5 - Maelstrom
The first thing Jotaro saw was Hierophant Green sitting on the edge of Kakyoin's bed. When it heard the door opening, it's shiny green head jerked around, it's yellow eyes locking with Jotaro's. It doesn't attack, nor does it make any other movement. Jotaro quirks an eyebrow.
Why would Kakyoin's stand be out?
Jotaro walks into the room and closes the door quietly. He peeks over Hierophant Green to see Kakyoin curled up under the blankets, a little bit of his red hair sticking out from under the covers. Jotaro wants to wake him up, but god knows what could have gotten him so tired that he would sleep in such a tangle of sheets during the hottest period of the afternoon.
Jotaro manages to hold back and pulls up a chair for himself, settling it down gently beside Kakyoin's bed. He picks up one of the books from the shelf next to him and starts browsing through to get the idea and urge to wake his friend up out of his mind.
Kakyoin dreams deep. He finds himself lying down in a huge field of flowers which he couldn't name. The sky was a beautiful baby blue with cotton candy clouds, fluffy and white. A flock of birds soar past, a swarm of butterflies flutter over the swaying flowers. Kakyoin blinks.
What a dream.
He stands up and the field stretches on and on and on, continuing for eternity past the horizon. Hierophant Green stands next to him, staring at nothing.
"They say dreams are a collection of memories, the replay of events that have been witnessed, and even what one desires. What did we do to get this dream, huh?" Kakyoin wonders aloud. Hierophant Green doesn't reply as always, just continues staring.
Kakyoin walks out, Hierophant floating close behind. As he walks and walks, he sees sand, and as he trudges out into the sand, he sees water. It's as clear as crystal, as blue as could be. He looks into the water to see massive corals of all sorts of festive colors, fish of all kinds of species and shells of upmost beauty. Kakyoin was so enraptured that he didn't notice he was knee deep in the water, wanting to get a closer look. Hierophant Green reaches into the waters, and grabs onto a huge conch shell. Kakyoin dips his head under the gentle waves, opening his eyes. The sunlight filters through most beautifully, the seaweed stretching out from the sea bed to reach that light. A crab scuttles along, kicking up grains of golden sand. A fish kisses Kakyoin's face out of curiosity, zipping behind a huge head of coral when Kakyoin's focus shifts to look at it.
How could he fear such a beautiful place?
It was strange that he felt no fear towards the sea, even though he was in a dream. Usually, a look at even a grain of sand would send him panicking and sweating bullets. But the panic never came like it should.
Kakyoin decides to resurface, and kicks his legs, but he was deeper than he remembered. He was supposed to be only knee deep...
And his lungs constrict.
Hierophant Green is kneeling on the surface of the water, hand outstretched and unraveling to grab hold of Kakyoin. Even with him reaching his maximum range, Hierophant Green's fingers merely brush Kakyoin's.
The water grows darker, the fish disappear and the coral have all seemed to vanish. Kakyoin opens his mouth to shout, but not even a bubble comes out. With all his oxygen spent, his vision begins to blur at the edges, Hierophant Green, who was struggling to dive down into the water but strangely could not, was now a glowing blob. Kakyoin's outstretched hand a dollop of peach-colored appendages.
Kakyoin lets out a silent scream as he feels something grabbing him and suddenly dragging him deeper into the sea. The surface shrinking into a dot of light amidst the darkness, continuously shrinking and shrinking and when Kakyoin sees that the dot was a puny pinprick of light, he wakes up.
He huffs, a sheen of sweat on his body and rivulets of it streaming down his face. Kakyoin squirms out of the tight cocoon of blankets and sheets that was uncomfortably warm. He finds Hierophant Green missing from the foot of his bed, sits up and scans the room for his stand.
"Kakyoin?" He must still be asleep, dreaming. Jotaro wasn't in Japan. He was still overseas studying. That baritone voice must belong to dream Jotaro. Kakyoin gazes longingly at dream Jotaro, taking in the white hat and coat he wore and those lovely blue eyes that seemed to set him at ease in a mere second...
And dream Jotaro reaches out and pulls Kakyoin into a hug, snapping him out of his post-nap confusion.
