Authors Message
Hey guys this is your Christmas present from me.
Somehow I know you are going to love it!
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Hannah P.O.V
"So remind me again why it is okay that you will be spending Christmas with your ex girlfriend?"My beautiful red haired girlfriend asks skeptically laying on my bed
"Babe we are just friends besides it's a tradition I have with her family. You do know Kim right? My best friend."
"I understand that you are usually with all of them on Christmas and that it is Austin's Birthday tomorrow as well but you can't blame me for being a little insecure right now. I don't want to be the kind of girlfriend who says you can't go somewhere it just scares me. I don't trust her."
"You don't trust who?"
"Beth. "Fae says climbing out of bed pulling on her pants and shirt
I guess you could say we haven't exactly come to an agreement on the whole me leaving for a week part yet and seeing as I'm flying down tonight I would really like her to be okay with it. I don't want her to be over here thinking that I am with Beth and wondering what we are doing the whole time.
To be honest I had not seen this relationship going this far and I'm glad it has because I am really crazy about the girl. Sometimes I just need to go back home and remind myself where I come from and be around my people. Sometimes I would like not to worry about what time Fae gets off work and actually just enjoy my day and not plan so far ahead. That was the big difference that I have noticed recently between my current and former lover.
"Please can you just say you trust me and not worry when I'm over there. Just be okay with this and you will get like extreme brownie points."
"Your mom is going to kill me for not showing up with you to our Christmas dinner and already told I trust you I just don't trust her. Han we have been dating for almost seven months now and we are still getting to know each other but I don't see how you spending a day with your ex is going to better our relationship. I'm not going to be okay with that."She says looking at me expectantly
"Well I'm sorry if you aren't happy about it but that is the way it is. Can't-"
"I'm late for work I should go."She says shaking her head brushing past me with her purse in hand.
I hated upsetting her but this was one thing I was not willing to compromise. I always told myself that I wouldn't let anyone get in the way of my relationship with my second family that includes beautiful red heads that make me shiver and smile and madly turn me on.
I didn't bother trying to call knowing she wouldn't answer at this point I should just talk to her after she cooled off. I wonder if she is even going to come say goodbye to me tonight at the airport. I hope so because she is suppose to take my car.
Kim P.O.V
I hated world history damn I hated it. I hate being undeclared and having to take a world of subjects. The only good thing about this class was that I had a perfect view of Kevin from here. I doubt he noticed me staring. It's been three months and we haven't exactly been talking other than Austin and school. He could even have a girlfriend for all I knew but my better guess was that he was doing exactly what I had instructed being my friend with no other attachments.
Which is what I wanted? I can't remember why.
Tomorrow was Austins party and he was going to be there. I still needed to have the talk with him about what is going on in my head really but it seems to go from terrified of the boy to this..me staring at him all through World History trying to figure out how the hell it is possible to want someone this much. Also I feel like I might burst considering I haven't had sex in..too long. Way too long. Since Austin.
And I really want the boy no I want the man. That is of course what he was. NO way can you be twenty one years old, be a father and have a steady job and not be considered a man. He did manly stuff I noticed from my stalkerish ways. It's just in the way he moves. He moves like sex to put it bluntly.
"Kim?"His voice springs me back to reality and I see his brown ruffled hair and his blue eyes staring down on me
Kevin.
"The party is at ten right?"He asks smiling
"Um ye yeah ten if fine you can come earlier if you want."
"Okay sure Tara will love that. You okay you seem a little flushed?"
"I'm fine probably allergies or something. See you tomorrow."I say getting out from my seat and walking out of class
When I finally came home I noticed Beth swaying around our apartment cleaning as she moves along I already knew why she was in such a good mood. I was probably not going to understand my sister and why she still pined over Hannah. I couldn't decide if it was pathetic of romantic but that kind of commitment is very enduring.
"Beth? You are home early."
She spins around a huge smile of her face and her hair very different it looked good I had to say
"I took a half day and promised I would work extra hours after Christmas. I went to get my hair done and brought Christmas present. How was class or should I say how was seeing Kevin?"
