Nine
Promise couldn't avoid Zayne's pensive stare, his green orbs still remained fixed on hers. She could nearly feel the heat radiating from his frame as he stood towering over her. "I just, I don't..."He was still speechless. She exhaled softly, her eyes steadily raking over him – she couldn't make herself turn away. Even then, she was drawn to him.
"A whole fucking child though..."He finally found his words after standing in complete silence for another couple of minutes or so. Promise could feel the nervousness still permeating her body. "There's no reason for me to stand here and lie to you."She answered, although she was sure he didn't want to hear anything else from her.
"My father warned me about women like you,"He seethed, his full lips curled into a scowl. She began to shake her head. Women like her? He was ignorant... and so damn caught off guard that he was searching for any reason to block her out. The apprehension that she'd felt in the beginning began to melt away, replacing itself with a new found fire. Clearly, he was accusing her of an attempt to use him. He didn'thave anything that she didn't. She just thought it best that he learned of the life he helped to create.
She couldn't believe the "man" standing before her, he looked more like a boy at the moment - a scared one at that. "You think I want something from you, you think I'm out to trap you?!"She scoffed, folding her arms across her chest. Zayne shrugged nonchalantly,"Why the hell else would you just come out with this shit, huh?"
"Because..." Promise's hesitation confirmed his beliefs. At least, he'd seen it as hesitation when it was the furthest thing from it. Zayne didn't stand there to await her response, instead bypassing her. "Exactly..." He murmured into her ear just before stepping around her.
"There you go walking away again like a scared ass little boy!"
That stopped him in his tracks once again. "I'm already over this shit so..." He tossed over his shoulder, his head turned so that she was only getting a glimpse of him gnawing at the inside of his jaw.
"I'm surrounded by kids at my job on a daily, and seeing those dads that show up for their babies everyday just... it bothers me that I haven't given my son or his father the opportunity to know one another."
"I already said I'm not for all this shit right now..."
"Right, because you're still trying to walk away from me, Zayne. I mean, I can't take looking into my son's face and then seeing you all in the same day.."
She couldn't take the constant thought of her son not even having the chance to have that bond. She felt it selfish of her to keep them away from another, because SHE was afraid of what could possibly happen. What would happen if she decides not to tell Zayvion about his dad? There'd be a possibility that he'd grow up thinking that his father didn't want him. Then the cycle would continue – that feeling of being unloved would persist.
Promise knew she owed it to them both to give them a chance to get to know each other.
If it didn't work then she would be able to go on with her life, because she could say that she tried.
"I should have known it was some bullshit when you just showed up like you did, should have known it was something foul...That's exactly why I don't trust females now, always wanna try to be on the come up off a nigga..."
Promise began to laugh to conceal the irritation that so desperately made her want to lash out. "You're an ignorant asshole, Zayne."
"I'll be that as long as you know I'm not claiming your kid."
Promise nodded her head, her eyes glued to the back of his light jacket. "I don't believe any of it.." He continued to utter angrily. She just wanted him to close his mouth, but she was trying to stay calm. She didn't want to fly off the handle too quickly.
"Yeah, well you believe it only takes one time and two people to make a baby, right? Again, I'm not lying on your little dick Zayne,"She rolled her eyes.
He turned around and furrowed a lone eyebrow," Yeah, okay. Why not bring him then?!"Zayne's voice carried through the air, making Promise glad they were alone.
"Clearly, I was preparing myself for your little temper tantrum ahead of time. He doesn't need that!" She'd hit another nerve because he was towering over her again, his chest heaving up and down. Promise didn't flinch this time - she could see it - FEAR. She'd realized he was afraid the moment he mentioned some of the things his father soiled his mind with.
"I've seen this before, I know the routine and I know you're lying!" Zayne grasped her chin, piercing her eyes with his own. She pushed his hand away, "You just don't want to believe me!" The picture she tried showing him before nearly remained forgotten, but it dawned on her that this moment was fitting to put his doubts to rest.
Promise untucked the photo and forced it into his view. "Does this look like a come up?" She witnessed his irises darken and grow wider by the second. "Where are the lies in his face, Zayne?" Her tone turned softer, a fresh batch of tears threatening to spill over.