"I'm here." Jotaro says. Kakyoin pushes Jotaro back, scanning the other's face, confirming that this was no dream nor stranger.
"Jotaro!" Kakyoin yells and he tackles Jotaro down and he clings onto Jotaro for dear life.
"Yare yare daze, Kakyoin. Careful, don't kill me before we can talk again." Jotaro rubs Kakyoin's back as Kakyoin just cries and cries. Jotaro pulls Kakyoin closer, laughing to himself as he stares at the ceiling fan rotating.
Kakyoin's heart was bursting. Jotaro was really here! He was here! He should be angry at him for not telling him that he couldn't make it to the art exhibition on the day itself, and that he let him down, but he was too overwhelmed by Jotaro's presence.
"You are so weird." Kakyoin chuckles through his hiccups and sniffles, and buried his face into Jotaro's shoulder. "Fuck. I feel like a big baby."
Jotaro sits up and adjusts himself into a more comfortable position on the bed, shifting Kakyoin away from his shoulder to look at him.
The foundation on his eyes had been terribly smeared and smudged all the way to his chin. Kakyoin's eyes were bloodshot and his nose dripped from all the crying. His purple eyes danced with joy, his hands now gripped the lapels of Jotaro's jacket and was sitting on Jotaro's lap, legs on either side of the bigger boy's.
"The foundation's smeared. I thought you gave up on covering the scars up." Kakyoin looks away. The intensity of Jotaro's gaze made him fidget. Kakyoin scrambles to get up when he realized he was sitting in Jotaro's lap, groping about for a chair.
Jotaro's deep, rumbling chuckle comes out of the blue. Kakyoin stops struggling and watches his best friend laugh a little. Jotaro's long lashes brush his cheeks as his eyes closed, large hand curled into a fist to cover his beautiful smile as he chuckles...
Kakyoin was mesmerized.
He reaches out for Jotaro's fist, and moves it away. Jotaro opens his eyes with the flutter of lashes and the ocean stares back at Kakyoin, his smile from laughing softens and he sighs.
"Well, did you miss me?"
Kakyoin feels all the hairs on his neck stand and at this point he was sure he was a puddle of human flesh at Jotaro's feet. Jotaro's smile slowly melts away and a brow arches.
"Are you alright, Kakyoin?"
"No!" Kakyoin yelps, suddenly remembering to breathe. The ocean blue of Jotaro's eyes was all that he could see after that smile disappeared. "I mean, yes! I just... now that you are here, I thought you would never be since you called me telling me that you couldn't make it, and I was thinking that you had let me down and-"
"Hey, slow down. We got all the time in the world." Jotaro places a warm hand
on Kakyoin's shoulder, reassuring the red head that he won't leave just yet. "Take a breath, Kakyoin. Your face is extremely red and you feel warm. Are you sick?"
Kakyoin shudders at the touch of Jotaro's hand to his forehead. "N-no. I'm just really happy to see you again." 'Happy' was an understatement.
"Hm. That's good." Jotaro nods, shifting his hat on his head. "Well, now that I'm here, I apologize that I left you hanging like that at the exhibition. I really couldn't do anything about it. I'm sorry."
Kakyoin looks at Jotaro, watching his face dull with a hint of sadness. "Well... I-"
"I'm truly sorry, Kakyoin. I know that you placed a lot of trust in me and yet I had forsaken you. That was a terrible thing to do. I almost feel like DIO now."
"That's not the problem! I-" Kakyoin holds his tongue, he knew Jotaro wasn't the best at interaction nor anything too social. But then, neither was he. It was already beyond imagination that Jotaro thought of his mother so much more than anyone realized, and even more mind boggling that he cared for Kakyoin beyond what problems lay on the surface. Jotaro knew Kakyoin's faults and liabilities, he understood the way Kakyoin functioned and how he thought to an impressive extent.
Kakyoin could only smile a little crookedly in reply. He felt like crying.
Jotaro looks at him with that impassive look on his face. Silence enveloped the room. Jotaro's hand still on Kakyoin's shoulder.
Kakyoin discovered something as Jotaro locked gazes with him, as Jotaro breathed and fluttered those eyelashes and as he spoke with that beautiful voice.
