My body felt paralyzed when I awoke. Breath shuddered into my lungs, and I heaved it in. It felt like I couldn't get enough, and I started to panic. Tears streamed down my face, as I tried to move my non cooperative body. I went to open my mouth, but I concentrated to heavily on breathing. I had to breathe. I had to know I was alive. "Iridian! By Mahal, she's alive! She's alive! Thank the gods." A tunneled voice said. I didn't know who it was for the moment. Whoever it was, swept me into their arms, burying their face in my shoulder.
His stubble was rough against my skin, and I felt Kili's tears drop onto my shoulder. His hand cradled my waist and head close to him, as though I would go again if he held me any lighter or any other way. "I thought I'd lost you." He got out around his sobs. My limbs started to retain feeling once again, and I hugged him back stiffly.
"I'm right here, melamin." My hoarse voice muttered. It was very low and scratchy, and I wondered how long I had been gone. "I'm right here." I repeated in his ear. There was a clamor behind me, and I pulled back slightly, to see Dwalin, tears alight in his own eyes.
"Dia!" He said in a panic. He stopped in front of me, taking my face in his hands. His calloused hands were rough against the skin, but he also held me like I was glass. "Oh, nathith. You're really alive." He embraced me fiercely, and my sense of smell told me I really was alive. "I told you not to kill yourself protecting the ones you loved. We all thought you were dead!" He exclaimed.
I looked at his face, rubbing away the tears on his cheeks. "I had to. I didn't think that would happen, I hadn't foreseen it. But Thorin is alive. The King Under the Mountain is back, and so am I." I chuckled weakly.
"Why are you laughing?" Bilbo demanded. "You had almost died! And you're laughing!" He said indignantly. It only made it a little stronger. Everyone looked so confused.
"I'm laughing because I'm alive. I'm thankful to be back."
"You had died. You really had. Kili felt your heart stop. And... then it restarted after almost two days. You'd been dead for nearly two days, and now you're back." Fili said in shock. I held open my arms and he stepped into them, clearly as happy as his brother. "Your heart stopped. And now it's okay." He mumbled again, stunned. He pulled away, only for our hair to get caught.
"Every time." I muttered, and the company laughed. I untangled it with clumsy fingers. "Where is Thorin?" I asked, seeing our king was missing.
"Just waiting for the reunion to be over." A gruff voice said from the doorway. I was in the healing room. Standing there, regal as ever, was Thorin Oakenshield. He strode forward, and everyone parted, but Kili kept his hand in mine, not wanting to be away again. "You have saved my life countless times on this journey, and everyone else's. There is no way I can thank you for giving your life for mine."
"I wasn't going to let Erebor go on without the dwarf who reclaimed it see it flourish." I answered. He swept me into a bear hug, holding me tight. I felt so sore, and battered, but it did not matter. "I am back, and so are you. How is your wound?" I asked once again. His body rumbled in a deep laughter. He let me go, letting Kili return his grip on me.
"Always thinking of everyone before yourself. It is simply a scar now. The better question, is how are you?" He stood, the entire Company flanking him. The only three near me, were Kili, Fili, and Dwalin.
"Sore. Like I am a child again. But... my wounds do not seem to be hurting." I mused more to myself. I rolled my sleeve, to see my glass wounds to be mostly healed, covered in thick scabs. My hands were covered in the same scabs. I lifted my tunic to see the same.
"Your arrow wound... Its scabbed up again." Kili gasped. My wrists no longer adorned the cuts I had made, for they had disappeared. Only Fili and Kili noticed that as well. "How...?"
"It must have been my parents. I don't even know." I answered. "But... I'm back." I said again, a small smile adorning my lips. Kili squeezes my hand lightly.
"I can speak for the Company that we are glad. You must be hungry." Thorin remarked. My stomach growled loudly, and I nodded sheepishly. "Then let us go to the kitchen, and Bombur can make something for you. Probably a stew." He continued. I brought my feet to the cold floor, and stood shakily. I stumbled on my feet, my knees giving out once again.
Dwalin caught me, before helping me stand. As I walked out of the room, I saw other dwarves I did not know. They glanced at me for a moment, and the murmuring started. I glanced at Kili nervously. "Who are these people?" I mumbled to Thorin.
"Erebor dwarves that are coming back to the mountain. They started arriving yesterday." He answered. They all avoided his gaze politely. We continued toward the kitchens, Bombur in the lead. We turned a corner through a door, and there it was. It was large, many dwarves already settling back into their routine.
"It's about dinner time as it is, I'm sure we can find you some food, Iridian." Bombur said jovially. "Take a seat." The other members of the company had left, not wanting to crowd the kitchens. It was the Durin line, Dwalin, and I.
"You're not going to believe what I saw." I said to them. Their heads tilted in curiosity. "I was in a clearing, a threshold of some sort. I saw my mother and father there, and we talked, sorted things out. I made things right with Ada, and they told me to come back." I explained in short. "I'm going to miss them, but the next time I see them, it'll be with my family. All of them." I answered. Bombur put the stew in front of me, and I wolfed it down, not realizing how hungry I was. "Thank you." I mumbled around bites.
