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Zadana
Damn! Let's waste this life and get freaking lost! Iyon lang naman ang silbi ko sa mundo, to be a rebel, to get wasted then be a fvcking trash.
Muli akong humingi ng isa pang shot sa bartender at isinayaw sa ere ang baso ko. I need this. I fvcking need this to fvcking forget how wasted I am. Inilapag ko ang chain sa counter at pinagmasdan iyong mabuti.
"Hunt Isen Maniago, asan ka na baby ko?" Napahagalpak na lang ako ng tawa sa sarili kong kagagahan. Baby my face. Good thing I found this thing on Jade's trash bin. Silly. Anong akala nya? Tanga ako para hindi malaman ang ginawa nya?
"Stupid. Stupid, stupid Jade..." Napatawa na lang ako ng mapait at nilagok ang alak sa baso ko. Ramdam ko ang pagguhit niyon sa lalamunan ko but who the fvck will stop me? I have no one, yeah I fvcking have nothing but his keychain. Dammit!
Ibinulsa ko na lang iyon at nagtungo sa dancefloor. I need to dance, at least here I'm friggin' free to let this all out. Humanda ka Ise, I'll make sure to ruin your life kapag nakita kita. Sinong nagsabi sa kanyang pwede syang pumunta kay Jade? Tss. Paano kung magustuhan sya noon? No way! Hunt Isen Maniago is mine, a'right Jade? One wrong move, and I'll snatch your prince charming. One wrong move Jade, just one.
Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang mga lalaki na ang nakasayaw ko. Some asked me out but I am not that silly para hindi malaman ang pakay nila. One night stand their balls! Assholes. Jerks or what ever they may be.
Inihagis ko ang sarili ko sa isang couch ng makaramdam ako ng pagod dahil sa tagal ko sa dancefloor. Really, I hate clubs. Joke. This has been my safe haven. Why would I hate it right?
Dinukot ko mula sa bulsa ko ang cellphone ni Jade and switched it to my account. Tss. Poor Jade ni hindi nya alam ang tungkol dito.
I quickly composed a message for my man.
To My Ise The Jerk:
Where the fvck are you?! Come and fvcking join me here you douche! Retro.
I pressed send at naghintay sa reply nya habang pinagmamasdan ang mga tao sa dancefloor na nagsasayang ng buhay nila. Fools. Hindi ba nila alam how lucky they are? They get to experience all the riches in life, then they're the ones who act as if the world has been betraying them all along? Selfish greedy monkeys.
Ilang sandali pa at nag vibrate ang cellphone ko, oh yeah! I consider this thing mine.
My Ise The Jerk:
Damn it Zadana! 5 minutes.
Napangiti na lang ako upon reading his message. Sa buong buhay ko sya lang ata ang magandang nangyari eh. So I did. I waited for five long minutes just to be with him. Pumipikit na ang mga mata ko sa pagod pero pinilit kong gisingin ang sarili ko. No. I can't sleep, she'll fvcking take over and I won't let that. I need that douche. I smiled bitterly, at the end of each wasted day, still, I am just a lost girl longing for Ise's warm arms.
I do not know kung tama ba ang kwenta ko pero palagay ko lagpas na ng 5 minutes bago sya dumating. Agad akong napasimangot. Yeah, time is really gold for me. Don't ask me why.
"You're late." I said at tinakpan ang ilong ko dahil sa pamilyar na amoy nya. It isn't disgusting, in fact masyado iyong manly at nakakaakit, that's why.
"Where have you been?" Iyon ang salubong nya sa akin at isinalampak ang sarili nya sa tabi ko. I rested my head on his chest. Nagulat pa ako ng hindi man lang sya umalma at hinayaan lang ako. My forehead creased upon his reaction. Dati rati kapag ginagawa ko iyon, halos sipain nya ako dahil makikita raw sya ng mga chix, what happened now?
"Uh, somewhere?" I wasn't sure kung nasagot ko ba ng tama ang tanong nya, but I tried to sound nice tho.
"Zadana." He warned. I chuckle. I started to draw small circles on his chest. I can hear his heart beating. Kalmado lang iyon. Why? Wala ba akong epekto sa kanya? Hindi ba bumibilis ang tibok ng puso nya kapag nakikita nya ako o kapag ganito kami kalapit sa isa't isa? Am I not capable of doing that? I laughed. Over thinking might just kill me.
"Fine! I was busy. I turned my phone off. Was that an enough reason? Can't we just enjoy this night?" I rolled my eyes kahit alam kong hindi nya naman iyon nakikita. Ayokong nagpapaliwanag ako. I hate that, pakiramdam ko kapag ganoon, may kasalanan akong ginawa, I hate explaining dahil wala naman dapat akong ipaliwanag. I do not owe an explanation to anyone.
