Summary : You waited and waited for 6 weeks to get Dean back safely only to realize that he could have just as easily slip from your grasp again by another deal . But he didn't and now you have to deal with the emotional impact of what just happen.
AN/ : this is base on after episode 12x 09 so if you haven't watched it .. it dose contain slight spoilers.
After 6 weeks of not knowing where Dean was and then finally having him back in your arms was a roller coaster of emotions. Then to add to the fact that he had made that deal with the reaper. You couldnt wrap your head around it around the fact you had been that close to losing him twice.
It was very early in the morning by the time you arrived back at the bunker. Everyone was exhausted not many words had been spoken since Cas had broken that deal. But you figure that would come in time when everyone had a chance to unwind and relax.
Once inside the Bunker Cas disapered without a word you knew he probably needed time to come to terms with what had just happen. Sam announced that he was going to bed. Dean was talking to his mother quietly so you decided to get ready for bed.
You slip into your bedroom and quickly changed into your Pj. before you slip into bed leaving the lights on . You closed your eyes but were nowhere close to sleep you just laid there trying to calm your thought and relax your body.
After a few minutes the door open and Dean walked in shutting the door behind him. " I am going to take a shower he said grabbing some clothes." ok just hurry back " you said he gave you a soft smile and then disapered out the door again.
You rolled over and closed your eyes and sight. You half dozen until you heard the door open again. You open your eyes and watched as Dean slip into the room now dressed in a pair of soft jogging pants no shirt. He shut the door and then he was sliding into bed next to you
Reaching for you he pulled you into his arms. You rolled into him wrapping your arms around him sliding a leg between his so your body was pressed up as closed together as possible. He buried his face in the crook your neck.
You ran your fingers though his hair as he held on tight to you as he was afraid that you would disapere any second. His lips found pressed against your neck. " I have you you said softly pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
That when you felt his body shake it was silent but you felt it. " it ok youre ok " you said his body shook and buried his face even deeper in your neck. As you contiuned to run your fingers though his hair you spoke softly to him hoping to relax him.
It took a little while but his body soon relax into you and his breathing became slow and heavy and you could tell he was asleep. You had a feeling it was probably the deepest he would have slept in a long time. You laid there for a little while just enjoying having him back in your arms before you too fell asleep
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You woke up hours later in need of something of to eat. You slowly slip out of Dean's arms who was still sleeping soundly behind you. You threw on a robe and slip out of the room. You walked into the kitchen not sure what time it was but you needed food.
When you walked into the kitchen you found Cas sitting at the table you could smell fresh coffee going in the pot. " ahhh I could kiss you: you said as you headed for the coffee pot. Cas chuckled I dont think Dean would appreciated that " he said
" he always been the jealous type you said grinning as you turned and walked back over to him. Leaning up against the table." Are you ok?" you asked him. He sighs." I am ok " he said " are you worried about that whole deal with Billie?" you asked?
he shrugged " if there is consequence then I will deal with them " he replied better me than Sam or Dean or Mary " he replied How is Dean?" he asked sleeping still " you replied looking down at your coffee.
how are you handling this?" he asked you sigh " I am ok. " you said, " but "Cas said giving you a look " BUT. You said with a smile " knowing that I had been so close to losing Dean again kind of gets to me you said.
" I guess that is still messing with my head" you said:" I dont want to say anything to him because I dont want him to worry " you replied.
" To late Dean said as he walked into the room still in his lounge pants and a white t-shirt. Hair still messy from bed. He walked over to you I am fine " you said as he pulled you into his arms. " Really?" he said giving you a look
" yeah " you said "are you ok?" turning it back on him he sighs you know what we are going to do. We are going to take our coffee and we are going back to bed " he said really?" you said yep " he replied letting you go long enough to pour himself a cup of coffee.
He grabs your hand sent a nod to Cas who returned it and led you out of the kitchen back to bedroom. Once inside he closed the door and took the cup from your hand set it down before he turned around pulling you into his arms his mouth coming down on yours.
You had missed this the heat it had been so long for either of you the kiss turn deeper and his hands begin to roam pushing clothes out of the way to get to skin on skin.
Before you realize it, you were on your back on the bed with Dean over you. " every single day I thought about you. " he said kissing you softly as tugged your shirt over your head. " I dreamed about you every night. "he said as trailed kissed down your body.
" Youre the only reason I didnt go crazy he said as his hand and mouth tease you softly. You closed your eyes to the feelings. " I know that your upset about the deal. But I knew you would be alright without me. That was my plan to make sure to you knew I loved you." he said
A sob tore from you at his words and tears slid down your cheeks as you reach for him. He kissed the tears off your face. "I can't lose you you said wrapping your arms around him. You buried your face in his neck. " I need you " now that the tears were coming you couldnt stop them.
" I know baby I need you too " he said softly holding you close. " I love you and no matter what happens that not going to change " he said as he shifted a little his hands moving down your body slowly. " let me show you " let me make you better he said
He kissed you softly pulling you into him keeping you in his loving arms all the rest the night.