Chapter 2 – The Past (Part 2)
A week has already passed since Michael passed away. Today’s his last funeral day. Ngayon na siya ililibing.
Maaga akong gumising to fix myself. I wore my black and simple Rajo Laurel dress and my simple red Loubotins. I didn’t bother to put any make-up but I applied my russian red MAC lipstick and wore my Ray Ban aviator shades. Simple as that.
For this past few days, I’ve been lifeless. I didn’t go to work, by this time, I should’ve been fired. Pero kasi I was working in our company. All I’ve done this days was go to Mike’s funeral, go home, sleep for a few hours, and go back to his funeral.
Everyone has been telling me to somehow move on. Yes, I know that. But based on a person who’s been hopeless romantic and has always dreamt of being with the man you love ‘till the last days of your lives, it’s not that easy.
My family would always wait for me to go back home every night and they would just try to cheer me up, but it wouldn’t work. Yes, I would smile but it’s just a fake one. I still don’t know what I’m going to do when his funeral is over.
“Ally, your Papa will come here any minute now. Bakit hindi nalang natin siya hintayin then sabay na tayong lahat pumunta sa libing?” My mom asked while we were eating breakfast. I call my biological Dad, Papa and I call my adpotive father, Dad.
“Mom, sunod nalang po kayo. Mamaya pa naman po yung mismong libing. I just want to be early and make sure everything’s okay.”
“Ally, sige na. Let’s just wait for Enzo tapos sabay na tayo, okay?” Sabi ni Dad. Hindi na ako tumanggi at pumayag na din.
“Ate, the Franciss Libiran dresses you ordered were already delivered a while ago. They’re beautiful but why are they all black and white?” I didn’t answer my sister’s question, instead I just gave her a weak smile. Ang totoo niyan, kaya I ordered black and white clothes from different designers and I requested Mom to make me personalized black dresses is because I’m going to wear black clothes until Michael’s first death anniversary. Just like Kris Aquino did when her mother died. That’s the way I wanted to mourn. Wala na silang magagawa doon.
We finished eating and after a few minutes, my Papa arrived. He hugged me as soon as he saw me. “Baby, be strong okay? Everything’s going to be alright.” Hindi ko na napigilan yung sarili ko na umiyak. I’ve been holding back my tears since I woke up this morning. Just thinking of what will happen later breaks my heart.
Pumasok na kami sa sari-sarili naming kotse. My Mom, Dad, and Bliss were together in Dad’s Volvo XC60, Safe and my Papa where together in his Porsche Panamera Hybrid while Seth and I were in my metallic Amethyst Prosche Cayenne. And sabay sabay na kaming pumunta sa Manila Memorial Park.
**
Everyone already gave their last messages for Michael. I was the only one left na hindi pa nagsasalita. I stood up and held the mic. My hands were shaking but I was really trying my best to stop myself from crying.
“When I was a teenager, I was fond of reading romantic books. Specially the kind where the characters in those books would end up happily with each other. I would always think if someday, I was going to find the same perfect man as the books would say. And to what I didn’t expect, he really came. This perfect man is Michael. ”
“This perfect man made me realize that I can do things beyond my limits. He made impossible things possible for me. Words could never describe how perfect he was… words could never describe how much we loved each other. He even promised me forever. If this is God’s way of showing me forever, I accept it… Michael taught me how to love. He was very selfless. His love was the most pure thing on Earth. It was, in every way, unconditional. And probably that’s the message here. He wants all of us to love the way he did also.” I removed my shades and placed it on top of my head. I wipped the tears that was uncotrolably flowing through my cheeks.
“He made me so happy, that even when the last time I saw him, before the wedding, at the hotel, tumakas pa kami just to see each other. He told me that that day was just the start of our forever. I never knew na yun na pala yung last time na I’d see him smiling at me. I never knew na yun pala yung last time na he would hug and kiss me. I never knew that that was the last time I’m going to hear his I love you’s.” And with that, I broke out crying. Lumapit saakin yung older brother niya and hugged me para i-calma ko yung sarili ko. Nakita kong umiyak yung Mom niya, mom ko, and his siblings.