"Si Jade, kamusta sya?" Mahinang mahina ang boses nya kumpara sa music na dumadagundong sa loob ng bar, but I clearly heard how he pronounced her name.
"What about her?" Sarcasm was drawn in my voice I know. Bumangon ako mula sa pagkakahilig sa kanya at lumagok sa bote ng beer sa lamesa. Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas at hindi nya naman ako sinagot.
"What about Jade?" Itinagilid ko ang ulo ko at pinagmasdan ang reaksyon nya. He's just neutral, but there's something in his reaction na hindi ko mabasa.
"She threw me out the last time. Ayos lang ba sya?" I closed my eyes at iniiling ang ulo ko. Obviously, he's not the Hunt Isen Maniago that I used to know. Kung normal na araw 'to, maiirita sya sa presensya ko, or he'd drink, dance and live the life he used to love. But now, he's talking about a girl, not just a girl, but Jade.
"Why would you care about her?" I asked at nag iwas sya ng tingin. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa leeg ng bote ng beer. If this bottle of beer was Jade, malamang hindi na sya makakahinga. I told you right, Jade? I said one wrong move. I warned you remember?
"Nevermind." Akma syang tatayo pero pinigilan ko sya. I held his arm tight and forced him to sit back.
"I missed you." I said without any hesitation. And I am sincere. I fvcking am! But he stare at me like I was the biggest joke of his life. He raised his brow at inirapan ako.
"Stop it Za-
I cut him off.
"Why ask about Jade?" Hindi ako titigil hanggat wala akong nakukuhang sagot mula sa kanya. I swallowed the lump on my throat and stared at him.
"I was just worried, okay? Don't worry wala akong balak sa pinsan mo. Tsk." Pinipilit nyang alisin ang pagkakahawak ko sa braso nya. I smiled at him. Fool.
"Eh bakit guilty ka?" I tried to sound cool but bitterness betrayed me. Cousin, so that's how you introduced yourself, huh Jade?
"Tss! Bahala ka nga sa buhay mo! Such a pain in the ass!" Iwinaksi nya ang kamay ko at nagdiretso sya sa dancefloor. I smirked. So this is how you wanted to play the game Jade? I only have Ise and now what? He's worried about you? Why? Just because you freaking broke down. For fvck sake grow up! You have to stand on your own feet, not everyone's meant to be your hero.
"Let the games begin." Nilagok ko ang natitirang laman ng bote at tumayo na para makaalis. I passed through Isen. Nilampasan ko ang iilang taong nakakakilala sa akin. I can feel their eyes at my back but the hell I care. The moment I step out of this bar, it'll only means war. Hahayaan ko muna syang mag enjoy sa buhay nya, but after this, he'll surely regret that he tried to hit on Jade.
I can feel the stinging pain in my head as soon as I got out of the bar. I closed my eyes and counted one to three.
"You can't. Shut the hell up." Gigil na gigil na bulong ko at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. Pumara ako ng taxi at nagpahatid sa address na pakay ko. Let's see kung anong unang pwedeng kong sirain with this basic move. I'm moving a pon Jade, what can'yah say?
Tinangala ko ang building sa harapan ko, ilaw na lamang ang bumubuhay sa itsura noon sa gabi. So he's here. You caught a big fat fish then huh? Naglakad ako palapit sa building at hindi naman nabigo sa ipinunta ko.
There he is. Standing tall near his car. He's on the phone, not bad. He's hot. What's his name again? Euan? Mukhang kagagaling nya lang sa trabaho at pauwi pa lang.
I tried to get closer pero naramdaman ko na naman ang pag gapang ng sakit sa sintido ko. I laughed.
"Oh sht stop pannicking Jade, I was just joking!" Umatras ako ng ilang hakbang hanggang sa mawala ang sakit ng ulo ko. And when I looked back, wala na sya. Humarutot na pala paalis ang sasakyan nya.
"Guess you're saved by an headache." Napatawa na lang ako at nilisan ang lugar na iyon. Don't worry, I'm giving you a clean fight. It's just a pon. A careless move. Hindi ko pa naman nasisira ang depensa mo eh. Kung sa baraha, you still have your aces, kung sa chess, you still have your officials, you just need to fvcking look after your king 'cause I'm guarding mine, the best that I can.
"Haay Jade..." Sumalampak ako ng higa sa kama and reached for her eyeglasses na nakapatong sa bedside table. Sinubukan konh suotin yun pero napangiwi ako sa pagkahilo. Why would she wear such thing? Disgusting!
