Chapter 6
What Am I Gonna Do?
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or its characters, only my own OC's and Ideas
.:+:.
It was a very long time ago that I could ever consider things to be simple... It was long before I had Magic, long before I became this person that walks the earth like a twisted shell of a human. An icy cold forlorn figure that somehow finds a way to burn like a raging inferno. I feel like I've been wondering between hell and purgatory for so long...
... Things were easier before I became this. Before that beast. Before everyone... Everyone died.
Things were simpler before this happened, before Jiemma went after me, before Over-Drive managed to snap its jaws on to me, and Rogue and Sting were around to see it. They had to deal with it, deal with me like that... Weak.
Things were simpler before all of this, because now everything has changed. They've seen how broken I am, they've seen how much pain I've been hiding, and they know I haven't told them everything. I asked them to tell me things wouldn't change, and they did... But I know better. Everything's changed.
I can't say I can explain it to them... I'm still afraid. I don't want to lose them, and I feel if I tell them... I will.
Damn it... I wish things were simple. Hundreds of thousands of times over I have wished, wished so badly that I could just go back, back to before that monster, before my life was snatched away, before everything I loved had been ripped to pieces on front of me.
... But... Would I be content..? If I had never met them...? Sting, Rogue... Lector, Frosch... Yukino, Orga... Rufus...?
... If things had stayed simple, I would never have known any of them... And that thought puts some sort of deep, aching hole in my heart.
I... I don't know anymore...
.:+:.
... Brother... What do I do...?
Hora winced slightly, her eyes fluttering open to see moonlight filtering through the train window to her right, barren, rocky land flowing past as the train moved swiftly through the dark night. She sighed slightly, her shoulder brushing against Sting's as she lift her head from his shoulder lightly, careful to keep from waking him up. She smiled sadly at the uncomfortable face he seemed to wear in his sleep, sure some of it was because of his motion sickness, and some of it was still worry she was sure.
Her blue gaze shift across from her toward Rogue, who sat with his back pressed up against the window and the wall, feet up on the seat and Frosch in his arms. Lector was curled up beside her, snoring softly. Hora smiled slightly, feeling a tug in her chest.
... I don't think... It would have been any better...
She lightly drew her fingers across the top of Lector's head, rubbing his ears gently and earning a sleepy purr from him, though he didn't wake up.
... If I had never known all of you.
She slowly drew her hands back up, pressing the sides of them together lightly in front of her chin, palms open to face up as she took in a small breath, her eyes falling closed. She exhaled softly, eyes opening as they glinted with the bright golden and red light of a flame that formed from her breath, the flame licking at the air gently before she sighed, and her Magic faded again.
... Damn it...
"... Is using Magic a good idea, Hora?"
She turned, her blue gaze meeting Sting's own. She blinked, faintly surprised he had woken up, before she cast him a small, reassuring smile and let her hands fall into her lap. "It's ok. It's better to know I can," She smiled slightly, "If I wasn't able to, that'd be worse, hmm?"
... And still, it wasn't what I was hoping for.
She shook her head slightly, seeing Sting still gazing at her quietly, blue eyes glittering in too many emotions to try and place.
"... You've been doing this for a very long time, haven't you?" He asked suddenly, she blinked at the question, heart skipping a beat suddenly.
"Hmm?"
"Hiding what you've been really feeling. Hiding your pain." He replied softly, nearly painfully himself. "You've been playing at being happy for years, never letting anyone see how you felt deep down." Hora's eyes fell a moment, "You've been hurting all this time... And you just kept hiding it."
"... I'm not always in pain, or sad you know." She murmured softly, eyes closed and hands folded in her lap as she turned away from him. "I have been happy, being with you guys." She glanced up to him, smiling brightly despite how tired she still looked, Sting blinked in slight shock. "Being with all of you has made me happier than you could ever know. I'm not always suffering, you guys make life better, and I enjoy it, being with you. I really do. You guys make everything so much fun, so much better and so much more enjoyable than I thought possible of anyone to do- but you guys do it on a regular basis, and I love you all the more for it." She glanced his way, eyes shining slightly in the dim as she continued to smile softly.
"So don't think you guys haven't meant anything to me, or that even being with you've I've never been happy. Because that's not true- you guys do make me happy. Really, really happy... And you make me feel like I'm not all on my own."
