In light of the stress that Amber and Krystal endured during the week before the Japan concert tour, the two girlfriends made a simple promise to enjoy their week of Dimension 4 performances. Amber and Krystal took off from Gimpo airport with Luna, leaving behind South Korea and temporarily leaving behind the Kaistal troubles as well.
The trio met up with Victoria in Tokyo and the warm reunion made all the difference in the world to both Krystal and Amber. The presence of their Vic-omma, like always, brought about a sense of calm and security that helped to stabilize their fears about the future. Even though Amber and Krystal had promised the PR office that they wouldn't tell others about Kaistal, they couldn't hide the truth from their fellow members, nor did they want to. Luna and Victoria would both be affected by the news, and Krystal and Amber wanted them to be aware of what was going on.
It didn't surprise Krystal that both Luna and Victoria were extremely worried for her. Just like Amber, the others were concerned about the hate she would receive as a female idol in a public relationship, especially with a popular male idol. EXO-Ls were notorious for being protective of the EXO members, and they were not likely to accept Krystal as Kai's "girlfriend".
"Amber and I don't have any other choice," Krystal told Victoria and Luna apologetically after explaining the situation. "I'm sorry for the trouble it'll cause when the news gets released."
Luna warmly wrapped her arms around Krystal and gave her a reassuring hug. Victoria went over to Amber and hugged her as well, comforting the two girls who were visibly distressed about SM's plans to appease Dispatch.
"Soojungie, it's not your fault or Amber-unnie's fault. We're not upset with you guys," Luna said consolingly. She turned to Victoria for her agreement. "Right?"
"Right," Victoria agreed sincerely. "You two might not have a choice about what to do in this situation, but we all have a choice about how to react to the news. And I choose to react to this with my support. I'll always be on your side."
"Me too," Luna nodded. "No matter what happens, no matter what people do or say because of this news, you guys have all my support."
Amber smiled, hugging Victoria tightly. "Thanks jiejie, thanks Luna."
"Thank you," Krystal mumbled, kissing Luna on the cheek and then going over to hug Victoria. The support of her members, who were so much like sisters to her, always made difficult things seem easy.
"What about you, Soojung-ah? How are you choosing to react to the situation?" Victoria wondered with a smile.
Krystal paused and thought about her answer carefully. "Thanks to all of you, I'm planning to react with determination. I won't let this news beat me or f(x)."
Her members smiled and agreed with her; they wouldn't allow this news to beat f(x) either. Together, as four, nothing would stand in the way of their goal to make f(x) shine.
Hearts in sync, f(x) began the tour in Tokyo and performed for a sold-out crowd at Ariake Coliseum with 10,000 MeU cheering them on for both day 1 and day 2. The atmosphere was as warm as their concerts in South Korea, but the feeling was amplified by the much larger audience. The Seoul Olympic Hall had only seated 3500, a fraction of the current audience. Never before had Krystal seen this many MeU gathered in one place waving periwinkle light sticks to cheer them on. The sight of the swelling crowds was incredibly moving, and she was honored to receive the audience's love.
Krystal always felt more free to be herself when she was around family, and certainly in this moment she was surrounded by 10,000 family members. She laughed and smiled from the bottom of her heart. She joked and played around with her members on stage, all to the cheers of their precious MeU.
Before their first Japanese concert began, Krystal had nervously asked Amber, "What if this is the last time MeU cheer for me? What if they don't support me after the Kaistal news is released?"
Amber smiled and shook her head in disbelief. "There's no way that could ever happen."
"But what if it does? What if the world throws me away and this is my last concert?"
"If this is your last concert, then it'd be everyone's last concert because we're a family. We're won't let you get kicked out of f(x) over this news, not on your own, Soojung-ah."
Krystal smiled at Amber's supportive response, but that wasn't quite the question that she needed answered. "Then what if this is your last concert too? What if this is the end of f(x)? If this is the last time that we're ever going to perform on a stage again, what are we supposed to do?"
