious to hear what solo Harry sounded like. By the third or fourth song, she was already lying back in her seat with an approving smile on her face.
We'd stopped once for a bathroom break and to fill up on gas, and that was when I took the opportunity to check my phone. The day before had consisted of a series of short text conversations with Harry, him telling me he had landed in Chicago, me telling him to have a good day, and him wishing me luck on my San Antonio trip. That morning I awoke to one more text which I figured he'd sent very late, after I'd gone to bed, saying he was thinking of me and missed me. I wasn't really sure how to feel about that, but I sent him a text back saying me too. So far he hadn't sent anything else.
Lorelei rolled her suitcase next to the bed she'd designated as hers and announced that we should go have lunch on the Riverwalk. Despite my arguments that I wanted to get some shut eye, she insisted we needed to eat.
I'd just ordered my food and was people watching as I sipped on my mojito when my phone alerted me of a text.
In San Antonio yet?
I smiled as I picked up my phone to reply.
Yes. Having lunch. How are you?
Great. On my way to lunch too. Just wanted to say hi.
Hi :)
I'll call you tonight. When I'm back at my hotel. If it's not too late.
Ok. I should be up. I'm actually going to take a nap after this.
Ok baby x
The texts were short and to the point, but it was the term of endearment that had me grinning like a fool, staring at my phone screen for a few more seconds.
"Earth to Stacey!" I heard somewhere in the distance. I looked up to see Lorelei with her eyes wide.
"What?" I asked, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
She blew out a puff of breath. "Damn, that boy has you smitten."
"Stop," I rolled my eyes, laying my phone back down on the table.
"Please. Don't tell me you didn't deliberately have your phone out, hoping he'd text you. And when he did you gawked and giggled like a teenager."
I took another sip of my cocktail. "I did not."
"Uh huh. You are a smitten kitten."
I glared at her. "Who was the one who said I should let myself be happy? Was that you? I forget."
Lorelei chuckled. "I know I did, hon. I'm not putting you down for it. I'm glad to see you like this."
I grinned sheepishly, pressing my cloth napkin flat in my lap.
"He calls me baby," I admitted.
"He does?" Lorelei leaned forward.
I nodded, nervously covering my mouth with my fist. "Is it too soon?"
Lor sat back again with a shrug. "No. I don't think so. I think it's cute."
"I mean, nobody's called me that since...Tod."
"It feels good, huh?"
I bit my lip. "Yeah."
"He's sweet."
I merely nodded, feeling myself start to blush. Fortunately, the waiter came by with our food, and our conversation changed to plans for the book signing the next day.
Lorelei, always the most energetic person I'd ever known, declared that she was not the least bit tired, so she was going to stroll down the Riverwalk while I took a nap. I felt bad for abandoning her, but after the drive topped off with a relaxing lunch and alcohol, I was beat and had a dull headache.
I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep when I heard the sound of the door unlocking and Lorelei stepped into the room.
"Hey sleepyhead," she greeted me. I noticed she was carrying a couple of shopping bags.
"Hey," I rubbed my eyes. "What time is it?"
"Nearly four," she replied.
"Damn," I muttered, sitting up. "What'd you buy?"
Lorelei smiled, digging into her first bag and pulling out a long necklace with a pretty turquoise pendant.
"Very pretty," I nodded.
Then she reached into her second bag and pulled out two t-shirts.
"For the girls," she said.
"Lor, you didn't have to do that," I remarked.
"I wanted to," she shrugged, dropping the shirts back into the bag and setting everything on her bed as she sat down.
"That reminds me," I said, reaching for my phone. "I need to check in."
I send a quick text to Tod asking if the girls were okay. He immediately responded with a yes, saying that Emery was wanting to go shopping for a costume but he didn't have time, he had to teach. With a frown, I texted him back.
I took her yesterday. She didn't see what she wanted. You might have to order her something if she's really wanting to be that Steven Universe character.
