Hey everybody!
Black Stars is only a couple chapters away from finishing :O so exciting! I just want to say thanks to everyone who has made it this far. I really appriciate the support you're all showing to the book. Anyway, without further ado, here is chapter 30. Enjoy xx
- Skylar
...
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
- Wizard of Oz
The next two days were spent progressing uneventfully towards Byron Bay, giving Leah plenty of opportunities to think over the logistics of how to kill Jared. And yet, when they reached the headlands that rounded onto Byron, she found she was as unprepared as she'd been two days earlier.
Every time she'd considered what she had to do, her brain short circuited, and she eventually accepted that Jared had weaseled his way deeper into her subconscious than she'd presumed. Even as every rational part of her screamed that she needed to kill him, something consistently brought her up short; and she had a terrible feeling it was going to ruin everything.
Her one small consolation was that she still had Cassandra's gun. At least if she shot Jared, there would be some distance between them, some imaginary barrier that made her feel less involved. Less responsible. She wouldn't have to be touching him when it happened, wouldn't necessarily be near him at all. It was cowardly and twisted. She knew that. But her mind repelled every other alternative.
The sun was just beginning to slip beyond the horizon when they rounded the last bend and the city spread beneath them in glittering lights, sending Leah's heart thudding. Her joy that they'd finally arrived was underscored by darker emotions that pulsed with every heartbeat, reminding her how far she still had to go, and what she had to do to get there.
"Do you want to spend the night up here, or try and find another hotel?" Jared asked.
Leah let her eyes drift to him. She'd avoided him as much as possible these last few days, and an uncomfortable wariness and tension had built between them once again.
"Here would probably be safer," Leah said, unwilling to repeat any of the dramas that had been triggered by their last trip into a town.
Jared nodded and dropped his pack to the ground, falling back against a tree as he rummaged for some food. Leah watched him, examining the hard lines etched into his face. Two weeks of travel hadn't been particularly kind to either of them.
"How do we get to the whirlpools from here?" Leah asked, sliding down against her own tree and settling at the base. "Have you got a boat?"
Jared took a gulp from his drink bottle, his eyes on the horizon. "No, I don't. I know someone who will take us there, though. For the right price."
Leah blinked. "I don't have much money."
For the first time since they'd stopped, Jared looked at her, a half-hearted smirk on his face.
"He doesn't deal in money."
"What does he deal in?"
"Nothing you'd understand."
His tone was patronising and Leah bit her tongue against any further questions. She knew he was just trying to rile her up and she refused to give him the satisfaction.
"I'll leave it to you, then," Leah said coldly and turned away from him.
The gun in her bag pressed against her leg as she pulled out an apple and took a bite.
They'd planned to sneak into the city before dawn tomorrow morning to find Jared's contact and she wanted to get to sleep early tonight. She wasn't sure how much energy moving between worlds took, but she imagined it would be significant.
"So, what exactly is your plan once you're back in the live world?"
Jared's voice made Leah freeze, her apple hanging mid-air, half way to her mouth. She let it drop to her lap and swallowed down the bitter resentment that question urged up her throat. Was he trying to taunt her? Would her answer be something he laughed about with Brenton once she was safely locked away again?
Her eyes were hard on the horizon, her voice low, when she responded. "I'm going to find my family."
"I'm just curious how you plan on doing that," Jared said, his tone surprisingly agitated, "when you don't remember who they are or where they live."
Leah's muscles were spasming with the urge to hit something. Preferably him.
"Isn't that the point of going back?" she asked. "So that I remember everything?"
She heard Jared shift and saw, from the corner of her eye, that he'd stood up. "Yes, only as long as you tell me it all when you do."
Leah looked down at the apple she'd been holding. Her fingers had sunk into it, distorting the fruit into an unnatural shape. Its juice ran in rivulets down her forearm. She threw it away and stood, wrenching her sleeping bag out of her hiking pack with unnecessary force.
"I'm going to sleep," Leah stated, her voice monotone.
"It's still early."