For all the times that Krystal had complained about being an idol, for all the times she had regretted debuting early or giving up a normal life to become a performer, Krystal also loved her job. Being on stage made her happy, and being an f(x) member was her happiness. What was she supposed to do if she wasn't allowed to do that anymore?
Amber smiled sympathetically, finally understanding the question that Krystal was asking. And her response was simple. "We dance and sing our hearts out and savor every moment on that stage. We look at our fans, we look at each other, we look at ourselves, and then we smile knowing that we did our best for f(x) and for Dimension 4. And if this really is our last time on stage, then we can look back at all of this with no regrets."
That promise was achieved one hundred times over. From the beginning to the end of Tokyo days 1 and 2, Krystal and Amber enjoyed every second of the concerts. The energy of the audience was electrifying. Every moment stood out brightly from the instant their faces were revealed beneath KLAV masks, right down to the final bow.
What did f(x) mean to Krystal? What did their music mean to her? What did MeU mean to her? Every question was answered by the indescribable feelings Krystal felt when she saw the special fan event at the end of the concert on day 2. Somehow the fans managed to create a giant heart out of red light sticks in the middle of the periwinkle ocean.
Krystal blinked in surprise, the emotion evident in her expression as she noticed the heart while singing the opening lines to "Ending Page". She turned to Amber mid-verse and gestured toward the crowd in awe of the vibrant display of affection. They could see a pattern of white light sticks in the upper stands writing out a message to them. The words were not immediately clear from the stage with the bright spotlights shining in their eyes, but later on they would learn that it spelled out "WE <3 U". Even though they couldn't decipher the words, the meaning was clear and Krystal and Amber shot finger hearts to the crowd in appreciation.
What did f(x) mean to her? What did their music mean to her? What did MeU mean to her? Looking out at the crowd as they finished "Ending Page", the answers to all her questions was simple: love.
If this concert tour in Japan was her final time on stage, Krystal knew that she would have no regrets.
Following the completion of the concerts in Japan, a full eight performances of Dimension 4, life resumed for f(x) and their solo activities. Krystal was still filming for her movie with Lay and gaining attention in Chinese media, resulting in an interview with BigShot in early March.
There was one positive side effect to the Kaistal news for Krystal. Knowing that she would have a dating scandal with a male idol allowed her to feel more free to talk about her sexuality. When she was asked about what traits she looked for in men while doing the BigShot interview, Krystal had responded a bit ambiguously to the question.
"When I look at someone, be it a man or woman..." Krystal had responded.
It was an honest response since Krystal most closely identified as bisexual and she wanted to highlight that preference, but more importantly she wanted the world to be doubtful when the Kaistal news came out. Especially for Kryber fans who would be hurt when they learned about Kaistal, Krystal wanted these fans most of all to question her "relationship" with Kai.
Krystal was so busy with filming throughout March that she missed the "OnStyle Style Icon Awards" held mid-month. Only Amber and Luna attended the show and they had thanked Victoria and Krystal while accepting the award (although Krystal scolded Amber for not referring to her as "Princess Krystal" during the speech). The month became even busier as Amber prepared to release her "Borders" single for SM Station. But the most challenging part of all was that Krystal had to take "couple" pictures with Kai towards the end of March, much to Amber's chagrin.
Krystal worried about how intimately she would have to interact with Kai in order to take pictures that Dispatch would accept for their article. Much to Krystal's relief, the event was incredibly staged. She and Kai were instructed to wear couple hats, clear glasses, and no masks during the shoot. The pictures were taken in front of Krystal's favorite restaurant during the day with no attempts made by herself or Kai to act like they were hiding from the camera.
From Krystal's perspective, no two idols trying to date in secret would have gone to a popular restaurant during the day without covering their faces or at least arriving separately. But this is the scenario that Dispatch wanted to portray, so Krystal and Kai did exactly as they were told even though the entire event exuded artificiality. They looked at each other after seeing the final pictures and laughed, relieved that their poor acting and awkward expressions were deemed good enough to use. Krystal was confident that not a single person would believe in Kaistal with pictures like that.