I'm not ordering her a costume. She doesn't have to be that character. She can pick something else at the store.
Well then if you don't have time to take her, I'll have to take her Friday.
I guess so.
I wanted so badly to throw my phone across the room. Fucking Tod! Instead, I dropped my phone on the bed and walked to the bathroom, practically slamming the door behind me.
"You okay, hon?" I heard Lorelei call from the other side.
"I hate him!" I yelled back.
"Well, that's nothing new."
I washed my hands and splashed water on my face, trying my best to calm down. I was in another city, away from Tod and there was nothing he could do to me if I didn't let him. So with a deep breath, I ran my fingers through my hair and opened the door.
"Let's go out!" I announced.
"Yes!" cheered Lorelei.
Lor was in her element. I felt like a fish out of water. Which might be an ironic phrase to use considering the inside of the night club looked like an aquarium.
After a lovely dinner, we'd decided to have a drink at the bar of our hotel. But soon Lorelei got restless and asked the bartender if there were any fun night clubs nearby. He'd suggested one just a couple blocks away, and within minutes I found myself in a cab on my way to a club, the first time I'd been to one since my marriage.
The beat was starting to get to me, despite the shots of tequila Lorelei had bought when we'd arrived. I wasn't drunk and the room wasn't spinning, but the scent of perfume and sweat mixed with the loud bass of the music made me want to gag. It was probably the first time since my twenties that so many bodies were within close proximity to mine, except for maybe that time I had floor seats for Green Day and there weren't actual seats. I felt light-headed and in need of hydration.
"Gonna get some water!" I yelled into Lorelei's ear as she swayed her hips, a young latino giving his approval with his eyes.
She nodded at me, though she continued to flirt with the guy with her dance moves.
"What can I get you, Red?" asked the bartender. Normally I would have rolled my eyes. Like I hadn't heard that one before.
"Just a water, please," I replied with a sugary sweet smile.
I sipped through the straw as though I hadn't had anything to drink for days, quickly reaching ice. I heard a voice next to me, and it took me a second to realize they were talking to me.
"I'm sorry?" I turned my head to see a man, his shirt and chest sweaty. He was somewhat attractive, but not really my type. If I had a type. Did I have a type?
"Let me get you another one of those," he offered, pointing to my empty glass.
"Oh," I chuckled, shaking my head. "It's okay. It's just water."
"Well, then, let's put something in that water."
Before I could protest, the guy turned towards the bar and ordered something. When he handed me a glass with a grin, I smiled back and thanked him. Taking a hesitant sip, I quickly noticed it was nearly pure alcohol and most likely had no water in it. I drank it anyway, hoping the sooner I did, the sooner the man would go away.
"You have gorgeous hair," he remarked, stepping closer to me.
"Thanks." I just kept sipping through my straw, hoping he'd take the hint that I was not interested.
"What's your name?"
I eyed him. "Stacey."
"Beautiful name, Stacey," he said, his hand suddenly brushing across my back. "I'm Chad."
Of course. He looked like a Chad. He also looked really young. Too young for me. Or at least I thought, until I suddenly remembered Harry. Okay, I didn't suddenly remember him. I thought about him a lot. He just didn't seem as young as this Chad guy. Even though he was probably younger.
"Nice to meet you," I nodded. I took the last sip of my cocktail, making it a point to slurp it as loudly as possible before setting it on the bar.
"Wanna dance?" asked Chad, leaning in.
I blinked. "I'm sorry. I really have to go to the ladies' room."
"Oh, okay," Chad cocked his head.
"Excuse me," I said. I started to walk around him, then thought perhaps I was being a bit rude. I turned back to look at him. "Thank you for the drink."
There was a line for the bathroom. I fanned myself with my hand, wishing I hadn't drunk Chad's cocktail. I leaned against the wall and pulled my phone out of my pocket, ready to text Lorelei, even though she probably wouldn't notice. My heart fluttered in my chest when I realized I had a missed call from Harry, and he had left a voicemail. I knew I wouldn't be able to hear it in the noise of the club, so I waited until I was inside the stall to listen to it.
