"where are you, rose?" i hear my mother's voice.
zabdiel quickly pulls away from me, but not without leaving a quick peck against the corner of my lips. the simple gesture makes my heart flutter.
"there you are, darling, i've been waiting for you to come back to eat dinner." my mother smiles at me, then turns to zabdiel. "will you be joining us?"
"actually mother, he—"
"i would be honored." he cuts me off, clearly only wanting my mother to like him. little does he know seems like she's more in love with him than me.
~ ♡ ~
dinner was just as boring as it always is. zabdiel and my mother spoke the whole time, i was sitting across from zabdiel, so i may or may not had been staring at him almost the whole time.
i was daydreaming until mother started talking about the marriage.
"so when are you planning to get married?" mother began, "i need to know in advance so we can start getting everything ready and of course it will take place in our courtyard and rose, your wedding gown has to be the most beautiful gown, since you will be the prettiest bride there will ever be. isn't that right, zabdiel?"
i catch zabdiel staring at me once my mother stops briefly. "of course." he smiles at me. i smile back before i know it, and we are lost in our own little world when my mother begins to speak again, but none of us pay attention to her. i'm the first to look away, my cheeks starting to get heated.
"what do you think, rose?"
i mumble a small yes to my mother before i let my gaze drift back to zabdiel. he's still staring at me, doesn't he get tired?
"—and i trust that you two will give me many grandchildren, at least a boy to assure a heir to the crown."
"mother," i interrupt her. "we don't need a boy to be our heir. we only need a healthy child."
"yes dear, but a boy has better chances to find a queen to marry. look at you, already twenty years old and you're barely engaged. besides, this marriage will bind together your kingdoms. a girl would be able to rule alone if she does not find a king?"
"are you trying to imply that i wouldn't be able to rule alone if i don't get married to zabdiel? is that why you've arranged this marriage instead of letting me marry someone i really love?"
mother stays quiet and refuses to look at me. i simply scoff and get up, pushing my chair hard enough for it to fall as i make my way out of the dinning hall.
i can faintly hear zabdiel excusing himself and his steps getting closer to me. i drop to the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest. zabdiel sits down beside me before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me towards him. a comfortable silence fills the air for a couple of minutes before he speaks up.
"so you don't want to marry me, you want to marry someone you really love."
a small sigh escapes my lips. "that's not what i meant."
he shook his head, slightly tightening his grip around me. "i know what you meant."
silence surrounds us once again. i hurt his feelings, i know i did. i wouldn't blame him for being upset with me. but i mean, it's not completely a lie. i did want to marry someone i loved. that i forgave him without really noticing for all those years of ignoring and making fun of me doesn't mean i love him now. although if i had a choice i would still marry him, just maybe not under these circumstances.
although if it wasn't for this we probably wouldn't even be on speaking terms yet. you could say i'm grateful for this in some way.
"i'm sorry."
my words come out in a soft whisper. when he doesn't respond i speak up again,
"i didn't mean to say that i don't want to marry you, because i do. i just wish mother didn't push this on us, you know? maybe give us some time so we can catch up. although she does think i'm still in love with you, she doesn't know about you being a little shit all those years ago." i suddenly sit up, frowning. "is that why she chose you? did she set me up?"
i finally turn to look at him, only to find his eyes looking down, towards my lips perhaps.
"stop doing that." he mutters.
i tilt my head to the side, "doing what?"
"you bit your lip every time you stopped talking." his hand rests on my cheek, his thumb lightly grazing over my bottom lip. "and it's driving me crazy."
i open my mouth to say something, but close it again when i decide against it.
"you were in love with me?"