Well here you have it folks!
Chapter 23!
Not late this time!!
The pic is of Brock....well hello there :)
The music video link is 'Counting Stars' by One Republic
ENJOOOOOOOOY!
Comment, like, vote, etc
~Travis~
My mind was still reeling from what had happened. Even after a few days it felt as if it were just a minute ago. I scratched my head, still deep in thought. I had no idea what to do. I don’t know what I did. If I led Landon on that that was not my intention. I mean, come on! It was a damn mistletoe.
“Still thinking about your little...predicament?” I heard Evelyn say as she came up behind me.
“What? P-Predicament?” I all but shrieked. “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Your math notes.” She gave me a pensive look. “What did you think I was talking about?”
“Math, oh yea, my math notes.” I looked away, clearly distracted.
“Travis?” She asked and I looked up at her. “Are you okay? You’ve been acting strange since Christmas.”
“Of course. I’m just thinking...you know, about my new year’s resolutions and whatnot.” I waved her off.
There were so many things to think about. The year was almost over and I couldn’t help but think that as the seconds ticked by, I was running more and more out of time. It was almost as if that when the year ended, I would too.
After Christmas and the thing with Landon, I freaked. I ‘got sick’ after our adventure in the hallway and asked Adrian to take me home immediately. He looked like he was about ready to protest but Landon stepped in and agreed. I obviously glared at him. I didn’t need him fighting my battles for me. We weren’t together. I didn’t care that we had a relapse, it changed nothing.
Evelyn sat down on the bed, next to my desk chair. I had almost forgotten that she was still in the room. “Travis, I worry about you sometimes. You’ve changed.”
“I can’t stay the same.” I shook my head willing the images to leave. “Sometimes I need to let go and it’s difficult to do that when I feel like everyone’s watching me.”
“You can’t be alone forever.” Her voice remained soft. “One day you’d want someone to fill that void.”
“What if I don’t?” I looked up from the desk at her. She blinked a few times then sighed.
“That’s your problem then.” She stood up. “You told me to open up, why can’t you do the same for me?”
She didn’t give me a chance to respond and walked out of my room. I let my head fall into my hands. What has this all come to? I was so out of the loop that everything seemed like barriers, fighting to keep me out.
I heard a sound at my door and saw Heather standing there awkwardly with a load of folded washing in her hand. I still hadn’t gotten used to calling her ‘aunt’ yet. The word seemed too foreign to me.
“I brought these up for you.” She said raising them a bit higher.
“Thank you.” I nodded in acknowledgement.
She walked to the corner and put it on my chest of drawers. She looked down at her fingers and then shook her head as though she was stopping herself from saying something. I frowned at her and wondered silently what she was thinking.
“Heather, are you okay?” I kept my tone calm.
“It’s just-no never mind.” She waved her hands and started walking out.
“No, tell me what it is.” I stood up and took a few steps towards her. “This is obviously bothering you.”
“I-Travis, how long, uh-I wanted to ask-” She fumbled over her words. “Are-Are you gay?”
My eyes widened in shock. How could she possibly have found out? “Why would you ask me that?”
“I don’t have issues with gay people, I swear.” She said quickly. “It’s just that, I saw you and Landon.”
“You saw me and Landon.” I repeated slowly.
“Kissing, I saw the two of you kissing.” She clarified.
I stepped back and knocked into the side of my desk. “How? Why? What?”
“I didn’t meant to.” She sounded almost as panicked as I was. “I was heading to the bathroom and I happened to walked by.”
I eyed her curiously at first and then my stance automatically turned defensive. My features hardened and I reeled in all my emotions. It was what I did with Harold and I was sure that I could succeed in doing it again. I was very used to acting like the fly on the wall.
“I can leave.” I said. “The others seem to like you so I won’t take that ‘family’ they’ve made with you away from them.”
“Why would you leave?” She stepped forward and I moved out of the way before she could touch me.
“Harold said something similar.” I muttered. “He said ‘gay’s are not a problem’ and I believed him. He got me to trust him.”
“I’m not like him, Travis.” She protested.
“That’s what they all say.” I retorted.
“Travis,” She sighed. “I understand that you have trust issues where this is concerned. I can only imagine how difficult your life must have been. You’ve come so far and I think you deserved so much better than that.”