"Hi Stacey," he greeted me. "I got back to the hotel earlier than I thought I would so I reckoned I'd ring you. Guess you're busy. If...if you get a chance, call me back okay?"
I heard him sigh then, and I'm not sure why, but it turned me on. "I miss your voice. Is that weird?"
No, I shook my head. God, why was I sitting in a bathroom stall in a noisy night club when I could've been in my nice hotel bed talking to Harry on the phone?
"Talk to you soon, baby," Harry said, completing the message.
Without hesitation, I quickly texted Harry, letting him know I was out with Lorelei but would call him as soon as we got back to the hotel. I didn't wait for a reply as I pulled up my pants and left the stall. I was washing my hands when I heard Lorelei's voice.
"Hey, there you are!" she exclaimed, taking the sink next to mine. "I saw you with that hunk at the bar."
"Hunk?" I laughed out loud. "Hardly. More like frat boy."
She made a face, seductively sticking out her tongue. "Those aren't so bad."
I nudged her hip with mine. "You're awful."
"Okay Miss British Boy Band Hottie."
I side-eyed her as I grabbed a paper towel. "That didn't even make sense."
She giggled as she followed me out of the ladies' room. The music hit me in the face once again as the blue and red lights bounced off the walls.
"Can we go?" I asked.
"Sure," Lorelei shrugged. "My sexy latin lover has found another partner anyway."
We took another cab back to the hotel where I kicked off my heels and stripped out of my jeans as fast as I could. Then I scrubbed off my makeup and got into bed, prepared to call Harry. But when I laid down, I noticed he'd replied to my text.
Let me know when you get back.
I texted him with an "I'm back" and within two seconds, my phone was ringing. Only it wasn't for a regular call.
"Holy shit, he's wanting to FaceTime," I cried.
"Who, Harry?" Lorelei asked as she rubbed lotion on her hands and arms.
"No, Donald Trump," I snapped, finally answering the call.
"Ewww," Lorelei sounded just as Harry's face came into view.
"Hi," I chuckled.
"Hi, beautiful," he grinned.
I half covered my face with my hand. "Oh my God, I've already taken off my makeup."
"And?" Harry raised a brow.
"I look awful," I groaned.
"Oh give me a break," Lorelei jested from her bed. "Like you're never gonna let him see you without makeup."
"You hush!" I pointed at her as I heard Harry chuckle.
"I just called you beautiful, do you want me to say it again?"
"Oh God, he's so freaking cute!" exclaimed Lorelei.
"He can hear you, you know?" I glared at her.
"Good!"
I shook my head as Lorelei rose from her bed and headed to the bathroom, mouthing that she'd give us a little privacy.
"How are you, Harry?" I asked him shyly.
"I'm fine. How was your evening?"
"It was...interesting," I laughed.
"Yeah? What'd you do?"
"We um...went to a club."
Harry smiled. "Oh yeah? Do you dance, Stacey?"
"Not so much," I replied. "A little maybe. But it just wasn't really my kind of place. Too loud. Or maybe I'm too old."
"Doubt that."
"Some guy hit on me," I giggled, covering my face with my hand again.
"Now that I don't doubt," Harry commented. "Just one guy though?"
"Harry," I shook my head.
"What?" He had a smug look on his face, his eyebrows raised as he jokingly mocked me. I couldn't help but laugh.
"The bartender might've been flirting with me a little bit."
"Mmm hmm," Harry nodded.
I felt myself start to blush so I looked at the painting on the wall to my right.
"Anyway, while we were there I got your message, so we came back here."
"You left the club just so you could talk to me?"
My breath hitched in my throat. Had I just confessed something unknowingly?
"Well...you know..." I stumbled. "I'd had enough to drink, I was ready to go."
I dared to shift my gaze back to him, and when I did, his face broke into a wide grin, his dimples just about making my heart stop. I bit my lip, knowing without a doubt my face matched my hair.
