Steve's POV
I was certainly attracted to Sarah, and I knew she was attracted to me as well. As a product of this time, she was much bolder than the women I'd known in the 40's, letting me know each time we made out that she wanted more than that, she wanted to explore the physical side of our relationship. I wanted to as well, but I needed to figure out a few things first. I knew there were precautions we would need to take, and given how inexperienced we both were, I would need to talk to Natasha or Clint first and do a little research.
I found myself thinking about Peggy again. There were still moments when my memories of Peggy caused me to feel something so strongly it stopped me in my tracks. I'd always treasure my memories of Peggy, but my time with her was almost over. My time with Sarah was just beginning, and for the first time in my long life, I had the chance to have a real relationship, something I'd always wanted. I didn't know the first thing about them, but with Sarah, it was bound to be an adventure, and I looked forward to it even as I was terrified of it.
I must have drifted off not long after Sarah fell asleep because I woke up before dawn feeling well rested. I looked over at the couch and saw that Chloe was still curled up on her end of the couch. Jace was awake and studying me and Sarah.
"You really do care for her, don't you? She's not just a replacement for Peggy?" Jace said quietly, moving over to the end of the couch closest to the love seat so we could talk and I shifted slightly so I could see him. Sarah's even breathing told me she was still fast asleep. In the pre-dawn light, I could see that this was something he needed an answer to.
"She was never a replacement for Peggy. She may resemble her physically, but she is nothing like Peggy otherwise; her personality is radically different. Peggy was very British and quite...reserved, in more ways than one."
"Sarah's the opposite – she's openly friendly, a little snarky,"Jace said. "She's one of a kind. I would do anything for her, no hesitation."
"She's said the same about you." I smiled wryly. "It's been good for me to get to know you, Jace. You're very similar to Bucky in a lot of ways; I'll be honest, there are moments when I'm not sure who it is that I'm seeing."
"When Sarah said she was bringing you here, I didn't think about how this would affect you. I mean I've heard stories about you and Bucky from my grandpa and his siblings my whole life, but after meeting you, I know there's more to those stories."
"I never thought it would be that hard until today. It's helped, seeing how close you and Sarah are; Peggy and Bucky were never close like that. They worked together because they had to, but they weren't friends, not like you and Sarah are."
"Do you still love Peggy?"
"Yes and no. I do, but in a different way than I did in 1945. When I visit her, we talk like old friends, but that...spark...isn't there anymore. She moved on and married a good man, had a family, founded Shield. We don't have as much in common as we did 70 years ago, I guess. Time changes things, but she's still a treasured friend."
"What are your intentions with Sarah? She said you weren't dating."
"I'd like to date her; you don't find a woman like her every day."
"Steve, I've never seen her look at a guy the way she looks at you. Most of the time she never even sees the guys that try to get her to notice them; she never thinks they're looking at her."
"I am starting to see that, but I don't understand why. She's strikingly beautiful; the first time I met her, it felt like the wind was knocked out of me."
"For the record, that feeling doesn't ever really go away; it still happens to me when she gives me that huge smile and catches me...unprepared...sometimes." He gave me a crooked little grin and it was so like Bucky's that my heart hurt suddenly.
"Good to know."
"You're a pretty good looking guy yourself, Steve. If you guys ever had kids they would be freaking adorable."
I closed my eyes and suddenly I could see it and I wanted it – a family with her – more than anything. I'd thought about having that with Peggy after the war ended, but that mild desire from back then was nothing compared to the ferocity of this feeling. I knew Jace was watching me, so I tried to shake it off until I'd time to think things through.
"You've been hanging around Sarah too much if you're jumping subjects like that," I said, shaking my head.
"You don't want to have kids?" he asked, studying my response; he wasn't fooled by my attempt at a blasé tone.
"I don't know; I haven't really thought about it. Family, stability – the guy that wanted all that went into the ice almost 70 years ago. I think someone else came out."
Sarah shifted suddenly and opened her eyes. "Steve, are you okay? You tensed..." her voice was still rough with sleep.
"Yeah. I'm fine." I looked down and she blinked sleepily at me. "It's not time to get up yet; you can go back to sleep for a while, if you'd like." I stroked her face softly and she smiled, closing her eyes again. I looked over at Jace, who was watching us with a crooked smile, sure he was seeing more than I had intended. He waited until he was sure she was sleeping to speak.
"I think you're still the same guy that you were back then; you just have a lot to adjust to. Just be good to her; I'll kick your ass if you break her heart."
"I have no intention of ever hurting her."
"No one ever does," he replied. I raised one eyebrow and he shook his head. "You've got some stuff to work through and it hurts her when you don't know who she is. She wouldn't want me to tell you that, but I think you need to know."
"I haven't known her for long, but I already can't imagine life without her." I gave him a small smile, shaking my head slightly. "Ever since I became Captain America, that's all that people have ever seen when they look at me. But her, she sees me for who I am, Steve Rogers, the guy from Brooklyn I started out as."
"You think she's only attracted to you because of a suit and a shield?"
"Not really; she didn't treat me like Captain America, but she didn't know who I was, either."
"And once she did? Did it matter?"
"She told me she wasn't sure if she wanted to get involved with someone she works with."
"Doesn't look that way to me," Jace said, smirking. "She looks pretty involved at the moment. Did she give you a reason why she said that?"
"I may have told her I didn't want her to do her job because I didn't want to risk her getting hurt." I said sheepishly.
Jace raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Steve, I feel the need to inform you that you never tell a woman that – ever."
"I figured that one out myself," I said as he laughed quietly. "She didn't take it very well."
"I'm sure she didn't." Suddenly, the grin was gone from his face. "I heard you saw her get shot right in front of you."
