My friends from across the table were unabashedly sending stares at the guy who's sitting beside me. Pampalubag loob pa nga na hindi na sila nakanganga katulad kanina.
I can't blame them, though. Even the people around us were staring at him! Ang iba ay sinasadya pa na magpabalik-balik sa lamesa namin.
I honestly don't know what to feel. Should I feel proud because I'm with the man of almost all the girls' wet dreams and fantasy? Or should I be annoyed because I want him all for myself?
But then again, I'm not with him-with him and he's not mine. That leaves me with what? An untitled and unlabeled whatever we are. I have no claim on him. I have no say. I have no right.
I didn't like it, but I'll take what I can get. I won't demand for more. It's enough for me that I get to spend time with him. Even more enough because he makes me feel special. He makes me like myself a little better when I'm with him.
"So... How long have you liked Kenna?" si Oliver ang unang bumasag ng katahimikan.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa deretsong tanong niya. Agad na nag-init ang mukha ko. I kicked Oliver's foot underneath. Napatingin siya sa akin at patay malisyang sinipa rin ang paa ko pabalik.
Ang baklang 'to!
"A while," Saint answered. My eyes were nearly bulging out of its sockets when I snapped my head to his direction. He wasn't looking at me. Nanatili ang mga mata niya kay Oliver. His face was calm and collected, unfazed by Oliver's blunt questions.
Nayanig ang loob ko sa naging sagot niya. It's news to me. I never asked if he liked me. I just concluded on my own because that's what he makes me feel. That and I was also afraid to find out the answer. Kuntento na ako sa mga ipinaparamdam niya sa akin. As I have said, I'll take what I can get.
"Bakit ngayon ka lang nag make ng move?" He squinted his eyes.
I think he's trying to look intimidating but he's failing it so hard. Mukha lang siyang nasisilaw sa kagwapuhan ni Saint, sa totoo lang. I want to face palm at the secondhand embarrassment. Nakakahiya.
"Because I couldn't take seeing her with other guys anymore." He simply shrugged. Like he didn't just blow me away with his words for the second time.
Kung kanina ay para akong nayayanig, ngayon ay tuluyan na nagcollapse ang kaloob-looban ko at hindi na ako makahinga sa sobrang sikip ng dibdib ko.
Oliver's mouth turned into an 'o'. His hands raised and clapped his red cheeks in sync. I briefly remember the expression of Kevin from Home Alone after the aftershave.
Itinapon ni Oliver ang tingin sa akin. Ibinaba niya ang mga kamay. Kita ang bahagyang pamumula ng kanyang mukha. Pinilit niyang magseryoso ng mukha. "Ken, it's a yes for me."
Natawa ako kay Oliver pero napawi rin agad nang sikuhin ni Nina si Oliver. She's got her bitch face on.
"Seryoso ka ba sa Kenna namin?" matapang na tanong ni Nina rito.
The placid expression that was resting on Saint's face was replaced with a warm smile. I melted upon seeing it. It's such a rare and miraculous occurrence. I could hear the angels singing from above.
"Thank you for always taking care of Mackenzie, Nina," Saint said with utmost sincerity.
Hindi ko inaasahan ang sagot na 'yon mula sa kanya. Nina's just as taken aback. All she could do was repetitively blink at him. What do you say to that anyway?
Unti-unting kumunot ang noo ni Nina. Her defensive shoulders relaxed a bit. "Oh... kay?"
Saint managed to thaw Nina's thick icy wall and disarm her with just a single sentence. Gustong-gusto ko siyang palakpakan.
"Congratulations, Saint, you passed with flying colors." Pumapalakpak si Oliver. Tumawa ako at sinabayan siya sa pagpalakpak.
Nilingon ako ni Saint sa pagpalakpak ko. May maliit na ngisi sa mga labi niya. I only grinned widely at him.
"Okay. Now that we're done with the test..." Oliver turned and dug something from her backpack, playing three colorful tickets on top of the table. I think it's the tickets for the rave party he was talking about before.
Napangiwi si Oliver nang tumingin kay Saint. Dahil siguro ayaw niyang ma-offend ito dahil tatlo lang ang ticket. Sakto lang para sa aming magkakaibigan.
