I stood outside the apartment door for what felt like hours with the key shaking in my hand. Twice, I dropped the key on the carpeted floor and picked it up with trembling fingers. I was actually terrified to enter my own home. I didn't know what to expect when I walked through the door; Ruby drunk and passed out on the floor?
No, she hadn't picked up a drink in years. She would never go back to that.
Ruby crying in her bedroom?
Possibly. She liked seclusion when she was upset.
Ruby gone?
No! I would not even consider that a possibility! She promised she'd try to be there for me.
She promised.
I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. I pictured my day with Jordan and felt a sudden happy glow spread through my veins, causing me to smile slightly.
I exhaled slowly, unlocked the apartment door with a trembling hand and stepped inside.
At the sound of the clicking lock, I saw Ruby's body rise from the couch. She turned around as I shut the door. Her eyes looked even redder than when I had left. The red welt on her cheek had subsided and she was trembling.
"Carrie," she whispered hoarsely, stepping around the couch with her arms open.
I let my camera bag slip to the floor and practically threw myself into Ruby's open arms. The feeling of my sister hugging me this way was something I had not experienced in a long time...
**FLASHBACK**
The sky is black with storm clouds. Heavy rain drops pound my head and trickle down the side of my face, mixing with my salty tears as I dial the number with shaky fingers.
"Come on, come on," I whisper frantically into the payphone. "Please be awake, Ruby. Please be awa---"
"H-hello?" answers a groggy voice. "Whoever you are, do you realize it's well after midnight?"
"Ruby!" I cry. "Oh thank God!"
"Carrie?" she gasps. The sleep in her voice has suddenly vanished at the realization of her speaking to me. "Sis! My God, where have you been? Why haven't you been calling? I've been so---"
"R-Ruby," I stammer, trying to force back my tears, "help me. Please, help me..."
"What?" she says, a certain edginess in her voice. "Carrie, what's going on? Where are you?"
"I'm...I'm just outside Ventura," I whisper hoarsely. "It's pouring rain, I'm cold and tired and hungry and...sis, I need you."
"What the HELL are you doing in Ventura?" she cries worriedly. "Carrie, what has hap---"
"Ruby, please!" I scream. A lightning flash follows a clap of thunder and I flinch. "I need you to get me. Just you, no one else."
"O-okay, okay!" she says quickly. "I'll get there as fast as I can, just hang tight!"
"Hurry, Ruby," I whisper. "I...I love you, sis."
"Carrie!" she cries. "I"m coming! I love y---."
"Please deposit twenty-five cents to continue this call."
"Dammit!" I shout. "I"m sorry, Ruby, I have to go."
"No no no, Carrie don't---"
I put the phone back on the receiver, slowly sink to my knees in a puddle, and sob. My water-heavy clothes keep me from properly standing.
I sit on the wet ground with my arms around my knees for what feels like hours until I see a pair of blinding headlights coming up the road. They stop in front of me and a tall woman figure steps out of the car. Her deep red hair is already dripping with rain, her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are puffy and red.
"CARRIE!" she cries, running over to me and cradling me like a baby. "Oh my God, no! Carrie, talk to me! Talk to me, baby sis!"
I wrap my shaky and wet arms around my big sister and whisper, "Help...me..."
"I'm gonna get you to a hospital," she says reassuringly, hugging me closer to where my face is buried in the warmth of her rain jacket. "You're gonna be okay, Carrie. I'm not gonna leave you, I promise..."
**END**
She clung to me like her final lifeline. I felt myself tremble and shudder against her body, my tears dripping onto her blouse.
"I am so sorry," she whispered comfortingly. "You know you are the only thing in the world that matters to me. You're all I've got now, and I'm not losing you anytime soon."
"I know," I said, trying to choke back my sobs. "I love you, big sis. You're my family."
Ruby stroked my hair softly, swaying me slowly back and forth in her arms.
We stood there hugging and crying for what felt like hours until I heard my phone ding with a new text message. Ruby and I let go of each other and I pulled out my phone.
It was a new message from Jordan.
