When the guys leave I grab my iPad, phone, a blanket and head up to the rooftop garden.
Walking out into the warm night air soothes my raging emotions, the softly lit plants and shrubs feels relaxing and it's tranquil with the slow moving river in the background. I head over to the wooden decking I like to think as mine and sit down cuddling into my blanket. I get my iPad out and bring up FaceTime debating calling the girls to see what they think of the situation I've found myself in.
I want to speak to them mainly because I haven't in a few weeks now because of their assignment but then I don't want to talk about this if it's something I should be figuring out myself? Will they know what to do? Is their relationships the same? I know that Lake's isn't, although I don't even know what her love life is like since she has been in Europe. Probably exciting from what I've heard happens in Europe!
Wanting to speak to my friends I do a group call. Lake's is unavailable and I huff wondering if she is okay. I grab my phone sending her a text to say I'm missing her and to text and tell me all the goss while I wait on Sang and Kayli.
"Hello" Sang's smiling face pops up.
"Hey" I reply and feel myself getting excited with being able to see her.
"What's up my bitches!" Kayli greets us loudly causing us to laugh.
"Hey Kayli" Sang and I greet rolling our eyes and she just pouts.
"How's things?" I ask them both.
Sang appears to be in a bedroom from the looks of it but Kayli's surroundings seem odd, sort of like a cabin or garage? I don't know. I analyse it more as they tell me about their assignments. Sang is working in Uncle's Diner and trying to catch some guy names Volto. She couldn't tell me much but that's normal with her Ghost Bird status. Kayli was a bit sketchy about what she's been upto and it leads me to think there has been some trouble in her mission but I learned quickly after meeting her that you don't push her.
They ask me about my mission and I end up telling them everything that has been happening with Harry and the experiences I have had. I done it as I felt I needed to talk through it with people who will understand truly how much of a big deal this is for me. "And now he wants me to go for dinner at Swordfish on Saturday" I finish sighing exhausted well and truly now.
When I focus on the screen again Sang is watching me with a hand over her mouth and wide eyes and Kayli looks like she is catching flies. "What?" I ask concerned and look over my shoulder thinking I'd missed someone coming up behind me. With no one there I turn back to them.
"Holy shit! We haven't even been away that long and you're out there doing your own thing and kicking ass" Kayli says with what I think is a proud smile and I blush.
"I can't believe it!" Sang says still looking shocked. "Who are you and where is our Charlotte Tucker?" She says with a laugh, eyes shining at me.
"It's been an interesting few weeks" I say laughing and blush more when I think about the guys and things we have been getting up to.
"Hey now! What's that look on your face! That's a new look. Sang what's she been up to?" Kayli says looking around the screen as if she could see Sang.
"I don't know but by the looks of it, it's a nice memory" she says teasing me.
"What are you guys talking about?" I ask pretending I don't know what they are talking about.
"Oooooo! It's those boys!" Kayli says excitedly clapping her hands.
"My lips are sealed" I say pretending to zip my lips.
"So it is them?" Sang asks raising an eyebrow at me.
"Might be" I say unable to stop the large smile from spreading across my face and I close my eyes laughing getting embarrassed.
"Woah! Woah! Hold on I need deeds" Kayli says wagging her finger at the screen.
I shake my head and try to remember one of the main reasons I called them was to see what they thought about the whole thing. "Well I do need to ask you guys something"
"It's getting good now" I hear someone muffle from behind Sang.
"Sang?" I question.
She looks sheepishly at me and then turns to the side of the camera scolding someone with her glare. I hear something that sounds like a slap of skin and someone protest before North pulls Luke onto the screen.
"Hi Lottie" Luke says embarrassed holding his ear.
"Hi Luke" I say slightly annoyed. "Who else is there?" I ask. I should have checked!
Sang looks to the side of the screen and back to me and looks like she wants the ground to eat her up and she doesn't appear to want to answer. I sigh and rub my face "hello everyone" I say with a sigh knowing now that they must all be there. Sang flips her camera round and sure enough they are all lying around in a bedroom in their nigh clothes.
"We are very sorry Miss Tucker. We didn't think that you would be having an in depth conversation but then we were concerned for you and wished to ensure you were okay" he says and if it wasn't for his tone of voice I wouldn't know that he was sorry but I know he is.
"It's okay" I say because in truth it was. I've spent a fair bit of time around them and they have been nothing but kind and caring. I just don't like being caught out.
"In the interest in being completely honest I'm not alone either" Kayli announces bringing my attention back to her and now the Toma Team all sit around behind her.
"Hi" I wave and they all wave back.
"We are glad you are getting out and about Charlotte" Axel says with a smirk.
"Remember all your training little bird" Raven reminds me with a deadly scowl and I salute him.
"Right spill!" Kayli tells me and I go wide eyes thinking about telling them all. Maybe it's a good idea, I would get both sides of the perspective and maybe some ideas.
"None of you can say anything to anyone else" I warn them looking down the lenses to both their screens.
"I am willing and I will obey" they say in unison and I'm the only one laughing at this but I suppose that shows that they are being serious. I straighten my spine and look straight at them clearing my throat.
"The Holburn Team and I have decided to enter into a relationship" I rush out and I am sure that all my words merged into one.