He slowly latched onto the picture, tugging it so that she'd release it. "I told you that I know what I see everyday, and it's you all over again." She wrapped her arms around herself to ward off the cool breeze. Zayne was stuck, his feet were moving while he paced, but other than that he was on autopilot.
An uncomfortable quietude consumed them. Promise couldn't tell what Zayne was thinking. His eyes had been fixed on that picture ever since he'd set sight on it. The tension was still thick, without any hints of it dying down soon. "Damn," he huffed, his hands on top of his head while he looked into the night sky. "I can't do this!" He shouted. She flinched, not because of his voice, but for obvious reasons.
She knew it.
She should've expected it, but it didn't hurt any less.
"So that's it?"
Zayne watched her for a moment before his stare settled on the picture again. "Zayne," She called to him. He purposely ignored her. She scrubbed her hand across her head with a roll of her eyes. "I'm trying to talk to you...ignoring me is childish, but then again I'm learning not to expect much from you."
She wanted him to know that everything wasn't about him and everybody wasn't out to get him. He frowned with his attention focused on her again. Her feet carried her until she was standing in front of him.
"You think I'm out here trying to play with you about this? You think I chose you because you're supposedly the big man on campus?!"
"You really don't wanna know what I think of you right now..."
"I could care less! Cause it's not about you or me, it's about my son and the fact that he needs his father."
"I'm not..."
Before Zayne could allow the words to finish passing his lips, she'd shoved him. "I want him to know you, that's it. Nothing more, nothing less." She wouldn't continue to subject herself to his dismissal of her child. Of course, she knew it would be a shock to his system but she hadn't planned for him to be so detached. Promise stared into his hallow green pools, with tears descending from her blue ones.
She sucked in a slow breath as she silently coached herself to get it together. "I guess it was wrong of me to just come up here with my high expectations, that you'd be open, willing, and wanting to teach our son to be a man. I feel so stupid and let down, because all of that just seems impossible now. It took everything in me to come to you, but I was tired of hiding it. It takes too much energy."
Zayne's whole demeanor mirrored his eyes – disconnected.
He was in a world of his own, another dimension where he was hearing her, but he wasn't receiving her.
"You done," Zayne queried, having grown tired of her one woman pity party. She angled her head to the side, taking him in for all that he was. "Obviously, and you can keep the picture." She didn't utter another word while he turned around and started his trek back towards his house.
Deep down, she hoped he would change his mind eventually. She wiped at her eyes as her shoulders sagged in defeat.
So much for wishful thinking...
------
Promise had been sitting in her car for a little while staring out into the starless onyx atmosphere. She could relate to the sky at that moment with it's blackened emptiness.
She was outside of the complex that Nikita lived in which was still on campus. Promise knew as soon as she got there that she'd be able to detect her sudden change in mood. It was obvious. Her face still contained traces of stray tears. The low murmuring of music was the only thing able to placate her for as long as she had been sitting there.
She glanced at the clock on her dash before willing herself to get out. She locked the door and stuffed her hands into her jacket. "Get it together, Promise."She mumbled to herself quietly as she neared the entrance to the building. She trudged down the long hallway quietly, scrutinizing everything going on around her.
She watched as two people ran down the hall laughing and giggling at one another, one of them male and the other female. Loud music flooded into the hall from one of the dorm rooms being open. She waved at a couple of people that she knew as she filed down the hall to the elevator. It kind of made her miss living on campus, because there was always something going on.
Once reaching the elevator she pulled her hood over her head as to hide herself from anyone else. She observed the numbers as they lit up red whenever it would come across another floor. It finally sounded, signaling that she'd reached the fourth floor. She couldn't wait to be in the confinement of her best friend's apartment.
It was only seconds later when she reached Nikita's door. She tapped on it, hoping that it wouldn't take Kita too long to answer it. "Who is that,"Promise heard her coo. She opened the door while holding her smiling son. Nikita gasped playfully,"Look it's mommy." Zayvion instantly reached out towards her.
Promise couldn't help the grin that danced across her face. He always made everything better no matter how bad things seemed.
"Hi baby."She kissed his cheek. She scooped him into her arms and held him to her chest. After having gone through that with Zayne not too long ago it made her want to hold onto him tighter. Nikita stepped aside to let the two in. Promise sauntered into the living room and sat down on the couch.
