I woke up the next morning with a banging feeling in my head. Sometime in my sleep I must have rolled over on my side and now the bandaged wound was pressed against the bed. As I rolled back onto my back an unbearably sharp pain struck my head and without thinking, I screamed. I could not have stopped myself from screaming even if I wanted to. Jason came running in, followed by Uncle Dave. I grabbed the sides of my head as if it would make the banging stop. All of a sudden, a nauseating vibe spread through my body and I held my stomach with one hand, my mouth with the other. Though Uncle Dave did not catch on, Jason did and ran to find a trash can. As soon as he returned with the trashcan, no one had to help me sit up as I threw up.
“Ugh, just make it stop!” I cried out as if someone could. Shut up Callie. You know what yesterday did to him.
Jason left the room with Uncle Dave and returned alone with an ice pack. I propped myself up against the wall so that I was now sitting up. Jason handed me the ice pack and instead of applying it to my head, I rested it on my hip. Yesterday I had not realized it, but when the door hit the tree, it caved in, leaving a nasty bruise on my hip. The frozen ice pack stung the slot of bare skin, turning my now purple and yellow skin bright red.
“Is your arm okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, I think so,” Jason answered as he sat down next to me on the bed.
“Are you okay?” I asked, this time looking him straight in the eyes. He hesitated before answering.
“I hope so.” He knew I heard him last night, but neither of us wanted to say anything about it. Without looking at him, I took his hand and squeezed it tight with my own. I do not know why I did, but it made me feel just a little bit better.
_______________________________________________________________________________
For the next few days, I did not do much. After the first couple days, my head stopped hurting. I discovered more bruises, though the worst was still the one on my hipbone. My head ached from time to time, but the ibuprofen usually helped it go away. Lily called and said that when we got home she would help me remove the stitches. I guess your supposed to leave them in for about ten days, at least that is what she told me. Jason and Uncle Dave did not do much for the next few days either except take Jason's truck somewhere to get it repaired.
I was no longer battling the pain in my body, but my mind. Every night since the crash, I had these horrible dreams. They felt so real, even though I would have experienced something similar the night before. In the morning I would realize it was all a nightmare and try to push the horrifying thoughts from my brain, but it felt useless. I knew why I was having them, and they only got worse.
As the time for us to meet Dad again crept closer, I became more nervous. On our last night in Noma, I called my mom.
“Hello?”
“Hey Mom, it’s Callie.”
“Oh hi! How are you?”
“Um, okay I guess.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Uh, well the other night we got in a car wreck, but I’m okay now.” Though the car wreck was not what was really bothering me, it was all I could bare to tell her.
“Oh my gosh. Are you injured?”
“Uh yeah, but it’s okay. I just had to get stitches on my forehead.”
“Was your father driving?”
“No, Jason. Dad’s still in jail.”
“Oh right. When do you see him again?”
“Tomorrow at some new years eve thing.”
“Callie, are you sure you’re okay? You can come home you know.”
Honestly, all I wanted to do was agree to go home to my family. No, I was not feeling okay, but I could not leave yet.
“I’m sorry. I really want to come home, but that would defeat the purpose of me coming here in the first place. “
“Okay. Well I have to go. Call me soon, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Bye Sweetie.”
“Bye Mom.”
We hung up. The more I thought about it, the more I want to go home to San Francisco. I began packing up my things to try and get my mind off of my family. My clothes some how seemed to have collected a mixture of dirt and dust throughout the trip. Everything I picked up emitted a brownish grey fog, making me cough. When I glanced at the dresser top, I noticed a thick layer of grey over the wooden fixture. It reminded me of my grandparent’s house. They were too old to clean their house so everything had produced a layer of grey dust, similar to this dresser.