"It's always good seeing him.. They are coming early tomorrow so we have to set everything up quickly."
"At least Hannah will be here tonight to help. I have to fetch her at the airport in about four hours time. "
"We really have our work cut out for us tomorrow. You with Hannah and me with Kevin. On ly you have to resist Hannah and I can give into Kevin so I'm a bit more fortunate."I say watching Beth glare at me
"Thanks for reminding me. Besides I brought a few party favors to loosen their tongues a bit if you know what I mean."
Loosen their tongues??
"You can't take advantage of Han??"
"I meant loosen them up like to not have them awkwardly standing around. Its liquor Kim geez not hereon ."Beth says slapping my ass and grabbing her car keys.
"Where are you off to?"
" I should go pick up Austin. If we get an early day off so does he. Tomorrow is his birthday after all."
I nod and grab walk with her climbing into her car. It was so shocking to think that I was a mother of a one year old little boy. The most beautiful boy in the whole world. I know everyone says that but he really is the most beautiful of them all. Ask my mom and she will say the same.
"You know what is crazy Kimmy."Beth says still looking at the road
"What?"
"The way I feel about Hannah has not changes in a year infact it has gotten stronger. I just hate the thought that there are still three years left."My sister admits
I suppose Hannah didn't tell Beth about the two year program I showed her. Maybe it's for the best I hate seeing my sister hang onto Hannah but I am not going to get in the middle of it this time.
"Beth what do you think is going to happen after three more years? DO you think she is going to jump into your arms and you guys are going to pick up where you left off?"I ask not wanting to push the boundaries but concerned
"I have faith Kimmy. Hannah already knows what I want."Beth smiles to herself
"Wait you told her this?"
"Yep then I kissed her."
"You did what? Did she kiss you back?"
"Of course she did Kimmy."
How did she not tell me any of this or rather how did Hannah not tell me this in any of our long phone conversations. It would take two minutes ' Hey Kim your sister kissed me and I kissed back even if I am in a relationship it was so weird but since you are my best friend I thought you should know' nope of course I hadn't heard
"I predict trouble ahead."I say looking out of the window seeing thunder clouds roll in to welcome us.
Hannah P.O.V
"I had the worst flight imaginable!"I say hugging Beth.
Kim said she was coming to pick me up but when I got off the plane I saw Beth standing here waiting for me. Kim was probably busy its not like I mind Beth coming to pick me up I just feel guilty around her.
"Why what happened Han?"She asks putting her arm around my waist as we walk away.
Should I tell her to stop?
"Um.. Well this kid kept crying.."I say taking her arm off me making her smirk
How is it that she always looks so good. She didn't need much to make her look beautiful or anything but my biggest wish was really to keep reminding myself that I have a girlfriend and try to push those thoughts out of my mind.
"Well things aren't better at our house. Austin is pretty fussy lately we barely get any sleep. Which sucks for work but I don't mind."She smiles taking my bags from me and putting them in her car.
She kept staring like I wouldn't notice. I didn't need to see her to feel her eyes on me. I always know when she is staring I was just refusing to acknowledge it right now.
On the drive we talked about work and school even her community work and I realized she hasn't told her parents about it. She said it was her business and didn't want her parents to find out which I agree with she is an adult after all. She told me that she was thinking about buying a new house and stop paying rent. She wants to own a family and that bit I kind of stuttered through since she was saying this while looking at me knowing. I couldn't get lost in those eyes so I quickly changed the subject to Fae which wasn't the best subject . The rest of the drive was in silence as she just focused on the road.
It was clear that we had a few things to talk about and I was scared she got the wrong idea after the kiss last time we saw each other.
I was greeted with waves of hugs from Kim and even Austin who was getting pretty big and cuter than ever. Finally Kim and I were alone in her room and I could breath again knowing Beth wasn't around. Not that I didn't want her around but things got a bit confusing if I was around Beth for too long.
"So I am going to talk to him tomorrow but that's not important right now first I want to hear about school? How is being a second year student has it sunk it yet?"