"Looking forward to tonight :) i actually have a little surprise for you. See you and Ruby at 6:45."
"Is that Jordan?" Ruby asked, wiping her teary eyes on her shirt.
I nodded and dabbed my eyes with Jordan's jacket. "Uh-huh."
Suddenly, Ruby's face turned serious and surprised.
"Wait a second," said Ruby suspiciously, pinching Jordan's jacket between her fingers. "This isn't yours. Where did you get this?"
It took only a blushing face and a slight smirk to make Ruby catch the hint about whose jacket it was.
For the next hour and a half, I told Ruby about the photo shoot and about Jordan's invitation to the festival. Ruby was ecstatic.
"Oh my God!" she cried happily. "This is so exciting! My little sis is going on a date!"
"Well, it's not really a date," I said blushing. "I mean, you're coming."
"So what?" she replied. "I still consider it a date!"
I rolled my eyes. "Well, we've got a few hours before they get here. What should we do?"
"Oh!" said Ruby quickly. "Let me see those pictures from the photo shoot!"
We curled up on the couch and cycled through all 175 photos, commenting on the gorgeousness of his eyes and the cuteness of his smile. And that adorable little quiff of hair...
We ended up giggling and laughing for four hours. When I finally looked at my watch again, it was already 5:30.
"Shit!" I cried, jumping up from the couch. "Mark and Jordan will be here in an hour! We've got to get ready!"
"Hmm," said Ruby, studying me, "okay, but you have to let me curl your hair for this!"
I looked at Ruby with wide eyes. "Curls? Really? You know I don't like curls!"
"Yeah," she said slyly, grabbing my wrist and dragging me down the hallway to the bathroom, "but maybe Jordan does!"
* * *
Over the next hour, Ruby took a curling iron to my head, transforming my naturally straight red-orange hair into bouncy springs.
I had never been a fan of curls. Usually, I had my hair pulled up or hanging loose and free. I never understood the point of curls. What was their purpose?
Ruby had her hair pulled back in a tight bun. She was buttoning her jacket while I examined the warm curls on my head.
"Quit obsessing over those curls!" said Ruby, buttoning her last button. "You look gorgeous!"
"I look like a walking rusty spring bucket," I said with a sigh, sliding my arms back into Jordan's Creeper hoodie.
"Jordan is not gonna think that," she said as I followed her out of the bathroom. I grabbed my camera from the couch and slipped the apartment keys into my pocket.
And then, as if on cue, the doorbell rang.
I felt my face drain of all color. My hands went numb as I fumbled with my camera. Jordan Maron was at the front door!
CaptainSparklez was at my front door!
Play it cool, I thought to myself. Be calm, Carrie. You can get through this.
I felt Ruby lightly pushing me closer to answer the door. She gave me a reassuring thumbs up and I swallowed nervously. I was certain I would get sick from all the nervousness.
"You can do it, Carrie," she whispered proudly. "I believe in you."
My fingers closed around the cold metal knob. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
Jordan was standing just outside the threshold. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his black hoodie. He was still wearing the same t-shirt I had photographed today. A short bit of his brown hair was visible from under his gray beanie hat. Another man, whom I assumed was Mark, was standing behind Jordan. He had on a black stocking cap with a thin gray jacket. There was a hint of a smirk on his face.
"Ah, you must be the girlfriend," said Mark with a laugh. My face burned red hot.
"Mark, shut up!" said Jordan, elbowing him in the ribs. "Be nice. She's not my girlfriend."
I shook my head quickly. "No...no, we're just friends."
"Uh-huh, sure," said Mark. I was sure my face was blood red by now.
I saw Jordan grit his teeth in annoyance. He looked up and met Ruby's gaze. She was giving Mark a sideways glance of agitation.
"Ruby," said Jordan, "you and Mark go and wait down in the lobby. We'll meet you two down there."
"That's a great idea," said Ruby, catching Jordan's hint and giving Mark a suspicious glare. "I think he could use a good talking to."
Mark looked at Ruby with a questionable look. Ruby slipped past me and grabbed Mark by the forearm, dragging him down the hallway to the elevator.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow!" yelled Mark. "Come on, I was just kidding!"
