I've always believed that if you truly want or love something, you don't give up on it. You work your ass off, you endure the blood sweat and tears, you hold on until you fix things or make them better. You don't just quit because there're a few hurdles down the road. You learn to jump over them and move on. I've never believed in giving up, but as I sit here in this car, I'm doubting whether this applies to this relationship. We've been fighting from the start, and most of the times it's against each other. There's always one problem or another. Although my feelings for Zayn are true and strong, I don't know if I can handle so much drama in such a short span of time. Maybe we're fighting a losing battle.
"You should listen to your dad." I say softly. My heart is hammering against my chest and I know where this is going. He frowns and I continue. "Maybe you should stop fooling around and save us both the heartache, or at least me." his brow creases and a look of panic crosses his eyes.
"Mel what are you talking about? I'm not fooling around."
"I heard what your dad said and you agreed." He doesn't answer me as he starts the car. We drive in silence and by the time I realize where we're going we're already parking at his penthouse. "Zayn, why are we here?"
"To talk." He says simply. He climbs out and he comes over to open my door. I thank him quietly as we make our way to the elevator. He surprises me though as he takes my hand in his. I hold on to him tightly, not wanting to let go, but soon we're in his living room facing one another on the couch. I blush momentarily, remembering the last time we were on this couch.
"So you were eavesdropping on us?" he says calmly.
"No I just overhead you talking, and I happen to agree with you."
"You see? There you go again with your doubts and insecurities." He runs a hand through his hair. "I don't know what else to do to put you at ease."
"I know your dad's opinion means the world to you, you said so yourself. You will never be truly happy with me if he doesn't approve of our relationship."
"So now you know what I feel?" he asks.
"Well I wouldn't have to guess if you'd just tell me how you really feel."
"What did you say in the car before we left?"
"I said a lot of things."
"You know what I mean. Say it." I keep quiet cause I don't know if I should say it or not. "Say it." He demands. "Are you all in?" I nod unwillingly. "Then stop trying to find everything wrong with this relationship and focus on the good things. Yes, we have a few issues, but we'll work through them. We always do." I feel like he's trying to convince himself, more than me.
He pulls me into his lap, making me straddle him. He grabs my hips as he pulls me against him, connecting our lips. He nibbles on my bottom lip before easing his tongue into my mouth. He's hot and hard as he crushes me against him. The kiss is slow and deep as his hands move everywhere on my body. He breaks the kiss but he doesn't let go of me just yet. his eyes are dark and his pupils are dilated.
"I don't want to lose you." I say softly. Not breaking his gaze.
"Good." He pecks me as he hugs me closer, burying his face at my shoulder. "Then don't do this."
"I just don't want my heart broken." I say into his chest. Inhaling his musky scent. He's calming me down with just his touch and scent and I wish it wasn't that easy for him.
"If you give up on us now, that's exactly what's going to happen." he drags my face to his again. "Don't make us miserable because of what you thought you heard." He leans in so that our lips touch. "I can't lose you. Not now."
My resolve is gone and any thought of ending this flies out the window. He kisses me sweetly on the lips. First my top lip then then the bottom one.
"Are you still all in?" I reply with a soft yes and he grins, it looks a bit forced though. "Promise me you won't leave me."
"I promise." I tell him because just the thought of leaving him makes me shudder. I can't believe that I was close to leaving a while ago.
"Let's go to bed." he says as he stands up, causing my legs to wrap around him. He carries me to the bedroom where he gives me a shirt of his without boxers because he knows I never wear them, since they're too big anyways. He smiles at me as he strips everything except his boxers. The issue is a long way from being resolved but I think we're both too tired to talk about it.
"We should clear out a drawer for you, for whenever you come over." he yawns as he climbs into bed. I'm stunned into place. Did he just say I should bring clothes over? It's a small step, leading to a big destination. My heart warms up as I join him in bed. He immediately pulls me to him. We're facing each other and our legs are tangled together. His hands are around me, resting on my butt while mine are on his chest. "I'm sorry tonight sucked. I'm glad they finally know though." he sighs as he moves one hand to my face, caressing my cheek. He lifts my face and he kisses me again.
