I rub my eyes tiredly, they widen in surprise as soon as they land on my girlfriend sitting on the floor in front of our bedroom door looking stressed, "Laur? What are you doing? Come back to bed." I whisper forgetting all about our previous night.
"I'm all packed up." She murmurs quietly, just loud enough for me to understand it.
"W-what?" I stutter out throwing my legs over the edge ready to stand up.
"I'm all packed up, but I can't leave this, I can't leave us, most importantly I can't leave you, my heart won't let me. It hurts just to think about it, yet I want to give you some space." Lauren's hands are flying around the air and if her heart feels as bad as mine does I wonder how are we still holding on.
"How much more space do you think I need? Let's stop this suffering once and for all, I do not need space and from all of the people around us I do not need it from you, not even close. We had a rough night, but we will move past it." I try to assure myself as well, it's a shitty move but somehow I hope that if Lauren would have known she would have understand me.
"I do not want to." I hear her sob out into the cold night air as I sit down next to her our legs brushing slightly, I said it before how we don't need space and now I'm fighting against my own words trying to give her some, even though I want nothing more than hold her tightly and tell her that we'll survive this and anything that comes our way.
"I don't understand this. What do you want then?" Her green eyes search for mine in the dark, her hand falls down on my thigh gently and she gives it a light squeeze.
"I want us to talk about it properly, about how fucked up I am, about how fucked up this is, about how happy you and Noah make me feel. Even on the days I'm nothing more than an empty shell you stand by me, your love never questions anything."
"Do I have a reason to question you? Us?" Lauren's fingers dig harshly into the skin her hand is still stuck on, bringing out a little squeak from my lips. I can feel movements and it doesn't take long to feel her hot breath against my ear, she breathes out some air followed by a deep sigh. Her fingers roam down the lenght of my arm softly, her legs flying over mine in no time, she seems surprised by her own actions when I finally get to see her eyes in the moonlight. Lauren is straddling me and I am frozen in place beneath her, just waiting, waiting for her to say something.
I've been waiting for a while now to see her break down her own walls and let me in since I can't seem to do it. I've been waiting for a fragile woman to show me her true colours but there's the catch, my fiancee is anything but that, fragile is just not the word that would suit her no matter how you turn it around.
"God no, you have no reason to doubt this, us, the love I feel when you just take a simple glance my way. Your arms that's where I feel safe and sound."
"Then stay," I let out quietly, my voice shaking a little. Lauren does, she stays, the only thing that happens is that she turns around slowly, her back pressed to my front as we observe the stars through the window in our room.
"Can we dance? I need to feel you closer, please baby," I stand up extending my hand for my beautiful girl to take, I smile as she does so, bringing her up, our faces inches apart, "kiss me with affection." Lauren mumbles quietly and I close my eyes leaning in to give her a little peck, she complains immediately but I pull my phone out, Lauren takes it away and scrolls around like she is searching for one particular song. As it comes on I almost sob, but her strong arms pull me in immediately, her lips collide with mine in a slow passionate kiss.
I can see it in your eyes as I am stumbling home
You living with the man that you no longer know
You forgot to smile as I passed you by
Now we sitting down for dinner we got nothing to say
It's like I am watching you slowly slipping away
From me, from me
We sway around our bedroom Lauren's eyes burning into mine like she is saying sorry for all that happened between us, "you should smile more baby, even when I don't remember you and everything seems too much to handle, just smile because at the end of the day you're the owner of this," she grabs my hand and puts it on her beating heart, "it's yours no matter what, it will find its way back home inside your arms every time."
Remember when I used to make you laugh
And every joke was better than the last
Tell me how to bring you back to this
Maybe I just need to reminisce and work it out
"We were so happy back there weren't we? I want that back, I want us back," I tell her and Lauren giggles, "we are happy, you make me happy even when all I want to do is feel miserable. Even when I want to crawl beneath the blanket and stay there for eternity, when I want to scream, cry," Lauren takes a deep breath pressing our foreheads together, "I simply can not imagine my life without you."
What happened to perfect
What happened to us
We used to be worth it
We never gave up
It wasn't on purpose
But hurts like it was
Nobody deserves this
What happened to perfect
"You never gave up on me, this time I am telling you, my heart will never give up on us even if my mind does, because this tiny little shit inside my chest that beats for you only, will never let you go, ever," her warm lips wrap themselves around my bottom lip, kissing it gently, sucking on it slowly, making my knees weak.
If you left me baby where would you go
I can't imagine you ever being alone
I am a jealous man but I try to understand
So many things to say I don't know where to start
I can't pick up the pieces of a crumbling heart
So true, so true
"This is our home now Lo, I have nowhere else to go, I can't imagine waking up without you by my side," I tell her quietly, trying to pull her closer to me even though we both know that that's impossible.
"What are you thinking about?" I ask her when I see her staring over my shoulder blankly.
"Love," Lauren whispers quietly, "what about it baby?"