He loved Jotaro. Loved him more than he could ever imagine, he couldn't be angry at him. Not even if he abandoned him nor hurt him nor destroyed him.
He loved him and he needed him in more ways that he could name.
The feeling of want so foreign and fresh on his heart and mind.
This wasn't how he usually was.
"Jotaro."
"Yeah?"
"I want to say that-" Kakyoin stops short. Jotaro nods, reassuring Kakyoin that he was listening well. "I can show you my art pieces from the exhibition. Do you want to see?"
"Of course. I want to see what you have been up to." Jotaro's small smile comes flying out of nowhere and Kakyoin's heart bursts again. Jotaro excuses himself and heads off to find the toilet. Once he was out the door, Kakyoin slams a pillow to the wall. He chickened out from confessing. He wanted to tell Jotaro so bad that he was a very important person in his life and it would be a dream-no- a life goal to have him by his side. But that would mean he would risk this carefully made friendship. If Jotaro didn't feel the same way, hell, if Jotaro wasn't even gay, who knows what would he think of Kakyoin after.
The concept of loving his best friend was still very new to him.
Maybe he should wait. Clear his mind and settle his thoughts.
Now it wasn't about how handsome Jotaro was. It wasn't about how soothing his laugh was. It wasn't about how kind he actually was. It wasn't about how Jotaro was so uniquely brave and heroic. It was about Jotaro being his best friend.
His best friend was on the line and Kakyoin would rather burn in hell than lose this friendship. Kakyoin thrashes about in the tangle of blankets and bites a pillow. His heart and mind couldn't handle the storm of emotions all at once. Oh, hell, he couldn't even handle that surge of happiness from Jotaro smiling and praising their closely knit friendship.
Jotaro opens the door to see Kakyoin gripping the blankets. He huffs and helps him sit back upright and pats his back awkwardly. He wasn't sure what he should do for the frustrated boy.
"Hey, hey. Stop with all that pillow biting. What's wrong, now?" Unbeknownst to the taller boy, his usual stoic tone made his question feel like a complaint. Kakyoin knows Jotaro wouldn't mean it like that, but given his current mental situation and the circumstances, he may just believe that it really may be a complaint. But, Kakyoin gets up and struggles to shove Jotaro towards the art room.
Kakyoin opens the door and switches the lights on. The smell of paint and freshly bought canvases comfort him a little. Jotaro scans the room, amazed at how big the room was.
"Where are your paintings?" Jotaro mumbles, speaking as if too loud a noise would shatter every item in the room. The silence of the art room was surprisingly calming and serene.
Kakyoin points to a corner with a few canvases lined up sideways. He shifts the chairs blocking them and begins explaining each painting, Jotaro absorbed by Kakyoin's enthusiasm.
Kakyoin thanks god that by some mysterious power, Jotaro barely notices the resemblance between him and the 'blue-eyed man'. At the moment, he and Jotaro were eating cup noodles at a convenience store.
"How nostalgic," Kakyoin says out of the blue. "Reminds me of our high school days when we would eat instant noodles, just like this, when you would come over to my place."
"Yeah. Good times." And Jotaro slurps up the noodles.
"How long will you stay?" Kakyoin says after a minute. The dreaded question finally leaving his lips.
"For a while. I just realized year-end holidays are coming up." Jotaro takes a sip of beer, Kakyoin was surprised he didn't shotgun it like he would back in the day. Kakyoin watches earnestly as his lips latch onto a cigarette, leaving it to hang on his lips. "In about 5 more days, school will close for the holidays. So I don't think it would worth it, going back for a few more days before flying back here."
"But what about your doctorate?" Kakyoin yelps, almost slipping on the smooth tile of the convenience store. Jotaro grabs Kakyoin by the arm in the nick of time, not even needing Star Platinum.
"It's ok. I haven't skipped classes since I began uni. Until today, that is." Jotaro smirks a little at Kakyoin.