"It's okay." it feels good to be in his arms but to be honest, I'm still overwhelmed and I need some space between us. I let him hold me though because his touch is comforting. He kisses my cheek, then my jaw and down to my neck. My breathing accelerates as he moves his hands under my shirt.
"Your skin is so soft." I freeze for a second. I mean I'm a virgin yes, but I'm no prude. It's not like he hasn't seen or touched my breasts before but I fear losing control when I'm around him. I'm scared that he'll make me throw caution to the wind. Whenever he's involved, my self-control crumbles to the floor. He groans playfully as he grabs a hand full of my breast, the other hand moving to my butt, to press me against him. "You'll be the death of me."
Gosh he's so hard to resist.
"I want you." he says huskily. Maybe we should just do it, heaven knows I want to. I mean what have I got to lose? Zayn brings me back to my senses soon though. "but I can't have you yet, and I know you want to wait until marriage." He pulls his hand from under the shirt "So I'll just hold you. I just want to feel closer to you." he murmurs as he turns me around to face away from him. He pulls me against him and I can feel his excitement pressing against me. He slowly kisses my neck as we cuddle. "Goodnight baby"
Maybe he wants to be close to me because he can feel that after tonight, it feels like we're slowly but surely drifting apart.
He's holding me tight and I know he's doubting whatever is going on, with his dad, me almost ending the relationship, our recent arguments and who knows what else. I still feel like I need space from him. It's not brought on because his dad doesn't approve of our relationship but I feel like I'm diving head-first into the sea, waiting for the moment I finally run out of air. I'm moving too fast. We went from 0 to 60 really quick, or maybe it's just me.
Whenever we're together, it's like nothing and no one else matters, except the two of us. We keep ignoring every warning and we go ahead doing what we always do. As I lay here, I remember Cate's warning about this relationship and Zayn and I understand now. I'm losing myself in him, he consumes me and he's becoming more important than I ever thought he'd be. He's dangerous and instead of being wise and ending it, I run straight into danger, not caring about the consequences.
How long am I going to keep doing this before we crash and burn?
"Goodnight." I say before falling into a deep sleep.
After what feels like ten minutes of sleep, my alarm wakes me up. I search for it on my nightstand blindly but I can't find it.
Why did I choose such an irritating tune?
I'm about to quit my search when I hear groaning behind me. Oh right I slept at Zayn's again. I realize that the phone is in my purse, so I wake to get it. I'm so disoriented that I walk past it on the couch, almost tripping in the proses. Zayn Chuckles as he stretches on the bed. Finally getting to my phone, I switch the alarm off and look at the attractive man on the bed. He has a grin on his face as he watches me staring for a second. I shake my head as I start gathering my clothes.
"Morning." I smile at him.
"Morning." He's still grinning.
"Can you drop me off at my apartment. I need clothes for work?" I ask him.
"Sure baby." he stands to give me a quick kiss before getting dressed and leading us out of the door.
Before I know it, I'm at work. Before I head to the office my 'boss' calls me to her office. She more or less oversees things here at the office. I try to think of anything I did wrong but come up blank. I make my way to her office and she asks me to sit down. We greet each other and keep the small talk going for a while until she gets down to business.
"So I got a call this morning" I nod and she carries on. "a friend of mine is looking for a psychologist to head over to LA to help lead in some sort of research. I'm not to know because it's confidential." She rolls her eyes at that "I thought you'd be a great candidate and it'd be a great learning experience for you." Suddenly she's excited. It's scary. "Good news, they will be watching your performance and you could get a job offer there to work on few of their projects as well as open your very own practice."
"Oh wow" is all I can say. it's so sudden and unexpected.
"Yes. You will be paid handsomely. your accommodation will be taken care off. It starts next week and depending on the course of the research, it might take up to two or three weeks." she's very convincing. "So what do you say?"
This just might be the break I need from all this madness.
"I'd be honored to go."