He didn't seem to know what to say, he only stared, his blue eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. He couldn't remember seeing Hora say something so heartfelt, and he had never seen her say something and mean it as much as she seemed to just then.
Of course he felt that way- that being friends with her, being with Hora and Rogue, Frosch and Lector- being with them all made him happy, made life enjoyable and kept him smiling... He supposed he hadn't thought that was the case for Hora, seeing how much pain she was in, the pain and he suffering he had failed to see all the time he had known her. It made sense she felt that way... But she had never said anything to let them know that. He guessed maybe she thought she didn't have to say it, that they just knew... But they didn't seem to know a damn thing about her. And he hated it, and at the same time his heart clenched painfully.
He cared for her deeply, and he wished she knew it enough to have told him how she was feeling all these years. He wished she had shared with him her pain, and she hadn't... She had kept it hidden, and he felt he had failed her immensely as a friend.
What sort of friend fails to see how much pain Hora seemed to have kept bottled up inside? To know nearly nothing about her, where he thought he had? What sort of friend was he to have her feel she needed to hide her feelings from him? Instead of sharing them?
The image of he and Rogue holding her in their arms on the street of Margret town as she sobbed, and fell apart suddenly came to mind. Hora had never been weak, she had always been strong and brave... She had always been fine.
And yet she never was.
"Hora..." He breathed, eyes falling and fists clenching in his lap tightly. Hora blinked at his now hunched and tense figure, blue eyes glittering. "... I am so sorry." He hissed, eyes scrunching closed and hair hiding his face from her view. "I can't believe... I've been such... Such a poor excuse for a friend... It's unforgivable..."
Hora's heart clenched painfully, her smile fading as her eyes locked to the sparse few glittering drops of liquid that suddenly fell into his lap.
Sting was strong, confident, and maybe a little cocky... He was also kind, and goofy, and perpetually cheerful, his happiness was nearly intoxicating. There were few times he ever got to the point of breaking down, or being so sad he started to cry... And he was crying because he felt he failed her. She bit her lip, feeling a flash of pain in her chest suddenly.
They care about me more than I cared to admit.
"... I don't deserve... To even be called your friend... Not after... After..." He hissed lowly, voice hitching painfully as Hora took in a small breath.
"... Sting." She murmured, hand reaching forward to land lightly on top of his head, her fingers threading through his blonde hair gently as she felt him shake under her. "... You are one of the most loyal people I have ever known, you know." She smiled slightly, eyes falling closed. "And I have known a lot of people, and yet no one has been more loyal than you. And I can't say anyone could be a better friend to anyone than you can." She took in a breath, "You're kind, and cheerful, and you light up whatever room you go into. You care for people more deeply than most ever can, and you're brave and protective- you'll do anything to protect the people you love. Anything at all. And that is one of the best things about you."
She felt him shake a little under her touch, but she heard his sudden harsh breathing ease just slightly.
"You haven't been given any real chance to prove how loyal and caring you are, not with how SaberTooth is now. But I've seen you around our friends. Yukino, Orga, Rufus... You're a much better friend than you realize. I'm the one who hasn't given you the chance to be as good a friend as you strive to be toward me. That's my fault, not yours."
She pulled him toward her, holding his head to her chest as she wrapped her arms around his back and shoulders.
"... Don't let Jiemma destroy the pure light and good I see in you. And don't let anyone keep you from being who you really are." She smiled gently, "You and Rogue, you two are the best of us. And you always have been."
.:+:.
"Come on you four, let's go home."
Hora stood in the aisle of the train car, leaning with an arm against one of the seats as she smiled gently toward her four sleepy-eyed Guildmates groggily coming too. The train's whistle blew to signal it would soon be moving off again, as the familiar figure of Saber Town stood outside the train windows in early afternoon light.
Sting glanced her way quickly, glancing away with a small frown and an expression she could see barely hid his flustered and on high emotions from the earlier night not but a few hours ago. She smiled slightly at him, he wasn't one to break often no... But she knew he felt at least a little better now. And she had meant everything she said to him, and she hoped he knew it.
... Maybe... It is better to share things, sometimes...
She shook the thought away.
"Hora...?" Rogue mumbled, yawning halfway between her name.