Jotaro sure was very loose with his emotions today, Kakyoin concludes. The night was colder than usual, but it was to be expected. Winter would begin soon. The click of Jotaro's lighter echoes faintly, the glow of the flame reflected clear as crystal in his eyes, a large hand shielding the burning cigarette from the gentle night breeze. He pockets the lighter and inhales, eyes shut, as if to savor the bitter tang of the tobacco. Kakyoin watches, enraptured, as Jotaro exhales, almost a sigh, the smoke curling in elegant swirls past his plush lips, the half-lidded eyes of blue watched the smoke spiral and dissipate.
Jotaro notices Kakyoin staring, inhaling once more before extending his cigarette to Kakyoin, the smoldering roll pinched loosely between his fingers. "Want to try?"
Kakyoin wanted to reject, but if Jotaro was into this, why not give it a go? The childish thought of an indirect kiss floats across his mind. Kakyoin takes a drag, inhaling as deep as he could. But not a second in and he coughs, the tobacco burned in the back of his nose, the bitterness stung his tongue, the smoke making him wheeze. Jotaro laughs at Kakyoin, plucking the cigarette from Kakyoin's lips, a hand covers his mouth, muffling his chuckles.
"H-hey!" Kakyoin retorted, slapping Jotaro on the shoulder. Jotaro laughs harder, eyes shut, tugging his hat off his head to cover his face. "How dare you laugh! I have never tried smoking before, how can you expect me to be as natural as you are! Anyway, how can you even stand the taste and the stinging and the constriction in your lungs?"
Jotaro's laugher simmered down to low chuckles, then to a long drag of the cigarette, to a huge sigh. "It keeps my mind off some things. You get used to the bitterness and the smoke." Jotaro stares at the burning end of the cigarette. "I plan to quit for good, though. But it's a hard habit to break. I'm taking it slow for now."
Kakyoin remembers all those times he saw Jotaro whipping out a pack in Egypt. In the car, the hotel room, out in the desert under the stars, in school...
"That's good I suppose. Don't want cancer or to die young, right?" Kakyoin smiles a little, tucking his hands into the warmth of his jeans pockets. Jotaro nods, inhaling one last time before dropping it to the ground, stamping out the dying embers.
"It's already 9, getting pretty late. Let's go back to your dorm."
"Alright." Kakyoin glances at Jotaro who just simply nods.
There were a lot of crickets that night.
Jotaro reaches his hotel room and collapses in the chair. It was about 11 at night, and he was exhausted. Exhausted but overwhelmingly happy. He spent the day with Kakyoin, and it felt good to walk around together, chat together, even smoke in front of him. Jotaro recalled all those times he smoked in Kakyoin's presence, the red head would ask what was so great about inhaling toxic fumes, and Jotaro would usually ignore him, maybe purposely puff some smoke in his direction. He was honestly taken aback when Kakyoin wanted to try taking a hit. He never expected the honor student he was to even remotely think of breathing in that bitter smoke. Jotaro takes a cigarette out of the pack, and stares at it, rolling it between his fingers. He lights it and looks out the window. It was a clear sky tonight, no clouds or anything in the way of the twinkling stars and the almost-full moon.
The cigarette remains pinched between his fingers, and he never takes a single drag from it, letting it burn away, the ashes piling high on the tiled floor. Jotaro doesn't notice that he was smiling.
He didn't even realize how much he smiled that day, anyway.
Kakyoin was staring out the window, too. The events of that day replaying. Jotaro's smile, his laugh, his touch, his voice. It was simply a dream come to life. A daydream come true. Kakyoin had waited 2 years for Jotaro to come back, to talk to him face to face, and to look at those mesmerizing eyes instead of those painted ones that did the real, sparkling pair no justice whatsoever.
Kakyoin smiles to himself, feeling the happiest he had ever felt in ages. The usual ache in his scars that he would feel every night before he slept was absent as he lay on his bed. A smile fixated on his face as he drifted off gently into a deep sleep. As he dozed off, he could hear Jotaro calling his name,"Kakyoin, I missed you."
"I missed you, too, Jotaro."
Dream Jotaro smiles at Kakyoin, the crystalline waters of the ocean lap at his feet, waves crash and seagulls cry. Kakyoin leaps into dream Jotaro's arms and then they were consumed by a wave. The dream continues.