There was no exact date yet for the reveal of her "dating scandal" with Kai. Mr. Kwon from the PR office was still negotiating the finer details with Dispatch, but Krystal knew that she could trust him to have her and Amber's best interested in mind.
As the discussions went on behind the scenes without them, Krystal and Amber focused on themselves and on each other. Their love continued to mature and steady, and they were able to withstand their busy days apart while still appreciating the few moments they had together.
Heading into the final days of March, f(x) was invited to Macao for the Huading Awards. They traveled there without Victoria in hopes of accepting an award for "Best Global Idol Team". It was their first f(3) performance since before the Dimension 4 concerts and it was a bit sad to return to a formation that highlighted their leader's absence in an already small lineup. There was more pressure on f(3) to do well, but they were up to the challenge for Victoria's sake and f(x)'s sake. And the text they received from Victoria, cheering them on only inspired them to try harder.
They landed safely in Macao and unpacked at the hotel for their one night stay. After a quick dress rehearsal, the evening event began and soon f(3) was waiting for their turn to go down the red carpet. Their stylist was still making final adjustments to their hair and clothes, perfecting every last detail of their appearances. The atmosphere was a bit chaotic, like it typically was before an event. Krystal thought nothing of it at first, but she noticed Wongyun nearby arguing on the phone with a sour expression.
Amber and Luna were oblivious to Wongyun's behavior as their stylists completed their preparation. It was almost f(x)'s turn and their stylist finally gave them the green light to head to their waiting area. Krystal should have followed her members, but she hesitated as Wongyun finished his call. Letting the others go on ahead, Krystal turned to her manager.
"What's up?" she asked. There was a sense of unhappiness to Wongyun's expression that made her feel a bit uneasy. "Is everything OK?"
"I just got off the phone with SM. It's happening tonight."
Krystal raised an eyebrow at Wongyun, genuinely confused. "What's happening tonight?"
Wongyun looked around for privacy before leaning toward Krystal and whispering into her ear. "Your pictures with Jongin-ssi. Dispatch is releasing the story tonight."
Krystal pulled away from her manager and looked at him with wide eyes. "Oh..."
"Are you OK?" he asked gently, full of concern.
The young girl nodded slowly. "Yeah... I'm just surprised." Krystal tried to process the news, feeling calmer than she would have expected in this situation. Both she and Amber had tried to prepare themselves for this moment when the world around them would change, when her "dating news" with Kai was released. And now that the moment had arrived, all she felt was surprised. Perhaps because the news had not sunk in properly yet, or perhaps because she and Amber had known this day would come, Krystal felt a bit numb about the news.
Krystal looked into Wongyun's concerned face and smiled. "You don't have to look like that, oppa. I'm ready for this. Amber, too. Don't worry!"
Wongyun smiled at her weakly. "Well that's good. SM is ready with their statement, too. The only thing is that SM wants you to come home tonight, before they release the news. They're worried about your safety at the airport."
Krystal groaned, thinking about how she had already unpacked at the hotel. "If only they had told me this morning..."
"It couldn't be helped. We thought it might happen, but it wasn't a sure thing until now. The PR office suddenly decided that tomorrow was the perfect time to release the news, but they needed Dispatch's agreement," Wongyun explained. He gave Krystal a gentle push on the back, urging her to catch up to Luna and Amber who were waiting for her down the hallway. "We'll discuss it after the show. Go on, make the stage shine."
The young girl nodded and scurried to catch up with the others. She wanted to let Amber and Luna know about the situation, but there was no time to talk. They were rushed onto the carpet for signatures, pictures, and interviews. Amber tried to ask her what she and Wongyun had talked about, but Krystal told her that it could wait until later. After all, there was nothing either of them could do with the news other than wait for Dispatch to release the article.
But as Krystal let the news sink in, a feeling of dread and anxiety began to build up in her chest when she thought of the Dispatch article. When they were seated at their table, Amber asked her yet again about her conversation with Wongyun, and Krystal found it difficult to tell Amber the truth.