Jordan and I watched in stunned silence with wide eyes as Ruby practically threw Mark into the elevator.
"Alright," said Ruby sternly, "let's go over some ground rules about my sister!"
The elevator doors slid shut before we heard anything more.
Immediately, Jordan and I erupted with laughter. Tears swelled in my eyes and my sides began to ache. Jordan's face had gone rose red and he was gasping for air. After a while, we finally recovered ourselves. We were both in shock.
"Wow!" said Jordan with a hoarse laugh. "I had no idea your sister was so strong! I've never seen anyone overpower Mark like that!"
"Yeah," I said with a smile, "Ruby's the strong one. I'm just the nerdy, geeky, socially awkward Minecraft gamer in the corner."
"I guess that makes two of us," he said, turning around to reveal the bright purple eyes of an Enderman on the back of his hoodie.
"Oh, Jordan!" I said with a bright smile. "That's awesome!"
"Yeah," he said with a smile. "See, I told you I've got more at home."
I giggled and ran my hand up the arm of Jordan's Creeper jacket.
"So, didn't you tell me you had a surprise?" I asked.
"Oh, right!" he said. "I almost forgot!"
"Well, don't keep me in the suspense!" I said eagerly. "What is it?"
Jordan smiled at my enthusiasm and from inside his jacket produced a flat square package wrapped in brown paper. On the front was a small white card with a message tied to the package with string.
Welcome to Santa Barbara!
"What's this?" I said, taking the package from Jordan.
"Just a little something," said Jordan, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking down at his feet. "Call it your official welcome gift."
I undid the string and carefully ripped off the brown paper. I softly gasped.
Two smiling faces were gazing up at me, framed in gorgeous deep brown wood. The man in the photo had eyes identical in color to the wooden frame. The young woman had pale blue eyes and the wind ruffled her bright red-orange hair.
There were two names carved along the top of the photo above the smiling faces.
Jordan & Carrie
On the bottom of the frame was a sentence.
Pretty crafty friends.
"Oh my God," I whispered. "This...this is our selfie shot!"
"I threw it together at the last minute," he said with a bashful shrug. "A special girl deserves a special memory."
I looked up at Jordan and our eyes locked. I felt happy tears bubbling up.
"You...you think I'm special?" I asked him shyly.
Jordan's face had gone a bright red. "Well, yeah. I-I mean, you seem really cool and, umm...I mean, uh..."
"Jordan, Jordan!" I said quickly, grabbing his shoulder. "I know what you mean. It's really beautiful. I love it."
"Call it a friendly gesture," he said softly.
"You sure it was just a friendly gesture?" I asked playfully, sitting the photo on the kitchen table and stepping into the hallway.
Jordan's face turned red again. "Call it what you will." His eyes met mine and he flashed me his bashful smile.
I found myself staring into his eyes for a while, gazing intensely into the deep brown pools. I felt my heart beating madly in my throat as my brain kept telling me to do one simple thing.
Hug him! Damn it, Carrie! Hug him already! He deserves it!
I hesitated, taking in a shaky breath. Jordan was looking at me questioningly.
"You alright, Carrie?" he asked.
I nodded slowly, not saying a word.
Just hearing him say my name was enough to send chills up my spine and practically paralyze me where I stood.
Before I knew it, my arms were up and wrapped around his neck. My chin rested on his shoulder. Jordan seemed taken aback by the hug but after a few seconds, his arms wrapped around my back, holding me close to him. I could feel the rapid beating of his own heart against my chest.
His hug was better than I ever could've imagined. It felt like I was wrapped in a thousand blankets; warm, safe, and protected. I felt as if a protective barrier shielded me from the dangers of my past, ridding me of any other evil that made the attempt to penetrate my safe haven.
I couldn't let go. More to the point; I didn't want to let go. I wanted him to hold me forever, to protect me from the darkness. I wanted him.
I needed him.
Eventually, I did release my hold on Jordan. Jordan released his hold on me. For a moment, we stared at each other with my hands on his shoulders and his hands just slightly above my hips. There was a faint hint of a smile along his lips.
