Clarke
When I walked out of Lexa's room, I was filled with confusion. Lexa wasn't being herself—not the strong, caring and level headed woman that I knew so well. I walked over to Raven's room to see her sprawled across her bed. The furs that were originally in her room were thrown across the floor. One of the Arkadia blankets that Lexa brought back was spread across her calves. She was shivering, and yet the blanket only covered a quarter of her body. I rolled my eyes and walked over.
I looked over at the girl with worry. Ever since she came to Polis, she had been retiring to bed early and waking up late. I had my concerns when we left Arkadia with her. I was worried Raven wouldn't be happy here, and her spending as much time in her room as possible wasn't reassuring.
"Raven. It's late afternoon. It's time to wake up."
She groaned and pressed her face deeper into her pillow.
"Raven."
"No, Clarke." She whined. In the quiet, I heard a door slam. I sighed, realizing the exact location. Lexa must've left her room.
"You wanna look at the lift?" I asked enticingly. Raven looked up at me from her pillow and smiled.
"Hell yeah."
"Then get dressed." Raven dragged herself out of bed and moved to her closet. She pulled pants on and slipped a shirt over her tank top.
"Where's Lexa?"
I sighed. "No idea."
Raven looked over and noticed my discomfort. She looked at me with sympathy. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"It's just Luna." I said. "She's not good for her."
Raven nodded. We walked over to the lift. There seemed to be a commotion in the floor above us and I sighed. It was Lexa, I didn't doubt that.
We took the lift to the basement, where the whole system was located. Raven's eyes widened at the sight of it and she ran to it.
"Oh my god, Clarke." She whispered, running her hands along the wheel.
I smiled as she evaluated the system. She turned back to me.
"It could use some stronger cables. I might be able to adjust it so only one person is needed to pull it." Raven said, looking up the shaft.
I smiled. "Good."
Raven noticed my lack of enthusiasm. "Clarke, I'm sure she's fine."
I nodded. "Yeah. You're right."
"What is it that about Luna that makes her so...un-Lexa?"
"I don't know, Raven. It's almost as if she's worried Luna's going to tell the people some horrifying truth that'll make them not want her as the Commander."
Raven nodded. Her eyes brightened. "You wanna go give her a piece of our minds?"
"Lexa?" I asked in confusion. Why would we confront her about this?
"Luna." Raven said in frustration.
I bit my lip. I hadn't actually been able to really talk to Luna. Lexa was right about the fact that I didn't know her sister, but I could. But I knew Lexa wouldn't be happy. She didn't trust her sister, and probably didn't trust her around me. Still, if Lexa wasn't going to be completely honest with me, she wasn't leaving me any choice.
I nodded. "Let's go."
I walked down the stairs to the dungeons first. Raven seemed a bit timid at the notion of seeing a warrior almost as strong as Lexa. The only difference was that Lexa would protect Raven (or at least I hoped she would) and Luna wouldn't hesitate to slit Raven's throat.
Luna sat against the stone wall. She stared down at her feet with a content smile. That smile was welcoming and comforting on Lexa. But on her sister, it was disturbing. Her hair was wild and messy, so different from Lexa's pulled back and braided hair. As Luna lifted her eyes up to me I realized how different the two girls were. Luna's eyes were dark pools, void of any warmth and compassion, unlike Lexa's, which were full of love, or once were.
"Clarke of the Sky People." Luna acknowledged. I loved when Lexa said my name. She could never say it as my people did, but it almost sounded more right on her lips. Luna said it in the same way, but her tone was accusatory. I scowled at the girl. "Did my sister send you?"
I paused.
Luna smiled. "She doesn't know you're here." She glanced to Raven, who was stuck behind me, just glancing over my shoulder. "Hello, little bird."
Raven's eyes glistened with anger at the belittling nickname. How did she know Raven's name? I placed my hand on her arm to calm her. We hand only been down here for two minutes and I was already impatient with Luna. I was starting to see why Lexa was tense around her sister.