The four of them had been passed out for a few hours now, which didn't surprise her- she had the feeling they really hadn't slept since everything had happened with Jiemma. She on the other hand, she hadn't been able to fall asleep after Sting had last night- though she wished she had.
"We're back." She announced softly. "It's time to head off the train." All four nodded slightly, picking themselves up slowly as she stepped forward so they could file out behind her.
... They are going to ask. I managed to hold off their questions one more night... But now my time is up. I can't really stall anymore.
She swallowed hard, coughing slightly into her hand when a twinge of pain flared in her chest suddenly. From the corner of her eye she saw the four she was with stiffen at the sound, but she took a deep breath and quieted it.
... How do I tell them anything, without them looking at me differently? Or doing something... Something stupid..?
Brother... I don't know what to even say to them... I've been hiding all this for so long it's like it's impossible to put any of it into words... What am I going to do...?
She glanced up at the clear blue sky over their heads once they stepped of the train.
... I know helping Fairy Tail was the right thing to do... I know it.
... But will Sting and Rogue see it that way...?
She sighed silently, eyes closing a moment.
"Let's go home first... Then I'll try to explain things... Some things..." She murmured, glancing backward at the four who trailed from the train behind her. They looked back at her with tired, slightly worried faces still, but she thought maybe they had relaxed a little now. She surely hoped so.
All four of them nodded slightly, not saying anything, she smiled just faintly.
Please... I just want to fix things.
But all I ever do is destroy things.
She couldn't tell them why she couldn't leave SaberTooth. She knew she couldn't tell them why she was a slave to Jiemma- because she knew they cared about her, and the anger they would feel if she told them, would likely drive them to do something stupid. And then Jiemma might kill them.
So I won't tell them that.
... But then, what do I tell them?
'Hora!'
She stopped, eyes narrowed and a shiver running up her spine at the sudden voice. She knew it wasn't any of the four behind her that had said anything, and she stopped suddenly. It wasn't a voice she recognized... or at least, one she couldn't place.
Rogue and Sting nearly bumped into her when she stopped so suddenly, eyes narrowed and heads tilted at the action. "Hora..?" Rogue murmured, "Something wrong..?"
"Yeah, why'd you stop?" Sting asked, blue eyes glinting.
That meant they hadn't heard anything... but how had she?
Hora glanced sideways, her eyes scanning the streets and buildings around them, ever aware of the stares she was receiving from the townspeople around them as they steered clear and did their best not to walk too close to the SaberTooth Mages.
Why... why do I feel I know that voice...?
"Hora?" Sting said, a little louder this time when she failed to even acknowledge they had said anything. She could practically feel their worry rising again, and she internally cringed at it.
"... Sorry." She mumbled, shaking her head and casting them a small smile to reassure them. "I thought I heard someone yell my name is all, I guess I'm just hearing things."
"Ok..." They mumbled, looking skeptical but she chuckled lightly.
"Honestly, I'm fine. I didn't mean to worry you guys again." She turned again and started to move, "Come on."
I know I heard it.... But what was it...?
'You know I'm still here, don't you?'
She felt like an icy spear pierced her heart, snatching her breath from her though she didn't react outwardly. She kept walking, but her hand moved up to clench about the shirt over her chest, sweatdropping heavily as she bit the inside of her lip.
No... no way.... It's been... years....
'... You know things have changed, don't you?'
.:+:.
Hora pushed the door to her apartment open, hearing Rogue, Sting, Lector and Frosch move in behind her. They looked around the front portion of the room with glinting eyes, they hardly ever came to Hora's place, usually she came over to Rogue and Sting's apartment instead... it must have been at least a year since they had been here.
Hora moved forward across the hardwood floors, lightly pulling the curtains back from the window set directly across from them. The afternoon light washed out over the room, shinning lightly off the dark wood floors, and off the heavy coffee table set in front of a couch, and an armchair. Hora stepped up toward a desk besides an opening in the wall to the kitchen, and further to her bedroom- stopping at the desk she let her hair down and placed the ribbon on top, standing there for a minute with her back facing the four.
She took in a deep breath, shaking her head slightly and trying to cast some of her swirling thoughts away for now. She knew she was tense, and she willed herself to try and unwind a little, to relax- but it wasn't even the looming realization that she'd have to spill some of those secrets she had long kept buried... it wasn't just that anymore, and she suddenly wished it was.