I was shaking and I was sobbing. The only thing that was preventing me to fall was his brother who was hugging me. I tried my best to finish my message even though my voice was breaking. “To my baby, Michael, thank you for making my dreams come true. Thank you for making me feel that I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have you. I’ll take care of you family for you. I will never love the same way as I loved you.”
I didn’t stop crying until the funeral finished. Before going home, tita Denisse told me that I will be always welcome in their family. Kahit daw na hindi natuloy yung kasal, they would always treat me as their daughter-in-law.
Umuwi na kami and I just spent the whole afternoon in my bedroom, thinking.
Naisip ko kung anong gagawin ko after this day. Kung anong gagawin ko pagkatapos nang lahat nang nangyari
Before I slept, naisip ko na how empty would my life be after this day. Wala na nang gigising saakin every morning. Wala na ako kasamang mag-malling every weekends. Wala nang magte-text saakin telling me that he loves me.
Wala yung taong nagmahal saakin.
I cried with that thought.
Our memories started to fill my mind again. I don’t know how long it’s going to take for me to move on. Sa isang mabilis na pangyayari lang, nawala na ang mundo ko.
I didn’t notice that I already cried myself to sleep.
The next morning, when I woke up, the first thing I saw was Michael and I’s picture when we were still in 2nd year college. Naalala ko nanaman lahat nang nangyari at hindi ko nanaman mapigilan na umiyak.
And the first question that came to my mind was…
What is the use of living when the one you love isn’t by your side anymore?
Seth’s P.O.V.
Dad called me to check on my older sister who hasn’t been out of her bedroom since nung libing ni kuya Michael yesterday. Naawa nga ako sakanya. Thinking that everything was supposed to be perfect between the two of them.
“Dad, Ate’s room is locked.”
“Call Safe and tell him to get the keys. After that, tawagin niyo na din si Bliss. Don’t leave Rein alone. Okay? Your Mom and I are going home early. I’ll just call again to check on you Ate later. Bye”
Before I called Safe, my brother, I tried to knock Ate’s door hoping that she would open it. Pero wala. I was getting nervous. Pere baka naman natutulog lang.
“Safe! Kunin mo nga yung keys sa bedroom ni Ate! Tawagin mo na din si Bliss!!” Umakyat agad si Safe na kasama si Bliss and handed me the keys.
Pagkabukas namin, Ate’s room was dimly-lit. The only source of light was from her small lampshade at the edge of the room. Ang lamig-lamig din. Her bed was not yet done and was a bit messy. Tapos all of Michael and Ate’s pictures were all over.
“Kuya, kawawa naman si Ate. Siguro we should cheer her up.” Sabi nung bunso namin. Safe just smiled at her.
I went in the walk-in closet thinking that Ate Ally might be there. Her walk-in closet was also a bit messy. Siguro dahil na din wala siya sa mood ayusin yung mga gamit niya. I was starting to pick up her clothes that was in the ground when I heard the rushing water from the bathtub. Magka-kabit lang kasi ang walk-in closet and bathroom sa mga rooms namin. Open space nga lang eh. The only thing that was separating the two was the dividers.
“Ate? Why did you let the water running?” No one answered. “Ate! Nanjan ka ba?” I went to the C.R. and was surprised with what I saw.
The bathtub was half-full with water and with my sister’s blood. Nakahiga siya doon with her white dress stained with red and wala na siyang malay.
Agad ko siyang binuhat. I ordered Safe to prepare the car and Bliss to call Ate Ally’s father and our parents. Half-sister lang kasi namin siya.
I drove the car to the hospital as fast as I can.
“Sorry, pero hindi na po kayo pwedeng pumasok.” The nurse said.
Napatingin nalang ako sa kapatid namin na iyak nang iyak at hindi na alam ang gagawin. All of us were covered with Ate’s blood.
Wala naman sa personality niya na magsuicide. She must’ve been really hurt sa pagkawala ni Kuya Mike.
A few minutes later, the doctor went out to talk to us.
“She’s fine. Buti nalang you brought her here just in time. Kung natagalan pa ng ilang minutes, she might not be with us anymore.” Nakahinga naman kami doon kahit papano. “She just lost a lot of blood, kaya blood transfusion is needed. You can see her in a few minutes.”
Ilang minutes lang din, dumating na yung parents namin.
We were thankful enough that she survived.
Maybe all she needs is guidance from us.