❝loss (pronounced lɒs or as spelled), noun
the act or process of losing something or someone.❞
"We should go on a date," said Hunter.
Ryan looked up from nursing Red. "I'm sorry?"
"A date. The two of us. We should go out for... for a night on the town!"
"Hunt, honey, no one says 'a night on the town'," she said with a small laugh.
"I just did, didn't I?" he said. "Let's go out tonight. Drew can come over and babysit."
"Elle will love that, to be told she's being babysat by Drew."
"I'm what?"
"Not really babysat," said Hunter with a laugh. "Just because, well, if you get tired, the kids still need looking after."
"Nick's more than capable-"
"What's this?" asked Ryan. "You don't want Drew coming over?"
"Of course I do! But I don't think I'll ever live down the fact that my boyfriend is technically babysitting me."
"Think of it as co-babysitting," suggested Hunter.
She rolled her eyes, but smiled. Today was a good day. She was tired, but she was walking around and even helping with housework.
It was late August now. Elle was still sick, and wasn't getting better, but knew that she had to get on with things as much as she could. Phoenix, still holed up in his room and barely speaking to Hunter or Ryan, dreaded his birthday. Robin let her frustrations out onto her punching bag, and Spencer made strange concoctions in the kitchen, and asked Ryan to taste them. Drew... well, Drew was getting on. But he was slowly, very slowly, sinking. Elle could see it.
"But Hunt, I dunno. I mean, Red-"
"Elle's more than capable of looking after Red, aren't you?"
"Yeah, Ma. Seriously, you two should take a break."
Ryan didn't say anything, but the thought of a break... just a night away from the kids, a night with Hunter, where it was just them, and no Red to interrupt them... a night to sleep, or not sleep... to talk...
"What do you think, Ry?"
She sighed. "Hunt, I dunno. I mean, I love the idea, but-"
"Then no buts. Let's spend a night out. Just the two of us."
"Where?"
"I'll decide that. You look after the kids, and I'll tell you what to wear. How's that?"
"We should probably tell Drew this is happening," Elle said, grabbing her phone. "I'll call him."
"Alright, darling. Thank you." Hunter smiled at Ryan, and she smiled back slightly. Finally, maybe they'd have time to be together.
Meanwhile, Elle held the phone to her ear, falling onto her bed. "Hello?" he said, and she automatically smiled.
"Hey, beanbag."
"Feeling okay?"
"Of course. Ma and Pa wanna go out tonight, they're asking if you and I could stay over and watch the kids?"
"Yeah, for sure. Could we order some pizza or something in? I reckon it'd be easier than trying to cook for all of them."
"I was gonna suggest we make that chicken avocado pasta thing that Robbie likes so much. She's been a bit down lately."
"Ah, yeah, of course. How are you?"
"I'm actually doing well. I helped Ma around the house and I was playing with Robbie and Spence outside."
"That's good!"
"So, should I tell them you're coming round?"
"Let me ask my mom real quick, but she should be alright with it. I mean, I basically live at your place anyway."
She chuckled slightly, and heard him talking to Jessie, before saying, "All good, darling. Hey, while we're at it, why don't we have a little date as well?"
"We can't go out anywhere-"
"I mean just a candlelit dinner, maybe a movie. After the kids go to bed."
"Dinner at nine pm?" He laughed. "Sounds like a deal."
"You're ridiculous." She smiled. "I'll see you tonight, then."
"Bye, darling!" He hung up, and she couldn't wipe the smile off her face. She hadn't seen him since around the end of July, so it would be awesome to see him again. She walked back to the kitchen, where Hunter was washing the dishes while Ryan gently cradled Red, and said, "It's a deal."
<><><><><><><><>
Hunter and Ryan set off, Ryan wearing a blue, form fitting dress that brought out the blue in her aquamarine eyes, and Hunter wearing a blue dress shirt, with black dress pants. "Where are we going?"
"A restaurant, then to a hotel."
"Alright, then."
