Chapter 7
I sit straight up in bed, I look around and realize I'm still at Elly's house, in her bed, but where is she? The spot next to me is cold so she has been gone for a while. Maybe she is just getting some food. The sun is beginning to rise and rays of sunlight slip through the bedroom blinds. I feel great. There's no school and I plan to spend the day with my beautiful girl. Well, she isn't mine yet. I'm hoping she will break up with Darren today, especially after last night. I should feel bad about Elly cheating on Darren, but I don't. He treats her like trash, he doesn't deserve her faithfulness.
I get up and look out of the window to see if Elly's mom is back with the car. Nope, she's still gone. What could be so important that you steal your daughter's car and not show up for her birthday?
My stomach grumbles, I decide to go eat with Elly. Elly eats at the table in the dining room, she told me once that she eats there and pretends she has a normal life and family. As I'm getting dressed a weird feeling washes over me. It feels like anxiety. I don't know why I would possibly be feeling anxious. I push the feeling away; I have a gorgeous girl downstairs.
I jog downstairs, then decide to make a pit stop and relieve myself before going into the kitchen. The light is on in the bathroom so I knock first, no answer. I attempt to open the door, but something is blocking it. I push a little more and whatever was blocking it moves enough so that I can shimmy in. I look behind the door and my heart stops.
Elly is slumped on the floor, she's unconscious. "Elly? Elly, wake up! Are you okay? Elly, please?" I shake her, but she doesn't wake up. I tear my phone from my pocket and call 911.
"Hello 911 operator, what's your emergency?"
"My friend is passed out on the bathroom floor, I can't tell if she's breathing!" I shout into the phone.
"What's your location, sir?"
"9894 middle avenue, I'm scared. I don't know what's wrong!" I'm shouting through the phone at the operator.
"Try to calm down for me ok?" I don't respond but I do try to slow my breathing and be calm so I can help. "I need you to look around the room and look for any drugs or medications." Wait? Do they think she did this too herself, that she overdosed? I search the bathroom and find two pill bottles, I tell the lady on the phone what they say. I'm not familiar with the names but I think one is a muscle relaxer.
"Now I need you to see if she is breathing, put your ear to her mouth or nose. Can you hear or feel her breath?" I lower my head to her face. A warm breath caresses my cheek.
"She's breathing!" She's alive, but I'm so confused. Why would she do this? I thought she was happy, what did I do?
"She's alive then, that's good. Just stay with her, you need to stay with her until the EMT's get there." Just as she finishes, two EMT's burst in, twisting my ankle as they shove the door. I barely feel it; adrenaline is coursing through me. Elly's body starts to convulse in my arms.
"She's seizing!" One of the EMT's shout, an older man with skin like Elly's. The other, a girl, pushes me away from Elly. They start saying things I don't understand; they inject her with something. I back out of the bathroom to give them room.
A third EMT rushes in with a gurney. Elly has stopped seizing and they are lifting her limp body on the gurney. Seeing her like that, it breaks my heart into a million pieces. I run outside with them, but I trip on a rock in Elly's driveway. I fall forward and smash my face on more rocks.
"Oh shit," I hear one of the EMT's say as a get up. I can feel the blood all over my face, dripping on the ground.
"You need to be checked out, get in the back with me." I'm lifted in the back of the ambulance. Vision blurred by blood or a possible concussion, maybe even both. I try to reach for Elly's hand and miss.
"You ok kid?" I try to respond and the words don't come. Then I black out.
I'm in a hospital room waiting for discharge papers. After I blacked out I was checked into the hospital and given a room. I woke up and answered the necessary questions. They want to keep me over night but I freaked out and demanded to be released. I have to get out of here and see what's happening with Elly. I'm still a bit foggy from my fall and a tad nauseous; I told the doctors I was fine though.
Finally, the doctor walks back into the room with discharge papers. She doesn't look too happy about it. I could care less about what she thinks, I'm not the important one right now.
"Did you ask about Elly Jacobs?" I hop off the bed and grab the papers from her.
"You can wait in the waiting room, her doctors will update you when they can." The doctor gives me a sympathetic smile; it just makes me angry. Trying not to stumble from dizziness, I find my way to the lobby and make a follow-up appointment. Then I go to the waiting room on the surgery floor and begin my wait.