"Has she said anything to you? Am I going to be freed soon?" Luna asked nonchalantly. It wouldn't be a problem for her if she remained in the dungeons, I could see that. She just wanted to know what her sister was thinking.
"I don't think letting you go would be wise." I said.
Luna nodded. She paused a moment. "And why is that?"
I swallowed. "Because you're a monster "
Something flashed across her eyes, only for a brief second. Was she actually hurt by what I said? Had she not already come to the realization herself?
"That may be." Luna said, looking down at her hands. She waited a moment before looking back at me. "When Leksa and I were children, I taught her everything."
"I thought Anya did."
Luna scoffed. "Anya was a fool. I taught Leska everything she needed to know before she even became Anya's second. Anya got credited with it."
I tensed at her words. I didn't know Anya well, but I knew her well enough. She did what was right for her people and was a strong warrior, sometimes ruthlessly so. I would hardly say she was a fool. But between Luna and Costia, it didn't seem like Anya did much to train Lexa.
"I taught her how to swim. I was five winters, and she was two." Luna said nostalgically, looking off.
"You taught her to swim when she was two?"
Luna nodded. "We learn to do everything by ten winters. We have to."
I looked at the girl with sadness. I loved to hear about Lexa's childhood, but it made my heart hurt at the thought of Lexa having to survive through harsh conditions.
"I taught her how to kill by her seventh winter." Luna said. She didn't notice a change in my expression, so she clarified. "People."
I stared at the floor, blinking back tears.
"She followed me when we were children. She was my shadow." Luna said heartbreakingly. From what I had seen of the girl, she didn't seem to care about much. The only thing she did care about was Lexa.
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked.
Luna looked up at me. "Because I loved her. She did not know, and she can't seem to accept it now. But I did, and someone should know now. Just in case."
I stared at the girl with curiosity. She was so cryptic, and she knew it. It gave her the advantage.
"I knew I was a Nightblood when I was four winters. By then I knew what it meant. The knowledge had stayed with me, haunted me. Leksa cut her finger when she was a babe. Our parents told me later that she was like me. They told me to protect her, but not to tell her of her destiny."
I swallowed back my emotion as she continued.
"Eventually, Leksa found out. Being a warrior, she couldn't not bleed. It didn't change her—the thought of having such a great responsibilty. She was still the same person, but the same could not be said for me. As we grew older, the realization of what we would have to do grew unbearable. I told Anya, who was Leksa's mentor by then, to kill me when the Commander came looking for Nightbloods. I could not kill my sister in the conclave. I wouldn't."
I nodded. I remembered Lexa telling me this.
"Leksa was nine winters when they came, and I was twelve. They killed our parents, torturing them in front of us to make us stronger, the warriors said. Leksa cried. I tried to reach over and cover her eyes or comfort her, but they held us captive. She was forced to watch as our parents breathed their last breaths, telling us to remember who we were. They said I needed to protect Leksa. My sister, my responsibility." Luna whispered.
I relaxed at seeing Luna so broken. Her sadness was comforting—knowing she could in fact feel. I wiped at the tears in my eyes. I didn't want to think about Lexa watching her parents die. I didn't want to think about Lexa in more emotional pain. The names of her parents were just more added to the list of people she lost.
"Anya was there. She watched helplessly. I begged her to kill me, but she couldn't. She couldn't let Leksa be alone in Polis. She couldn't let Leska watch another person she loved die. And then she told me to lose the conclave on purpose. To let Leksa plunge her sword into me when the Commander died, and when she was healed from our parent's death's."
My breath hitched. For a twelve-year-old to hear that they needed to die must've been soul crushing. I could start to see the reason why Luna was so emotionally off.
Luna clenched her jaw and looked over at me. "Leksa excelled as a Nightblood. I could've done so, but I already accepted my death. I had to let her become stronger than me so she could beat me in the conclave." Luna murmured.