"I thought she was gone," I said quietly, feeling that fear all over again. "It felt like someone had reached a hand in my chest and stopped my heart." I glanced down at her peaceful face. "I thought I'd found her only to lose her."
"She's more resilient than you think."
I heard footsteps on the stairs and looked over to the doorway to see Sarah's mom poke her head in. Her eyes widened slightly at the sight of her daughter curled up asleep on top of me and her jaw dropped. A glance at the couch showed Jace pretending to sleep.
I met her gaze, surprised to see approval there. I closed my eyes again and heard her walk into the kitchen. I smelled coffee a little bit later and gave up trying to sleep. I shifted Sarah so she would be laying on the love seat and got up to go into the kitchen.
"Morning, Steve."
"Good morning, Mrs Evans."
She handed me a mug of coffee and I went to go sit at the table. She came to join me after pouring herself another cup.
"Call me Betty, Steve. What time did you all get back last night?"
"Around midnight. It took longer than we thought to find them."
"Did you enjoy your time with the Barnes'?"
"I did. I haven't seen Becky, John or Benji since '43. I think they were around the twins' age when I joined the army."
"Roger said it meant a lot to them to see you again. They thought you died when Bucky did, after all. Your bodies were never recovered; not until you were found a couple months ago."
"I should have been able to save him."
"At what cost?" she asked shrewdly. "Let me play devil's advocate for a bit. Let's say you somehow did manage to reach Bucky before he fell. Would you have tossed him back into the train only to be lost yourself – because he wouldn't have wanted that, would he?"
The scales fell from my eyes and I wanted to kick myself. She understood not only me, but Bucky better than I thought. "No, he wouldn't. He would've kicked my butt for pulling a stunt like that. It's just that up until I became what I am now, I never thought I'd have to live without him. Bucky, though, Bucky did. I was always so sick back then, Betty. Every birthday was one more than I thought I'd have. I never thought I'd see 25, let alone 94."
"If there's one thing I've learned, hindsight is 20/20. Would you have tried as hard to take down Hydra if Bucky had been with you? I'm married to a History professor – I've read the reports, I've watched Sarah, Jace and their friends meticulously reenact your last battle. The SSR should have lost – they were outgunned, outnumbered, and outmaneuvered in every way. Your determination and sheer force of will turned the tide, Steve. Ending Hydra effectively ended the war." She put her hand on mine, waiting for me to meet her eyes. "Bucky will always be with you in your memories, but sometimes your heart needs a little more time to accept what your mind already knows. Your mind knows Bucky's been gone for 67 years, your heart says it wasn't that long ago." She patted my hand, her eyes telling me that she understood what I was saying.
I nodded, taking a sip of my coffee before attempting to speak, the lump in my throat choking me. "It feels like yesterday. I know it wasn't but that's how it feels to me."
"Have you talked to anyone about this, Steve?"
"I try not to."
"You're need to learn how to deal with your grief if you're ever going to move on. You've heard the saying when one door closes another opens?"
"Yes," I said, waiting for her to continue, but she didn't. I heard someone walking into the kitchen and pour a cup of coffee.
"Good." She let go of my hand, looking over my shoulder with a smile.
"Morning Mami." Jace bussed her cheek before sitting down with his cup of coffee.
"Morning Jace. Have a good time last night?"
"Not really. Kendra was there with her new guy." Ah, so that was the reason for the slight sadness I had been reading from him earlier.
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. Sarah said she didn't care much for whatever-his-name-is. You must not have met anyone memorable last night, then."
"Nope. It's fine Mami, really. I leave for Ops soon. I'm not going to have time for a girlfriend for a while anyway."
"Jace, honey; it doesn't make your heart hurt any less just because your brain knows better."
He gave her a small, bittersweet smile. "I know."
I looked over to see Sarah leaning on the doorway, listening for a moment before she came padding over to me. She curled up in my lap, her head on my shoulder, one arm around my neck.
"My pillow went missing," she grumbled and I thought I heard Jace smother a laugh as her mother chuckled.
"Sorry. I smelled coffee and went to investigate."
"You're forgiven. Coffee smells good," she slid off me to go get a cup and came back to the table, taking the open chair next to me.
"Morning Mom, Jace."
"Morning honey. Did you sleep well?"
"Like a rock. Steve makes a good pillow."
"So I see." Sarah's mom got up and started making breakfast. Sarah went to go try to help only to be shooed back to the table. She shook her head and grinned, but came to sit back down. I could tell when she noticed Jace's bruised knuckles because she put her hand out and pulled one of his hands to her. She ran her fingers over his knuckles gently, a slight frown on her face. He pulled his hand back, shaking his head slightly and gesturing at Mrs Evans. She gave him a look, but didn't say anything.
The smell of sausage brought Chloe slowly padding into the kitchen, yawning and making a beeline for the coffee. She perched on the same chair as Sarah, sharing it like she had with Jace yesterday. The two of them fit on it quite better than Sarah and Jace had yesterday. I heard the front door open and shut and then Mr Evans came into the kitchen, morning paper in his hand.
"Morning everyone."
"Morning Dad," said Sarah, blowing on her coffee. "Did we wake you up when we came home last night?"
"No, I heard you come in and went back to sleep. Things get rowdy too soon for you, Chloe?" he looked over at her as she leaned her head on Sarah's shoulder. I got the impression that Chloe was not a morning person.
"Yeah, guys were getting into fights and stuff. We'd had a couple of drinks by then, so I figured I should call Sarah for a ride."
"Good girl. I'm glad you weren't drinking and driving. No sense doing something stupid when someone could come get you."
"Right, Papi."
I glanced at the headline when he sat it down to go get his coffee, but it was only a feature on yesterday's graduation ceremony.