'.. you're ignoring me now?'
Her eyes scrunched closed and she shook her head a little,
"You guys can sit down you know." She murmured softly, aware that she hadn't heard any of them move since coming in the door. She turned around and smiled slightly, seeing them look to her with nervous eyes and flustered expressions. She chuckled slightly, pulling the chair beside the desk out a little and straddling it, her arms hanging off the back.
"Sit guys, seriously. This.... This is gonna take awhile."
Slowly but surely they moved over toward the couch and the armchair, sinking down to a seat slowly as they looked back and forth toward Hora with quick, feverish glances. Hora watched them settle for but a moment, before her eyes closed and she took in a breath.
"... Hora...?"
".... You don't have to tell us, if you don't want to." Rogue murmured, "We know we said you needed to, but that choice... It is up to you."
".... Hmm, I know." Hora murmured, "I know... and I know you guys wanna know what's going on, what I've been keeping from you... and maybe you have a right to know. So... I will try to tell you some of it, at least... just a little."
She paused, resting her elbows on the back of the chair and lightly bringing her hands up, her fingertips on each hand lightly pressing together and palms remaining apart as she drew her hands in. Her touching index fingers lightly rest against her nose, while her thumbs rest against her chin, and her eyes closed.
The other four all blinked in slight shock, recognizing the somewhat unique gesture. It was something they had seen before now, a habit Hora had, one she showed when she was thinking deeply, intently.
"... It's just complicated, and really... hard."
Can I tell you... without losing you...?
"... I guess, I'll start with... with Over-Drive..." She mumbled lowly, voice wavering just slightly. ".... It's kind of... a drawback, to my Magic I guess you could say..... with all that power that my Magic lands me.... Sometimes it can get too wild, and it start's to send my body and my health into flux, and if it gets bad enough... it can kill me."
Which... she was sure they were aware of by now.
"It.... It gets set off when I go through a large amount of physical, or emotional strain all at once." She mumbled, "... which is why it flared up after what happened with Jiemma..."
'You know that's not entirely true. You're still lying.'
She grit her teeth a moment.
Sting and Rogue exchanged small, fleeting looks with one another.
If they were going to be entirely honest... in all the time they had known Horatia, all the times they had worked with her, and the times they had pressed about it... they were still not entirely certain what it was her Magic was at all. She never elaborated on it, and they certainly had never seen the likes of it before either. What most they knew about it, was that it was extremely powerful, and that made Hora all the more powerful for it- and they knew the base Element for it was certainly Fire. But apart from that, Hora's Magic had always been a mystery, and an enigma. She could use so many different Spells, it was impossible to pinpoint what base Magic it was that she used.
But, despite their lack of a clue as to what it was... they knew very well it closely resembled their own Magic, to a small extent. Though they were not sure why. But even then... Somehow her Magic seemed... Darker.
"But... you've been hurt plenty of times before now, Hora." Sting murmured lowly, they decided not to press her Magic- they had done so in the past and have had years to ponder it, and still they were no closer to knowing. "This has never happened before."
"Granted.... I don't think we've ever seen you take so much damage all at once..." Rogue put in softly, eyes falling as his fists clenched in his lap. Sting sweatdropped, his own eyes falling as he growled under his breath.
"... I can't believe Master... did that..." the blonde hissed, eyes closing tightly.
"But... Atia..." Lector raised a paw tentatively, catching Hora's attention as she sweatdropped. "Why... Why did Master call you a traitor? He said... you were helping another Guild."
"Fro wonders too.." Frosch mumbled lowly, ears flat.
Hora stiffened slightly, eyes narrowing and sweatdropping heavily.
.:+:.
"Hora!"
Her eyes moved up the street, seeing Sting and Rogue standing there, expressions neutral and presences beckoning. Hora blinked, eyes softening slightly- she knew they were probably itching to run to her, start asking questions and all manner of things, but they kept their cool when they saw Lyon beside her. The act...
.:+:.
The reputation the Guild had was owed to it because of the things they were forced to do and act like- for fear they be punished by Jiemma or Minerva. The Master and the Lady wanted nothing but power and status, they wanted to rule a Guild that was feared and renowned- and they were prepared to do whatever it took to keep the Guild running in their vision of it. They used brutality and fear to force the Members of the Guild to submit to their laws, their rules, and their standards... They scared everyone into becoming what they weren't. What they didn't want to be.
