Chapter 8:
I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting on that bench before Eva and Riley finally came looking for me. Riley looked like she'd been put in the middle of a bad situation but Eva had a look on her face that said, what did I do wrong? She didn't see it.
"Kelsey what happened?" Eva asked and I bit down on my lip, swallowing hard.
"Nothing..." I lied, shaking my head. "Let's just go."
"Um okay, let's go then." With that Eva, Riley and I went to the car. I drove them home and went back to my house feeling like I didn't have a clue what to do next. It was never easy. I just couldn't help but feel disappointed in my friends for not understanding that I didn't want to wear something sexy and bugging me about Jacob. Was that something I could just let slide?
I could hear Blake's music through the wall, blaring loudly. He hadn't spoken to me since, we were both avoiding each other. I just wanted to know why he didn't feel like he could tell me all those years that he was gay. Yet another thing I was disappointed about, but my relationship with Blake wasn't like the relationship I had with my friends. He was my brother and I couldn't throw that away.
I knocked on his door and then knocked louder. He opened the door forcefully and his expression softened when he saw me.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked, jumping right to what really mattered. Blake took me by the arm and pulled me inside his room, closing the door behind me. Then he turned off the music.
"I didn't tell anyone Kelse." He sat down on the bed, wanting to leave it at that but it wasn't a good enough answer.
Then it hit me. He didn't tell anyone. How would I feel holding in such a big part of me for years? It would tear me apart inside. Blake hid it from my mother but more importantly me, the big secret constantly on the tip of his tongue but he just couldn't bring himself to tell me out of fear of what I might think. I couldn't imagine having such a weight on my shoulders.
I sat down beside him, seeing him in a completely different light. Suddenly he wasn't the cocky big brother with a million ways to torture me, I saw past that. I saw the hurt.
"Blake, I wish you'd told me." I laid my hand on his shoulder. "You didn't need to hide it and bring girls home just for Mom and I's sake."
"At first I didn't know, I was bringing girls home because that's what I thought was normal. I don't think I really knew until grade eleven and then I just didn't know how to say it. Maybe saying it outloud would have made it too real. It wasn't until I went away that I started to embrace it." I nodded, biting my lip to prevent myself from saying the wrong thing.
"What about Oliver? How does he fit into it?" I asked carefully.
"I remember him in high school, he was the kid everyone made fun of for coming out of the closet in grade 10. Then we met up this year and something clicked. I guess I was so used to being myself when I was away, I couldn't hide it anymore." He sighed, it made sense. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. That wasn't my intention." In my opinion he didn't need to apologize, but he felt he did.
"That's not why I was hurt. Of course finding out that way wasn't really pleasant but I was upset that we didn't get our day together. I just- I've really missed you. This house is lonely when you aren't here." A tear slipped down my cheek and he pulled me into a hug.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way. Let me make it up to you before I go back." He suggested, letting go. "We'll have one of our horror movie nights and cook a ton of popcorn."
"Yeah okay." I smiled and pushed his shoulder, getting rid of the emotional tension in the room.
"Then it's a plan. I'm free tonight, are you?" He asked, clearing his throat.
"Yes I am." I smiled at him and he returned the smile. It meant I cleared things up with him and it one less thing I had to worry about. I also didn't feel so hurt because he took the time to help me understand his reasons for not telling me. "Thanks Blake." He looked at me with confusion, but I needed to thank him.
"For what exactly?" I could tell he couldn't figure it out which made me smile even more.
"For trusting me enough to tell me, and I promise not to tell anyone." He smiled again. I walked out of his room already beginning to plan our night together.
"You're welcome." He was barely audible but I still heard him as I walked down the hall to my bedroom.
The day went by slowly, I dilly dallied around the house, doing silly things like dancing and singing with my curtains closed of course. I ended up only wasting about thirty minutes and it made me frustrated, I was such an impatient person, especially when I was excited. Blake and I were going to have such a good night and I wanted to pull out all the stops.
I got my flannel pajamas out and and jumped in the shower, hoping I could go knock on his door and we'd get an early start. Eagerly I knocked on his door. When he saw me he immediately knew what I wanted.
"Okay go get it set up and I'll be down in a minute." He laughed and I jumped for joy.
We watched 4 horror movies and made 3 bowls of popcorn, of course Blake ate most of it. He had a scary metabolism where he could eat anything and still be skinny. I was just waiting for that day when he turned 50 and had a beer belly. Then I'd laugh and never let him live it down but in that moment I was jealous, really jealous. I had to work for my girlish figure. Apparently the Blake I knew who was able to stay up all night was gone so we ended up going to sleep around 2 am but only after making a fort out of the couch cushions so the night didn't have to end. It was an understatement to say I was sad when morning came around and I had to get ready for school.
When I left Blake was still asleep in the living room. I forgot all about my issues with Eva and Riley, suddenly I wanted to crawl back into bed and take a mental health day. Thinking about what it would be like, acting like nothing happened was dreadful. I decided I would avoid them as much as possible, maybe even hang out with Jacob. I blushed just thinking about it, I hadn't talked to him since the carnival.
I avoided my locker like the plague, so glad I had all my books on me. I was just about to go into the classroom when I felt my phone vibrate.
From: Eva
You're not at the lockers. Where are you?
I answered her quickly and sat down.
To: Eva
I was late, had to go straight to class.
Part of me hoped they knew I was mad and the other part just wanted everything to go back to normal, normal was easier.
