Harry's POV
I pace back and forth around the room. I have been doing this forever so I quickly grab a drink of water to calm down. "Why am I drinking water in a time like this?" Taylor just walked out more than an hour ago and I have done nothing but go crazy, and I'm drinking water!?
"I disgust myself." I think out loud.
I disgust myself?! Why am I talking like this? I must be going fucking crazy.
I spit the water out into the sink and throw the glass onto the ground where it breaks into thousand of other pieces.
Great. Now I'm thirsty again.
I open the cabinet and get another much taller glass. I fill it up with water and ice and sit down to relax and drink the large amount of water. The water feels good as it cooly runs down my throat.
I don't deserve this water and the relief it brings. I forcefully dump the water onto the floor and smash the glass onto the granite counter top. I look around at the mess I have made. God damn it. I sit down in a chair. I hunch over and look down at my feet and take my head in my hands. I need Taylor here with me right now. I can't meet Simon by myself. Well, I wouldn't be by myself technically, I would have Louis, Zayn, Liam, and Niall... But still, I need her.
Rage builds up inside me. How dare she leave me. She said she would have my back on this. I feel like I'm about to explode. My hands begin to shake at my sides. I feel the blood in my veins begin to boil. I can't do this... I need to break something... Anything.
I look over at the lamp. It's all fancy and probably expensive...
Without a second thought I smack the side of the lamp so it goes flying off the bed stand. I watch it fly through the air and then land onto the floor making another mess of the night. I just stand there, probably looking like a damn idiot. I officially destroyed the hotel room. I tug at my hair and I take a step back. I feel my eyes begin to burn, tears trying to push through. I it out. Everything. All my stress, about the X factor and more importantly Taylor.
I scream, loud and hard. Again and again and again until my throat is dry.
I hear a small nervous chuckle come from the other side of the room.
I whip around and find Gemma in the dark corner of the room. I almost forgot that she walked into the room shortly after Taylor left. She's leaning against the wall, arms crossed. She has a small grin on her face but she doesn't dare look at me now, "I knew it, Taylor." She barley whispers. I am not sure if she is talking to me or not but I don't care. I know she has a sarcastic remark about my actions on the tip of her tongue but I'm in no mood to hear them.
"What?!" I demand in a harsh tone, waiting for her to fire back at me. Gemma may be my younger sister but she still has a hell of a comeback when she needs to.
"Gee, I don't know you completely trashed our hotel room, broke two glasses of water, you have kept me awake all night, I have no idea how mum can sleep through all of your drama, you haven't gotten any sleep, your eyes are bloodshot, if you don't stop pulling at your hair it's gonna fall out, what am I forgetting," she pauses mockingly as if pretending to think, " Oh! I know, and you have completely lost your mind... I'd say your acting completely normal!" She fires back, not hiding the sarcasm in her voice.
"You don't understand anything!" I shout, "You have no idea what I am going through! You think that everything in the world is a joke, that others people's lives don't matter because yours is perfect! Well guess what! You wouldn't have that perfect life if it weren't for me! The only reason why you are as popular as you are is because I'm your brother, the only reason why you have the friends you do is because half of them just wanted to see the great Harry styles who just happens to be known as a great kisser, the only reason Taylor likes you is because I'm her best friend, you wouldn't have the grades you do if I wasn't so good at history, and you wouldn't even have gotten your first boyfriend if it weren't for me!" I yell out of complete frustration. I don't even know why I said half the thing I did. Gemma probably has her friends because she is nice, even though I did make out with a few of them, she is very clever and that's why she has the grades she does, she would probably have boys at school all over her too if I didn't scare the first one off, and Taylor likes her because Taylor likes everybody... So mostly everything I just said wasn't true.
She scoffs but she shoots back at me with a comeback that has even more sarcasm than before, "Hah, that's funny, did you stay up all night rewriting it in your diary?"
That's a new one.
I am at a complete loss of words and just as I'm about to tell her to shut the fuck up, I stop myself and fall onto the bed landing softly and stare up at the wall.
Gemma seems to look past the argument we were having and her eyes soften. She looks at me like I am a stray puppy on the side of the rode... A sad pathetic, puppy. She begins to speak softly as she steps out of the darkness of the corner, "You and I both know you don't mean that. You are just hurt because Taylor left and you know that she will never-"
"Stop." I say warningly, but it is more of a beg.