.:+:.
All first appearances, and impressions of these two- they were radically different from how they truly were, especially around the people they cared for. When first meeting Sting- he came off as an arrogant prick who cared little for other people, and more for his own personal gain. Rogue seemed emotionless, as if he didn't care about the world- as was stony and cold to everyone, to all those people who didn't know him, or what he was truly like. In reality- the few people who realized that there was more to the Twin Dragon Slayers than first appeared, those would have been Orga, Yukino, Rufus... And of course Horatia.
They had put up a huge wall between their true selves and the outside world. They had created an act, a facade that they played and put on for the rest of the world- and fallen so deep into it, they couldn't be their true selves with anyone they didn't know. People didn't like them... Because they didn't know them. And maybe they never would, the way SaberTooth was going.
.:+:.
The Members of SaberTooth, those aside from the Master and his daughter... They were not evil. They were not bad, they weren't ruthless, nor inherently violent or brutal. In all reality, they were good people... But no one knew it.
No one knows it... because Jiemma's brutality and violence has melded these people I have known for years... into people I'm afraid I don't really recognize anymore.
.:+:.
She had wondered about it several times lately, when she thought on how long Sting and Rogue had been under the influence of Jiemma and his tyranny over the Guild.... That maybe that man was starting to rub off on them, and the act they put on for the outside world was becoming less and less just an act. That what Jiemma was doing was actually starting to change them, and make them... not them.
That act, the façade they put up for everyone outside of herself and their friends in the Guild, the way they behaved around other people, and especially other Wizards was entirely convincing, almost to the point of unnerving. She worried and worried that they were changing, and eventually going to become people she hardly recognized at all... if anything that was one of her biggest fears.
She just wanted them to stay them.
She wanted to believe they would never change, that they would be the people she saw them to be. That they would be the good she saw in the both of them on a regular basis, and that nothing Jiemma or his daughter did would taint that goodness in them. Sting and Rogue... and everyone in the Guild, they were all good people, they just never got the opportunity to show it. She dearly hoped one day the rest of the world would see what she did.
But... she was still worried. How were they going to react when she told them it was because she had elected herself to help Fairy Tail that had landed her in the situation she had with Jiemma? That that was the reason that man had so brutally attacked her, and labeled her a Traitor? She nearly died for what he did, and she knew well that both Sting and Rogue were angry with the thought.
But would they be angry at her, for her reasoning? And that her decision to help Fairy Tail put her in harm's way? Almost killed her? Would they blame her for making a poor decision, and angry she had risked her life... for something they didn't find worthy enough to do so..?
"..... I..." She swallowed, why was this so hard to get out..?
"... I was... I was..... w.. working... to locate... Tenrou Island..." Her voice had dropped so low it may have been no one could hear her anymore, but she knew with Sting and Rogue's Dragon ears they could still hear her very well.
Sting and Rogue blinked in slight shock at the name, sweatdropping and eyes glinting.
"... Fairy Tail's Holy Land.... Where many of their members disappeared seven... seven years ago..."
There was a silence that fell over the lot of them in those next few moments that felt like a hundred tons of weight that had suddenly fallen down over her shoulders. She didn't look up at any of them, because she was terrified she'd see anger in their faces, anger toward her for doing something they didn't agree with, and thought was stupid.
She'd stand by her belief that helping Fairy Tail retrieve its members, and more specifically those four Dragon Slayers, was the best decision. She knew it was right, in her core she knew it was the right thing... but she wasn't sure either Sting or Rogue would see it that way, not after what had happened. Not after she had almost died for her action.
".. Fairy...?" Rogue mumbled, eyes wide and sweatdropping.
".. Tail...?" Sting breathed, nearly breathlessly, looking nearly as stricken as Rogue seemed to.
It was a name they both knew well, Hora was aware. The two people that those two boys had looked up to when they were younger were Members of that Guild, and she also knew they had been devastated in their own ways when they had learned of the Fire and Iron Dragon Slayer's apparent 'death' at the claws of the Apocalyptic Dragon.
Hora nodded slightly, eyes glinting.
