Don't hate me guys.
Parker Robbinson.
I hopped in the passenger seat of Dave's car, as he was about to pull off. I was mad as fuck because I was looking forward to working..and just working, moving this stuff.
I knew Andre was not playing when he gave me them rules, and I don't know the consequences if I break them..I'm not a pussy, but I'm also not a risk taker.
"So you said you already in school?" The man asked me.
"Yeah..up the street." I said looking off. I wasn't the type of guy to open up easily to people because whenever I did, I was always let down. So I always had this bubble. My bubble, that I didn't want anybody to cross or see.
"Why your little bad ass not in school in the first place? This grown men business, and you acting like you can handle it how chill you acting."
He was a tall man, bald bit had a good amount of facial hair.
"I can handle anything put my way. I need some money..fast money..anymore questions?"
I was already mad as fuck I was going to school, and he was crossing my bubble.
"Look lil nigga, don't get pistol whipped...and yeah I got more questions. You on your own?"
I didn't reply, and just shook my head, as I looked out the window.
"You know what..get the fuck out." He demanded.
I was no where near my school, but I was glad he was telling me to get out cause I would rather walk than have this nigga I don't even know all in my business.
"Aight, stop the car."
"I ain't stopping. Get yo ass out." He said while the car was still in motion.
I shrugged my shoulders and hopped out of tue car while it was still in motion, and landed on my knees in the street as he pulled off.
I quickly got up, and wiped my pants off, as I started walking towards the school.
The school I told my foster mom I was going too. She only really wanted me to go for the check because it's not like she really gives a fuck if if it's not doing something for her. That bitch don't really care about me, but I'm so used too it that it doesn't bother me anymore.
That's why I can't wait until I can have my own spot. As soon as I turn eighteen in a few months she ain't gotta worry about ever seeing my face again..by that time I'm hoping too make big money for myself.
The walk took me about 15 minutes, and as soon as I saw the school I wanted to turn the fuck around. I hate school.
I don't do the work, I don't have no friends, teachers be on dicks, and the bitches act thirsty as hell...
Maybe this year will be a little different..
I had to keep telling myself that to keep me from walking the other way. I'm surprised I even made it to my senior year.
A few of the girls caught my eyes that looked classy, and dressed nice talking to their friends and going inside the buildings. I smiled at a few of them, and they did the same and others acted as of they were wondering why I was even looking their way.
At least this school was a little different from my last one, and the ladies here looked decent. Them ratchet bitches only good for a nut, and some head.
Once I entered the school I went straight to the office, and went to the front desk where a bald older lady with glasses was sitting.
"How may I help you sir?"
"I need a schedule."
"You didn't get one in the mail?" she said with a slight attitude.
I did but I wasn't planning on coming to school, so that shit got lost.
"Nah." I lied sucking on my bottom lip. She huffed.
"What's your last name?"
"Robbinson."
She typed a few things in her computer. "Parker?"
I nodded my head, and afterwards she got up from her seat. "I'll be right back, wait right here."
I did as told as she went to the back. A few minutes later she came back with a piece of paper, and handed it to me. I looked at the paper, and all my classes were on it.
"Thanks." She nodded her head as I made my way to my first class Finance. I made sure to take my time because I hate to be in class on time.
Harmony.
"Sis the bell is about to ring we need to hurry up." My adopted sister Kaija told me as I applied my ruby red lipstick in the bathroom.
"I'm in no rush, I'll get there. It's not like we about to learn anything today anyways. I'll say I got lost."
"No! C'mon you need to do better this year so come on."she demanded.
"Girl I'm not thinking about this school."
"Harmony."
"Kai."
"Ugh. C'mon I will walk you to class." She said as she basically grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the bathroom as I huffed dragging my feet.
We went through the crowded hall and she stopped in front of my first period class. I crossed my arms as she looked at me in front of the classroom door.
"Stop looking like that! It's our last year, and then you won't have to worry about me doing this shit anymore..I gotta go I love you."
"Bye." I said as this annoying bitch walked off. Love her a lot though.
I went inside the classroom, and was greeted by the teacher.