She rolls her eyes and sits down on the bed besides me, "Harry," she thinks and tries to choose her word carefully, "Harry do you love... Her."
"Who?" I ask stupidly. I know exactly who she means but I don't want her to say it.
"You know," she whispers, "Taylor."
I sit up and look at her miraculously. I didn't expect her to actually come through with her question. It's a little awkward. I mean, my sis and I, we really only fight, We never really have had a serious conversation. Every part of me wants to say, "Yes, with all my heart, for fourteen years of my life, a life without her wouldn't be a life at all." But instead I put my hands on my knees and keep my eyes focused on the ground. I shake my head quickly as if to say no.
"Um, okay," Gemma says with surprisingly no rolling of the eyes, even though I'm pretty sure she knows I'm lying, "Well, you should at least call her." She states. I look over at her phone in hand that she is holding out in front of my face, " I don't know what happened, but something must have happened to practically have her in tears before she left."
I look back and forth between her and her phone. She nods and I grumble before reluctantly taking the phone out of her hand and poking Taylor's number into the iPhone.
"Well, I'm going to bed." Gemma gets up from the bed and makes her way to the door then turns to face me, "Give my phone back to me tomorrow and don't go snooping in my phone," She narrows her eyes threatening and then she let's out a light chuckle.
I put the phone to my ear quietly laugh, somewhat thanking her for trying to lighten the mood and tension in this room. My sister is a pain but I love her for trying to make me feel more comfortable. She gives me an encouraging smile and then walks out the door to go to the room next to mine and... What used to be Taylor's.
I sigh as the phone continues to ring. Come on Taylor, pick up!
"Hey it's Tay! Sorry I can't talk right now, please leave a message, and I will get back to you as soon as I-" I hang up cutting off her cheery voicemail. Taylor, Pick up!
I poke her number back I into the phones keypad again and place the phone to my ear. It rings once...twice...three times... Even more. "Hey it's Tay! Sor-"
"Ugghhhh, Taylorrr!" I whine to myself, "Answer!"
I call her at least fifty times after, and each time it continues to rings, each time she doesn't answer, each time her call goes to voicemail, my heart sinks deeper and deeper down inside of me, and I feel it begin to break.
I call her one more time. This is the last time. She needs to hear me out. She has to answer me. She needs to. If she doesn't I will break... Completely. My hopes are too high and I know they will eventually be broken but I don't care.
The phone rings once... Twice... Three times... Four times...and... Where's the fifth ring? Just as I let myself think she answered her phone goes straight to voicemail. But this time I jump on the opportunity when it's finished and let my feelings do the talking, something I haven't let happen for a long time.
I take in a sharp breathe and begin, "Taylor please please please answer me. I need you. You are my everything. You mean the world to me. I don't go a day without thinking about you. Damn it taylor your making me sound cheesy and pathetic," I pause and wait for her to pick up now but she doesn't. Fine, I didn't expect her do because of her regular stubbornness but she can at least hear me out, "Please Taylor I love you too much to let go. I-I've tried. I need you. Don't let what we have go. Please Tay please." I practically beg. She stays silent, like I knew she would and I begin to let the tears I have escape. Taylor... Her name has gone through my head so many times per day, her face has been all I could think of for the past couple of years, we have fought so many times but she continues to come back believe I will fix things, she has so much hope even if she has a strong opinion she drives me crazy to the point I'm running around in circles. I can't even explain what she does to me but she just does. The only way I could possibly begin to explain it is with three little words, three words that most people say with ease but I really haven't said to anyone, three words that I don't really mean when I say...
At least until now, "I love you." I wait for her to answer, but nothing comes from the other end. Damn it. I hang up and throw the phone at the wall. I probably should be worried that I just broke my sister phone, but I don't care. It doesn't matter right now.
Nothing does anymore.
I fall back onto the bed and stare up at the ceiling. As I drift asleep I picture her face up there smiling down at me. Wishing she could look at me the same way she looks at Ryan. The one she loves... Wishing that it could be me, not him.
But Taylor made it very clear who she wants to be with, and it's not me.
So congratulations, Tay, you finally broke me once and for all and this time there is no recovering.