I stared at her blankly. I looked away from her and felt a stray tear run down the side of my cheek. I sniffed and stubbornly wiped the tears away with the back of my sleeve.
“You don’t know anything about me.” I said even though my voice was shaking. “It’s not easy. My mother, my own mother, walked out on us and admitted that she didn’t want us anymore. My father, fool that he is, ran after her and ended up in a messed up situation. I’ve never been accepted, ever! Harold made sure that I would never feel accepted in my life. He ruined that moment for me.”
Heather remained silent throughout my rant. “Everywhere I walk, it feel as if people just know. I feel so alone and cold. Their glares are like ice running down my spine. It hurts, it hurts so bad to know that I’ll never be able to get that back. I will never have the comfort of my parents telling me that they accept me anyway. That other people’s opinions don’t matter.”
“Oh Travis.” Heather came forward and pulled me into a hug. I tried to fight her off but she held on. The thing is, we both knew that I had the strength to push her away if I had really wanted to.
“I accept you.” She said into my shoulder. “I accept you. I may be a stranger to you, you may hate me but I want you to know that I would never cast you out. To you I might be nothing, but to me, you’re family.”
I looked down at her and then closed my eyes as more tears poured out. I hadn’t cried like this since my mom left. I always felt like I had to keep strong for my brothers and sisters’ sakes.
Heather leaned back and brought her hand up to my face. I flinched a bit and she gave me a trusting smile. She wiped as much of my tears away and held her hand on my cheek. She pulled my head down and planted a kiss on my forehead. She smiled at me and I watched as she walked out of the room.
I remained in my position, standing and staring after her. I wasn’t sure how long I stood there but it felt like quite a while. The only thoughts, the only words going through my head were simple. Just three words repeating themselves over and over again.
I am accepted.
***
~Landon~
“Landon Bartholomew Baxter!” I flinched as I heard Claire yell from the bottom of the staircase.
“What the hell is your damn problem?” I said coming out from my room. “Are you insane? And don’t throw my middle name around as if it were a rag doll.”
“I don’t care about your vanity issues right now.” She folded her arms across her chest. “How could you?”
“I’m lost.” I gave her a confused look.
“Don’t play coy with me. You know very well what I’m talking about.” She reprimanded.
“Claire, I swear, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I walked down the stairs and stood in front of her.
Claire seemed to get mad at the strangest things. Many things I did were not appropriate in her books. I had to wonder what I did this time.
“What did you do to Travis?” She said with a scowl on her face.
“Travis?” I furrowed my brows.
“Yes, Travis.” She looked like she didn’t want to waste any time. “What did you do?”
“Claire, if you’d care to elaborate, I’d answer your question.” I shrugged.
“Evelyn said he’s been acting weird since he left our place. I swear, Landon, if you did something-”
“I didn’t do anything.” I cut her off. “Well, nothing that I should be put in the dog house for.”
“What was it?” She had a stern tone to her voice.
“We...were caught under the mistletoe.” I whistled and looked up to the ceiling.
“That mistletoe that I told you not to put up?” She narrowed her eyes at me.
“Maybe.” I said with a smirk.
“Landon!” She yelled. “You promised that you wouldn’t do anything.”
“And I didn’t.” I argued. “I didn’t force him or want him to have eternal bad luck.”
“You’re as sly as a fox.” She shook her head at me.
“Thank you.” I grinned. “If that’s what you were shaking the entire house with then I think you have a few screws loose. Better have that checked, little sis.”
“Shut up.” She pouted and walked away.
I laughed as I went back up to my room. As I closed the door to my bedroom, I heard my phone vibrating on the nightstand. I went over to answer it and noticed a number I’ve never seen before.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Well, hello there.” A slightly familiar voice said.
“I’m sorry, do I know you?” I had a sinking feeling that I knew who was on the other side.
“I’m sure you know who this is, babe.” I growled in annoyance. Dex.
“What to do want?” I said giving up and practically falling down on my bed.
“You know what I want.” He kept his tone sultry.
“Enough with the riddles, Dex.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ve got a lot of things to do.”
“Have a coffee with me?” I raised an eyebrow. Coffee? “Just one, please.”