Each hour that goes by agonizes me. I start to cry, full out sobbing. People look at me and they judge me. I've never cried like this before; I feel like there's a hole being drilled right into my heart. I need her to be okay, I need her to be alive. If she lives I won't ever leave her side, I'll be there for her whenever she needs me. She's been there for me and helped me so much, I don't even think she knows.
I'm so afraid that this could be it, I've finally found the perfect person and now I might lose her. Nausea overwhelms me and I just make it to the bathroom. I puke up remnants of last night and then I just retch for five more minutes.
On my way out I see a doctor leaving the waiting room. "Are you Elly Jacobs's doctor?"
"Are you her brother? Declan?" I nod. "She is stable right now, but the next twenty-four hours are crucial. There were a lot more drugs in her system than what you found and by the time we got to her most of them were already absorbed into her bloodstream."
"Can I see her?" The doctor nods.
"Yes, but she is in a coma. Elly's brain activity is very low, if she doesn't wake up after twenty-four hours we may be looking at something more serious. Do you know where your mother is?"
"No, I don't. It doesn't matter, we're eighteen." The doctor seems confused by my answer; he leads me to Elly's room anyway. The words 'coma' and 'more serious' repeat in my head on the way there. What drugs did she take or do? She must've taken them while I was sleeping, I should have paid more attention to her. God Elly, why did you do this?
I'm not prepared for what I see when I walk in. Elly is laying on a hospital bed with tubes and wires all over. There is a tube in her mouth, which makes her look so helpless. Her hair is splayed around her head, like a lion's mane and her skin looks sickly, devoid of life. The doctor leaves me and I drag a chair next to her bed. Before I sit down I kiss her on the cheek.
"Elly, I'm here. I'll always be here; I love you beautiful. I don't understand why you did this, but I'm going to be right here when you wake up so you can tell me." I lean my head against her cold hand.
"You're so amazing in case you didn't know. So smart, so in touch with everything. You find beauty and worth in anything, even in me. I was depressed before you, I thought that my life didn't matter." I pause, old memories surfacing with each beep of the monitor Elly is attached to.
"I used to try to numb myself and my feelings with pills, alcohol and other things that were of easy access because I didn't want to participate in life." My mind flashes through all of the times my dad hit us. Being twelve years old and comforting my mom while blood runs down her nose. Using butterfly bandages to patch up Jack's arm after my dad threw a beer bottle at the wall and shoved him into the glass.
I grew up by myself because I was afraid to have friends and I was so socially awkward no one liked me anyway. I was bullied constantly until high school, by then the people who bullied me had gotten bored and just left me alone. Things got better when I met Jonah, even more when I started to stay at his house with his awesome family. I still was depressed and every time I saw my mom she seemed to have some kind of injury. I wanted her to leave but she was too scared and still is. Jack can't get away from Dad like I did and I'm so angry at my mom for not protecting him.
Rob introduced me to weed, which I enjoy recreationally. Rob also introduced me to cold medicine, pills, and alcohol. All things I used directly to make my inner pain disappear. I tried to become immune to the pain. It always pushed its way back, but I pushed harder. I did a lot of terrible things to make sure the pain stayed away. Most of the time I was a zombie.
"When I got to know you I wanted to exist again. I wanted to try harder to be happy on my own and with you. You could have told me if you were depressed, I would've listened. You should have told me about every little thing that made you sad so I could understand. I would have understood Elly."
Elly's body lies still and it destroys me. Where is her mom? She should be here by her daughter's side, not off doing who knows what. There should be more people here, where is her family? As if on cue, two people storm into the room.
"Who are you?" An older, small bird-like woman asks. Her skin as the same brown as Elly's and her eyes the same light brown so they might be related. A younger guy stares daggers at me, waiting for an answer. He has the same features with a buzzed haircut, probably a cousin.
"I'm Elly's friend, Declan."
"Well, Declan, you can go now. I'm Elly's Aunt." I think about arguing, but decide against it. I don't want to start any drama. I stand up and quietly leave. In the hallway I just stand there because I have no idea what to do or where to go. Then I get a text from Jonah asking me what I'm doing. I text him back.
Me: I'm at the hospital. Can you pick me up?
Jonah: Yeah, sure.
Forty-five minutes later I'm sitting in Jonah's room, staring blankly at the wall. I told Jonah what happened and that was all I could do. My phone is charging right next to me; I'm waiting for any news I might get. I probably won't get any news because no one has my number except Elly.
