Lexa
The wind was whipping through our hair. The horses were getting spooked, but Astraeus held his ground. I made sure the natblidas ran inside safely before jumping off and handing the reins to one of my warriors. They jogged off with the horses and I entered the Ark with Octavia.
Inside, it was chaos. Guards were trying to get everyone inside, but it was obvious they'd leave some behind if necessary. People scrambled around, looking for a lost loved one. Many had questions—what was happening? When could they return to their daily lives? What would happen?
I spotted the natblidas, who were huddled in a corner somewhat away from the fuss. I ran over and spoke to Taliesin.
"Take your brothers and sisters back to your rooms. Stay together. Don't come out until I come in." I said to her. She nodded and grabbed onto Wyan and Novi, ushering them down the hall. The rest followed, with Aden and Easley taking up the rear. I watched until they disappeared from sight, and I prayed they made it back to their rooms in one piece. People were capable of anything when they were scared. I hoped they weren't capable of hurting the natblidas.
I looked around for Octavia. She was helping a young woman to her feet. She had been pushed over when a crowd had scrambled in. She gave her thanks and ran off.
"Where is Abby?" I asked her, keeping an eye on those around us. "Or Kane? Shouldn't they be giving their people answers?"
Octavia did the same. "I don't know where they are, but I don't think they could really give answers. We haven't experienced a storm like this." I felt her eyes latch back onto me and I turned my head to look at her. She was looking pointedly at me.
"You think I should speak on their behalf." I said.
She shrugged. "You don't need to do it on anyone's behalf. You're our leader."
My drifted back to the people again. She was right. Now was a good of time as any to establish that I was their Heda and would ultimately take responsibility for them. Guards were standing at the entrance of the Ark, blocking those trying to go back out for their loved ones from doing so. I walked over and walked past the guards. They watched but didn't seem to mind. I stood behind them and clasped my hands.
I took a deep breath. Addressing them like this was a risk. Some still didn't trust me, and would much rather have their leader whom they knew and trusted here to speak to them. I closed my eyes as they continued to yell and push against the guards. I needed Clarke here.
"Noumou!" I snapped. They glanced at me oddly and went back to shoving the guards. I realized I had spoken Tridgedasleng and that they wouldn't understand me. Clarke would've. "Silence!" I roared.
They all stopped in their tracks and waited for me to respond. I hadn't really thought of what I was going to say next. I wanted to slink back and crawl to Clarke's bed, snuggling in with her. But I know she would want me here. I found Octavia in the crowd. She smiled and nodded reassuringly.
"A winter storm is upon us. It's not safe to be outside. My warriors will search for the missing. In the meantime, report anyone who is lost. Stay in your rooms or in the dining hall." I said.
"Where's Kane?" Somebody impatiently yelled from the middle of the crowd.
"I'm not sure, but everyone will be fine. I've seen many of these storms in my lifetime and it will not touch us from inside here." I said. I knew my answer wouldn't do much to ease people's minds. They wanted the leaders they were familiar with.
They stared at me with angry stares, as if I killed Kane just so I could take responsibility through this mess and become the hero Skaikru needed. I swallowed back my nerves and held my ground. It never benefits one to run from responsibility. Still, where was Clarke when you needed her?
Octavia, sensing the tension, walked forward and stood next to me.
"You heard your Heda!" Octavia yelled. "Do as she says."
I gave her a soft smile of gratitude. She was like a Titus, of sorts. Soon enough, after much grumbling, the people began to disperse. Some went to the dining hall, but most back to their rooms.
"Now what?" She asked.
"Now you find your friends and make sure they're alright. Check on Clarke." I said heavily. I wanted more than anything to be the one to check on her, but my people needed me right now.
"What about you?" She asked, looking at me with concern.
"I'm going to find Abby and Kane." I said. "And then I'm going to join my warriors outside in their search."
Octavia shook her head and stepped forward. "No, you can't. It's not safe."
"What kind of Heda would I be if I let my people die? If I stayed in here with warmth and food while my people are out there lost and freezing?" I asked her calmly, wisdom resonating in my voice.
"Lexa, if something happens to you Clarke's never going to forgive me." Octavia said. I looked into the girl's broken brown eyes and shook my head subtly.
"I'm sorry." I said, straightening my back and walking off, leaving her standing in the middle of the room. I kept my eyes focused ahead of me so I wouldn't look back.
I walked down to the medical bay, purposefully trying to keep my eyes off of Clarke's room. If I went in there now, I'd never leave.
I found a young man who I regularly saw with Abby. I hardened my face and walked up to him. He startled when he realized who I was.
"Commander..." He breathed. He swallowed and started to bow. I shook my head at his foolishness and lifted him back up.
"What is your name?"
"Jackson, ma'am." He said. I raised an eyebrow at the last word I heard. It wasn't one I was familiar with.
"Where is Abby? Or Marcus?" I asked him. He swallowed but didn't answer. I narrowed my eyes at him. Abby was making him keep a secret for her. Jackson didn't want to get on her bad side, I could see that, but would he rather be on mine?
I walked closer to him, cornering him against a wall. He stared at me with wide eyes as I brought my face closer to his. I smiled internally, thinking of how Clarke used this tactic on me in my tent. With anyone else, I would've held my ground. But she knew exactly how to weaken me.
"Where are they?" I seethed.