"Sorry. Only scored three tix. Pabebe ka pa kasi nung time na 'yan." Nagkibit balikat si Oli.
"I can get one." Saint simply shrugged.
My eyebrows raised. Does that mean sasama siya sa amin? I like parties, but going with Saint made me look forward for it even more.
Bumuka ang bibig ni Oliver na parang may sasabihin pero hindi niya itinuloy at ngumisi na lang tila may itinatagong lihim.
Nang matapos ang vacant ay ihinatid ako ni Saint sa room ko. Sinabihan niya ako na susunduin niya ako sa room pagkatapos ng klase. That was the routine for the next three days. Fortunately and miraculously, in sync ang vacants naming dalawa.
The three-day streak ended when he said he had an urgent matter to attend. Kaya ngayon ay kaming tatlo lang nila Oliver at Nina ang magkakasama ngayong vacant period.
"Saint Del Valle," sambit ni Oliver at binuksan ang isang white short folder. "Twenty-four years old. Fifth year Civil Engineering. July 13. He's a Cancer. The origin of wealth of the Del Valle is diversified but they're known in the automotive industry. No past girlfriends. Just flings. And the juiciest info of them all, rumor says that he was detained once. Hindi lang clear kung bakit."
Kumunot ang noo ko sa mga narinig mula kay Oliver. Inabot ko ang folder na hawak niya at inagaw iyon.
"Hey!" he whined.
I ignored his protest and opened it, only to find a reaction paper to some film with his name written on top. Napanganga ako. Humagalakpak ng tawa so Oliver. Hinampas ko ang folder sa kanya.
"Bwisit ka!" nakatawa kong sabi.
"Props lang yung folder, but I did research. Those are facts."
"You didn't have to tell me those things," nakanguso kong sagot.
"He has to, kasi for sure you two haven't talked about those things and it's important to get to know each other's basic information," sabat ni Nina. Ibubuka ko pa lang ang bibig ko para sumagot ay nabara niya ako. "Oh, sabihin mo sa akin na hindi."
Hindi ako nakasagot. Totoo naman ang sinasabi niya. Tanging irap lang ang nagawa ko. They're ganging up on me.
"I asked around for his flings' reviews."
Tumawa si Nina. "Ano si Saint, product sa online shopping? May star rating din ba yan?"
"Girl, five stars daw lahat." Oliver laughed. "But anyway, their relationship was crystal clear to them. No commitments. Walang expectations. Just pure fun and companionship. Chill lang. Saint seemed to be good at drawing the line. Also, according to close resources, he doesn't want clingy relationships."
Napanguso ako at tumango-tango. So that's his ideal girl. Iyong hindi clingy at hindi nakakasakal. Chill and fun. I started plotting in my mind. Hmm...
Tinapik ni Nina ang lamesa kaya napatigil ako sa pag-iisip. Pinandilatan niya ng mga mata si Oliver. "You're filling Kenna's head with toxic. Those are flings. He didn't say it in so many words... And I'm still not a fan of him, but I think he's serious with Kenna."
Nina turned her head to me. Her eyes were squinted. "Huwag ka makinig kay Oliver, Kenna."
Ngumiti na lang ako at tumango. The two started bickering again while I got trapped in my head.
Nang matapos ang vacant ay pumunta na kami sa kanya-kanyang klase. Iba-iba ang building namin kaya kinailangan namin maghiwalay-hiwalay. While walking to my room, I checked my phone. I half-expected to read a text from Saint, pero walang bagong message. The last message was my obedient reply when he asked me to eat lunch.
Me:
Free time's over. Heading to my next class. :-)
Nakangiting ibinulsa ko ang phone nang makarating sa room. There were already people inside. Umupo ako sa pangawalang row sa gilid. I settled on my seat and brought out my phone to place it on top of my desk. Wala pang reply. But then again, it's only been a few minutes.
Pumalumbaba ako at tinitigan lang ang screen. I only sat up straight when the professor entered the class. It sat on the desk in front without a word. Maghihintay pa ito ng fifteen minutes bago magsimula ng klase. That's the grace period.
