As soon as his lips touch mine it's like a bucket of ice cold water being poured over my head. All the effects of the alcohol leaves my body and my common sense come back.
What the hell am I doing??
"I'm sorry, we can't do this," I push against his chest and he immediately stands up.
He runs his hands through his hair looking down at his feet. "I'm sorry, I didnt mean to let that happen. I thought I could just be friends with you but obviously not," he let's out a long breath and I can tell he's being sincere.
"It's ok. It's not like I exactly fought you away or anything," I say, looking everywhere but his eyes. I feel so embarrassed. "I'm not thinking straight, that's all,"
What the hell is wrong with me? I don't understand why I would have let it go that far. I know my feelings for James are strong and I have no desire to be with anyone else.
"Listen, I don't want you to think I'm just some pervert that wants to get in your pants. I really do like you, Allie. But that doesn't give me an excuse to disregard the fact that you're with someone. I totally respect that and I'm sorry for crossing that line. It wasn't my intention for tonight, " he explains and I know he means what he says.
"I understand and it's ok. We both got wrapped up in the moment. Don't worry about it," I say and I don't blame him. He acted on his feelings and I didn't push him away as fast as I should have.
"I'm going to go. I'll see you at school tomorrow, " he turns toward the door. "We good?," he looks over his shoulder.
"Yeah," I offer him a small smile and he leaves.
I fling myself back onto the bed, running my hands down my face. There's something seriously wrong with me. I think about the whole thing, trying to find any reason to why I would let all the happen with Daniel.
Not an excuse, but a reason. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I've been down playing my relationship with James in my head. Trying to convince myself that since we haven't known each other that long, that my feelings couldn't possible be that serious.
I was scared and I put a wall up.
I did what I always do. In the back of my mind, I know there's a possibility that James could be put away for a long time. I already started building that wall so I don't have a chance of getting hurt.
I wanted to make myself believe that my feelings for James aren't that strong. It would be much easier to go through all of this if I didn't feel the way I do about him.
But I do.
I didn't pick the best way to find out but unfortunately I can't change that now. The guilt races through my body and I mentally kick myself for even thinking about being with another guy. I let the stress get the best of me.
I need to get back to focusing on how to get him out of that cell and stop acting like an asshole.
~~~
The next day, I try to just get through my classes knowing that after they are over, I have to head straight to the court house.
My class with Daniel wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. He apologized again and we just went back to out relaxed conversation. I told him how I was meeting with the lawyers and that they had a witness backing up some of Evan's story.
He was just as confused as me when I gave him that information.
My classes end and I make my way home to change. My stomach flips at the thought of seeing James for the first time in almost a week. I miss him so much it hurts. Everything that happened yesterday made me realize how much I do care for him.
I just obviously suck at showing it...
I make my way to the station for my four o'clock appointment. I'm not even really sure what will discussed or what exactly they can tell me about everything.
I walk into the front of the building and my heart starts racing. I tell the friendly lady at the front desk who I am here to see and she tells me to take a seat and wait.
Five minutes later, a man who looked to be in about his fifties wearing a suit walked out.
"Ms. Anderson?" He asks and I stand up after putting down the magazine I was pretending to read.
"That's me," my voice comes out shaky and nervous.
"I'm Mr. Simmons, James's public defender. Nice to meet you," he holds his hand out and I meet it with mine.
"You can follow me this way," he starts walking towards the back door and I follow his lead.
We reach a door down the hallway and I stop before I can walk in. He turn and looks confused at my sudden hesitation.
"Mr. Wallace won't be here, will he?" I ask, the panicked rising in me just thinking about seeing that man.
"No no, just me, you, James, and Mr. Wallace's attorney. No one else," he smiles trying to soothe me and gestures his hand towards the door.
He stops me right before I walk in and it's my turn to look at him with confusion." I need to let you know that you can not have any physical contact with Mr. Riley,"
My stomach clenched a little at the words but I suspected already that they wouldn't let me touch him. I nod my head that I understand and continuing walking in.
I first notice an older, grey haired man wearing what looks like a very expensive suit sitting on the left side of the large conference table in the middle of the room.
Then my eyes swing to the far end of the table and meet James and I instantly tear up.
His face is trying to hold back his feelings as well. He gives me a small smile and the sight of it makes my heart hurt. His eyes look tired and his hands are handcuffed on top of the table.
I sit opposite of him, my eyes never leaving his. The guilt I feel is incredible. I'm the reason he's in this position in the first place.
"Are you ok?" I ask and my voice cracks. I want to reach across the table and grab his hand more than anything.
"I'm fine, please don't worry about me," even his voice sounds tired but he's putting on his best front.
"I'm sorry," it comes out in more of whisper. I needed him to hear that. I'm not perfect and he's been nothing but good to me. I don't deserve him.
"You have nothing to be sorry about, Allie," his voice is firm.
I nod my head and try to gather myself for the conversation ahead. I need to be in my right mind.
"We need a full statement from you , Ms. Anderson, " Mr. Simmons asks and I turn my head towards him to the right of me.
"I already told you guys everything. My story has not changed and I'm sure James's hasn't either so I don't understand why we are here," I look between them frustrated.
"Well, your story doesn't match my clients," Mr. Expensive suit says and I'm guessing he's fuck faces attorney.
"Why would your client tell the truth if he's the one who tried to rape me and broke my jaw!" The anger rages through me and I'm tempted to jump across the table and rip his face off.
"Allie," James says calmly across the table and his voice brings me back to reality. He shakes his head indicating I need to relax and I nod in understanding.
"We're you at a party that night?" Mr. Dickhead asks.
"Yes..."
"We're you there with Mr. Riley?"
"Yes..but.."
"Did you two have a verbal altercation?"
"Well, kind of but..."
"And did you willingly get into Mr. Wallace's car?"
"YES, BUT I DIDN'T CONSENT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM!"
"My client says you and him were physical with each other at the party and Mr. Riley, your ex boyfriend, interrupted and got angry. You left with my client and continued you sexual relations in the car where Mr. Riley followed and attacked you and my client when he found you in the school parking lot," he says nonchalantly.
My eyes meet James's and he doesn't looked shocked at the words which tells me he's heard it all already.
"Ms. Anderson," Mr. Simmons interrupts. "You shouldn't talk to him without an attorney. We were not suppose you go into detail about the case tonight, " he explains and I don't miss the warning look he shoots at Mr. Ass wipe.
I think for a second and turn to the guy trying to get a reaction out of me.
"I did not have any physical contact with Mr. Wallace before leaving that party. That is not why me and James were fighting," I say calmly.
"We have a witness that says otherwise," he actually smirks when he says this.
"And who is that?" I pray he answers. I need to know this. He stalls while looking at Mr. Simmons, I'm guessing he's not really suppose to give this information.
"Chelsea Edmonds,"
That fucking bitch.
~~~