They were awkward and quiet around each other- had this been the first time that they were alone together, properly alone, since Red had been born? That was... what, six months ago?
"It's your birthday soon. Spence's, too."
"Yeah, it is."
"Do you want to celebrate?"
"Depends on Ellie, I guess."
"Yeah."
More silence. They had no idea what to say to each other, and Ryan didn't look at him.
They got to the restaurant- not a terribly fancy affair, but not cheap, either. They sat and looked at their menus. Ryan was slightly shocked by the price of just a steak. "What do you want to eat?"
"Whatever's cheapest, honestly. They all sound super overpriced for what they are."
"Come on, let's loosen up a little," he said, a smile in his voice. "I'll get the seafood pasta."
"Alright. I'll, um... go with the parmigiana."
"Salad or chips?"
"Salad. I'm, erm, gonna try-"
"You have no weight to lose," he said, glancing back at his menu. "Chips?"
She sighed. "Alright."
"And... chardonnay?"
"Why not?"
He put the menu down and smiled. "Hey, smile," he said gently. "It's just me, remember?"
She nodded, and he took her hand over the table. She glanced up at him. "Everything okay?"
"Fine."
He didn't look like he believed her, but didn't press her on the matter. "How's Red doing?"
"She's good, I think. I spend a lot of time with her, and she's starting to get the hang of signing what she wants- not proper ASL, but like... I dunno. I can just read her."
"That's incredible, my dove!"
"Yeah. I'm happy."
"You don't sound happy," said Hunter before he could stop himself.
"I'm fine," she repeated softly. "I swear on my life, I'm fine. More than fine, even."
"Ry-"
"Don't. Please, Hunter, let's not start. Not here. Okay?"
He sighed. "Alright. Well, I think that's our waiter with the wine."
Their glasses were filled with a soft, cream coloured liquid, and Hunter raised his glass. "To us," he said.
"To us," she echoed half-heartedly.
<><><><><><><><>
Elle set Drew the task of chopping up some avocado and handling the meat, surely something even he couldn't mess up. Phoenix was sitting in the kitchen, on his laptop at the table, which prevented any... distractions that could interrupt Drew and Elle during the cooking process.
"So, what now?"
"Grab basil and pine nuts, I've left them there. Use the food processor to make it into a paste and add olive oil and a little salt and pepper while you do it."
"So... make pesto."
"Yes. Make pesto. Thank you for cutting up the chicken," she said, reaching up on her toes and pecking his lips.
"Ruscoe," whispered Phoenix.
They turned around. "Sorry?" said Drew.
"Ruscoe. Their names are in the news."
Elle's eyes widened. "They... you mean-"
"My parents. At least... it's got to be them. It's her, at least."
"What?"
"Charlotte," he said, the name feeling unnatural on his tongue. Such a common name, but it had such importance to him. "Charlotte Ruscoe. Her name was in the news."
"Why?"
"She was a teacher," mumbled Phoenix. "Taught math and science. She and her students went to state level in some biology Olympiad."
"Anything else?"
He shook his head. "That's the only article I can find. And Ruscoe's common. Might not be her."
"No pictures?"
"Pictures of the students, but not of her."
"And what year was this?"
"2021."
Drew looked at Elle, who looked both confused and maybe a little worried. "Nick, where was she from?"
"The article doesn't say where she's from, but it says where she worked. Mountain Point High School."
"Mountain Point? Where's that?"
"Phoenix. Phoenix, Arizona."
Drew seemed shocked. "Wait, then... do you think-"
"She named me after that place? I don't know." Phoenix seemed shaky. "But it's all I can find. Surely... surely that's enough."
Elle looked at Drew, who didn't respond. Neither of them knew what to say.
"I'm gonna go watch TV." He closed the screen of his laptop, and walked into the living room.
"Shit," muttered Drew. "Is that how Hunter and Ryan feel when you guys talk about your real parents?"
"Must be," said Elle softly. "I'll be damned. He might've found his mother."