Bored out of my mind, I unlocked my phone and typed a new message for Saint.
Me:
What are you doing?
This time, it only took him a minute to reply. Saktong tumayo na ang professor para simulan na ang pagtuturo. Pasimple akong nakatingin sa phone.
Saint:
In a meeting. Shouldn't you be listening to your prof?
Napangiti ako. Sumulyap muna ako sa nagsasalitang professor sa harap at nang makahanap ng buwelo ay nag type ako ng panibagong sagot.
Me:
Class just started po! And meeting? You work?
He didn't wait for two minutes. Agad na dumating ang reply niya.
Saint:
Yup. Now, behave and be a good student.
I smiled like crazy again. Kinagat ko ang labi para kontrolin ang sarili. Magmumukha akong baliw nito sa paningin ng iba.
Me:
Are you still gonna come to my place later?
I eagerly waited for his immediate reply, but he took longer than what I anticipated. Hindi ko naman siya masisisi. He did say that he's in a meeting.
Nang magvibrate ang phone sa ibabaw ng desk ko ay napaayos ako ng upo. Inalis ko ang pagkakapalumbaba at binasa ang text.
Saint:
Yes.
Ngumuso ako. I waited for past ten minutes and that's it? I wanted to read more from him.
Me:
I'll cook Kare-Kare for dinner. Sobrang sarap. :D
It was five minutes later when he responded. Tumigil ako sa pagsulat sa pinapasagutang one item short essay ng professor.
Saint:
Can't wait.
Napabuntong hininga ako. Ang tipid niya mag text.
"Finished? Pass the paper na?" our professor announced.
"Shit," I locked my phone and picked up my pen to quickly finish my seven sentences long paragraph.
Pinatayo kami nito at pinaghanap ng mga ka-grupo para sa gagawing activity. I grouped with the nearest people around me. I actively participated to busy myself. I don't want to constantly check on my phone.
Nang matapos ang klase ay tsaka ko lang muling inilabas ang phone. Bumagsak ang dalawang balikat ko nang walang makitang bagong mensahe mula kay Saint. The texts were from Oliver, informing me where they are.
Nag text muna ako kay Oliver na papunta na ako bago naisipan gumawa ng panibagong text para kay Saint.
Me:
Done for today. You?
Natuto na ako at hindi umasa ng agarang sagot niya. I left the campus and headed to the cafe place that Oliver said in his text.
Wala si Oliver at si Nina ang nakita ko nang makarating sa lugar. Sinabi lang ni Nina sa akin na kinuha ni Oliver ang sasakyan niya sa pinagparadahan para makaalis na kami agad. Habang wala pa ay nanatili na lang muna kami sa loob.
My phone pinged. I couldn't check my phone fast enough. It was just a text from Oliver.
Oliver:
I'm outside, chica.
"Nasa labas na raw si Oli," I told Nina.
Agad kaming tumayo at lumabas bitbit ang aming mga bag. Madali kong nakita ang sasakyan ni Oliver. Naunang pumasok si Nina sa frontseat kaya sa backseat na ako dumiretso.
"Deretso uwi na tayo?" tanong ni Oli.
"Ako, oo. May gagawin pa ako, e," sagot ni Nina.
I raised my arm to call for their attention. "Me! Grocery then pick up si Shadow!"
"Driver mo ako?" Oli sarcastically asked.
"Please." I puckered my lips.
"Fine. Pa-tambay ako sa bahay mo, ha." Oli adjusted the gear and maneuvered the car. Hindi na ako umangal.
I unconsciously slipped out my phone from my pocket and checked for a text. Wala pa ring sagot si Saint doon. Bigla akong nanlamig at tinubuan ng kaba sa dibdib.
I scanned our recent messages, checking if I said something wrong or offensive. I noticed the differences of our texts. Mas mabilis akong sumagot at mas mahaba ang sagot ko. Ako ang palaging nagpapahaba ng usapan.
Mariin na napapikit ako. Shit. I was texting him too much. Nasasakal ba siya kapag puro ako tanong sa ginagawa niya?Is that being clingy? Am I being too clingy?
Shit. My throat felt more drier than Sahara. Maybe... I shouldn't text him too much.