"Mostly the same Fae was been helping me a lot lately."I say playing with AUstin
"From your texts I thought you guys had broken up you weren't mentioning her in any of them."
I had not even realized that. I suppose I was just thinking about other things. She basically live with me already.
"It feels like I am married to be honest. I could not wait to come back home to you guys and away from her. It sounds very awful I know but she is always around I don't have any space or any privacy. The other day she actually came with me to the toilet. Who does that."
"Couples do that.."Kim says flatly frowning at me "You know that right?"
"Well its weird either way."
"Wait hold on you did that with Beth."Kim says surprising as I forgot that part completely
"That was different."
"How is it different because you don't love Fae?"Kim asks smirking
"I don't want to talk about this."I say feeling that same guilty feeling I have been trying to avoid.
I didn't want to talk about it because it isn't a contest between Fae and Beth and I don't want to make it an contest. Fae is a nice person and she is very good to me I don't want being over here to change my feelings towards her. Not that it should but I don't want this guilty feeling it sucks to be honest.
"I understand Han. We should probably go to bed its late. We have a lot to do tomorrow."She says laying Austin down on his bed
"Okay I'm just going to say goodnight."
When I walk into the lounge I see Beth lounging on the couch in her short pajama pants and tank top without a bra. I shouldn't notice this. Shit too late....those full perfect breasts cascading against her top.
"I'm going to bed just want to say good night."I say earning her attention away from the television
"Come look at this quickly its so funny."She says tapping the spot next to her and I walk over sitting down and she throws her legs over my lap asif its the most natural thing to do.
"Beth-"
"Oh calm down Han your girlfriend won't dumb you because you are watching tv with me."
"Sorry."
"No I was rude sorry."She says smiling lovingly
She looks at the television and starts laughing her infectious laugh making me smile like it always did and I looked at the television seeing what she was laughing at I didn't really pay attention to the television I just waited for her laughing to reach my ears and each time without fail would smile like an idiot. I ignore this fact though. Also that guilt was completely ignored
After an hour or so I felt someone shake me and opened my eyes only to see Beth standing in front of me and me laying down on the couch. I must've nodded off I guess.
"I would carry you but I think you remember what happened last time."She says with a grin
I did remember. I remembered California and how she tried to carry me inside only for us both to tumble onto each other. I remember getting hurt pretty badly but not caring about it because she was about an inch away from me.
"Or I could.."She says just above a whisper
"Your skinny arms? Not a chance. I will see you tomorrow."I say brushing passed her trying to get away from her as fast as possible. She probably thought I was extremely rude and very abrupt but any unnecessary physical contact was to be avoided.
"Okay?"I hear her say in the background
This was going to be harder than I thought.
...
Beth P.O.V
Waking up to a screaming Hannah is not a very sooth way to start the day. At first I thought that maybe something was wrong so I hurried but then I realized she and I suppose her girlfriend were arguing. Sure I wasn't completely devastated by this and no I am not going to fix it. I guess me snooping on her conversation is a bit high school but my sister was doing the exact same thing from inside the kitchen.
Kim kept dancing around the kitchen in joy it looked like but then when Hannah's head turned she would just continue icing the birthday cake and give her an sympathetic look. Kim was secretly rooting for me I guess even if she did like Fae.
"I told you we are just friends. Why can't you understand that how many more times do you want to talk about this. "
".."
"How can you say that?!"
".."
"Yeah well I also don't like this side of you! I'm not going to stand here and listen to this I'll call you later when you have cooled down."She says hanging up the phone tossing it on the couch and yells in frustration.
"Everything okay?"I say looking at her beautiful self and trying to cover my chest
"No its not. Its not okay."She says frowning deeply "Its not okay that you are everywhere. It's not okay that me and my girlfriend keep fighting because of you and you know what Beth its fucking not okay for you to keep looking at me like you love me and I have to keep telling myself I don't love you. It's not okay and it's tiring trying to remind myself."She says her shoulders falling with her head as she walks passed me covering her eyes.
What the hell just happened?