When lunch came around I felt like a lost puppy, Jacob was nowhere to be found and I really wanted to stick to avoiding Eva and Riley, at least for one more day. I only knew one place to go, so I went and sat in the library pretending to catch up on some extra work. I was really just doodling in my notebook, but it made me look like less of a loser. I stayed there until the bell rang and it was finally time for biology.
It felt like the moment of truth. Was Jacob and My relationship going to be any different? I wanted it to be different, maybe a little more meaningful than it was before the carnival. But he never showed up, the desk beside me stayed empty the entire class. It was like I couldn't focus on anything other than his empty chair. Is he sick? Did he skip? Did he take a mental health day? Maybe he's avoiding me. It was a new feeling, to care so much about the presence of a boy. I couldn't wrap my mind around it.
I also couldn't explain why at the end of the day I felt the need to go and collect his missed work from the office. Or why I walked right up to his front door and rang the doorbell. Maybe it was because I was being a good friend or maybe it was just an excuse. Who am I kidding? It's so an excuse.
"Kelsey? What a nice surprise. What can I do for you dear?" Sherry answered the door and I felt a knot form in the pit of my stomach. I had to force myself to speak up. This was a bad idea.
"Jacob wasn't at school today so I brought him his homework." I held up the folder as evidence.
"That's so sweet of you. He's in his room, you can go on up. He's a little under the weather though so proceed with caution." She joked. So he was sick.
"Thanks Mrs. Peterson will do." I was smiling so much my cheeks hurt.
"Oh dear don't call me that call me Sherry." She had a genuine smile and it made me feel good.
"Okay." I stepped past her, hesitating slightly before I took a leap of faith and walked up the stairs.
It took a minute for me to remember which room was his, but I quickly realized it was the opposite of mine. His door was shut, and I took a deep breath. I was psyching myself up and I placed my knuckles against the door, pounding lightly.
"Mom I told you I wanted to be alone-" The door burst open and my presence seemed to shock him. His nose was bright red, comparable to Rudolph and his hair was a mess but he still looked sexy as ever. "Kelsey?"
"I-I brought you your homework." I gulped, sounding as quiet as a mouse.
"Thanks princess." He snuffled, taking the folder. "You might want to keep a safe distance, you don't want whatever I have."
I felt a need to fill the awkward silence but I found nothing to say. My eyes were locked with his and I thought he would say something but he didn't.
"You look terrible." I finally said and a smile pulled at his lips.
"Thanks." He laughed. "I feel it too." Jacob sat down, the bed bouncing beneath him. "Take a seat if you want." I looked around his room for a chair and quickly sat down on the desk chair. Sitting on his bed would have been too awkward. He looked in the folder and chuckled lightly. "Do you know what's in here?"
I shook my head. "No, I didn't look." Why would I look?
"Good." He winked, making me curious. What could possibly be in that folder that he wouldn't want me to look at?
"Oh Kelsey..." Penelope stood in the doorway. "I didn't know you were here."
"She dropped by to give me the stuff that I missed today." He smiled and Penelope ran over to his side, whispering something in his ear. "No Penny..." He shook his head but she tried again.
"What?" I wondered, amused by the expression on his face. Jacob sighed.
"She wants me to ask you to stay for supper." I gulped. Seriously? I didn't know what to say. "You don't have to." He reassured me.
"Please Kelsey? Just this once?" She pleaded with her puppy eyes. How could I turn down such a sweet little girl.
"Sure Penelope. I'll stay for supper." I smiled at how excited she got, she nearly exploded with joy.
"Yay this will be so awesome. Oh, but not just with me, with Jacob and Mom too." She jumped up and down which cause her hair to bounce everywhere.
"Alright, it sure will." I said in agreement. I always wanted a little sister. After her little burst of happiness she exited the room to let sherry that I would be staying for supper and to let my mother know.
"You know you didn't have to do that right?" Jacob asked me once Penelope left and was out of sight.
"Do what? Agree and have supper with you guys?" I clearly see he was uncomfortable with the situation and I had no clue as to why.
"Yeah. You didn't have to agree. She's not going to be that disappointed if you say no." He joked and I stuck my tongue out at him, immediately regretting it.
"So what's in the folder that you don't want me to see?" I changed the subject, trying to grab it from him but he quickly pulled it away from my grasp. "Huh?" I taunted. I lept forward and of course tripped over my feet, crashing right into my chest. Of course, he caught me. My eyes locked with his and in a daze we stood there, him holding me upright.
"I have to sneeze." Jacob panicked, backing away and let out the loudest sneeze I had ever heard.
"That was gross." I mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear.
"Well I am sick." He said with a tone full of cocky sarcasm. We spun around at the sound of someone knocking at his door.
"Kelsey, I hear you're staying for supper." She said smiling and I blushed.
"I hope that's okay." I mumbled.
"Of course hun, I just came up to ask if you had any allergies." I shook my head. "Okay, well supper will be ready in about twenty minutes." She turned to Jacob. "Are you feeling any better?"
"Yeah..." He nodded, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck.
"I wonder why..." She rolled her eyes and closed the door slightly behind her.
Twenty minutes pass quickly, Jacob keeps up the conversation, joking and laughing like usual. I couldn't believe that even sick, Jacob could make me feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach.
"Let's go down for supper." He suggested, standing up suddenly.
I stood up and waited for him to walk out of his room but he never did. Instead, he walked towards me and unexpectedly reached forward. His hand lingered on my cheek as he took a strand of hair that blocked my vision and carefully tucked it behind my ear. He left me speechless and this time a kind hearted smile appeared on his face.
"Let's go." Jacob walked down the stairs and I wondered where the sudden act of cuteness came from.