"So what were you two talking about?" Amber inquired, curious but not upset that Krystal had dodged the question earlier.
"It's um... SM asked me to fly back tonight," Krystal said cautiously, not revealing the entire situation.
Amber frowned, a bit taken aback by the information. "Really? Why do you need to fly back tonight though?"
"I... I just have some business. Some business that SM wants me to take care of tomorrow. It's not really a big deal. I'm not even sure why they want me to fly back," Krystal laughed nervously as she rambled.
Amber peered at Krystal appraisingly. "Are you OK? You don't have to hide anything from me."
Krystal stared back at Amber blankly, surprised at how quickly her lie was seen through. "I'm not hiding anything..."
The older girl laughed. "I can tell you're lying, but that's OK. I know you have your reasons and it's fine. I just don't want you to worry on your own when we can worry together."
"Sorry, Am. I'm not hiding it from you on purpose," Krystal sighed. She lowered her eyes onto the table. "I just don't know how to say it. Plus... there are so many people staring at us right now..."
Amber nodded lightly and looked around the packed room. "I guess I'm just too sexy. They can't keep their eyes off me," she joked, trying to lighten the mood.
Krystal laughed at the absurdity of the comment. "Yeah, that must be it," she retorted sarcastically.
The older girl laughed. "Come on, just tell me. Whisper it."
Krystal's expression turned serious, anxious about breaking the peacefulness of their relationship with the Dispatch situation. "OK, look..." She leaned into Amber and began to tell her the truth. "Dispatch is releasing the news tomorrow. Wongyun-oppa just told me about it. SM wants me to return tonight before the news is released so there's no trouble at the airport with fans."
Amber nodded slowly. "Makes sense why you didn't want to tell me..."
"I'm sorry Am. I know this won't change anything between us, but I got so nervous when I thought about the Dispatch article. I mean... this thing with Jongin-oppa is finally happening. Ready or not, I've got a boyfriend."
It was subtle, but Krystal noticed the twinge of sadness in Amber's eyes as they discussed the dating news. She knew that Amber felt the same anxiety that she also felt. But as quickly as that sadness had come, Amber masked her expression with an affectionate smile in an attempt to comfort the younger girl. Reaching over and tapping Krystal gently on the shoulder, Amber smiled and whisper into the younger girl's ear. "I'm happy for you."
Krystal stared at Amber's innocent smile with a look of utter disbelief. Amber was happy for her that the dating news would be released? Amber was happy that the world would think she had a boyfriend? Reeling from the absurdity of the older girl's response, Krystal reached out and grabbed Amber's chin, squeezing her puffy cheeks before realizing that Amber had said exactly what Krystal had told her to say in this situation.
Soon after learning about SM's plan to present Krystal and Kai as a couple a few weeks ago, Amber had asked her, "Soojung-ah, you're gonna tell the world that you have a boyfriend. How am I supposed to react to this?"
And as a joke, to ease Amber's sadness, Krystal had replied, "You could tell me that you're happy for me."
Krystal had forgotten that simple conversation, but obviously Amber had not. And as Krystal held her girlfriend's face between her fingertips and slowly smiled, Amber's knew Krystal remembered the moment of sadness that had turned into laughter. This moment, too, was now a moment of sadness that had also turned into laughter. And as difficult times fell upon them because of the Kaistal news, they knew that they had the power to turn all those sad moments into laughter as well.
There were a million things that Krystal wanted to say to Amber, but now wasn't the time to talk. Now was their moment to shine on stage as they stood up together to accept f(x)'s award for the "Best Global Idol Team". Then they performed '4 Walls' together, their last f(x) performance before all hell broke loose. Amber, Krystal, and Luna took pictures and smiled for the camera knowing that a storm was about to settle upon them.
Back at the hotel, Krystal had to repack quickly in order to make it to her flight. They filled Luna in on what was happening and then Luna tactfully excused herself so that Amber and Krystal could spend some time alone together before Krystal had to leave. Amber watched Krystal preparing her luggage and felt sad despite their attempts to be cheerful and optimistic.