When I look over at Kim I see the exact same expression on her face explaining perfectly the way I was feeling. I didn't know Hannah talked like that and I didn't have a clue what to say to her. I couldn't comfort her because she was upset because of me. To be honest I think its unfair towards me. I told her what I wanted but she can't expect me to not show the way I feel. She has a girlfriedn I know that but she was mine first and I won't stop acting like I don't love her when I know I do with everything inside of me I love that girl.
"Like I said harder than we thought."Kim says nudging for me to go to Hannah.
Hesitantly I walk inside and see her sitting on the bed holding her legs tightly against her chest something she does whenever she is extremely sad. At least that is what I have realized
"Can I come in?"I ask she nods and I walk into Kim's room and sit on the edge of the bed a good distance away from her and wait for her to talk
It took awhile and it took a few half said syllables but then finally
"You scare me more than anything on this planet."She says her eyes never leaving mine
"I can't stop you know that right?"I say feeling my heart race with nerves knowing she could break my heart all over again and I'd still be here wanting her.
"That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of the immensity of your love and I'm afraid...never mind its fucked up.
"No I want to know."I say as firmly as I can
She looks at me and shakes her head smiling now as if whatever she was thinking about saying she suddenly washed away.
"You know I think she loves me. She hasn't said it yet but some mornings I wake up and I see her looking at me and stroking my hair then I pretend to still be sleeping until she stops. Sometimes she kisses me so intensely and looks at me like I'm going to make all of her dreams come true."
"Hannah if you love her-"
"I'm not done. I need to say this okay. I mean what kind of horrible person am I if I can't even say I love her back. Its different with her and not a bad different or a good different I guess just different. I find myself looking at her sometimes just looking really close to anything that can relate her to you that is the worst part. I think back to that night I left Beth. When I start thinking about that night well those nights it's impossible to sleep. I like this girl so much and sometimes I hate the fact that we ever dated because you have made anybody else seem secondary. Sometimes I lay awake and wonder and plan how I am not going to think about you the next day."
"Please stop."I find myself saying and realize I am crying and so is she.
We didn't stop crying though and we didn't inch closer together we just cried and looked at each other something that seemed enduring. I needed to cry and she needed to cry because here we were stuck on each other even when we didn't want to be.
"Beth I like her. I want to be with her and those feeling that are reserved for you are the ones that make me seem like an awful person. I don't know how to be the friend you once had and be a good girlfriend. I hate hurting you more than anything in this world."
"Then stop treating me like you should watch what you say please. Be with Fae we can do this okay we can be friends its easy look I'll keep trying not to picture you naked and you keep trying to resist me that easy. "I smile at her watch her face turn to surprise I had to be the strong one I didn't want her to feel like she was hurting anybody but really all I wanted to do was yell at her for pretending she didn't still love me.
She doesn't love Fae she just doesn't want to break her heart. So she could just continue acting like it was what she wanted but soon everything will be in the open and she will see the light.
"We should get back to the party Kim is probably freaking out having to deal with all the little ones alone."Hannah says walking over to me and pulls me in for a quick hug whispering 'thank you' in my ear
Telling the girl you love to be with someone else not the easiest thing to do at all.
After a few moments of trying to calm down I walk out of my sister room. When I join the rest of them I get the greatest shock ever. My sister and Kevin holding hands??
"What is that all about?"I ask Hannah
"It looks like they worked it out."She smiles
"Good."
Hannah P.O.V
I figured that something needed to change in my life and I knew what that was. So I left and went back to California. I couldn't stay there without this awful feeling in my gut. I had to do something I dreaded and thankfully I had the full support of my best friend. I can't believe I left before Christmas.
"Mmm hello?"She says wiping her eyes. SHe clearly just woke up.
I couldn't speak.
"Hannah what are you doing here I thought you were going to be away."She says looking very surprised
"I know there is just something we need to talk about."
She looks at her phone and back at me with a frown.
"Babe its 2 in the morning can we talk about it later?"
"If I don't say this now I probably won't ever say it."I say serious as she lets me into her apartment and sits us down at the kitchen counter
"Okay whatever it is I'm here babe did something happen?"