"What time's your book signing?" asked Harry.
"Ten," I replied, sitting up and scooting back against the headboard. I lifted my knees, and resting my forearms against them, holding my phone.
"Same store chain?"
"Barnes & Noble, yeah."
Harry nodded.
"Don't think I'll be as lucky this time to bump into another pop star at Starbucks, though," I quipped.
"Heyyy."
I giggled. Again. This guy made me laugh a lot. Mental note taken.
"You never know," he shrugged.
"Pretty sure that was a once in a lifetime scenario," I remarked. "Actually more like once in a few lifetimes."
Harry shifted his eyes, and I could tell something was rolling around in his brain, but he didn't voice it. Instead he asked me how my kids were.
"Good, I guess," I answered with a sigh. "As soon as I get back I have to try to find a Halloween costume for Emery. We didn't find anything yesterday and apparently her dad's not going to take the time to get her what she wants."
"What was it she wanted to be?" inquired Harry.
"Lapis something. From Steven Universe. She loves that cartoon."
"Oh, okay."
"It's probably something I'd have to special order, and I don't think I'd get it in time," I explained. "So I guess she'll have to pick something else. Something we can get at the store."
Just then, Lorelei re-emerged from the bathroom, crossing the room to her suitcase.
"Don't mind me," she said, waving her hand. "Just getting my book, then I'm going out on the balcony."
I smiled at her gratefully as she closed the sliding door, giving me a thumbs up.
"I should probably let you get to bed," Harry said softly. "It's one in the morning."
"I'm actually in bed," I teased.
Harry smirked. "I meant sleep."
"I'm not that tired," I shrugged. "I had that nap today. But I bet you're tired."
Harry cocked his head from side to side. "Kinda."
"Mmm," I nodded. "Get some sleep, Harry."
"I like talking to you," he stated, though I wasn't sure if he meant he didn't want to hang up yet.
"You do?"
"It calms me," he said.
I grinned as I wrapped a strand of hair around my finger. "That's funny. Because I feel anything but calm right now."
Did I just admit that out loud? My heart was practically beating out of my chest, my face so warm that he surely noticed the red shade of my skin.
"Why?" Harry asked. "Do I make you nervous?"
"Not really nervous..." I hesitated, trying to think of the right word. "More like...excited."
Harry raised his brows, a tiny movement that was enough to make my pulse jolt. "Excited, I like that. Excited about what, exactly?"
I pulled the covers up to my chest, tracing the edge with my finger. "You know," I muttered.
"No, I don't. Tell me."
I licked my lips, avoiding his gaze.
"Baby..."
I shut my eyes, taking in a deep breath. "I...I really like you."
"I thought we established that already," Harry chuckled low.
"And I'm very attracted to you," I added.
"Kinda reckoned so by that kiss."
I finally lifted my eyes then to look at him. The expression on his face was indeed calm, with a hint of question.
"I guess so," I agreed.
"Tell me what you're excited about, love."
I let out another breath and rubbed my eye. "Well...I guess...you and me," I said. "Us."
Harry's dazzling smile returned to his face as I saw him shift in the camera, seemingly lying back, his arm behind his head.
"What are you doing?" I asked, most definitely nervous now.
Maybe I shouldn't have confessed that just yet. Maybe there was no "us". Maybe we were just two people chatting, passing time while we traveled. Maybe this meant nothing more than I was lonely and lucky enough to have a cute guy flirting with me over the phone.
"Getting comfortable," Harry replied. "I wanna hear more."
Okay, he had said he was trying to woo me.
"More of what?"
"More about us," he said, his accent making "us" sound more like "ooz".
I couldn't help but giggle as I slid down the bed, my head hitting the pillow.
"Stay like that," I heard Harry murmur.
"What?"
"Just like that. Your hair spread out on your pillow, that gorgeous smile on your face. You're so pretty, baby."
