I sat on the bench.
Christmas. The season to be holly. The time to be thankful for what you had.
People ignore that anymore. Christmas is now an excuse to receive things.
I swung my feet back and forth.
I wonder if they knew? The question "What do you want for Christmas?" from my pastor Matt echoed in my brain. My response?
"I want my family to be happy."
Several awes were heard in the room.
"That's not true. You must want something materialistic."
He walked away not realizing he turned my heart to monster dust.
I let out a shaky sigh. The snow was sticking to my cheeks and my eyelashes. It was my fault for not wearing a scarf or a coat or even gloves. Just a dress and some boots. Not even any socks under them.
Did a new iPad matter? Art supplies? Money? If what you truly say Matt, that everything is temporary except God, then why should I want? And why should you have the right to accuse me?
I live to serve God and yet you fail to take his advice.
They don't know. They don't deserve to know. I don't like my church anymore. They want people to come but they push me away. I'm isolated.
Why should I be Merry this Christmas? I'm the only one. I stand up for the bullied to make sure they don't kill themselves and I get looked down on.
Stupid and big demands make me sick.
I only just realized how lucky I am to have group chat and even others outside it.
I shook. I could tell the tears running down my face wanted to freeze.
There were many others. They shook me, tried to get me to tell what was wrong. I stayed silent.
They faded away.
A girl was left. My hopes were up but they dropped when "Mam'?! Are you alright?"
They couldn't.
It was worth to tell one person. I didn't want a group to know. It was a miracle that someone hadn't called the cops on me or something.
I feel bad for people who have to work on Christmas. It's not right.
"Yeah. I am." I was telling the truth.
"It's just all I want for Christmas is them."
"Hon, do you mean me?"
And it was her. All of them. All physical but not. One was missing and I know it was only because they were alive.
They had glimmering wings and they were bright.
I knew it was them. I don't know how they died or why. But they did.
And they faded away.
AHAHAHAHAHA YEAH I NEED A LIFE
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
How are y'all!? And NO IM NOT FRICKING DEPRESSED GET OFF MY BACK PEEPS.
I've just been thinking about a few things and I've been a bit sad this Christmas. Partially because I'm tired.
All of this is true eXCEPT FOR THE PART THAT MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD THEYRE ALL VERY MUCH ALIVE. THANK THE LORD ALMIGHTY.
And the bench part isn't true either. Just thought it was a nice touch.
I just wanted a cry this Christmas. People associate crying with a negative connotation when in reality it's a beautiful thing. It's a way to relieve conflicting emotions. It's a way to calm down. And it's a way to break down to stay healthy. I don't understand why people hate crying. But I see the beauty in everything so maybe that isn't true. But I hope you guys have a wonderful Christmas and that I didn't shit on it. (Yeah I cursed this is serious ^^ [Merry Christmas Cailin XD]) AND REMEMBER. BE A REASON PEOPLE ARE MERRY THIS CHRISTMAS.
Thanks for reading!