“Time to eat!” Uncle Dave called from the kitchen. I dropped my clothes onto my black vinyl suitcase and headed into the kitchen. We all sat in the same seats as we had that first morning for breakfast. The table supported four dishes containing green beans, ham, sweet potatoes, and rolls. This was actually all of the food we had purchased prior to the wreck. After we all sat down, Uncle Dave pursued his normal routine: taking our hands, praying, and eating. We ate in silence, mainly because none of us had anything to say. I tried to eat the potatoes on my plate, though I hate potatoes, but was too focused on trying to get warm. Over the last few days, the temperature had dropped about twenty degrees, making it thirty degrees outside. Uncle Dave’s heater was warn out, causing the house to be about sixty degrees. Though I wore my oversized, charcoal colored sweatshirt, I was still freezing. Uncle Dave reached for a second round of ham as I tried to finish my first. I did not feel like eating due to my nerves. I watched as Jason pushed the green beans Uncle Dave had insisted on him taking with his fork.
“So I’m thinking that we will leave at about ten thirty so that if we stop for lunch we will make it to my sister’s by about five or so.”
We both nodded. Apparently every year, our dad and Uncle Dave’s sister hosts this New Years Eve party for the whole family. Last year we did not have to go because we were staying with Jason’s mom. I was kind of surprised that Uncle Dave was going to drive five hours to this party. I have heard that my dad’s other brother and his sister are both married and have kids. The gathering usually consisted of the family and a few close family friends. Even though I have never met this woman, my dad’s mom, or my grandma, was going to be there. One time Jason told me that she is actually much happier now that her husband is dead. I find that a little depressing, but I did not bother to ask why.
After we finished eating, Uncle Dave collected our dishes, and Jason and I headed back into the bedroom to finish what packing we could. When everything but our clothes and toothbrushes and what not that we would need tomorrow was packed, we went out the back door to take our last outdoor shower. I had actually successfully avoided taking a shower since the first night. The minute we stepped outside, goose bumps coated my body. When Jason turned on the water, I cringed at the thought of the cold water running down my body.
“Will you go first?” I asked. At least this way I would not have to stand outside wet for as long.
“Fine,” Jason replied slipping off his sweat pants and t-shirt, leaving him in his swim shorts.
I held up the hose for him before he stepped under it.
“Crap it’s freezing,” he said, hugging his body with his arms. He quickly rinsed off before taking the hose from me. I pulled off my sweatshirt, the goose bumps returning. I quickly washed my hair and body, hoping that maybe the water would warm up. It never did.
_______________________________________________________________
The car slammed into a tree. I lurched forward, the air bag crashing into my chest and ribs. Pain shot through body, reaching every inch of my being. I looked over at Jason. His head leaned against the steering wheel. His air bag had failed to go off. Blood ran down the side of his head, dripping down onto his shoes. His eyes rolled back and the blood came faster and faster until his seat was filled. When I looked down at my lap, I realized that blood from my stomach had already filled the floor and my seat as well. The truck began shrinking, the walls caving in. Jason’s chest had stopped rising. He was dead. He disappeared and I was left alone in the truck. The blood in my seat had now risen to my shoulders. I shook the door handle, though I couldn’t see it, trying to get the door to open. It was jammed shut. I screamed for help, but it was useless. The blood was now up to my nose and I was forced to hold my breath. I continued pulling at the door handle, but within seconds, the door handle disappeared too. I fought for air as the blood passed my head. Slowly, I felt the life being sucked out of me. I faint light I could see behind my eyelids disappeared into solid black.
I opened my eyes and realized I was in my mom and dad’s apartment. When I looked down, I realized I was seated on their maroon colored leather couch in the living room. I ran my hand along my jeans. They were dry. The blood was gone.
“You can’t do this to me!” my dad’s voice boomed through the kitchen.
“You’re the one who went off and had an affair with another woman! You have another kid, Brian! I definitely have the right to leave!” my mother screamed.
“I can’t help that I met her first, not knowing I would meet you two years later! She’s already left me, you can’t leave too!”
“I sure as hell can! I’m not about to let my daughter grow up in a house with a man who can’t even decide who he loves! I gave you everything Brian!” she cried. They were now in the living room, yet they did not notice me.
“Give me one more chance, please!” my dad yelled.
“Never in a million years would I do that!”
My dad lifted his hand and slapped it across her face, leaving her bent over. She straightened up and stared him in the eyes, tears streaming out of her own.
“How dare you hit a woman?” He drew his hands into fist and shoved one into her stomach, followed by another into her jaw. I scream escaped her lips as she fell to the floor. He grabbed her by the shoulders, bringing her body up into a standing position, though she was not supporting her own weight.
