Teach Me

Chapter Twenty-One

As soon as his lips touch mine it's like a bucket of ice cold water being poured over my head. All the effects of the alcohol leaves my body and my common sense come back.

What the hell am I doing??

"I'm sorry, we can't do this," I push against his chest and he immediately stands up.

He runs his hands through his hair looking down at his feet. "I'm sorry, I didnt mean to let that happen. I thought I could just be friends with you but obviously not," he let's out a long breath and I can tell he's being sincere.

"It's ok. It's not like I exactly fought you away or anything," I say, looking everywhere but his eyes. I feel so embarrassed. "I'm not thinking straight, that's all,"

What the hell is wrong with me? I don't understand why I would have let it go that far. I know my feelings for James are strong and I have no desire to be with anyone else.

"Listen, I don't want you to think I'm just some pervert that wants to get in your pants. I really do like you, Allie. But that doesn't give me an excuse to disregard the fact that you're with someone.  I totally respect that and I'm sorry for crossing that line. It wasn't my intention for tonight, " he explains and I know he means what he says.

"I understand and it's ok. We both got wrapped up in the moment. Don't worry about it," I say and I don't blame him. He acted on his feelings and I didn't push him away as fast as I should have.

"I'm going to go. I'll see you at school tomorrow, " he turns toward the door.  "We good?," he looks over his shoulder.

"Yeah," I offer him a small smile and he leaves.

I fling myself back onto the bed, running my hands down my face. There's something seriously wrong with me. I think about the whole thing, trying to find any reason to why I would let all the happen with Daniel.

Not an excuse, but a reason. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I've been down playing my relationship with James in my head. Trying to convince myself that since we haven't known each other that long, that my feelings couldn't possible be that serious.

I was scared and I put a wall up.

I did what I always do. In the back of my mind, I know there's a possibility that James could be put away for a long time. I already started building that wall so I don't have a chance of getting hurt.

I wanted to make myself believe that my feelings for James aren't that strong. It would be much easier to go through all of this if I didn't feel the way I do about him.

But I do.

I didn't pick the best way to find out but unfortunately I can't change that now. The guilt races through my body and I mentally kick myself for even thinking about being with another guy. I let the stress get the best of me.

I need to get back to focusing on how to get him out of that cell and stop acting like an asshole.

~~~

The next day, I try to just get through my classes knowing that after they are over, I have to head straight to the court house.

My class with Daniel wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. He apologized again and we just went back to out relaxed conversation.  I told him how I was meeting with the  lawyers and that they had a witness backing up some of Evan's story.

He was just as confused as me when I gave him that information.

My classes end and I make my way home to change.  My stomach flips at the thought of seeing James for the first time in almost a week. I miss him so much it hurts. Everything that happened yesterday made me realize how much I do care for him.