The next day I was afraid to go to school. I was afraid to see the sign on that church. What will it say again? I was also afraid to get another pink sticky note in my locker. Will it connect with the church again?
But that normal Wednesday morning my mom was still banging on the door, ordering me to come out. And so I did. But as I boarded down the staircase I was shaking. I did not know what was getting into me. I was scared, I could admit that.
But of what?
I did not know the fear showed, until my dad said: "Charlie, you okay?"
Forced to face him, forced to talk, I said, "I'm fine."
He nodded. "Well, at least you didn't stay out late last night. Where were you?"
"Just at Krista's," I said. "She needed to babysit her brother. She wanted me to come along."
He looked at me. "Hmm-hmm." He looked skeptical. I knew what he was thinking. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.
"Dad, do you know about that church just across the intersection?" I asked. I pulled a chair beside him.
He was chewing his pancake. He looked up, thought hard. He looked at me. "Yeah. The Christian Life Chapel. Why?"
He looked at me. I couldn't read his face, though I felt like he was grilling me on.
"Oh no, just wondering," I said.
He smiled. He didn't say anymore.
And then I said again: "What are those? Those... words they put up on their lawn?"
He looked at me. "Those are Bible verses, son."
"Verses?" I asked. "Like... a song?"
"Bible verses are excerpts from God's Word."
I stared at him. "Do you believe in God, Dad?"
He nodded. "Sure, I do."
I raised my eyebrows. Suddenly I was interested. "Then does that mean we're--"
"I just don't serve God," he added, "I prefer to not have a religion."
The excitement in me died down. I casted my eyes down my plate. I could not say anything else.
***
I wished there was another way to school. You know, another route so I'd have to avoid the church. So I wouldn't see what they'd put up on the sign again. So I wouldn't have to feel like I'm being called by someone.
But there was no other way.
And so I drove my pickup. As I rolled onto the asphalt road, I thought of what the new quote would be on there. I tried to imagine what it would be like. I thought of quotes from famous people. William Shakespeare, Steve Jobs, Ruth Bader Ginsburg--
I saw the church. My head, as if on impulse, raised high, looked over to the sign.
But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." ~Matthew 14:27
My hands grew cold. Ever since I found myself and this Christian Life Chapel, I've been a little... shook. And even afraid. That was stupid, this being afraid of a simple church. What was I so afraid of, anyway?
But a baseball bat could not have hit me harder than the words on their sign did. Do not be afraid.
I continued to drive to school.
I was also afraid to open my locker. I was afraid I'd see that certain sticky note--
There was none. As I opened my locker all I saw were my books, song albums, and notes.
No pink paper. No more--
"Here you go," I heard a voice.
I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned. I looked.
And there she was. The sticky note girl. She looked at me as if I were a hundred people in school. She didn't seem to know about everything I've been thinking (of course she wouldn't). And then my eyes fell downward. She was holding out a sticky note in front of me.
I took it.
"Thank you," I said.
"You're welcome! Have a nice day!" She smiled at me. She was beaming. She had no shame. In a way I felt jealous of that kind of confidence.
"I'm Charlie," I immediately said.
"I'm Meredith," she said. And then she walked off. She was passing more and more sticky notes. Today they were green. She slipped some of them in lockers.
When I opened the sticky note, it was written in felt pen:
But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." ~Matthew 14:27
I smiled. And for the first time in my life I felt completely at peace. I believed it.