"No problem." He said happily, spooning another ladle into the bowl. I wolfed it down as well, drinking water as well. I shook my head when he offered more food.
"I shouldn't eat so much after not." I reasoned. "Thank you, again." I said, standing. It was easier once again. "I should really get some sleep. I'm exhausted. Though I don't see why not, being as I've been unconscious for however long."
"Two days, but that's alright. We'll see you tomorrow, for overseeing training of young cadets." Thorin said. "Is that alright?"
"Should be." He came forward, patting my shoulder.
"It's good to have you back." He said in a soft voice. I smiled, and Thorin walked toward his chambers. I turned to face Dwalin, who was watching with a smile on his face. I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around him. The damp earth and metal was one I needed to smell. He held me tight, reassuring himself I was alive.
"Don't do that again. You scared me. I wasn't ready to lose you nathith, and I never will be. So don't put me there again." He begged softly. He looked me dead in the eye.
"Never." I promised. He head butted me gently, before heading back to his own chambers. Fili, Kili, and I headed back to our own houses. When we reached the crossroads, Fili turned to face me. He held his arms out, and I let myself step into yet another set of arms. It was an act that was both repetitive, and comforting. I knew they were all reassuring themselves that I was alive, and it was so I knew I was alive.
"I'm glad your back, namad. You really scared us." He muttered. I nodded against his shoulder. "You scared me." He added softly. I hugged him back tightly, reassuring him I was here.
"I'm right here, Fili. And I'm not leaving again." I said against his chest. He heart was slow and calm, much like Thorin's. He squeezed me once, before letting me go once again. He turned toward his home, his eyes holding brotherly love. I smiled gently, and turned toward Kili, who held his hand out. I took it as he opened the door. Our doors closed as one. We stood in the living room, his hand still in mine.
It wasn't enough, and he clutched me against his chest, a hand around my waist, the other stroking my hair and back gently. I clutched his tunic gently, trying to tell him I was there. "Sometimes I wonder if you're really here. It feels like a dream. Iridian, tell me you're really here." He begged in my ear.
I looked into his deep eyes. The earth met the clouds. I was no longer flighty, for he grounded me forevermore. I reached up to touch his rough stubble, stroking it with my thumb. I leaned in closer, our noses touching. His breath was warm, the cinnamon scent grounding me even more, roots growing. I made sure he was looking in my eyes. "I'm right here, Kili. I'm alive. I won't leave." I couldn't wait any more, and I pressed my lips against his in a fervent nature.
I needed him. I needed him to tell me I was alive. My hands crawled up his arms, his warrior hardened muscles, over the archer sinew on his back. He shivered. My fingers wound their way into his tangled tresses, tugging them lightly. He pulled me flush against him, holding the back of my neck to keep me close. "Do you believe me now?" I asked against his lips. He smiled against them, pressing a lingering kiss against them.
"Yes." He purred. A shiver zinged from the bottom of my backbone to the top. He pushed me gently until my legs hit the couch. He turned, pulling me into his lap as he sat. His hands brushed against my cheeks, down my shoulders, to my waist. I pulled, back, turning so my back was against his chest. His arms around my waist, twining his fingers with mine.
"Kili, did I really die?" I asked softly.
"Yes."
"How do you know?" My tone was quiet, as this was thin ice.
"It felt like my heart stopped for a moment. Something similar to that of my soul being ripped from me; my heartstrings snapping. The pain was actually shockingly intense. I actually felt my heart stop. Everything of mine stopped working for probably only a few moments, but it felt like an eternity. I felt like I lost myself. That's how I knew."
"I didn't realize. I'm so sorry I did that. I didn't realize I would actually die." There was silence, and I knew he was remembering what had happened.
"I never want to go through it again." He muttered, his voice strained. I tilted my head back, pecking his chin.
"It won't." I murmured. Another silence. It was sad, worried. I wasn't sure what to think about it.
"What did you mean by threshold?" He sounded like he was afraid to know the answer.
"When I woke up, wherever I was, I was in a clearing. Mamad was at the edge of it, walking from the shadows. The shadows were comforting, and yet eerie. Mamad walked into the clearing, and told me that this place the threshold of death for me. I could choose to follow the stream back down, or the shadows to death. Mamad told me to come back. Everyone has a place in between life and death, and threshold, and that was it."
He gripped me tighter, afraid I would leave again. "I didn't move away from you until you had woken up. I was so scared to lose my One. Don't do that again. Please." He said into my hair. I yawned as I talked.
"I won't. Like I said." I repeated. I yawned again, and Kili picked me up. My arms looped around his neck as I started to doze. He set me on the bed, and I didn't bother changing. There was shuffling, and he slid next to me. He held my waist tight, winding his hand with mine. My heart calmed to his rate, and we melded into one.
"Good night, Amralime. I love you." His lips lingered on my shoulder, before his head rested in the crook of my neck. I thanked my mother for sending me back, and I fell into dreams of my parents.