The next day, ganun pa rin, I'm still in control, obviously. I just took a quick shower and asked Ise if he could pick me up. Hindi na yun sakit sa ulo nya, not that he's in Batangas up until now. Ganitong oras nasa Maynila na yun. Baka nga hindi na yun nakauwi kagabi.
Yes, Ise's staying in Batangas with his family. Alam ko ang lahat tungkol sa lalaking yun. He has a unit nearby pero ayaw nya naman mag stay dun. He said he's happy in Batangas. Psh. If I know he's hitting on someone there.
My phone beep after a few minutes. And as expected it was him.
My Ise The Jerk:
Where? Jade's unit? I'm on my way.
Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong matuwa o mainis. I think I should go down instead. Dun ko na lang sya hihintayin.
"Where are we going?" Kinunutan nya ako ng noo ng makapasok ako sa sasakyan nya.
"I'm buying some decent clothes." I said wryly. Pinagtaasan nya naman ako ng kilay na para bang hindi sya makapaniwala sa sinabi ko.
"Really?" He asked.
"Do I look like a joke this morning?" Sinamaan ko sya ng tingin at sinenyasan sya na paandarin nya ang sasakyan. Ghad! This jerk is wasting my time.
"Chill. Hindi lang ako makapaniwala na bibili ka ng decent clothes. As in seriously, Zadana? Decent clothes? What happened 'back off I'm In a bitch outfit'?" I hit him hard at pinagmasdan ko sya ng ilang minuto. Hindi ko na inabala pa ang sarili ko na patulan pa ang pang aasar nya.
"What?" Tanong nya nang mapansin ang paninitig ko. I just shrugged at pinili na lang tumingin sa labas. At least he's back to his old self.
"Bagay ba?" Umikot ako sa harapan nya habang ibinibida ang powder pink dress na nahugot ko sa kung saang stall.
"Damn it! Seryoso? Black to pink, are you out of your mind?!" Inilingan nya lang ako habang pinipigilan ang tawa nya. Sinimangutan ko sya and faced the mirror instead.
"Huh! This suits me well too..." I almost whispered. Who says si Jade lang ang babagayan ng mga ganitong kulay? Darn! Nanginginig na ako sa mga pinaggagagawa ko. If only. Sht!
"I'll get this o--
"Oh!" Napataas ang kilay ko ng mamataan ko si Ise na kausap si Euan. Right! What the?! Oh hell! Hunt Isen Maniago? Euan Maniago? Coincidence? I smirked. Sorry Jade, but I think fate's making it's own way. Yun nga lang, pabor sa akin.
"Ise!" Kumapit ako sa braso nya and shifted my gaze to Euan. I saw how shocked he was nang magtama ang tingin namin. I acted as if I didn't know him.
"I didn't know, magkakilala pala kayo." He said, full of sarcasm. Oh! Maybe he thought that I was Jade. Great!
"Huh?" Tanong ng clueless na si Ise.
"You know my cousin, Zadana?" He asked me at kinunutan ako ng noo.
"Zadana?" Dumoble ang pagtataka sa mukha ni Euan upon mentioning my name.
"Yes. I'm Zadana, and you are?" Inilahad ko ang kamay ko sa kanya but he just stared at it for seconds. Nagdadalawang isip sya kung tatanggapin nya ba or he'll just ignore it. He looked at me again and I smiled sweetly. Confused eh?
"No. You're Jade." He said that in a matter of factly tone. Naglaro ang ngiti sa mga labi ko lalo na ng tapikin nya ang kamay ko. So, Euan and Jade aren't in a good condition, I guess?
"Haha dude! Don't be so harsh. She's Zadana and not Jade, by the way they're cousins." Inakbayan ako ni Ise and told Euan to back off. Mukha naman syang natauhan at napatango na lang. But curiosity is still plastered in his face.
"Wait? Kilala mo si Jade?" Ngayon si Ise naman ang nang usisa. Suddenly Euan felt uneasy at nag iwas ng tingin. He put his hands inside his pocket at mas piniling magpaalam.
"Sort of. Gotta go. Kita na lang tayo sa bahay." Ikinaway nya lang ang kamay nya. I smiled at him.
That's right. I'll just let confusion eat him hanggang sa sya na mismo ang lumapit sa akin.
"Wait! Para saan nga pala ulit ang decent clothes Zadana?" Ise asked habang sinusundan ako pabalik sa botique na pinagsusukatan ko kanina.
"I'm applying for a job." Simpleng sagot ko. And when I say job, it is something that will benefit me and will destroy her. Jade, my poor Jade.
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