“So you do have a manners switch.” I said sarcastically. “Fine, just one and then I’ll leave right after.”
“Okay then, great.” He seemed to cheer up pretty quickly. “Should I come pick you up?”
“Yea, my car’s out of gas.” I hated being ‘the damsel in distress’ but desperate times called for desperate measures.
“I’ll be there in an hour.” He hung up and I laid back on my bed.
I had just agreed to a date with the devil incarnate. This was going to be great, just great. With a deep sigh I got up off my bed and walked to my closet.
I took out a black jeans and a dark blue button down shirt. I pulled my black silk tie from the rack and set them all out on the bed.
After a quick shower, I got dressed and put on my black Vans. I ran my fingers through my hair to mess it up a bit. With a smile, I moved away from the mirror and grabbed my shades and phone from the desk.
As I opened the door, I saw a sleek black Mustang pull up in front. I whistled at the car. “Impressive.”
“Thank you, you’re not so bad yourself.” Dex winked.
“Shut up.” I went around and got in the passenger side.
He laughed and put the car in drive. I shook my head and asked myself why I agreed to go out with Dex.
When we got to the coffee shop-an older one that seemed to be one of the classics-I eyed the building before getting out of the car. Dex ordered two coffees and we sat closer to the back of the coffee shop.
There was silence for quite a while before any of us decided to say something to break the awkward tension.
“Thank you for coming, Landon.” Dex said before taking a sip of his coffee.
I stirred my own coffee for a bit and nodded at him. I loved the smell of a hot mocha in the morning. Well, late morning but I didn’t think that the time was important right now.
“I needed to get out of the house a bit.” I shrugged.
“I needed to talk to you.” He started. “I know you may think me a fool for even approaching you, but I’m not messing around here, Landon. I really do like you.”
“I know, and that’s why I decided to talk to you in person.” I put my coffee down on the table in front of me. “Dex, you seem nice, if not a bit forward, but I meant it when I said that we’re too similar.”
“We have a lot in common, that could be good.” He gave a small smile. “I think we’d be good together.”
“I could see how our relationship would turn out. We’d have fights and always settle for agreeing to disagree. That’s not the type of relationship I want, Dex. After a few months, we’d get tired of each other and we’d call it off. It’s better to stop it now before we wasted all our time.”
He reached over the table and took my hand in his. “That’s just the thing. I don’t think it would be wasted time.”
I pulled my hand out from under his. “Dex, that’s not what I want.”
“Then what is it?” He asked. He frowned trying to make sense of the situation.
“I love someone.” I said with a sigh. “He’s amazing and kind and thoughtful and-”
“And he has no idea how you feel.” Dex said in realization. “I see.”
“It’s that obvious?” I asked.
“If he knew, I’m sure he’d be sitting here with you right now, not me.” Dex shook his head.
“I never got the chance to tell him.” I shook my head and looked at the wall ahead of me. “We fought so much, but I just know that we belong together. We had some good times.”
“Why don’t you tell him now?” He asked.
I stirred my coffee absentmindedly. “I can’t. He’s feelings about me fluctuates. It seems that everything I do, either makes him like me or hate me. I can never do right in his eyes.”
“I don’t see why that should stop you.” I looked at Dex then took a deep breath.
“It wouldn’t change anything.” My voice softened. “It would always be my one single regret. Not telling him, I mean.”
“Tell him, Landon.” Dex covered my hand with his again. “There’s no time like the present. No apologies, no regrets.”
“You think he’d listen to me?” I asked, hopeful.
“If you don’t go after what you want, you’d never know when it might be taken away from you.” He removed his hand.
He stood up and straightened his jacket. I looked up at him before standing up as well. “I guess I should.”
“I’ll stop pursuing you, granted that you go after him.” Dex said. “If things don’t work out between the two of you, you have my number.”
I nodded and watched as he walked out of the coffee shop. I finished my coffee and sat there for a few minutes more before I too walked out. I smiled to myself and walked down the street. Maybe all would work out for me this year. There was no telling what awaited me around the corner.
***
~Travis~
I walked around my room, pacing the area up and down. I felt like I was stating to walk a hole in the floorboards. I suddenly stopped walking and grabbed my wallet and phone and ran down the stairs.