"Thanks for keeping him for a little while."
"No problem. You know I'd watch him whenever."
Promise kissed Zay one more time before putting him down on the ground. He quickly crawled away and headed for his toys that were spread out all over the floor. He seemed so happy with his things, playing in his own little world. It made her wish that he didn't have to grow up so that he'd never learn that his father didn't want to take part in raising him.
"Can I tell you something?"
"You're not okay,"Nikita frowned, watching her friend's eyes gloss over. "Tell me whenever you're ready..." Her hands shifted through Promise's wild curly mane.
"I told Zayne about him."
"I'm guessing it didn't go too well. "Nikita voiced, continuing to hold her friend. She nodded her head,"He just said he didn't want any part of it...said he couldn't do it."Promise pulled her knees up and pressed her chin into them.
"I can understand why he wouldn't go for it right off though. He did just find out that he's got a son."Nikita pointed out. She instantly shut her eyes tight, hoping that she hadn't said anything to upset her friend more.
Promise nodded. She understood that much. It was just the point that he wasn't even trying to give any of it a chance. "I know. I just don't want him to miss out on any more of his life, you know?"She huffed. Nikita draped an arm over her shoulder again. "You see your son though? Look at him."Promise pulled her head up from her legs and averted her stare to her toddler. He was still having himself a good time. "You told Zayne about his son, so now that's on him. He's the one that's missing out on knowing such a beautiful child."
The ball was in his court, and whether he chose to come around or not didn't matter. Their life would continue. She knew then that she wouldn't soil his mind with negativity just because things hadn't gone as they should have. Her goal was to raise him to be the best man he could be.
"He's so loved. I honestly think that baby knows that much. You've given him so much already Promise. He's got you, your family, and me. He'll grow into who he should be with or without Zayne."
"You're right. We'll be fine."Promise sighed, a barely there grin settling on her face.
Nikita grinned down at her, finally releasing her from their embrace and heading into the kitchen.
Zayvion peered over his shoulder at his mother, his green eyes lighting up. A smile grew across his face as he got up from the floor and walked over to her. He handed her one of his toy cars. "You want me to play?"She questioned, although she knew that's what he wanted. He nodded his head cheerfully. Promise laughed and got down on the floor with him. "Alright, mommy's gonna beat you though."She teased, lining up one of the cars on his track. "No!" He yelled happily. He sat down next to her and grabbed another car.
Nikita sauntered back into the living room, cooing at the two sprawled out on the floor playing amongst themselves. "Aw. Now that's what I love to see."She chortled lightly. "Me and Zay Zay were just about to have a movie night anyway."She announced. Promise crashed her car, gaining a laugh from her son. He found it to be nothing short of hilarious as he rolled over on his stomach. "You laughing at me?"She snickered. "Tell her Zay, say mommy can't drive."Nikita joined in.
"Mommy can't drive."He repeated, while still laughing. Promise playfully jumped at him which in turn made him hide behind Nikita who had joined them on the floor. "Alright, what are we gonna watch though?"Promise asked while walking over to the small shelf of DVD's that aligned one of the walls the living room.
"I chose Lion King, Aladdin, Toy Story, Up, Princess and The Frog, anddd Finding Nemo."
"You picked a lot of good ones. Let Zay Zay decide though."
Promise laid back on the carpeted floor and stared up at the ceiling. Zayvion crawled over her and made a silly face. She giggled and shook her as she pulled him down to her.
"Okay, which one?"Nikita inquired, spreading the movies out in front of them. Zay laid on top of his mother's stomach while she rubbed his back."This!"He exclaimed, pointing at the Lion King. "Good choice."Promise told him. Zay laid back down across her, his eyes gradually becoming lower. She laughed at him getting ready to fall asleep already. "I'm glad he picked that one. I love all the songs."Nikita trudged over to the DVD player and put the movie in. "Be prepareddddd!"She suddenly sang out, earning a laugh from Promise.
Maybe things just weren't meant to change.
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Well, SURPRISE! I know I've been gone forever and a day, which I didn't really plan, but y'all know life happens!
I'm gonna try to start updating a little more frequently, I don't want y'all to wait years lol.
Anyways, let me know what you think.
& vote, please & thank you!
💙