Jason said the words. He said, "I love you." The words shocked me more than the kiss itself. I accepted his date offer but I didn't say it back and was hoping he didn't notice. I did like Jason. I really liked him but... I had just recently figured that out. Wasn't love a big step? Did I make him assume it was love because he seen the tear at the park? How could I explain to him that that wasn't the reason? I wasn't crying because I was in-love and he wouldn't tell me he was too. I was crying because I thought I'd messed up. That I'd lost him as a friend.
After I said yes, he smiled and tried to kiss me again but I acted as if I didn't notice and turned around to inspect some imaginary sound.
"Okay, I have to get back to my dad. I figure it's about time I tell him what's been going on."
"What is that, exactly?"
"I'm going to tell him about us... Unless you don't want me to."
"What about us?"
"That we're, you know, dating."
"Hmm, that's interesting. I don't quite remember you ever asking me out." I say messing with him and he smiles again.
"Right, so I guess he'll have to wait to hear that news until after our date."
"Oh? Is that a hint you just threw there?"
"It might be. Well, gotta go. How about Friday around eight at the diner down the street?"
"I love that place."
"Then it's a date. I'll call you later?"
"Yeah."
After I'd closed the door I slid down it and let my head fall onto my arms that were resting on my knees. I was happy. I was really happy. We were going on a date, I hadn't messed us up and he liked me back. Well, loved me? You see, I was happy but I was also troubled. I needed to break this to him in a way that he'd understand. I just didn't want things to move too fast. I wasn't in-love or at least not yet. Not this soon.
Thinking about the date, it finally hit me. Friday was tomorrow. Tomorrow? I thought to myself. Tomorrow! I need to plan! I ran across the room and up the steps. What am I going to wear? What are we going to talk about? How am I going to tell... I stopped. I was standing right in front of Kori's door. One of my older sisters that passed away. I knew I would have to tell him about them but that wasn't the only reason why I'd stopped.
"Soon you'll be older and the boys will be falling all over you, pretty girl. I just want you to know, you can borrow my clothes anytime. I'll save all my old dresses for you. Matter of factly, there's a green one that would bring out your eyes beautifully. Let's just hope you can fit it when the time comes."
I loved that dress but I hadn't seen it for 3 years. Not since they passed away just weeks after she had told me that. She had never wore it anywhere because she didn't like how it fit.
"I'm too skinny!" She would complain to me. "Be happy that you got some of mom's curves."
I was close with all of my sisters but me and Kori were a different story. We were inseparable it seemed. I remember hearing the news and closing my eyes. Expecting that I'd drift away and be with her. When it didn't come, I'd cried. I'd cried in my room for a week straight. Barely eating or getting out of bed. Now I was in front of her door. A door I hadn't gone into for 3 years.
"Honey?" Called my mom, startling me out of my daze. I was surprised to see that she was standing quite close to me.
"What are you doing up here, mom?" She never came up here. No one really did but me. The only thing up the steps was one of the bathrooms and 4 other doors that belonged to me and my three sisters. The other bedrooms and bathroom was downstairs.
"I seen you standing there staring at the door from the banister. Are you going to go in? Nothing has changed. I left all three rooms exactly how they did."
"You've been inside?" I ask surprised. I didn't think anyone had.
"Of course I have. Most Thursdays when you're at school, your father's at work and Nathan's at his aunt's. I go in every room and talk to them. I've been waiting for you to check in. It's been too long."
"Will... you go in with me?"
"Of course I will, honey. If you want me to."
"Thank you." I say and I am thankful. More than she could know. I didn't want to go in alone.
I take a deep breath and we start with Natalia's room which is closest to mine. It was neat and clean and all put together. Everything was folded, stacked and organized just like in my room.
"You're so head strong, Laylis. You'd make a great lawyer."
"That's your dream, Nat."
"It can be our dream. Whatever you decide on, though. I support it. You're so intelligent. You're going to do great things and I'm going to be there to watch you."
My chest tightned and I felt the tears welling up but I held it together. I closed my eyes and talked to her after looking around and remembering her determined light brown eyes and sincere smile.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. "It took me so long but I'm here. I miss you. One day I hope I'll see you again and I promise I'll try my hardest to be successful. I'll do it for both of us. I love you."
We left and went to Lorie's room which had walls cluttered with posters and quotes. She was the sister that followed and loved the new boy bands and singers. She used up all the fan girl because none of the rest of us really cared.