"Stop..." I rolled my eyes.
"No, you stop. Don't move."
"Huh?"
"Look at me," he instructed. "Hold your phone a little closer."
I moved my hand slightly until he told me to leave it there. Then he leaned closer into the screen until all I saw was a blur of his lips as he attempted to kiss me through the phone. When he moved back to his original position, he had a pout on his lips.
"Not as good as the real thing, but it'll have to do," he sighed.
"Harry..."
"Yeah?"
I swallowed hard, trying with all my might to relax and not make a fool of myself by saying the wrong thing.
"You definitely have this wooing thing down," I commented.
Harry smiled. "Just imagine what I could do if I was there with you."
"No," I quickly shook my head.
"No?"
"I refuse to imagine that."
"Why?"
I shut my eyes again and breathed out my nose slowly.
"Because...I'd want it too badly. And then I wouldn't be able to get it out of my head. And it would just be torture."
"Stacey..."
"We should probably go to sleep now," I announced.
"Alright, baby. Talk to you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Yes," I nodded. "Goodnight, Harry."
"Night, love."
I rested my phone on the night stand and headed to the bathroom just as Lorelei opened the balcony door. I didn't make eye contact with her until I returned and crawled into bed.
"Everything okay?" she asked me.
"Uh huh," I nodded with a sigh.
"Smitten kitten," she teased as she reached over to turn off her lamp. "That's what you are."
"I am," I giggled leaning my head back. "God, I so am."
Like the Barnes & Noble in Houston, this one was also cold when we arrived. It had also rained during the night, the overcast weather making it even chillier. I was grateful that everything was already set up when we got there, no sweating woman carrying boxes. Lorelei and I were able to take our seats right away.
"Good morning!" a young, chipper brunette with a ponytail walked over to us. I noticed she was wearing a Starbucks apron. "My name's Melanie, and I'll be assisting you with any beverages you'd like today. Can I get you started with something Ma'am?"
Lorelei sat up straight. "Oh gosh, that would be great. Could I get a tall, non-fat caramel macchiato?"
"Sure thing!" piped Melanie, scribbling something on a pad. "Lorelei, correct?"
"Yes." Lorelei dug into her purse and pulled out a ten, attempting to hand it to Melanie.
"Oh, no ma'am," she shook her head. "It's all taken care of."
"Oh," Lorelei stared ahead. "Thanks."
Melanie then addressed me. "And you're Stacey?"
"Yes," I nodded.
"Grande soy white chocolate mocha?"
I glared at the young girl. "Yes. How did you-?"
"Got it!" Melanie beamed, turning back from where she'd come, her ponytail bobbing behind her.
"What in the world?" I turned to Lorelei.
"That's nice," she said. "Complimentary drinks."
"No, I mean, how did she know my order?"
Lor shrugged. "Beats me. Maybe the Houston store told her."
"I doubt that," I shook my head. "I've never heard of-"
Suddenly it dawned on me. "Harry."
Lorelei's lips turned up into a smile. "That kid. He did this."
I sat back in my chair, folding my arms, my own grin on my face. "He certainly did."
Melanie brought our coffees and shortly afterwards, the store was officially open for the book signing. Just like before, we had all age groups of readers, all eager to tell us how much they enjoyed the book. Some hoped we were releasing a sequel soon, some wishing for a completely new story.
During a small break, Melanie returned to ask if we'd like anything else. I just asked for a water while Lorelei ordered a slice of lemon cake and another latte.
"What?" she voiced when I eyed her. "Your boyfriend would want me to."
I poked her in the side with a sneer. "Boyfriend?"
Lorelei widened her eyes and fluttered her lashes. "Fine, so maybe you haven't given it a title yet, but as far as I'm concerned, you're getting close."
I shook my head and excused myself to go to the bathroom. While inside, I considered my friend's words. She was right, we hadn't exactly confirmed what we were or where this...whatever this was...was going. But what if...? What if Harry Styles became...my boyfriend?