He swallowed heavily. "Make two rights. It's the first door on the left." He said quietly. I pushed myself off him and walked out of the room.
I followed his direction, hoping for his sake that he wasn't lying. I came to the door and heard hushed talking on the other side. I tried the handle, and when I found it was unlocked (surprisingly) I turned it and hesitantly walked through.
Abby, Marcus and other leaders surrounded the table. I stopped in my tracks.
"What is this?" I asked.
Abby sighed. "We're discussing the storm."
I raised my head and stared at her questioningly. "While your people are outside panicking."
"We were going to give them direction any minute, at least until you intervened," Abby said.
I narrowed my eyes at the woman and stepped forward. I took what I said back. I was glad Clarke wasn't here to see this.
"They needed direction right then. Did you expect them to be in a chaotic mess until you decided what was best for you?" I asked her. "Did you not think to invite me into this meeting, the person who it ultimately responsible for your people?"
Abby hardened her jaw and braced herself against the table. Her eyes were focused on me, but I could sense that her mind was on what the other leaders were thinking of her.
"You weren't here." She said.
"Then you wait until I am." I said. "Do not forget, Abby of the Sky People, that I can strike you and your people down with one command."
Her eyes flared with burning anger. She walked over to me and stood in front of me. She was shorter than me, but it didn't seem to dissuade her.
"My daughter would never let you." She said.
"Are you going to rely on your daughter, yet again, Abby? When will you act as the leader of your people without needing the help of a, albeit strong-willed and powerful, teenage girl? And, the last time I checked your daughter is indisposed because of something you forced upon me—us. While I love Clarke with everything I am, I will not let her love for you stand in the way of doing what needs to be done. I think this time around, she will understand. She knows I have already given you too many second chances, and will be understanding of the fact that I can no longer overlook your indiscretions." I seethed, looking down on her as my subject. "So you understand this, Abby. Next time your people move against me, Arkadia will be nothing but ash in a day's time and a minor inconvenience in my people's memories and to my legacy."
She didn't have anything to say. She took a step back and found the table again for stability. I didn't take my eyes off her, but I could feel everyone in the room holding their breath. Marcus didn't look shocked. He knew Abby would receive this one day, after everything she had done. Abby pulled herself into a chair and rested her hand on her forehead.
"I want you to leave." Abby said. "Leave Arkadia."
"No. Clarke still needs medical attention, and I will not be leaving her."
Abby shook her head. "Clarke's not going to need medical attention for long."
I took a step back to balance myself. It felt as if I had just been punched in the gut. No—it felt like my limbs had been ripped off and then my heart had been gouged out.
"Abby, not now." Marcus said from across the room. My eyes darted between them, waiting for one of them to answer my unasked question.
"What are you talking about?" I finally gathered the courage to ask. It took all of me to keep my voice steady and calm.
Abby glanced at me. "We don't have the resources to...," she trailed off, unable to say the words.
"To keep her alive." I stated plainly.
"If you want to put it like that." Abby said. "She's not going to wake up."
My eyes widened. "She's been asleep for two days, Abby." I couldn't believe that she would even think about this. What happened to nothing being able to break a mother's love?
"I know and I wish that we had more but the issue is...we don't know when she's going to wake up and we can't keep her around forever." Abby said.
I shook my head.
"You will." I said.
Abby sighed. "We're taking her off tomorrow. She'll probably live for another day or two."
My eyes burned with anger and I ran over to her. I slammed my hand down on the table so she would look at me. Not an ounce of remorse was hidden beneath her cool eyes.
"How can you speak of this so casually? She is your daughter—the only family you have left after your actions with her father. She's given you countless second chances, convinced me to do so and you can't even give her a second chance now?" I shrieked. "I can see that she is nothing like you. She's selfless and compassionate and so smart—everything you're not. I would've loved to meet her father because I can guess he made her the amazing person she is today."
"When Clarke wakes, I will not forget to mention everything you're saying now." I said. "I don't want to hurt her, but she will want to know the truth."
Abby couldn't speak and I was glad for it. Nothing she said could make this better for her or for me.
"My warriors are looking for lost citizens now." I said. "Your guards will join them."
"I didn't give the orders." Abby said.
"Marcus will." I said, looking at him. He nodded. "Although I could as well. I am their Heda."
"Raven said the storm won't be over for at least a day." Kane said. "The Ark will be on lockdown until then."
I nodded. "Anything else I need to know?"
Kane shook his head. "No. Thank you, Commander."
I nodded. "Of course." I glanced at Abby once more before exiting the room. I passed by Jackson on the way out and gave him an apologetic look. He smiled and nodded, silently accepting it.
I was bundling up in extra furs and layers when I felt a presence behind me. I turned around to see Lincoln.
"How is Clarke?" I asked, tightening a buckle.
"Fine." He said.
"Why are you here, Lincoln?"
"I'm coming with you to find survivors." He said.
"Then both of our lovers will not be happy." I said, strapping my swords on.
"She'll understand."
I finally met his eyes. He seemed like he was being sincere. He wanted to help—it was in his nature. He had a good heart.
"Very well." We walked over to the door and I nodded to the guards to open it. It creaked open just enough so Lincoln and I could slip through without letting in all the snow. "Ready?"
He nodded. We took a deep breath and snuck out into the bitter cold in search of our people, hoping there was none to find.