"Yes... and I sent what I had found about the Island to the remnants of the Guild... so they could go and find it." Hora continued softly, sounding more and more unsure by the second. "... Jiemma and Minerva... Found out about it somehow... And then... Well... You know what happened after that..."
Yeah, you idiot... You almost died. That bastard Jiemma nearly killed me... And Rogue and Sting, Lector and Frosch...
Her hands shook slightly, still with her fingertips pressed together, as her jaw clenched and she growled inwardly.
... They watched Jiemma nearly beat me to death... They never should have seen anything like that. Ever.
'... Wavering now, on your decision?'
She bit the inside of her cheek hard enough to draw blood, but didn't let herself show the sudden pain outwardly.
Never.
".. But Hora..." Rogue mumbled,
".. Why... Why help Fairy Tail...?" Sting whispered, his eyes riveted to the floor and seemingly unable to wrap his head around the idea, or maybe he was just reeling a little because he was familiar with the Guild.
"... They aren't dead." She mumbled lowly, their heads snapped up toward her in surprise, only to see she had her eyes closed, still on the same odd position of her touching index fingers lightly rest against her nose, while her thumbs rest against her chin.
"Fairy Tail... The Members that were on the Island, they didn't die, because the Island was never destroyed. It was just... Hidden." Her voice dropped to a lower, more calm tenor as Rogue and Sting continued to stare at her. "Hidden by a powerful Spell that kept everyone on the Island alive. I had been looking into it for awhile, and realized there had been a Spell set up... I sent what information I gathered to Fairy Tail so they may go to the place where Tenrou Island once stood, and rescue the Members they had thought were dead."
"... No one deserves to continue suffering in pain and heartache for years on end, especially for the loss of people they love." Hora murmured softly, her tone suddenly gentle and wispy. "... If I could help to ease anyone's suffering, and bring happiness to their lives again... I had to try."
Not to mention, that internal balance of the world that I felt had been tipped by the loss of four Dragon Slayers. But that explanation of her theory on internal balance and the importance of Slayers was too large and too long a topic to even begin to explain it to them... She had taken years to understand what she did now, and still she knew so very little.
While she could say returning those four Dragon Slayers had been her ultimate goal for helping Fairy Tail, it wasn't entirely that either. There was truth in what she said, about helping to ease Fairy Tail's pain. That was true as well.
It was pain she felt she knew all too well.
"... I did what I felt was right. Even if they are a different or a rival Guild... They're still people." Her voice was softer now, "I had to help where I knew I could."
"...We know."
Hora's eyes snapped open in sudden surprise, blinking once or twice when she was the gentle expressions on Sting and Rogue's faces, even the smallest, faintest a hints of exasperated smiles on their lips.
W-wha..?!
"You always do things you think are right." Sting murmured, "You've always done everything you can to help everyone else, even if it meant putting them before yourself." His eyes glinted in sadness in pain at that, she stiffened slightly.
"That's who you are, you care about other people's pain and always look for ways to ease their suffering. You've done that on many occasion not only for us, but for other members of the Guild too." Rogue told her softly, "So we understand why you felt the need to help Fairy Tail."
"Not that we like it all the much though," Sting butted in with a firm look. "Since it almost got you killed- but that's more on Master than it is on you."
"Just please try to be more careful, alright Hora?" Rogue sighed, "Please take care of yourself a bit more, and focus less on other people."
She stared, sweatdropping slightly and a little taken aback. This was not the response she had been expecting, at all. They were much more accepting of her actions than she assumed they would be, and on top of that- they didn't seem at all surprised with her reasoning either.
"... Huh..." She breathed, they both blinked at her, heads tilting just a little.
"What?"
"... You... Well... You took that better than I thought you would." She admitted softly, they blinked at her.
"How did you expect us to take it?" Sting grumbled, eyebrow quirked slightly. "Did you think we'd snap at you, or something?"
"Honestly, yes." She replied truthfully, this time they looked surprised. "I had thought you would be really angry with me, and think my reasons were idiotic, and dumb..." Sting and Rogue exchanged glances between themselves, looking quizzical a moment, before they both sighed and shook their heads in exasperation.
"You're thinking too much into it." Sting told her, "You're over-exaggerating things in your head, Hora."
"You do that often, actually." Rogue told her, she narrowed her eyes, head tilting.
"What?"
