Chapter 26 – Part 1
Sitting in my car in the parking lot of Blake's building, I was so nervous I couldn't move. I couldn't find the courage to open my car door and walk to the building.
I could feel the panic and once again I wanted to run. The only reason I was still in my car and not speeding away was the image of Blake's blue eyes and the way he always looked at me. He always had a way of making me feel like I was the most special person in the world. I knew that thought was ridiculous but it was all in his eyes and how he made me feel.
I had been sitting in my car for a bit over thirty minutes in the parking lot when I heard my cell phone buzz, informing me that I had a new text message.
'Hey, are you still coming over?' Blake wrote.
I just sat there looking at my phone not knowing how to answer. I put my phone down on the passenger seat and rested my head on my headrest trying to calm myself down.
So many thoughts, feelings, memories of my past and of my present life were passing through my head. To tell and explain my past to Blake, I had to think and relive it all. It was the most vulnerable part of myself and I was about to share that with him. I had never done that before. Yes some people knew the truth but the only 'outsiders' that I told was Emily and Lisa and they both didn't really count. Emily being my therapist everything was confidential and Lisa...well she was family to me.
I grabbed my things, putting my phone in my bag and finally opened my car door. I didn't bother to answer his text, I still didn't know how to answer. Even as I walked towards his building, I knew there was still a chance that I could turn around and leave, even with the promise I made to him about not running away from him anymore. I used to hold on to it with dear life but at the moment the promise didn't help like it used to.
As I arrived at the front door to the apartment building, I took a deep breath and whispered out loud, "Please let it be okay." I needed the courage and strength to pull open that door and get to Blake.
I walked in the building and took the elevator to his floor.
Standing outside his front door for awhile, the voice inside my head was screaming at me and telling me to run but I knew I couldn't.
I knew I was going to tell him everything but only the way my mom had suggested it, to tell him about Jesse and that house but leave out the killing part. If I felt comfortable after that, then I could tell him the rest.
As I lifted my arm to knock on the door I heard the 'ding' of the elevator, making me turn around. The doors opened and Joey came out.
He looked surprised to see me just as I was surprised to see him.
"Hey darling! I didn't know if you were going to be here tonight." He said with a smile.
"Yeah, same to you." I said, smiling back.
"What's he doing in there, making his girl wait at the door?!" He said shaking his head.
"He's not making me wait." I told him, finally knocking on the door. "I just hadn't knocked yet."
I felt more relax now that Joey was here. The conversation I wanted to have with Blake was now on hold and I was relieved.
The door open quickly and Blake seemed surprise to see both of us together.
"Hey!" Joey and I said at the same time. We looked at each other and I rolled my eyes while shaking my head.
"Hey. Did you guys come up together?" Blake asked a bit confused.
I could see that confused wasn't all that he was feeling. He way he was looking at Joey and me, I sensed a bit of jealousy which was very unlike him. A twisted part of me liked it, if I could I would jump on him right now and make him see that there was no way anyone could match up to him.
"I got to the door and I heard the elevator open and there he was." I explained.
Blake nodded his head and opened the door wider to lets us come in.
"I was wondering if you were still coming over." He said to me.
"Yeah, sorry… I got your text on my way over and when I got here, I just thought to come up." I told him.
Joey got close to Blake and I barely heard him whisper, "See, no need to worry." and then Joey slapped Blake's arm, trying to reassure him.
I had no idea what they were talking about but once we were alone I knew I was going to bring up that subject.
I was worried but when Blake's eyes found mine, he shook his head a bit, silently showing me that it was nothing.
I guess we both needed to talk to each other about something and both of us were worried about it. Now I actually wanted Joey to leave so that we could have those conversations.
Joey, getting comfortable, sat on the couch then put his feet up on the coffee table and asked, "So what are we watching?"
I chuckled and looked at Blake who was looking at me. He seemed so serious that he was starting to freak me out. I closed the distance between us while never breaking eye contact and when I reached him, I took his hand in mine.
"You okay?" I whispered to him.
"Yeah." He answered but it was obvious that he was lying to me.
"No lies remember?" I reminded him.
He took a deep breath, "Later." he stated. He raised my hand and kissed my fingers.
Talk about mix signals, I thought to myself.
I made my way to the couch where both boys were and I tried to make myself as comfortable as I could.
"You guys want to watch a movie?" Joey asked.
Blake and I looked at each other, ready to answer him but Joey found a movie on TV and decided for the rest of us.
I noticed that the movie wasn't from the beginning, but it still had over an hour and a half to go before it would be finished.
At the moment, that sounded like eternity.
I must have fallen asleep from boredom because next thing I knew Blake was rubbing my arm.
"Sorry, was I asleep?" I asked, not remembering closing my eyes for too long.
"Yeah, and snoring… Joey says bye." He said laughing a bit.
"Let’s agree to disagree about the snoring part...” I said with a small smile. “...man, that movie was boring as hell."
"I'll agree with that." He said, still sitting next to me with a small smile.
I knew that right now was the perfect time to have the conversation I wanted and needed to talk to him about, also I wanted to know what his problem was earlier.
Even as nervous as I was, being next to him relaxed me. That man could always calm me down for some reason that I still didn't quite understand.
End of Part 1
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