"Now that I think about it, tomorrow is the perfect day to release the news," Krystal mused, zipping up her luggage and standing it back up. "It's April 1st, so everyone will think that it's a joke. That must be why the PR suddenly decided to release the news now."
Amber nodded glumly. "Too bad Dispatch won't take it all back on April 2nd," she pouted.
"Am..." Krystal chided gently, nudging the older girl with a sad smile. "It'll be OK."
"I'm sorry I feel this way," Amber mumbled. "I know your 'relationship' with Kai isn't real, but it still hurts like it was."
Krystal smiled affectionately at her girlfriend and hugged her tightly. "It's OK, Am. It really is. Just feel however you feel and don't feel sorry for it."
"I don't want you to think that I don't trust you though," the older girl explained. "It's not like I think you and Kai are actually dating. I just..."
"Can't stand the idea of me with someone else?" Krystal asked. Amber nodded in agreement and Krystal nodded sympathetically. "Now you know how I felt when I thought you were interested in every single one of your friends," Krystal teased gently.
Amber gave her a watery smile. "Sadness turned into laughter again, huh?"
"Am, I know this hurts now, but we'll be stronger for getting through it, OK? Our love is gonna be tested, but we'll endure it," Krystal said confidently. "I'm sure of it."
With a sigh, Amber nodded again. "Even though I feel like a mess, I'm sure of it too, Soojung-ah. We're gonna get through this no matter how hard things become."
The two lovers hugged each other tightly, knowing that this was their last chance to enjoy their love before the world around them changed.
Author's Notes: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope everyone is enjoying their holidays. Please be safe and stay warm!
I'm hoping to release another chapter before I go back to work on the 3rd, but I'm not sure if it's possible though. I have no idea how I was releasing a chapter every day or two in the beginning. Even once a week seems impossible now lol.
Connections To Reality:
Amber, Luna, Krystal at Gimpo/Haneda on 2/18/16:
https://functionlove.net/2016/02/18/160218-fx-gimpo-airport-to-japan-for-the-tour-1-43p/
https://functionlove.net/2016/02/18/fancam-160218-fx-minus-victoria-haneda-airport-for-the-japan-tour/
Victoria at Beijing Airport on 2/19/16:
https://functionlove.net/2016/02/19/160219-fvictoria-beijing-capital-airport-to-japan-1-26p/
Dimension 4 in Japan information:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dimension_4_%E2%80%93_Docking_Station#Tour_dates
Ending Page on Tokyo Day 2 / Fan event on Day 2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZ3u69UXZ8M
http://www.imgrum.net/media/1190264864332089272_1279802336
Krystal's BigShot interview, filmed early March:
https://youtu.be/trhalCgdiRE
Specifically where she says "When I look at someone, be it a man or a woman..."
https://youtu.be/trhalCgdiRE?t=1462
Amber and Luna at the Style Icon Awards:
https://functionlove.net/2016/03/15/160315-famberfluna-2016-onstyle-style-icon-awards-2-21p/
Krystal filming with Lay (same day as SIA):
https://functionlove.net/2016/03/15/160315-fkrystal-spotted-filming-unexpected-love-3p/
Krystal scolding Amber's for not calling her "Princess":
https://www.instagram.com/p/BC-l4Zft-mC/
Amber releases Borders, 3/24/16:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNT-zFJKifI
Amber, Luna, Krystal at Macao Airport on 3/31/16:
https://functionlove.net/2016/03/31/160331-fx-minus-victoria-macao-international-airport-1-42p/
Huading fancam of Krystal, Amber, Luna:
https://youtu.be/c5DYgVPj86U
https://youtu.be/7V6jl0a7-X8
Kaistal news on April 1st, 2016:
https://functionlove.net/2016/04/01/news-exos-kai-and-fxs-krystal-are-dating/
Amber and Luna at airport on 4/1/16 (Krystal flew back earlier):
https://functionlove.net/2016/04/01/160401-famberfluna-incheon-airport-back-from-macao-1-36p/