" 3 Bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 1 for the master, 1 that joins the 2 bedrooms and one near the living room for guests. Huge kitchen, sprawling view of the Park." the real estate agent flasher her million dollar smile.
I pulled my grandma to the side for a while "The rent is going to kill us. What happened to something small and cozy?!"
"Honey this is my definition of small and cozy. There's no way I'm downgrading. Besides, I can afford it." she laughed.
It just kept bugging me that technically I was broke as hell now and that I had to rely on my grandma. I've never seen her splash her cash around so I thought she was living withing her means. Turning around. I see her talking to the agent and signing the lease form.
"This is all yours now." the lady dropped the keys into my hand and left.
The space was empty, yet to be filled with everything that was in the U-Haul down on the street.
It took us close to a week to get completely settled into the apartment. In that amount of time, we also managed to get a Mini Cooper to get us around town.
"You can take it to school, as long as you promise not to do foolish things like drink and drive." she teased me.
"Nana, you know that is so not me. I'd go for parties and stuff, just not driving."
"Maybe you could try looking for a boyfriend also." she said jokingly.
At that moment, it hit me. I hadn't checked my mail yet. Talen may have sent me emails!
"Honey, I was just kidding. Take your time, find the right one. I know how you feel about.." she said feeling guilty.
"Don't be silly nana. Thank you for the advice. There's no harm in testing the waters like you said. Besides, Talen never noticed me anyway." I shrugged.
I was desperate to turn on my laptop, but not wanting to make things suspicious, I hung around in the living room for a while with nana and then I casually got up to retrieve my laptop. Nestled in the comfort of my new room, I sat on my new wrought iron bed. My fingers were slightly trembling when I clicked open the icon and I noticed that there were two. One from 2 weeks ago and another from yesterday.
The first :
Sarah,
Today, we arrived on the ship. It is huge! But I can't say the same for my room though. I might as well be living in a matchbox. Guess, I should stop complaining right? I chose this for myself. You were the only one who supported me joining the navy. I always thought you would resent me for it. People always told me you were too pampered and that you were just another spoiled girl. You proved them all wrong by being with me. I don't know which other girl would do what you've done with me.
Anyway, what have you been up to. I hope our web-cam incident didn't ruin anything. Tell me something about you. Anything.
xx Talen.
The second :
It's been two weeks. Is everything ok? I'm worried Sarah.
That was it. No usual greetings. I guess... I could reply him.
Talen.
Sorry, I just got caught up with things around the house. My younger sister stirred some drama. She chose to go to culinary school and my parents were not happy at all with her choice. She left one night to my grandmother's house and my parents went even more crazy. They thought she would come back because they cut her off completely. But I guess she's really not coming back. My parents are worried. Once again, sorry. Now you have my complete attention.
Something about me? Well.. apart from cooking, I love to read. All sorts of books. Romance in particular. I'm a girl don't judge me! I do read some Dan Brown. What about you?
Sarah. xxx
I sighed. Like Sarah would ever touch a book in her life. Also, I bet my parents weren't even giving a damn. It would be just another day in the house where no one talks to each other. Sarah doing her own thing, my parents busy at work. They wouldn't even know I was gone.
While I was day dreaming, there was a PING on my computer. Talen had replied. Damn, that was fast.
T - Hey I'm glad I caught you online. It's been a while since we chatted.
Me - I know. Nice to not have to wait days for a reply. Not that I'm mad about it or anything.
T - I know it's tough... I'm just happy I found someone who understands. I know it's difficult.
Me - If I remember correctly, it's your turn to tell me something about yourself.
T - Well, I play the guitar. I love playing it. I have an electric one and the usual one. My friends and I used to jam a lot.
Now that was something new to me. I never really knew what he was like. I just knew that there was more to him. We talked for more than an hour and we learned more about each other. But what I really wanted to talk about was what was happening in my life. What I went through with my parents. To just stop pretending I'm Sarah.
I had to stop and think about what had truly attracted me to Talen. Was I just another girl that liked his handsome face?
I stared his last sentence, saying he missed me as usual. Without even knowing, tears were leaking out of my eyes. Wiping them away, I couldn't help but feel completely lost. Slamming the computer shut, I wandered out of the room and found that my nana was still watching tv. I went into the kitchen and contemplated on the fact that maybe I should just finish up the left over food then decided against it.
I knew I wasn't happy with how I looked, yet I whined about it. I never took any actions. Walking back into the living room, I dramatically sank into the seat next to nana.
"Yes honey. What's wrong?" she looked at me.
"Could I maybe join the gym.. we could both even sign up for some yoga. I just thought that a new beginning needs a new look. You know?"
"That's great honey. We could go tomorrow. I'm sure there's some around this neighbourhood."
"I'm just tired of not being noticed, you know?"
"First of all, people do notice you. Secondly, why would you want everyone to look at you? All you'll ever need is just a few right people who see you for who you are. You need to stop wanting to please everyone Kat." she gave me a look of disapproval.
"Alright alright. Don't give me that look. I get what you mean. But mainly I just want to feel good about myself." I leaned against her shoulder.
"If you say so honey. I'm all with you." she hugged me.
The following week was a whirlwind. Nana and I joined yoga classes twice a week at a near by studio, and I joined a gym. Then a few days later, my classes had started. I had decided not to say in the assigned dorms, and I commuted everyday by driving. New York traffic was a total killer to say the least. I thought it would be better if I stayed at the dorms, but after weighing it out, I wouldn't want to leave nana alone for 5 days and just see her for the weekend.
If I wanted to go out with friends for parties or whatever, they could always come over and we could go from my place.
"How was your first day of class honey?" nana asked from the kitchen.
"Oh great, I just feel like dying. That's all." I said sarcastically and slumped onto the sofa.
She walked into the living room "Hah! First day and you're wimping out on me!" she laughed.
"Not funny nanaaaa. I couldn't even find a proper parking spot. Then I ran into the wrong class. When I eventually did find the right one, the snooty chef was all like "Zis iz not appropriate"" I faked a French accent,
"Well, it's your first day. I can't blame you. So do you need to get anything? Supplies and stuff?"
"Yea, just a few text books. They already gave me my apron with my name on it. Prettttty fancy i tell ya."
"Ok, so just take my credit card and buy whatever you need." her voice drifted as she went into her room then she came out holding a black card.
"Nana are you serious right now. A credit card?!"
"Yes. You're old enough. This way I won't need to constantly give you cash everyday like you're 10. I trust you won't go wild with it. Unless you're with me and we are going shopping or something." she chuckled lightly.
"You're the best nana." I got up and hugged her.
"I'm just gonna shower and sleep. I'll see you in the morning." I went into my room and opened my laptop hoping to see and email from Talen. But I knew they wouldn't be anything because he said he would be training. I read the last email he sent me. Smiling unconsciously at the things he said.
Then like always, it hits me that he is actually directing his thoughts to Sara. Not me. Maybe I should just tell him it's not her. Maybe he'll just continue talking to me. Pfft yea right. I slammed my laptop shut then regretted doing that so much.
After my hot shower, I decided to read some of the cook books nana bought and before I knew it, I fell asleep. I had so much to be happy about but yet, I chose to focus on the only thing that made me sad.
That would have to change. Whether I liked it or not, I had to tell Talen the truth. That I wasn't Sarah. Eventually I would have to face the fact that he would hate me for doing this.