Oh God, I was being ridiculous. We had one semi-date and hadn't even seen each other since, other than the FaceTime call the night before. I had no idea if and when I'd be with him again. And it looked as though both of us would be busy for a while.
Still, I couldn't help but wonder. What if...?
After the book signing, which turned out to be lucrative, Lorelei and I went out for Chinese. I was on such a high, feeling great about the book sales (and admittedly Harry and his thoughtfulness), I ordered wine with my dinner and proposed a toast.
Lorelei seemed to enjoy my glee and enthusiasm, and even commented that I had loosened up a bit.
"So glad to see you like this, hon," she said, raising her glass. "I think Harry is good for you."
I smirked. "It's not just Harry. I'm happy for us. And I'm grateful for you."
"Aww," she sounded, tilting her head.
"I love you, Lor. You're my best friend."
"I love you, too," she echoed, clinking her glass with mine. "Now let's eat before you make me cry."
It might've been some really strong wine, or it might've been the fact that I hadn't consumed anything all day except for coffee and a muffin, but after only two glasses of wine I felt more drunk than I had the night before at the club. I stumbled out of the elevator and waited for Lorelei to unlock the door. I groaned as I plopped down on the bed, covering my eyes with my palms.
"Do you need some coffee or something?" I heard Lorelei ask.
"God please, no more coffee!"
I heard her chuckle. "Alright then, Advil?"
"Yes, please."
"Gonna get some ice. Be right back."
When I heard the door click closed, I took in a deep breath and released it slowly. Between the wine and the Chinese food, I had horrible heartburn. So much for the high I'd been on.
I suddenly heard a knock on the door and my first thought was that Lor had forgotten her key. I groaned again as I rose from the bed to open it. But what I saw was not Lorelei with her bucket of ice.
"Ms. Barnett?" smiled the tall, blonde woman whom I recognized as the concierge that I'd spoken with when we'd first arrived. In her hands she held a beautiful vase full of flowers.
"Yes, hi," I greeted her, eyeing the bouquet.
"Flowers for you," she said, handing the vase out to me.
"Oh!" I exclaimed. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. Have a good evening."
As the woman turned away, Lorelei passed her, giving her a nod and a smile. When she saw the flowers in my hands she whistled.
"Wow, look at you!"
I followed her back into the room, the door closing behind us. I inspected the bouquet, finding a small card. Setting the flowers on the table, I pulled the card out to read it.
Can't get you out of my head. But I wouldn't call it torture.
Until I can be with you... H
I shut my eyes, pressing the card to my chest as I took another deep breath.
"Don't think I need to guess who those are from," said Lorelei.
I shook my head, my eyes still closed.
"They're lovely," she added.
I nodded.
"Here," I heard her whisper as she tapped my shoulder.
I opened my eyes finally to see her with a glass of water in one hand, two Advil in the other. I told her thanks and took them from her after replacing the card.
After a little cat nap to nurse my headache, I felt better and texted Harry to thank him for the flowers and the coffee. He replied so quickly it was almost as though he'd been waiting to hear from me, though I knew he hadn't. He said he was on his way out and most likely wouldn't get to talk to me before I went to bed, so he told me goodnight and to have a safe trip home.
Lorelei and I watched a movie before going to sleep, even though I was only partially paying attention. I'd hoped it could be a distraction, but no such luck.
I had to admit, I wasn't sure how to interpret these feelings I was having. I knew I liked him. I knew he liked me. He made it very obvious. The truth was, I wasn't used to being treated this way. Not even Tod had been so thoughtful and attentive, even in the beginning of our relationship. Was it too much? Was I setting myself up for heartbreak? It was almost like a fairytale, or at least like a romance novel. But even fiction didn't always have a happy ending.
"You're going without me?" I shouted.
"It's not my fault you didn't call your mom to babysit, Stacey. I told you about this a week ago."
Tod stood beside the closet, buttoning his shirt.
"But that's not fair. I told you I forgot!"