<><><><><><><><>
Ryan opened the door to the hotel room and Hunter followed after her. "This is nice," she commented, touching the soft, silk bedsheets on the bed. "It's a cute little place."
"Little?" said Hunter, looking around. True, the hotel room was grand, but it was also cosy. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and said, "It's not little."
"No, but it's crowded." She looked at the view outside, of Nashville. "I love it, though."
"I love you, my dove," he breathed, and his nose moved her hair away from her shoulder. "You're so beautiful. You look incredible tonight." He laughed softly. "Why, you look incredible every night. Why should tonight be any different?"
She didn't reply, and he turned her around to face him, his hands on the small of her back. "I want you," he whispered to her. "I want you right now."
Her whole body seemed to respond to this statement against her will, and she tilted her head to one side, letting Hunter kiss her neck slowly. The scent of strawberries and cream overpowered his senses, until all he could see was the green of Ryan's eyes. "Jump," he breathed, and she did so, her legs wrapping around his waist. He carried her over to the bed, kissing her all the time, and lay her down gently. "I love you so much," he said.
"Hunt-"
"Shh," he breathed, kissing her skin, tasting her. "Your skin is so sweet. Like sugar." His lips left red marks on her skin, marks that wouldn't disappear the next morning. His fingers, warm and rough, reached up to the zip of her dress, and began to pull down.
"S-Stop."
He pulled away instantly. "Ry?"
"I'm tired." She stood up, avoiding his confused- and hurt- gaze. She changed with her back to him, before rolling onto the bed and staying stiller than a statue.
"What's going on?" asked Hunter, after a short, shocked silence.
"Go to sleep, Hunter, it's late."
"It's not that late," he argued.
"Well, I want to sleep," she said. "Let's sleep."
"Ry-"
"This isn't up for discussion. I'm not your sex toy."
"Woah, woah, hold up," said Hunter, suddenly tense. "What the hell brought this on? Since when do you ever- Ry, you were enjoying that, don't even lie and say you weren't. It wasn't like I was going against your will."
She stayed silent.
"Ryan, what the hell is going on?" he asked tightly. "And tell me the truth."
Her chest felt constricted and cold, her hands were clammy and shaking. "I can't love you while you still love her," she whispered. "Not while knowing that you love her. I can't bear that, Hunter."
"No, darling," he said, reaching out to touch her. She shrugged her shoulder out from beneath his hand, not wanting him to touch her. Her whole body was trembling now.
"You see her in your dreams, you whisper her name in your sleep. I don't know what brought on this sudden... this sudden thing..." She took a deep, shaky breath, and kept talking. "I don't want to be with you when you imagine someone else."
"Ryan, you're a thousand times better than-"
"I don't want to be compared to Lilly!" she snapped suddenly. "I'm so damn sick of being told that I'm better than Lilly, or worse than her, even. She and I were never similar people, or even remotely the same. I don't want her to be my legacy. I don't want to be known as Lilly's replacement, and I don't want you to think that of me."
Hunter was totally speechless, his heart racing in his chest. He had been saying Lilly's name in his sleep? For how long? Why? "I... I don't think of you as Lilly's replacement."
"Yes, you do."
"Prove it."
"Oh, you want proof now?" she said. "Today, in the restaurant."
He thought about it and shook his head. What had he said in the restaurant? "What-"
"You told me I didn't need to lose any weight."
"You don't."
"That's besides the point, Hunt. When have I been about losing weight? Exercising does that for me. I'm trying to be healthy."
He felt like he was about to throw up, and reached out to touch her arm. "Ry? Look at me, please," he breathed.
"Don't do this," whispered Ryan, but he leaned down and kissed her gently, his hand travelling to her hips and waist, where they fit so perfectly.
"Tell me to stop and I will," he said. "I swear I will."
But like the fool she knew she was, she let him.
He always won in the end.
*A/N: yeah, no, not proud, idek, eat a whole turkey, happy thanksgiving or something, happy hannukah, idfk
nethii <3*