Three months pregnant? How on Earth was I gonna raise a kid? I'm nowhere close to where I wanna be in life. I don't even have my shit together.
"I'm not ready to be a mom" I say to myself out loud.
How in the hell was I gonna break the news to Tahj? Am I gonna tell Tahj? Do I really wanna be stuck with this nigga for 18 years?
HELL NO.
~one week later~
Today I'm being released from the hospital and I honestly feel like a different person. Over the past few days I've had nothing but time to think and really figure out what I wanna do in life. I mean after all I will be bringing life into this world.
"Knock knock" a nurse says while standing at the door. "You're finally going home today."
"I know. I can't wait, I've missed my bed" I say all excited. I couldn't wait to change out of these hospital clothes and into some real pajamas.
"How's the baby?" the nurse asks.
"She's good." I reply rubbing my stomach. Truth be told I didn't know whether or not I'm having a girl or a boy. All that I know is that this baby will be loved. Over the course of the last seven days I've grown attached to the idea that I'm finally gonna someone love me unconditionally.
"That's good. I'm gonna get the wheelchair and you're all set to go."
"Do I have to leave in a wheelchair?" I whined. "I'm fine, I can walk."
"I'm sorry hun, but it's hospital rules" the nurse says before leaving.
Remind me to never have my black ass sent back to the hospital. The nurse returns with the wheelchair and I swear I don't wanna be wheeled down the hall like I'm some damsel in distress.
"Who's picking you up? A boyfriend? Relative? Uber driver?" the nurse says as we're leaving.
"None of the above." I answer. "My best friend is picking me up." I couldn't wait to see best friend and catch up on all the latest tea. We finally make it to the entrance and there she is. "Can I walk from here?" I asked the nurse. "There she is right there." I point to her car and I guess she spotted me cause she immediately hops out.
"Yes, you can walk to the car if you would like."
I waste no time getting up. I hadn't seen my girl in so long I practically ran just so I could give her ass a hug.
"Bitch, what did you fuckin' do? Got me up here at this damn hospital." my best friend says after we hug.
"Girl I'll tell you bout it on the way home."
We get in the car and before we can even make it out the parking lot my best friend is itching to know what happened. "Okay bitch, spill it." Zaree says turning down the radio. "What the fuck happened?"
I begin to give her the complete run down from how I found out Tahj was cheating on me, to him having this bitch think I'm his sister and how I ended slashing my fuckin' wrist over him.
"Bitch I wish you would try to kill yourself over some nigga. I woulda rolled right up in Heaven like 'cuse me Jesus' and beat 'cho mothafuckin' ass and dipped."
"Bitch shut the fuck up" I respond laughing. "But it's whatever, I'm done with Tahj's broke ass."
"And I wish the fuck you would get back with this nigga, I woulda---" before Z could even finish I cut her off. "Girl I'm through with his ass like forreal, real shit." I reassure her.
"So since you single how about we head to the liquor store and celebrate tonight?" Z says turning the radio up a little while dancing to whatever song was playing.
"As bad I want to I can't best friend." I tell her while unknowingly rubbing my belly.
"You JUST got out the hospital and you're single if that doesn't say turn up then my name isn't Zaree."
"Seriously, I really can't be drinking right now." I respond. "I'm pregnant."
"Okay bitch so am I every once in a blue moon when I need my car note paid." Z replies shrugging.
"Bitch, I'm serious." I begin rubbing my stomach again. "I'm three months."
"Well damn bitch you coulda fooled me. With that little ass stomach who could tell?".
I swear I love my best friend but she could really be an asshole sometimes. "Aren't you gonna congratulate me or something?" You would think my baby's god mother would be a little excited or happy the least bit.
"Congratulate you for what? An unplanned pregnancy?"
"Really bitch?" I respond getting slightly irritated.
"Girl I'm just fuckin' with you." Z says laughing. "Awe congrats bitch on our little bundle of joy. What are we having?"
"I don't know yet." I tell her. "The doctor said I can find out maybe in a month or so."
"Does Tahj know?"
"No."
"Are you gonna tell him?" Z asks.
"To be honest I don't know. A part of me doesn't, I don't wanna deal with his ass anymore." I answer truthfully.
"Regardless if y'all are together or not he needs to know and he should have a chance to be in his child's life."
"Who side are you on?" I ask appalled.
"Baby Z" she quickly responds. "My baby deserves to know both her parents."
For the remainder of the ride home we sit in silence. I'm mainly thinking of how I'm gonna tell Tahj he's gonna be a dad. I still don't even know if I'm gonna even tell him. I mean I don't want to be one of those mothers who keeps their child away from their father but Tahj hurt me, he doesn't deserve to be in my child's life.
A few minutes we arrive to my house and I'm dying to take a shower and get my ass in the bed. I say my goodbyes to Z and tell her that I'll hit her up after I've woken up from a well needed nap.
I unlock the door and as soon as I enter there's Tahj and his boys in the living room going back and forth about who's cheating in whatever stupid game they're playing. Just seeing him is making my blood boil.
"Hey babe." Tahj says all casually.
"EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT!" I yell.
"C'mon Ky, I'm in here whipping ass" Lorenzo, Tahj's homeboys says.
"Nigga I don't give a fuck. I said all y'all get out."
Tahj sits and watches as his friends get up to leave. His ass had to go too.
"Tahj you can get your funky ass up too. You was included with everyone."
"For what? I didn't even do shit?" he tries to protest.
"OUT OUT OUT!" I walk to the door and open it. One by one I watch as they leave.
"You trippin'" Tahj says stopping right in front of the doorway. "Nigga trip yo ass on out my face" I say before slamming and locking the door behind me.
"Dumb ass bitch" I mumble to myself out loud.