Tod ignored my admission, his jaw set as he sat on the bed to put on his shoes and strap his watch around his wrist. I felt the tears begin to fall as my chest shook.
"So just because I didn't get a babysitter, you're still going?"
"He's my friend, Stacey. Not yours. It doesn't really matter if you go."
"Are...are you serious?" I felt like he'd just punched me in the gut.
With a look of hatred, Tod rose from the bed and walked around me. When he reached the top of the stairs, he told me he'd be home later, but didn't know what time.
For reasons unknown, I followed him in silence down the stairs and watched him walk out the back door, shutting it behind him. It was only then that I noticed my cheeks were soaked, my bottom lip trembling. Yet inside, all I felt was pure rage.
Running for the door, I swung it open, the sound of an engine revving up coming from the driveway. I pounded on the driver's side window when I reached it, begging Tod to roll it down even though no sound came from my mouth.
Finally, the window descended, the driver behind the wheel not Tod, yet someone else I recognized.
"Please!" I screamed. "Please don't do thi-"
"Don't do what?" he asked, his green eyes blazing with anger.
"Don't....don't..."
I sat up in bed, the breath knocked out of me. My hair was stuck to my face, wet from sweat, or perhaps tears. Though the room was dark, all I could see were circles, shapes blocking my vision.
"Stace, you okay?" I heard to my left.
Blinking, I turned my head to see an outline of Lorelei, lying in bed.
"Yeah," I exhaled. "Yeah, I'm okay."
She sat up, reaching for a glass on the nightstand.
"Need some water?"
I nodded as she flipped on the lamp and handed me the glass. I blinked again, adjusting my eyes to the light. Taking the water, I drank it all in two gulps.
"Another dream?" Lorelei murmured, sitting on the edge of my bed.
"Yeah," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.
"I'm sorry. A repeat or a new one?"
"Repeat," I said. "But the end was different."
"Oh. How so?"
I looked at her. "Harry was in it."
I'd never been to therapy. Lorelei and a couple other people told me I should have. At least while I was going through a divorce. Lor had seen a psychologist during her divorce, even though her marriage had only lasted a couple years, one she insisted had just been a dumb mistake. But she sweared by her therapy, saying it was the best thing she'd ever done. It had opened her eyes to so many things about herself, not just her marriage.
It wasn't that I was afraid to go. I knew it probably would have done me good. But at the time, I was struggling with trying to make the best life for my kids and me, and financially it just didn't seem like a priority.
Two years later I felt like I was finally where I wanted to be, or at least getting close to achieving that. The only blip was that I somehow still let Tod get to me.
Tod never hit me. He never abused me, not really. I suppose a therapist might try to get me to admit that I was emotionally abused. And that might've been true. I just felt like because we had children together, it wasn't fair for me to play the victim. He was a great father. Our girls loved him, and I believed that what was best for them was to have both parents still equally a part of their lives. But I couldn't deny that he still made me want to spit in his face from time to time.
I continued to have dreams about him. When we were dating, before we ever got married, I would have dreams where he would leave me. Sometimes he'd be really mean and angry in the dream, sometimes just a cocky asshole. And sometimes in those dreams, he was leaving me to go back to his ex-wife. When I'd wake up, Tod would hold me and promise me that would never happen, that he was mine forever and he loved me.
I didn't know exactly why I had those dreams, but I figured it stemmed from some kind of fear of abandonment, much like my mom had suffered when my dad left. I just wanted to be wanted.
As the years went by, I had the dreams less often, but every once in awhile I'd wake up in a pool of sweat. They'd finally dissipated until one night after the divorce I'd had another. And another. I continued to have them sporadically, but this was the first one I'd had that included a different man.
I knew what it meant. I didn't need therapy to figure it out.
***A/N***
Yay I'm excited about this chapter. Sorry for the depressing ending, but just felt like you needed to know a little more about Stacey. Hope you liked it. Please vote and comment if you did. x