I remembered Raven behind me. She looked at me and gave me a sad, reassuring smile.
"When the Commander died, I panicked. The night before Leksa and I were supposed to participate in the conclave, I left Polis. Members from Flokru found me and brought me there. I lived in a thriving village for two years."
"What happened? Why did you leave?"
Luna frowned. "I left because Leksa destroyed it." My eyes widened. "She was fourteen winters, and I seventeen. She was young with little experience being a leader. She relied on the Commanders in her head for everything. They told her to burn my village to the ground."
"What?" I asked, tears coming to my eyes. How could she do that? How could a fourteen-year-old Lexa do that?
Luna nodded. "I had a houmon."(husband) She said sadly. "Leska's warriors tied him to a tree, tortured him as they had our parents. I tried to fight back, but I hadn't been training. I didn't think I had to. His screams still haunt my sleep.
"Those who did not die by the swords of warriors looking for some fun were burned alive." Luna swallowed. "Leksa arrived. I hadn't seen her yet, I had only known that the fire and massacre was her doing. The girl sitting atop her horse was not my sister. Black warpaint stained her cheeks, and her eyes were empty. She was still angry that I left the conclave. She said the Commanders told her to destroy the village, including me. But she wouldn't kill me. Her anger was still strong, and she wanted me to live with the pain that the village I grew to love was gone, partially because I was a member of it."
I watched in horror as she spoke. This couldn't be Lexa. Not my Lexa.
"You're wrong." I said.
"I wish I was." Luna whispered. The pain in her voice revealed everything. Lexa had killed innocent people on purpose. She always tried to spare innocents, but not then. TonDC was different—we thought it was unavoidable. But this...it was like she did it because she wanted to.
"I escaped along with a few others. I saved a few children from the fire and ran with a younger child. Leska sent her warriors after us. She led the hunt herself." Luna said with disgust. I was shaking my head. This wasn't true. It couldn't be.
"I wished then that I had stayed and beat her in the conclave. I wished I had killed her. Then all these people—my people—wouldn't have died." Luna said sadly.
I felt a warm hand on my arm and looked at Raven. She had the same horrified look on her face as I did.
"They picked off the children. I managed to evade them with the child and hid in the mountains. After a few weeks, Leksa had given up her search and went home with her warriors. I came down from the mountains and to the nearest clan, which is my clan now. The child was on the verge of death but regained its health. Its uncle and aunt lived in Trikru, and wished to raise him themselves, so I delivered him to them and returned to my clan to mourn my houmon."
My heart stopped. Doubt overtook me. I didn't know Lexa. I didn't even know if I loved her anymore. If it wasn't the person I knew, how could I?
"When I became the leader of Flokru, I expected retaliation from Leksa. However, I think she realized and regretted the pain she caused me. She was wiser then, so she let me live in peace with my clan. Every day, I worried that she would change her mind. I worried her warriors would come and destroy the clan as she had destroyed my village."
I shook my head. I had to believe she wouldn't do that now.
Luna looked deeply at me. "Has your love for my sister wavered, Clarke?"
I paused. I couldn't answer that.
"I truly didn't tell you to sabotage your relationship." Luna said. I believed her. "Maybe I shouldn't have."
"No." I said. I was glad I knew what Lexa had been keeping from me. Now I could see who she really was. Maybe she was right when she thought I had called her a monster. "I...I have to go."
I walked back toward the stairs and Raven trailed after me. How could the girl Luna was talking about train and laugh with children after she had killed so many? How could I have laid with my eyes closed in the water, completely trusting her when she had betrayed those who had trusted her as their leader?
Dread filled me at the thought of having to see Lexa again. I didn't know if I could look at her without feeling anything but disappointment and distrust.
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A/N: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Have I ruined Lexa for anyone? Don't worry—in true Lexa fashion she'll try and redeem herself.
As usual, please vote/comment! Everyone's comments give me life!