"I don't care. If you —"
Leah cut off as the sleeping bag was ripped from her hands. She'd been facing away from Jared, and hadn't noticed him sneaking up behind her, but now she turned to meet his gaze. His eyes were unreadable, his jaw clenched stubbornly.
"Stop pretending to go to sleep every time you get angry," he demanded.
"Give me my sleeping bag," Leah said, her voice taut. She reached for it, but Jared held it out of range.
"Or what?" he taunted. "Tell me why you're so angry and I'll give it back."
"I'm not angry," Leah said through gritted teeth.
The questionable control she'd managed to maintain so far was slipping away quickly, and that withering, gut-wrenching hatred from her recent dreams started to condense in her veins once more.
"Don't lie to me," Jared said. "You've been wanting to throttle me for the past few days. Why?"
Leah drew herself up, eyes swirling with anger.
"I just find it amazing," she said, her voice dangerously calm, "that you think I'm going to willingly tell you anything about the Mors Mortis Device after you told me why you want it."
Jared's lip curled. "Do you think you have a choice? You thought I'd lead you all the way to the live world, only to let you go prancing off with your bloody family?"
Leah glared at him.
"We made a deal," Jared spat. "Don't have a tantrum now because you don't like it anymore."
"I'm not going to tell you where the Mors Mortis Device is," Leah hissed.
Jared's face contorted with anger. "That's not your decision to make!"
"I know that!" Leah screamed suddenly, stepping forward and shoving her face closer to his. Her voice was shrill, her eyes wild with anger and betrayal. "Do you really think I don't know that you're going to kill me the moment I tell you? Do you think I'm naive enough to believe that you and your deranged father won't torture it out of me as soon as you get the chance?"
Jared's jaw set in a hard line, but her words had coaxed something into his eyes that looked disturbingly like hurt.
"I never told you who my father was," he said.
Leah stood there, glaring at him, and Jared stepped back, realisation coating his expression.
"I knew it," he said. "You've remembered me."
Leah stood still, unsure how to respond to his sudden change in attitude.
Jared swallowed and he glanced away, blinking rapidly. "When?"
"A couple of days ago," Leah spat.
Jared collapsed in on himself, his emotions so blatantly painted across his face that Leah had to fight back shock. She'd never seen him look so vulnerable, so open, and so obviously upset. For a moment he was still, but then he turned from her and stared at the horizon, his muscles tensed.
"You're not going to die," he said quietly, glancing at her with hooded eyes. "I won't let that happen."
Leah felt a burst of bitter resentment. "Don't lie to me."
Jared's eyes blazed, their blue heat scorching. "I'm not lying."
Tears pricked Leah's vision, and she wiped them away. It was all too much. This whole situation was beyond anything she'd anticipated. Jared had somehow, despite everything, become something to her. And she hated herself for it.
"Yes, you are," she said, hating that she could hear the weakness in her own voice, the tremble she hadn't managed to completely mask with anger. "This has all been fake, hasn't it?"
Jared's face twisted with something painful. "Leah —"
"This somewhat decent person you've been pretending to be isn't who you really are. There's nothing good about you."
"Can you just stop."
"No! You don't care at all, do you?" she screamed, stepping towards him and digging an accusing finger into his chest. "You don't care one fucking —"
"OF COURSE, I CARE!" Jared exploded, pushing her hand aside and moving towards her so fast that Leah didn't have a chance to react.
Suddenly, he was millimetres away, his eyes blazing and his words falling onto her tongue. Everything froze: their hearts, their minds, their bodies. The air collected around them like gathered breath, and Leah realised, far too late, that she was hurtling towards something inevitable; something that had been building from the moment she met him.
"Can't you see that?" Jared said. The words were slurred and fast, and he spat them out like they were toxic. "I care and that's the problem."
Leah stared at him, shocked into silence, as Jared's hand raised and cupped her cheek. He was looking at her with tortured eyes.
"You've screwed everything up," he whispered, giving her another mouthful of him.
And then he lent in.