"Yes but not what you are thinking. I just am very confused right now and I needed to see you. I didn't want to say this over the phone."I say seeing her look at me like she knows what is coming.
"Are you breaking up with me?"She asks her voice sounding hurt
"No not exactly. I came here because I really like you and the thought of losing you sucks but I don't want to string you along and not be sure about us. I think we just need to take a break for awhile for me too figure things out and if you say that you don't want that then I also understand because this is not fair towards you at all. I am tired of being selfish to be honest but if I don't do this now and get my head together now then I might hurt you even worse than I already am."
"Feels like a break up to me."She says just above a whisper "Did I do something wrong?"
"No you are perfect remember."I say touching her cheek which she pulls away from me walking towards the door
"You should just go."She says looking at her feet
"Fae don't be mad please it's just the way I feel. I am going back to Kim's tonight I got a flight in an hour." I say definitely sounding like a douche and by the way she was looking at me she thought the same
"Just like I guessed right."She smiles waving for me to get out.
I wanted to explain and I wanted to make her see that I wasn't the villain but there was no point because I was the villain and there was nothing I could say or do to prove otherwise.
"Whatever you think it's not like that."I say grabbing my purse
...
Beth P.O.V
I was scared to death right now. I wanted to wake up Kim which is why I was crawling inside her room. At first I thought I was hearing things but then I started seeing shadow and now I am fully convinced that somebody is trying to break in and steal all our Christmas presents.
"Kim.."I whisper shaking her a bit
She didn't budge
"Kim.."I say closer to her face tugging at her first
Nothing.
"Kim go on wake up."I say in my outdoor voice and she instantly wakes up looking at me like she was going to murder me.
"Someone is trying to break in."I say and instantly her facial expression chances from pissed off to completely terrified.
"Well call mom."She says crawling deeper in her bed.
Then I wanted to ask her why the hell would she call my elderly mother over my father but instead I heard a very familiar 'Ouch shit!' and the fear smelted away.
"Go to bed Kimmy its just Hannah."I say throwing the blanket over her head and walking to the lounge where I saw her laying on the ground holding her foot.
"Hannah?"I said turning on the light seeing her stare at me helplessly
I walked over to her and helped her up until she has on the couch.
"That stupid little fire truck just broke my foot. "She wines
"I am more interested in how the hell you got in here and if I should feel unsafe."I say looking at the cracked window
"I didn't want to wake you guys. I guess I did anyway."
"It's okay. where were you though? One moment you were there playing with Austin and the next you where gone."
"I went back home. Its sort of a long story to talk about at 3:40 in the morning I just want to grab some blankets and I will crash on the couch I will wake Kim up if I go in there now."She says still observing her injured foot
"Your back in going to hurt when you wake up.."I say watching her facial expression change to sadness. She knew what the alternative was but I knew she wouldn't
"No I am fine I have a strong back. Hey Beth.."
"Yeah?"
"Merry Christmas."She says smiling at me
"And look how far we have come."I say with a smile thinking back to our last Christmas together.
"Yet we both are still here at 4 in the morning trying to figure out where to sleep. At least you are still wearing that watch I bought you.
"Of course."
She hesitated but looked at it for a while probably figuring out what to say without saying too much
"Is it still engraved?"
I had to smile at that. I took off the watch and turned it over showing it to her. She looked extremely surprised.
"I thought it needed a bit more."I say taking her hand in mine and putting on my watch on her wrist. She didn't say anything she was just taking it all in I suppose.
"It's your watch."She says her eyes meeting mine.
"I know but I figure I will lend it too you for safe keeping. Just for the night."
"Beth Fae and I are taking a break. Wearing this a few hours after it happened wouldn't be right. Towards her or you."She say putting the watch back in my hand and walking to our hallway closet grabbing blankets from out of there.
A break? What does that even mean? Does that mean that they are over?
To be continued.
Authors Note
SO tell me what you guys think about what is going on with Hannah?
Is she doing the right thing or not?
Comment and vote