"Hello, I'm Ms.Plaza I'm your Geography teacher this year." She said in a uppity tone smiling way to hard as she extended her hand.
"What's up." I said in a low tone, not looking her way as I made my way to my seat in the front of the class.
I saw that the class wasn't that big, and a bunch of guys were in this class, so I should be okay. A few girls I didn't fuck with sat behind me.
Ding! Ding!
The late bell rang, and a boy came flying in out of breath and sat down next to me. "I'm here." He announced, as the class started to laugh.
"Very good." The teacher replied.
She was writing her name on the board as the guy scooted his desk a little too close for my liking, and it made me feel uncomfortable because of everything I have been through in my life. I moved my desk away from him a little, hoping he wouldn't try and move it again.
"Oh my bad, whats your name?" The guy said, and I looked off not wanting to speak.. he was cute, but I just didn't want anything to go wrong.
I didn't want to be this way around guys, and I wanted to tell him it was okay and tell him my name like a normal person would. But I didn't want to have a episode in this classroom, so I was just hoping he would stop talking to me.
"You can't speak?" He questioned, and I shook my head still not looking in his direction.
"Thats fine." He said, and moved a seat back talking to the girls a few rows behind me. I shook my head.
My past made me act this way towards guys, and I hate it.
When I was five years old I was kidnapped by my mother's ex boyfriend. I don't remember a lot, but I remember being taken.
It took my father 10 months to find me, and during those 10 months bad things happened to me that traumatize me to this day.
I remember being locked in a room for hours at a time...Alone.
I remember being smacked, and abused sexually and mentally at 5 and 6 years old by men I didn't even know.
I remember not eating, and I remembered thinking my life was over.
Crying myself to sleep became a daily routine, and I got used to the way I was being treated. Standing here today at 18 years old that stuff still effects me huge and I try my best to hide it but sometimes it's really hard.
I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic stress disorder when I was twelve, and suicidal even though I never tried anything to take my life.
When I try and talk to a guy I freeze up, or I have a scene where I can't breathe and start to shake violently. Like I'm possessed, and I can't help it. Even if a guy is really cute, I always think they are going to hurt me, and something bad is going to happen to me like when I was younger and the scenes replay in my head.
In my school I'm known as being the bitch who thinks she's all that, and nobody fucks with me. Everybody talks shit because of course I'm the different one with issues around guys and even my freshman year girls made up rumors that I was a lesbian ugly ass bitch who thought I was the shit, and I beat her ass.
And nothing about that stuff is true. I am not a lesbian...I don't think I'm the shit and I HAVE NEVER looked at a girl in that way.
I can't help the way I walk, and the way I act. That's why I hate school..I'm around way too many guys who still think I'm a lesbian to this day, or they think I'm weird, and the girls are all haters who think I think I'm all that.
And in reality I don't. I was never good enough for anybody in middle school or elementary so I started wearing a bunch of makeup, and act like I have some confidence so people would stop picking on me.
"Your too black."
"Your smile is weird."
"Your so skinny."
But then I realized.. people still talk. Now that I walk around with my head held high "think I'm too cute." Or I'm considered a "bougie bitch who can't speak."
Everything I try to do I'm never enough..I freeze up around guys because of my past and my whole school thinks I'm a lesbian. That's why I hate this place, and I'm glad its my last year so I can get the fuck. The only thing I like about this school is the cheer team. Something I love, and it's a bunch of nice girls who understand me, and NO GUYS. Only guy I would ever trust and love is my daddy, and my brothers King, and Prince.
My dad understands me..and he saved me.
Me, and my mom aren't even that close she's more closer to Kai while I'm more close to my dad.
I'm jealous of Kai because she has the good grades, the pretty hair, the good looking boyfriend and everyone likes her and I'm just me.
I love my sister to death though, and I'm happy around her because she's so silly and knows how to cheer me up. She has faith in me, and will stick up for me even if I'm wrong, and is always the first person to make sure I'm okay after I have a "moment" besides my parents.
I know she has also been through a lot but she hides it very well unlike me who has all these fucking problems.
Hopefully one day I can be like her, and happy.
I will try and update at least once every week.
*Asia, Harmony, and Parker in mm*
-Miyah.