"You over-think things, and blow situations out of proportion in your head on occasion. Like you always expect the worse." Rogue explained, Hora's jaw dropped slightly, her hands dropping too.
"You're very optimistic, but only outwardly." Sting put in, Lector smirked and nodded his head.
"This is how optimistic you appear to be," Lector said, holding his arms out wide, before sighing and smirking softly. "But this is how optimistic you actually are, Atia." He drew his paws in together to a small distance, Hora blinked, sweatdropping.
Hora had always thought herself an optimistic person at heart, and someone who was level headed and clearly thought things through. She had never once considered herself to 'over-think' things.
Sting waved a hand in front of his nose a few times, grinning slightly. "You outta try and think about things a bit more positively than you usually do." his fangs flashed in his smile slightly. "Of course we wouldn't get real mad at you for being who you are."
"We'll just scold you for not telling us sooner." Rogue smiled slightly. Frosch smiled and lift a paw.
"Fro thinks so too!"
... Do I really... Think the worst of things...?
She hadn't ever considered the idea, but apparently it was something she did often- at least, often enough that both Sting and Rogue had taken notice of it.
... So they're telling me... I'm a pessimist...?
'... It's a curse, and not of the regular kind.'
She glanced to the floor, biting the inside of her cheek again as she cursed at the voice.
... I wonder... Have I been thinking the worst of things this whole time...?
Could it even be possible that in her own mind she jumped to the worst conclusion, and that because of that she had inadvertently made it impossible for herself to see any bright side to things? Had she been holding herself back for fear of things she thought might happen- but those things were actually blown up to be worse than they could be in reality?
She wouldn't deny that she kept secrets for fear of awful, awful things that may happen... Things she had convinced herself would happen if she said some things... But what if what she assumed would happen, was so much worse than it actually was?
... What if the bad things she feared... We're mostly imaginary...? Had she been afraid, for no reason at all...?
She bit her lip a little, eyes closing as silence fell between the lot of them suddenly.
Maybe it was possible she blew things out of proportion, and what she was afraid of was unrealistic. Maybe she had been keeping secrets and hiding things for fear of something that may never actually happen...
... But maybe not. She was still afraid, and she would continue to be too. She knew how twisted and dark and screwed up she was inside, and she was still afraid of how they would react should they her learn how deep her darkness ran.
"... I never knew... I came off that way..." She managed to mumble after awhile. Maybe there was truth in what they said, yes, but at the same time she did think that way for a reason- and she had every right to jump to such awful conclusions. Life had given her plenty reason to doubt, and she had seen plenty of things, and lived through them enough to know the world could be an awful, ugly place full of terror and pain. She knew that better than most.
"... I guess... I'll have to try looking at things a bit more optimistically than I usually do." She murmured, flaming back up toward them. "... Maybe if I manage that... I can be a bit more open, and a little more honest." They smiled slightly, nodding once.
"Take your time, Hora." Sting murmured,
"Just please don't forget, we worry and care for you as much as you do us. We want to know when you're in pain, and we want to help. So next time you find yourself in a harmful place... Tell us, ok?" Rogue murmured, red eyes glinting as she slowly nodded.
"I'll give it my best..." She murmured, nodding a little. "... I don't plan to get into what I meant... When I said I couldn't leave the Guild, just so you know." She added in, "It's not... The easiest subject." They blinked,
"... Alright."
"But... This wasn't so bad, I suppose." She murmured, leaning back against the edge of the desk as her eyes fell closed and she crossed her arms over her chest. She had thought this would be much harder, telling them anything. And she still had told them very little, but truth be told she didn't know where to start if she tried to get into anything else... And they hadn't really asked very many specific questions. And something told her they still wondered, but they weren't going to press anything... She appreciated that. "... Thanks... For being patient with me." She murmured softly,
"You got it." They murmured softly,
"... Oh." She murmured, leaning up again and settling her deep blue gaze on them, she smirked slightly and they all blinked in confusion and shock at it. "Just as a heads up, you're gonna have better competition this year at the GMG. Don't think it's gonna be like all the past years, it's different this time around."
"What do you mean?" Sting murmured, head tilted slightly. For the moment they allowed the sudden change in subject, and didn't question it- though they figured she was avoiding trying to explain herself any more than she had already tried to.