"Love means caring for someone more than you care for yourself right? Love is putting someone above everything and everyone. True love means accepting eachother the way you two are, if people can't accept you the way you are, they don't deserve to see you in a different light and you do baby, you accept the messed up version of the old Lauren. It means knowing eachothers flaws, deepest secrets, eachothers past and embracing it, you accept it, you love an imperfect person perfectly. And y/n I love the things you hate about yourself. I see the little things you do, the way you read, the way your face changes when you reach the funny or sad part of the story, the way you walk through the door, the way you hold my heart like it's the most precious thing you ever held. And I am doing the same, I'm trying to hold your heart, I care for it, I cherish it, I'm making sure to keep all the pieces together for you. Because breaking your heart means breaking mine. When you're happy, I'm happy, when you're sad all I want to do is make you feel better, but deep inside it's killing me seeing you that way." I am amazed by her words as I lean in for a little kiss before I start my own little speech.
"Loving means holding eachother right?Talking until the sun comes up. We don't just have sex, we are making love. A lot of times I just want to hold you in my arms. We have to understand that being in love doesn't mean, we'll be happy all the time, the bad days will come, but we can't let them tear us apart Lauren. The world can give me thousands of reasons to give up on my better half, but I'll find that one reason that will make me stay Laur, I promise I will. We need to know that there is no bad or good love, every kind of love is good. But what means the most for us is trust, trust is the main reason for a good relationship. If there's no trust, there's no us. Simple as that. You have to be able to open up to the person you love, you have to trust me not matter what Laur, because I do, I trust you with everything that I am. You have to let me see you in a bad and good way, because that's what matters, being yourself around me."
"You've seen it all, yet you're still here holding onto me," Lauren sobs out, her nails digging into my neck.
"Another important thing is being faithful you know, you have to understand that when you take a step into a relationship, there's no other person for you, and you ruined that the first time we were together. To be honest I don't know if I ever recovered from that completely, but I do know that I am doing my best and you are doing your best as well."
"My eyes are made for you, you are my kind of perfect, the only time I will look at any other girl is, when I'll be looking at her thinking: I really do have the best girlfriend in the world." I slap her shoulder gently, pressing a little sweet kiss on her cheek.
"My dad once told me, true love means that even if you two fall apart after some time, you let her go with the smile on your face, even if it's slowly eating you inside, even if there's a war happening inside of you, you have to smile and let her go. You have to wish her luck on her way to the happiness, you have to accept the fact that you've tried to make her happy and you probably succeded for some time, but it's time to let go. Don't let her suffocate. But as the years are slowly passing us by I am starting to realize that he was wrong, I can't imagine letting you go with a smile on my face, I don't even want to think about it."
"Good thing is that we don't have to, you know why?"
"Why?"
"Because I am never leaving you, I love you more than I love the air that I am breathing. It's true what they say, true love changes you, for good or for bad, it leaves the deepest scars and it's hard to replace that kind of love. But you should never give up, that kind of love will make you look at the life from different perspective. You'll no longer be that little, naive and a little dumb teenager, you'll grow up, you'll see the life in a different light. You'll become a person with some scars and a past, a person with a good advice for their grandchildren." I try to object immediately, but Lauren shushes me up.
"And if true love survives, we have to know that there'll be bumps on the road, things will go out of control, but our faith has to be strong enough. If it's meant to be, love will find it's way. Love has no end and no beginning. It starts with a little spark until there's a fire burning up inside of you. Love means being there for your better half. And as time passes us by I will learn how to pick you up when you will fall, how to hold you when you will feel broken, how to say the right things or even how to stay quiet, how to let you know you're the one and only in my life, how to cherish you, I'll learn what makes you happy. Sometimes having you in my arms, sleeping peacefully has to be enough. Sometimes listening to your heart beat when you're sleeping or watching your chest raise and fall it's all I need to feel home."
"Lauren," I try but she puts a finger on my lips to silence me again.
"I'll spend my life learning with you, learning how to love, how to fight, how to kiss, how to hug you in the way that you will forget about the world and bad things surrounding you, for a little while. As we will be getting old and I will see how you're changing, I will see grey hair or an age wrinkles but I will still think that you are perfect. And I believe that that's love, accepting, loving, caring, getting old, fighting, finding home. Because for me, home is right where you are. Inside the arms that care for me no matter what. And if I ever get lost, I'll keep the faith that you will find me. Because you are my lighthouse that's showing me the way back home, I don't need no stars for that baby."
"Laur," I start again but as I see her shaking her head at me I stay quiet, "I think we don't need to wait anymore baby, let's get married. Remind me every day when the wedding is happening, I want to do it, one day when I wake up I want to see that golden ring around your finger, I want you to be my wife and I think it's time, don't you?" Lauren whispers wiping my tears away as I nod into her shirt letting it all out.
What's under the surface
It used to be love
Would you call if you heard this
Would you know it was us
It wasn't on purpose
But it hurts like it was
Nobody deserves this
What happened to perfect
Nobody deserves this
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It's been a while, but here is the next chapter of Nothing like us 😊 This might be a bit boring chapter, I might not like it as much as I want to, but yeah, here it is anyway.
I hope you enjoyed it!
~Monnie