“Never will I ever sleep with a scumbag like you again,” she croaked. My dad threw her against the wall, her back slamming into the wall.
“Stop, please!” I screamed, but neither of them could hear me. Tears slid down my face. When I tried to wipe them up, the just slid over my fingers. I stood up off the couch, shaking, and tried to pry my dad off of my mom. When I touched my dad, my fingers went right through him. I screamed and cried in frustration as he threw another fist at her nose. All of a sudden I felt my body shaking. I dug my heels into the tile floor, trying to keep my balance, but my body continued shaking violently. The room around me began to fade, as well as my mother and father. Someone called my name, but I ignored it as I tried to find my parents. Everything faded to black and I woke up.
I opened my eyes to someone shaking me. Jason. As soon as I touched my cheek and felt water against my fingertips, I began sobbing. It was all a dream, but it felt so real. More real than the last time. Jason sat down on the bed and wrapped his arms around me. I turned to face him, just to make sure the dream was over, and cried into his chest.
“Shh. It’s okay,” he whispered.
I tried to calm down, but I could not. My body shook as I sobbed. I felt like my cries were filling the whole house, though the door was shut. Jason pulled me closer, rubbing my back with one of his hands. I squeezed my lips into a firm line, hoping it would help me stop crying, and though I was still upset, I did stop sobbing. We sat in silence for a good five minutes until I finally spoke.
“I was there when my mom left Dad.”
“Really?” he asked, though he knew I was telling the truth.
“Yeah. He beat her when she said she was leaving.” I felt a lump form in my throat again.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly.
“It all seemed so real. First we were in the car again, but instead of me getting hit in the head, it was you. You ended up dying and then disappearing. Blood filled the car, and I drowned. I woke up on the couch in my parent’s apartment. They were already fighting when I woke up. Dad began beating my mom and I screamed and try to pull him away, but I couldn’t. Everyone and everything disappeared, and I woke up.”
Jason did not say anything, though he continued to hold me close. I twirled my fingers around a loose string on the hem of his shirt as I tried to figure out what to say next.
“What happened the other day?” he asked, referring to when I ran away from him crying.
“That’s when I realized I was there when my mom and Dad split.” I could not tell him that I realized that when I saw his eyes. It would be too cruel to tell him that I saw Dad in him. Jason was too kind and innocent to be anything like dad. But at the same time, I hated keeping things from anyone who deserved an answer. I looked at Jason and realized that he already knew. The sides of his mouth turned down into a frown and he reverted his now glossy eyes to mine.
“It’s because I yelled at you wasn’t it,” Jason said.
“No, something else,” I shook my head.
“What?” Jason asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Please tell me, Callie. I won’t get mad. I promise.”
“No. I’m not worried about you getting mad. I just don’t want to hurt you.”
Jason sat silently and then finally nodded. I began to think about tomorrow and felt the tears return to my eyes. I tried so hard to keep them in by squeezing my eyes shut, but they escaped anyways.
“Don’t cry. It’s okay,” Jason said, squeezing his arms tightly around me.
“I don’t want to see Dad tomorrow. I’m scared of him, and I’m scared to get in the truck again.”
“Would you feel better riding with Uncle Dave?” he asked.
“No. I’d probably be more scared,” I said, giving a failed attempt at a laugh.
“Well, about Dad. I guess you could always call your mom and ask to go back home. I’m sure she wants you back home just as much if not more as my mom wants me to go stay with her.”
“No, I can’t leave you and Cameron. Besides, I need Lily to take out my stitches.” Jason laughed quietly, but it quickly faded.
“Don’t stay here just for me, though. I’ll be fine if you need to go home.”
“I’ll stay,” I sighed.
“Good, because I really don’t want to stay with dad alone. I’m not really scared, actually, just angry with him.”
I nodded. We sat in silence for a few more minutes until Jason finally spoke.
“We should probably go to sleep now.” Jason let go of me, and I laid back down. I pulled the covers up to my shoulder after Jason had laid down as well. Jason draped his arm over my side. I closed my eyes, praying that the nightmares would not return.