"I don't care what you say, Lis girl. Justin Bieber is hot."
"Ew, Lorie. You're just weird."
"Mmhmm, whatever. You know you want some Justin."
I felt like I couldn't breath for a second. I thought I was going to hyperventilate but my mother came to me and wrapped me in her arms.
"It's okay, Laylis. It'll be okay." And I was.
"Lorie, I know you'd be mad at me. You wouldn't understand why I couldn't come in until now. I hope you forgive me. I promise I'll come visit more. I love you." I knew it was my imagination but I could feel her nod of approval and see her flip her fake hair, that she insisted on buying, out of her face to smile.
Lastly, we went back to Kori's door. I stood there for a few long seconds before going in. Walking in, it was a mess. Just like I remembered it. Dressers were pulled out, clothes everywhere, makeup cluttered all around her mirror and shoes all over the floor.
She was wild and funny. She lit up any room she walked into and made a bad day good just by being there.
"I can't wait to see the guy that steals your heart, girl. He'll be one lucky guy."
"How do you know I'll end up liking guys?"
"Woah! Laylis let off a bomb! That just surprised me."
"I'm kidding, Kori!"
"Well, whoever you're into, they'll be lucky. And they better be a good person or they'll get kicked right in their...."
"I know, Kori."
"Only cuz I la ya, girl."
"I love you too."
I couldn't hold it in anymore. All the tears and the pain came to the surface. I cried and shook and could barely get a breathe. My mother held me and tried to calm me down but it wouldn't work. Three years of holding it in besides the one week of sorrow couldn't be calmed after it erupted. Not until it passed completely.
After what seemed like an eternity, I was okay. We sat in silence before I remembered what made me want to come in in the first place.
"Mom, I have a date with Jason tomorrow. I know you don't think I need a boyfriend, and I don't, but I really like him. He makes me smile and brought something into my life that I haven't had in awhile. A friendship. I'd really like you to be okay with it."
"Of course I'm okay with it, honey. It's your decision. If you think it's the right one, go for it. I'm here to support you."
"I'm really happy to hear that, mom. Because I was really hoping you could help me get ready tomorrow."
. . .
That Friday night, around six thirty, I was getting ready. My dad and little brother were informed and nearly cracked their faces with their smiles. Nathan could barely stop laughing and singing,
"Lissy and Jason sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Lissy with a baby carriage!"
"Bug, do you even know how babies are made?" I would ask teasing.
"Uhh, no."
"Exactly."
"Mommy, how are babies made?"
"You'll know when you're older." She would say glaring at me.
I went back in Kori's room alone after school. I told her about my outfit plan and all about Jason. I think she would have loved him. He isn't her type since she was always more into the 'bad boys' but she would think he was perfect for me.
"Handsome and toned with a side of nerdy. I love it!" I could imagine her saying.
Finally, I went in the closet and found the dress hanging up in the corner. I stood in front of the mirror with the dress in front of me and took it in. I was finally actually going to get to wear it.
It was an off the shoulder, knee length, shamrock green dress that's cinched with a wide, golden metal belt at the waist that really put it together. The top swooped from my left shoulder down to my waist. Below the belt it was loose and flowy. It was beautiful but not too beautiful that it was flashy. A perfect first date dress.
All I had to do was put it on now. My hair had already been done by my mother. My mother insisted on doing my hair for me even though it was simple. Since the dress was in memory of and by suggestion of Kori, I decided to do something for Natalia and Lorie as well. Though Kori loved my natural out and curly hair, my other two sisters always wanted me to try something new.
"Why do you never have it flat ironed?"
"How come you don't wear it in an updo? And I don't mean your brushed out ponytail!"
Well, I definitely wasn't going to flat iron it but I decided to try something else. Simple, but new. I put all my curls up into a loose ponytail that allowed them to drape out of the top instead of brushing them out. The most defined curls were left hanging out in front like a curly bang, separated by a black headband. By suggestion of my little brother, I decided to wear my contacts instead of glasses.
After putting on the dress, I stood in the mirror just taking it all in. The dress fit perfectly and I just wish my sisters were there to see me. There to lecture Jason protectively and bug me for details when I got home. I hoped they were watching me. I was finally coming out of my shell.
Walking down the steps, there was a knock on the door. I began to get nervous. My dad went to answer and Nathan ran up to me making me lean down so he could whisper in my ear, "You look like a princess, Lissy."
Then Jason walked in and I smiled.