For the first time since I met Jordan, I did not feel embarrassed. I did not tremble, shake, stutter, or even blush. That surprised me the most. My cheeks were surprisingly calm and cool. They weren't throbbing madly with pulsing beats of red.
I caught a glimpse of my watch out of the corner of my eye and let my hands fall to my sides. Jordan's hands fell as well, his eyes still locked on mine.
"I think we've kept Ruby and Mark waiting long enough," I said with a small smile as I locked the apartment door behind me.
Jordan shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded quickly. "Yeah. Let's just hope they didn't kill each other down there."
"Please," I scoffed, "Mark doesn't stand a chance against my sister!"
Jordan shrugged and stifled a chuckle.
As we rode the elevator down to the lobby, I was having a rather annoying argument with Her.
"Why didn't you kiss him?" She asked sternly. "Why did you hesitate? You were so close."
You seriously want to discuss this right now? I thought with agitation. Because I don't. At least not now. Can this not wait until later?
"I promised you were not going to lose your chance with Jordan," She said with determination ringing in Her voice. "You know I was serious about that."
But I'm afraid! I screamed at Her. I don't think I'm ready for a big step like this! I'm falling for him...but I don't WANT to fall for him, at least not yet, because I know I'll lose you if I do.
"Perhaps, it is for the best," She said softly. "You deserve Jordan, and you deserve to be happy."
I squinted my eyes tightly, pushing back my tears. They burned and stung savagely against my eyes, but I kept my pained face at bay.
I deserve to live a normal life, I growled inside my head, away from all the craziness! That was the only reason I moved; to get away from my hellish past! I came here to get away, not fall in love!
"Exactly!" She said with a smile in Her voice. "You were not looking for love, but love was looking for you. And that, my dear Carrie, is the best kind of love; the love that you never wanted, but the love that you always needed. I see that love in Jordan's heart. Hmm, and I see it growing within you as well. You just have to learn to let it show."
I lightly placed my palm against my chest, feeling the semi-intense beating of my heart. I imagined what might happen if I revealed my love not just to Jordan, but to Her, and to Ruby. Ruby knew She would leave when I was able to truly admit my love to Jordan, but I was so scared. I wasn't ready for Her to leave for good.
"You alright, Carrie?" Jordan asked. "You seem a little tense."
"Oh, umm," I said quickly. "No, yeah, I'm fine. Just got a lot on my mind."
I wasn't even sure I was ready to love Jordan.
She had already faded off again by the time the elevator doors slid open and welcomed us to the lobby.
As we stepped out of the elevator, we looked up and I felt the color from my face drain in pure shock. Jordan's mouth practically dropped to the floor.
Mark and Ruby were standing outside the door, their fingers tightly intertwined and their lips crushing against one another!
I covered my mouth, sure I would throw up, and slowly opened the door.
"Ruby!" I cried. Immediately, Mark and Ruby broke away from each other. However, their hands were still intertwined.
"Carrie!" Ruby said in surprise. "I was...we were just, umm..." Ruby's face had gone as red as her hair.
"Mark, what the hell!" said Jordan, his arms crossed. "And you say I'm the one with the girlfriend! Not cool, bro."
"Hey, you guys were taking forever!" he said with a laugh. "Ruby and I were just getting acquainted."
Ruby smirked and bumped Mark with her hip. "I think I was getting more acquainted with you than you were with me!"
I stole a sideways glance at Jordan and stuck my tongue out in disgust. Jordan wrinkled his nose and nodded in agreement.
"Alright, that's enough of that," said Mark. "Yeah, I'm talking to you, Carrie! I know you're making faces!"
I shot Mark a playful smirk. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, sir!"
Jordan laughed, bumping me with his shoulder and rolling his eyes. "Come on, we're gonna be late for the festival."
Mark and Ruby nodded and started walking ahead of us, hip to hip with their hands still wrapped together. Jordan and I followed along behind, feeling the romantic tension from Mark and Ruby.
Is it too late to say awkward?