"Well, for one- Jura of the Ten Wizard Saints is planning to participate. He told me when I was at Lamia." She smiled, for a small moment she swore she saw a flicker of nervousness shine in the two Dragon Slayers eyes a moment, maybe it was because they knew Jiemma wouldn't take kindly to them losing a match, let alone the Games. "And the God Slayer in their Guild is planning to join in too." She added.
"I suppose that means we'll have to put in some extra work when we go to train for the Games then." Rogue murmured, Sting nodded in agreement.
"Lamia must be going all out if they have a Wizard Saint joining in.." Sting grumbled,
"They are going all out, and for a reason." Hora smirked, earning their surprised eyes.
"Why would they be?" Lector mewed,
"Fro wonders as well." Frosch murmured,
"Fairy Tail is going to participate in the Grand Magic Games this year." Hora smiled, they all blinked in utter shock. "The Mages who returned from being gone for 7 years will probably be among the participants. Which means,"
Rogue and Sting visibly perked up, she could see it in their eyes, she could almost imagine they were waiting with bated breath for what she would be saying, it was what immediately popped into their heads no doubt.
"Gajeel and Natsu might be in the Games, and you two may have the chance to go against two people you looked up to."
They glanced between one another, smirking slightly and looking pleased.
"That would make for quite the battle," Rogue murmured.
"The games would certainly be more interesting, especially if we managed to face off against them." Sting smirked, his blue eyes glinting in clear glee.
Hora leaned back again, smiling softly as she saw their moods lighten so suddenly. It was a nice change from how somber and worried they had been since meeting up with them again- and they were like that because of her, she knew all too well. But she had seen them talk about the two people they had idolized when they were younger, and she had seen the admiration in their eyes when they had, and knew that though they may hide and deny it- they still looked up to those two Fairy Tail Dragon Slayers, and it would probably mean the world to them to go against their idols in a real fight.
She hoped Gajeel and Natsu were in the Games, she wanted to see Sting and Rogue face the people they looked up to, and a small part of her hoped maybe doing so would break away that façade they had built up because of Jiemma.
I hope... I really hope.
Hora let out a small sigh, she looked forward to the Games.... But still she was a little nervous about them too. It was the GMG that gave SaberTooth its reputation, and Jiemma was always in a worse mood around and during the Games, and for it Minerva was extra wicked. There was a lot of pressure on the Team that participated in the Games, and a lot of fear too- they knew that failure was not an option, and if they slipped up in any way, the Guild would have hell to pay.
Hora's grip about her arms tightened slightly, a sudden flash of anger making its way through her at the thought, and worry too.
She knew how strong Sting and Rogue were firsthand, that went for Orga, Rufus, and Minerva as well- who all made up the regular team to participate in the GMG. But she was also slightly nervous, she was excited to see what would become of the GMG this year, and what the other Guilds would bring to the table.... But would the new power coming to the Games be too much for SaberTooth to handle? Could they lose?
... If they lose, the Guild's gonna be the front line for Jiemma's wrath... and if it's anything like what happened to me....
Her jaw clenched, sweatdropping slightly as her gaze fixed to the floor, eyes narrowed to slits and glinting slightly.
.... I won't be able to do a damn thing... If I tried to fight back and rebel, Jiemma will kill me.
Her eyes moved up toward Frosch, Lector, Rogue and Sting as they talked to themselves, smiling and looking excited.
... And I don't know what'll happen to them, if I were to be killed. I honestly don't want to find out.
... But I don't want the Guild hurt either.
Everything had changed, it had all changed so quickly, all in the course of week, and all of it- because of what happened, what Jiemma did, how hurt she had become... and how she had almost died.
They had seen her break down, they saw the walls crumble and they had a glimpse inside to see how twisted, and broken she was... they saw how weak and cold she was on the inside, and that was something they would never un-see. They would look at her differently now, despite their promise not to- they couldn't forget what happened, what they learned, what they had seen in her... her true self.
Everything about my life, it's complicated... and it just got more so. Damn it, I never asked for any of this.
Brother.... What am I gonna do...?
.:+:.
Alrighty! Thanks for reading guys, and sticking with it! Hopefully updates will be more often now that I have a bit more motivation to write and post! ^w^
Next Chapter should pick back up a little, though you must hate me still- since Hora's still a big freakin' mystery :'D
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