Heather was baking in the kitchen and I made a detour to where she was. “Heather, I need to get some air.”
“Okay, where are you going?” She asked as she rolled out the pastry for a pie.
“Back home-I mean, uh, I need to-” I stammered.
“I know what you mean.” She smiled. “You do realize that today’s New Year’s Eve, correct?”
“I know but I really need to get out.” I pleaded.
“Are you coming back for the countdown?” She asked and I bit my lip.
“I don’t know. Would it be so bad if I missed it?” I shrugged.
“It wouldn’t, but don’t you want to spend those moments with your family?” She kept her tone calm.
“I do but, I’ll try to make it back.” I said finally.
“You can go.” She said waving me off. “Your curfew’s 3AM, Travis. I’m grounding you if you’re home later than that.”
My eyes widened and I nodded. “Thank you!”
I rushed out of the house and took a cab to the bus station. I was lucky enough to get a bus almost immediately. After paying my fare, I found an empty seat closer to back of the bus. I put my earphones in and cranked up the volume on my iPod-a Christmas gift from Heather.
I so wished that I could drive. Heather offered to pay for my driving lessons but I kindly rejected. She had done so much for us already, I didn’t want to impose. I almost had enough to pay for them myself. Just another month or so and I would have saved enough money.
The bus seemed to take way longer than the car. It stopped almost at every stop before stopping at the bus station close to the mall. I hopped out and strolled inside with my hands inside my pockets.
The familiarity of this place made me smile. I never realized how much I missed being here. I walked around for a while before going into one of the supermarkets. It was never too late too buy a few more new year’s decorations.
I was standing in line at the cashier’s when I heard someone call my name. I turned around and saw Brock approaching. I smiled at him and he smiled back but I noticed that his smile didn’t fully reach his ears.
“Hey, how are you?” I asked as I handed the cashier the money.
“I’m surviving.” He gave a half crooked smile.
After he paid for his items I waited for his things to be packed before I said anything again. “You seem sadder since I last saw you.”
He gave me a vacant look. “Well, the last time I saw you...I’d rather not think about that.”
“Of course.” I nodded. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ve had time to adjust.” He waved me off.
We walked to a nearby bench and sat our things down. I studied his face and noticed that he didn’t seem quite alright.
“Brock, are you okay?” I asked.
“As I said, I’m surviving.” He said repeating his line from earlier. “I’ve just had a tough few weeks.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I didn’t want to seem inquisitive but he looked bothered.
“My mom,” His voice cracked. “She, uh, she passed away just before Christmas.”
I gasped in surprise. “Oh God! What happened?”
“Bill.” He said.
I furrowed my eyes in confusion. “Bill?”
“Yea, he, uh, he killed her.” I stared at him with wide eyes. “They were having one of their usual fights but then my mom threatened to leave him and I guess he didn’t like that.”
“Oh Brock.” I said, keeping my voice sincere.
“He was still there when I got to the house.” I could see a tear running down the side of his cheek. “I had a bad feeling so I went to go check on my mom. Bill was rocking back and forth in a corner and he had a trail of blood leading away from him.”
I nodded at him to continue. “At first I thought it was his blood, that he was hurt. That was when I noticed that the blood wasn’t leading away from him, it was leading towards him. When I followed the trail, I saw my mom lying in the doorway of the kitchen. She was still warm; it hadn’t been long. If I had gotten there a few minutes earlier, she would’ve still been alive.”
“Brock.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault. He did this. Please, don’t blame yourself.”
“But I do blame myself.” He looked at my with red-rimmed eyes.
“Don’t.” I shook my head. “There are some things that we can’t change.”
Neither of us said anything. I gave him a chance to have a moment to himself. He gave a moment to take in everything that he’d just said.
“I’m sorry for your loss though, I know how much your mother meant to you.” He nodded. “I think it would be best for you to go home. You’re clearly not ready to be out yet.”
“Okay.” He agreed. “Will you-will you come with me?”
I was taken aback. “Of course.”
Something in the back of my head told me that this was a very bad idea but I pushed it aside. Brock needed someone with him right now, if he wanted that person to be be, well, I wasn’t going to kick him while he was down.