I must have fallen asleep because next thing I know sunlight is streaming in the window, directly in my eyes. Thinking about Elly I grab my phone hastily and check for any messages. Two missed calls! I don't know the number, but I call back anyway. On the fourth ring a woman picks up.
"Hi, uh, this is Declan. I missed some calls from this number?"
"Just a second Declan," a woman answers. There's some shuffling and I hear a couple voices.
"Hello."
"Elly! You're awake, I was so worried. Why- "
Elly cuts me off. "Please come to the hospital soon, we can talk then. I have to go." The line goes dead, leaving me very confused, but relieved. Thank goodness she's okay though I should've been there when she woke up. I run downstairs into Jonah's kitchen to see where he is. I need a ride.
"Hey Declan, how are you feeling? How is your friend?" Jonah's dad, Andrew, is sitting at the table drinking coffee and watching the news that's playing on the TV in the living room. Of course Jonah told his parents, he tells them everything.
"She's awake!" I practically shout at him. Then in a normal voice I ask, "I was hoping I could get a ride back to the hospital?"
Andrew stands up. "I'll take you down there. Jonah got called into work and he won't be back till later. Grab a pop-tart on the way out, you need to eat." Jonah's dad walks out to start the car. I grab a pop-tart and run outside to the car.
The hospital isn't too far from Jonah's; it only takes about 10 minutes to get there. When we get there, I hop out and thank Andrew. Then I run inside, right up to the front desk. I check in and get a visitor's pass and run to Elly's room, wasting no time. When I walk in I'm surprised to see Elly's mom sitting by her bed. She looks like hell; I hope she feels like it too.
I look at Elly, she still looks so sick and fragile. She's smiling though, at me. I close the distance between us and crush her in a hug. I'm crying as I hug her, and she keeps saying I'm sorry over and over. I hear the door click and I figure Tara left to give us privacy. I pull away from Elly and look her in the eyes.
"Why Elly? You should've told me something was bothering you! I would've done everything that I could to help you." Elly looks down.
"I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, Declan. It's bigger than you, you can't save me. When we had sex it was amazing, I felt truly loved. After, I realized that I had become the embodiment of everything I never wanted to be." Elly sighs and looks up at me.
"I don't understand Elly, what do you mean?"
"I became just like my mom, a person who shits on other people's lives because of drugs and alcohol and my own selfish wants. I had sex with Rob because I was lost in a drug haze, and after I found out he had a girlfriend. I cheated on Darren, he's horrible to me sometimes I know, but we have been through so much. He's done a lot for me and I betrayed him. I guess just realizing that sent me over the edge."
I sit in the chair as she continues. "I felt so wrong after what we did, I felt I had truly become a horrible person, like my mother. That combined with my pre-existing depression, due to my absolutely fucked up life made me think irrationally and decide to end things. I was sick of feeling worthless and hopeless. So, I went into my mother's drug stash and here we are now."
I sit there silently. I don't know what to say. I do feel I could've tried to help if she had just told me how she was feeling. I could've reassured her; I could have not let things go as far as they did. My actions resulted in this.
"I still could have prevented this; if I didn't help you cheat on Darren we wouldn't be here right now. It's my fault."
Elly looks at me, her eyes wide. "Declan, no! Something would have done it sooner or later; it is not your fault. I was already on the edge when you came along."
It's hard to accept that it isn't my fault. I mean, this beautiful, perfect girl walks into my life. She seemed so happy and brilliant. Then we get together and she tries to off herself after. I think anyone would have felt like it was their fault.
I gently take Elly's hand. "Well, I know now and I'm going to be here for you from now on. I want you to tell me when anything is bothering you. I'm your guy whether we're together or not. I'm not losing you."
Elly starts crying. "Oh Declan, I'm so sorry I put you through hell. You don't deserve that. I don't deserve you."
"Elly, I forgive you. Don't say you don't deserve me because Elly, you deserve so much more. I'm lucky to have your crazy ass in my life." We both laugh and I wipe her cheeks. Those tears don't belong there.
"You're amazing, don't ever forget that. And Declan, I promise I'll never do anything like that again. I know now that I want to live and I'm going to get some help." A surge of happiness overwhelms me and I kiss Elly on her forehead. I'm happy she isn't going to try anything again. I'm still going to be cautious and worry a little, but at least I won't be scared that she's going to go off at any moment again.
Elly's mom pops her head in, looking concerned. "Elly...Darren is here." Elly's eyes go wide as she turns to me.
"You have to leave, now!"
Sts@?S)