AIDEN
"Why can't the girl remember you?" Trish asked me softly.
I shrugged. "I don't know, angel. I didn't ask her"
I looped an arm around her as we watch the movie. Her head was still resting on my shoulders.
"Maybe she has amnesia just like me"
I was stunned. When I heard the word amnesia, I started to feel an ache in my chest again.
"You have amnesia?"
"Yes. I lost my memories but not all. Every year, I gain some and I lose some"
"How? How did you have amnesia?" She raised her head looking into my eyes. I held her hand squeezing it gently.
"Remember the night I told you I got hit by a car? When I woke up in the hospital I couldn't remember anything so my parents explained it all to me. The doctor said that I have a long term memory lost. I forgot the person that I last thought of before I got hit. I will forget him or her and some memories that I had. Up until now, I can't remember that person"
My world shattered into tiny bits of ice. That's why she couldn't remember me.
"I didn't know, angel. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault Aiden"
"Did they tell you why you crossed the street?"
"They said I was going to the post office to get some package but that's it"
It is my fault.
"What's wrong?"
"I just.. I just never mind, angel."
"Tell me"
I deserved to be forgotten.
"Nothing"
She turned away and we continued watching the movie. I couldn't help thinking about what she just said to me. It was passed 12 am now and I presumed that she's already sleeping. I turned off the television and placed the dishes in the sink quietly. I didn't want to wake her up so I carried Trish to her room and put her to bed. After making sure that she was okay, I decided to take a quick shower. I went to the bathroom and took my green shirt off. I stared at the mirror looking at the scar on my back. I got it from a fight with Roden last last month. He was taunting my friend and I got exasperated so I threw a punch at his face. He didn't backed down and taunted me more. The fight began and he was on the floor after five minutes. But the fight didn't end there. Something cut my back. It was a small knife and it hit me. I was immediately sent to the hospital. Of course, my parents never stopped scolding me.
The scar healed really fast though. I removed my jeans and boxers as I step into the shower. I felt the warm droplets of water massaging my bare back. A lot of thoughts were popping in my mind.
I can't love Trish. I'm a mess. I don't do any good to her. I can't even protect her. SHE'S MY COUSIN. THIS IS WRONG.
I thought of all the things that happened to us since she got here. It was all wrong. The past can't happen again. I told myself, I fucking told myself to stay away but I didn't. I tried, I really tried BUT I COULDN'T.
Trish is like a drug that I couldn't get enough off. I was high of her. I need her. I want her. She's my everything and it hurts so much. This whole situation is impossible. It's like picking up a broken mirror; I picked it up hoping it would go back to normal and some fairy tale twist will happen but it's not that easy. I picked up the bits and pieces of the mirror and I got hurt for trying. I bled because I chose to do the things that I thought was right. The problem is not that she can't remember me, it's not that someone wanted to kill her, it's the fact that we're cousins and it will never change. I will never have her.
I punched the wall so hard it turned my knuckles into red. I wanted to escape this bad dream but then realized, it's not a dream. It was never a dream.
Tears started flowing down my face. I rested my back on the wall slowly sinking down on the floor. I brushed my fingers into my hair thinking about what will happen next. I assumed that Trish has no idea with what I'm dealing right now. She has no idea that she's my biggest fear. She has no idea how frightened I am in losing her.
I sobbed to ease the pain. I couldn't refrain myself for crying out loud. I couldn't keep it inside.
-------
I can hear the loud drops of rain. I woke up, eyes still heavy. I didn't want to get up. I wanted to lock myself in my room all day long but that's not possible. I opened my eyes urging myself to do something productive.
I lay down on my bed feeling guilty that I didn't sleep with Trish last night. What if she had nightmares? I bemoaned.
I surge up and went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth deeming if my decision to stay away from Trish is right.
The girls were not up yet when I went to the kitchen to cook breakfast. My parents are still at Detroit so I'm in charge.
I don't even know how to cook but at least I tried? I heated the pan, put some oil and got some eggs at the fridge. I was shocked that the oil started to explode when I placed the eggs. I waited for minutes staring at the pan.
I just stood there.
After a few minutes, the egg was turning black. What did I do? It's burned! I switched the stove off.
Great Aiden, good job.
I got a plate and placed the egg. I was washing the pan when I heard a voice. Trish
"Morning" she said
I jerked my head nervously to face her. My heart was beating fast. Tug tug tug tug tug.
Before I could reply, Cecily and Carmela walked into the room.
"What happened!" Cecily said complaining
"Look! Black egg!"
The girls laughed when they saw my masterpiece.
I shrugged. "I tried"
"We know you tried" Carmela said but wouldn't stop laughing
"Okay guys quit it just grab some cereal okay?" Trish said
We all sat down at the island bar eating our cereals.
I was eating quietly while Trish gazed at me. I think she noticed it but didn't bother to say a word. I inclined my head so our eyes wouldn't have a chance to meet.
When we finished, the rain stopped. I changed into my shorts because I was only wearing my boxers when we ate breakfast.
I went to the park so that I can think and clear my mind. I walked into the wet streets. The wind was still cold but I didn't shiver. My hoodie protected me. I arrived at the park after ten minutes. The leaves were scattered everywhere. I sat on the swing in front of the lake and threw rocks.
"Hey? Aiden?" A girl said
I jerked my head to gaze at the girl. It's Sarah.
Sarah's my close friend. We've been friends for four years now. She's a year older than me and graduated high school a year ago. She's pretty but not my type.
"Hey" I said.
She sat at the swing beside me.
"I saw you at my window and I know you have a problem"
"Well yes I have."
"Tell me. What is it, Williams?"
"Remember the girl I told you about?"
"Your first love?"
"Yeah I live with her now"
"Wait. What?" She opened her mouth and closed it again. She paused for a minute trying to sink it all in.
"She came back"
"Oh that's hard. So what's the problem then?"
"I love her. I still love her and I don't know what to do"
"You know what to do, Aiden. I know you do"
"I'm scared."
"Forget the risk, and take the fall. If it's meant to be, then it's worth it all"
"But what if it's not meant to be?"
"That's why you need to do it in order to know"
"I guess so."
"And by the way, I quoted it from tumblr" she said