"Fuck yes!" Kayli shouts fist punching the air. "Sorry" she say when Corey stares at her. "We leave you a timid shy mouse and now you hit out with this! Brilliant!" She says and I don't know how that's meant to help.
"I knew they would be good for you" Sang says fondly "you have been smiling so much more and more sociable".
"They are amazing" I say dreamily thinking about them.
"I hope you get that look on your face when you think of us Trouble" Nate laughs and Sang pecks his cheek.
"Oi! Don't be leaving us out" Gabe complains and Sang kisses each of their cheeks then turns to me and blushes obviously forgetting for a moment we were here.
"I'd be up for some of that too but I want mine on the lips" Marc flirts with Kayli and she just glares at him making them laugh.
"So..."
"What's wrong?" Sang asks worriedly and I notice both teams moving closer to the screen as if that's going to help.
"I don't know what I'm doing" I say throwing my hands up. "I've never been in a relationship. The thought of men touching me use to repulse me but now I crave their touches. They consume my thoughts and all I want to do it be with them. This is not normal." I say closing my eyes. Trying to calm my heart. I take some deep breaths and try to relax my chest.
When I open my eyes again it's just Sang and Kayli on the screen. "See! I've even ran them off" I say motioning to the iPad where they both sit alone.
"No you didn't. They realised that some things just need to be between friends and not everyone else. If it helps they think that you guys are a good fit" Sang say smiling at me.
"You've got this Lottie! All you need to do is not let that pretty little head of yours run away from you." Kayli adds with actual useful advice.
"But how on earth can this work? How do you do it? Is there rules to making sure everyone is happy? How can it be fair?" I ask airing my concerns to two of my best friends.
"Deep breaths Lottie!" Sang says starting to breath down the line loudly making me copy her. "That's better...From what I've found you need to just make sure that no one feels left out. Take some time for yourself so you don't get overwhelmed. Get to know each other and above all communicate" she states.
"I don't think there can be any rules with this kind of thing Lottie. You just go with your heart and how you feel. Don't hold back! Give them yourself" Kayli says and looks contemplative as she talks to me. "Just let things happen and like Sang said. Talk to each other. That's so important." Wow! Kayli is actually taking this seriously. Those guys must mean a lot to her!
"One thing I've had to learn is to not hold back." Sang says blushing and I can only imagine what she's been up to making me wink at her and she blushes more like a tomato. "If you feel uncomfortable you tell them. If you need more time tell them and if you want to go all in then tell them. And if you want to take the lead you do it!" she say excitedly wagging her finger like a mother.
"Oh right you, calm your pants! Those boys have brought out your feisty side" Kayli jokes with her.
"I miss you guys so much!" I tell them truthfully. They tell me they miss me too and we spend time talking about getting a girls day as soon as we can. "Have either of you spoke to Lake?" I ask
"She's still in Europe last I heard" Sang said.
"She was emailing Corey yesterday and told him to say hi to us. I think she is undercover or something trying to gain intel" Kayli tells us.
"I'm glad someone has been in contact with her . I've not spoke to her in a while but I texted tonight. If she gets back to me I will let you guys know" I say with a strained smile. I don't like not talking to her daily. She was the one t help me the most.
"So you all good?" Kayli ask and I nod. "Okay. Well I'm going to get me some Russian" she says waggling her eyebrows.
"Kayli!" I shout.
"What? Don't think I have forgot to ask the pair of you what you have been up to but I'd rather do that in person to get the full experience of your reactions, so it can wait for the now" she says with a wink.
"Goodbye Kayli" sang says laughing.
"Laters!" She says blowing us kisses and signs off.
"Are you okay?" Sang asks staring at me.
"I actually am Sang." I genuinely tell her "If I can get this assignment done and away from Harry and the sleaze balls things will be great...are you happy?" I ask her but I already know from the glow on her.
"I am Lottie" she say quietly. "I feel complete if that makes sense"
"I think I'm beginning to understand that" I say and we have a moment of our own thoughts.
"I better get going. Luke's getting antsy because we made cookies and he's been told he can't have any until I come downstairs" she laughs.
"Okay. Love you"
"Love you too Lottie. Don't forget that. No matter what team I am in you will always be part of my family" she tells me and I can't stop the tear that leaks from my eye at the emotion and truth in her words.
"Same" I whisper.
She nods her head. Kisses her lips and places them to the screen. "Speak soon okay. Even if I can't answer I will get back to you as soon as I can" she tells me.
"Same" I whisper again wanting her to know I'd do the same but can't speak yet. "Bye" I say waving and she signs off.
I can't believe how lucky I have been since meeting Mrs Rose that day as i have some of the most wonderful people in my life.
I lift my phone and bring up a group text deciding I want the guys to know I'm thinking of them.
5 Recipients: Sweet dreams xx
I gather my things and head back to my apartment determined to decorate my garden space with the things I bought a while ago now so that I can share it with the guys and let them into my space more.
I reflect on what they girls told me while in the elevator and realise that they basically repeated what the guys had already said and I decide that with them I will take things as they come, not overthink things and let myself live, experience things I've always wanted to and above all, let them in.
Tomorrow is my next chapter and I'm ready to start it!