He drove us to his house, in his car this time. I was surprised that he had enough sense to take the car and not the bike. A bike was way too dangerous.
When we got to his house, all the lights were off. He put on the hallway light as we entered. I looked around and took in my surroundings. The house was pretty well decorated. It felt homey and comfortable.
I made each of us a cup of warm camomile tea to calm our nerves. His, more than mine. I was trying to keep calm and not ask Brock too many questions. I tried to take his mind off the situation but he would mutter random things about his mom. He still blamed himself. I didn’t think that I would get him to change his mind after just one talk but I thought that it would help.
“She was-she- why did he have to take her away from me?” He was crying more now. “How could he?”
I went over to sit next to him. I put my arm around his shoulder and let him rest his head in the nape of my neck. “Shh.”
I tried to sooth him as much as I could. “Travis?”
“Hmm?” He looked at me.
“Why did you leave?”
I blinked at him. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell him that he was the one who walked out, not the other way around. Then again, I didn’t run after him.
“Brock.” I said softly. “Don’t think about that now. You’ll just upset yourself more.”
“Do you still love me?” I looked into his eyes. I couldn’t avoid this question.
“I do.” I nodded. He wasn’t the only one, though.
“I love you.” He whispered. He said it so softly. I was like he was afraid someone else would hear. It was like our secret.
“I know.” He leaned forward and everything in me fought to stop him, to tell him that he wasn’t thinking straight, that it was the grief acting up but I didn’t and I let him kiss me.
He seemed rushed and acted like he wanted to get everything out. Our tongues fought for dominance but in the end, I gave in and submitted to him. I let him push me back on the sofa and lie on top of me.
I knew that I should have stopped him when he reached down to pull my T-shirt off but I didn’t. We were mostly uncovered, our tea long forgotten on the coffee table. Brock suddenly got off me and pulled me up. I motioned for me to follow him down the hall.
He walked off and I stared after him. This was my chance to back out. I chanced a look to the front door but my feet took a different direction. I followed Brock to his bedroom instead.
He was sitting on his bed, pants discarded and I closed the door and leaned against it. As I walked towards him, I let my pants fall to the floor as well.
The carpet felt soft underneath my feet and I suddenly felt more exposed than ever. Brock’s eyes never left mine, not for one second. He said nothing about my scars and didn’t glance down at them, or seem repulsed at the sight.
He took my hand and laid me down next to him. He pulled his covers from the bottom of the bed and covered our bodies. I looked deep into his eyes, his searching mine for any sort of doubt.
I closed my eyes, scared that they’d reveal too much and leaned up, quickly kissing him. His lips trailed off down my jaw, to my neck and he gently bit into the skin. I parted my lips and let a small moan escape.
He held me closer to him, afraid that I would disappear too. I knew that he was using me as a grieving remedy. I knew that I should have felt ashamed in some way, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel that that. I was using him too. I was using him to replace something that I couldn’t get.
I mentally shook my head and let all those thoughts wash away from my mind. I instead focused on his lips on my skin. Everywhere they touch sent sparks off behind my eyes. Pleasure shot throughout my body.
The moment it happened, it was like nothing I’d ever felt before. It felt right and wrong at the same time. I gave myself fully to Brock and let him use me in every way he wanted. We were so in tuned to each other and in sync that I couldn’t separate our noises of pleasure. Sounds were made after every few seconds from me or Brock, I wasn’t sure who.
I didn’t know how long it lasted but it seemed to go on forever and ever. I sighed and laid back in exhaustion. Brock lied next to me, neither of us looking at either. I heard noises in the distance. I looked to the window and saw fireworks shoot up into the sky through the half opened curtain.
I looked up to the darkened ceiling of Brock’s room. “Happy New Year, Brock.”
He looked to me for a moment. He opened his mouth to say something but seemed to think against it. “Happy New Year, Travis.”
He turned his head and looked up to the ceiling as well. I never believed in regrets, not once. But this time, this time I knew that we shouldn’t have done what we just did. It didn’t matter how depressed either of us were, this was one line that we should never have crossed.
***
A/N: Sooooo? What did you guys think??
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thanks for reading!
Much Love...
Carrie❤ ❤
P.S Something is up with the links. I don't know what it is. Sorry for it not showing though.