*Harry's POV*
"Wait, we won?" she asks her teammates, her head curiously moving around to look at everyone. "We won!" She starts to bounce in excitement and gives Niall a sloppy hug. She turns to Zayn and hi-fives him, still giggling excessively. Then she looks at me. Even from this far away, I can see the smug look on her face. She happily jogs the distance to me, stopping abruptly less than a foot away from my body.
"Ha. Ha." She pokes me with each syllable. "I knew we'd beat you guys." She rests her small hands on my chest.
"Yeah, okay." I grab them and pull them down to her side. "Hey-"
"And I remember you told me that if I won, you'd buy me pizza."
"I don't remember that, but listen-"
"Well it happened," she says. "And I am more than happy to receive my end of the deal."
She tries to turn to walk back to her team.
I grab her hands firmer.
You know she does this a lot? She interrupts me a lot.
"Jessie, wait," I demand. My voice has moved far above slightly annoyed now. Her smartass little smile disappears. I have never been more frustrated with her. It's not like I want to believe Louis. I am really hoping he was not telling me the truth. Would Jessie really kiss Zayn on the same night that she told me I had nothing to worry about? She wouldn't. Right? I should be able to trust her, right? But Louis never lies to me, and Jessie has lied to me more than once. "We have to talk."
It takes her a second to recognize the seriousness in my voice, but once she does, her eyes shoot open. "I swear, I was going to tell you. Today- I was going to tell you right after we left- when we were driving to get pizza-" She grows louder and faster with every word. Dammit. She did do it.
Zayn and Niall peer over from across the room. This is too obvious.
I have to calm her down. "Hey," I whisper. I try to catch her eyes, but she will not look at me. I jerk the hand I am still holding to get her attention. "Hey," I say rougher. I have lost all patience with her. Her eyes drag up to mine, wide and drenched in guilt. "We will talk in a minute. Just, stop."
She does, but again she avoids looking at me.
"Come on," I say. I pull her by the hand to say goodbye to everyone. She follows a bit behind and keeps her stare at the ground.
*Jessie's POV*
He leads me up to Zayn, Louis, Niall and Eleanor. I do not want to see anyone. Not now. They can all read me so well. They will know for sure what is happening.
"See you guys later, we're going to get some food," Harry says with his perfect poker face. I cannot hide my emotions, though, so I say nothing. I just wave and catch an apprehensive look from Niall, a grimace from Louis, and the usual hollow stare from Zayn.
As we exit the arena into the waiting room, a shiver runs down my spine. He actually knows.
Harry lets go of my hand and strips off his vest to give to the woman. I attempt to take mine off as he did.
I cannot fucking undo mine. "I-uh,"
He looks over his shoulder to me and sighs. He drops the suit in the woman's hands and speedwalks to me. My fingers fumble desperately to take it off before he gets here.
Too late. His large hands reach out to my suit, and I drop my hands before we can touch. He roughly unbuckles and pulls off my suit and walks it to the woman. He is rushing. I can tell how badly he wants to get out of here. I grab my jacket and put it on.
He quickly walks up to me and puts on his jacket in silence. The silence is painful. He never gets this way. He is always somewhat cheery, I have never seen him so angry. I really let myself hurt him like this?
He walks outside.
I don't even have to ask. If I do not follow him now, he will leave without me.
I run outside until he is only a few yards ahead of me. I have no clue what I am going to say to him. "Harry," I start. My voice is brittle, only one straw away from breaking. All I know is that I need to explain to him what happened. He needs to know how sorry I am for it all. He has to know.
He turns around.
He gives a mirthless smile, paying no attention to the pain in my voice. "You said there was no reason for me to worry." He takes long strides over to me, diminishing the gap between us that I now wish would stay. "You said that nothing was going to happen."
"Nothing was supposed to happen," I voice faintly. He instantly snickers, and I flinch.
"What a relief. 'Nothing was supposed to happen.'" He walks away, only to turn around and come back again. "You can't expect me to think you're not lying now, do you?"
I furrow my brow. "Harry? You don't-"
"You lied about knowing Zayn, you lied about dating Zayn, and you lied about kissing Zayn. Anything else you've been doing with Zayn that you want to tell me about?"
My breath catches in my throat. I barely manage to choke out anything in response. "Harry?! How could you even-"
"You know what Louis told me? He said that he walked into the kitchen and you were sitting on the island making out with Zayn. He told me that he talked to each of you after it happened. And you know what Zayn said? Zayn said that you wanted to kiss him. He said he wouldn't have tried to kiss you if he thought otherwise." He begins to raise his voice, loud. Louder than I think he has ever spoken to me before. I try to cut in, try to explain that it is not what he thinks, but he will not let me get a word in. "What the fuck do you want me to think Jessie?! I can hardly believe a word that comes out of your mouth anymore!"
I shake my head, feeling my eyes brim with tears. "Listen to me!"
"You could be lying when you say you love me. There is no way I would know for sure."
"Harry!" I sob. He finally stops and crosses his arms. "Let me talk," I plead. He smiles at me sarcastically, like he is amused at me trying to make an argument. My lip starts to shake. I am crying. Tears are literally streaming down my face. "Harry, I don't know why I let things get out of hand, but listen-"
He scoffs.
"Listen!" Keeping his focus on my words is painfully difficult. I try to talk fast so I can say everything. "I regret the whole thing- the kiss and not telling you sooner about it. I swear I was going to tell you today. And how could you think that I don't love you?!" I am begging him to believe me. I take a deep breath and calm myself down to stop the tears. "Harry, I'm not trying to make excuses at all for what I did or defend it in any way. What happened with Zayn was a mistake, something that I'd never want to happen again."
"Right," he says sarcastically.
"It was!" I shout, and a new wave of sobs start again. I feel like that is the only way to get him to listen to me. I have to be louder than he is, then he might finally hear me. "Harry, I'm so sorry."
He walks away. "Where are you going?" I try to walk after him.
He puts his hand out to stop me. "Just, stop." He glares at me and slowly drops his hand.
I watch him walk down the street to his car. He unlocks it. You're fucking kidding me?! He is really going to leave me here alone?
He gets into the car, but he does not move it. He just sits there with his arm hanging out the window. Damn he looks mad. I guess he is allowed to be. I just hope he will listen to me.
He puts in his headphones. I know music calms him down.
I should let him calm down. I have no other choice. I sit on the curb and wait for Harry to come back- if he comes back.
I wipe my eyes. I must look like shit. I feel like shit. I pull out my phone and look at myself with the front-facing camera. Yep. I look awful.
I really hope Harry will come back for me. I want to be normal with him again. We were so good when we were normal. Then Zayn had to screw it up.
Who am I kidding? I screwed it up. Zayn is not the one who is dating Harry. I am. I broke Harry and I. Zayn just happened to be how I did it.
I hear a door open, and my heart jumps with the possibility that it is Harry. I look towards his car, but he has not left his current position. I turn to the laser tag building. A family had just left.
Fuck. Zayn, Niall, Louis, and Eleanor. What about them? I can see Louis' and Zayn's car. They parked almost right in front of me. Of course. They get to see the aftermath of what just happened. This will be fun.
I sit on the curb with even more nerves than I had before. Every time the door opens, I cringe, expecting to see the four familiar faces.
Then they come out. They are smiling with each other, trying to find out where they parked. I stand up. They do not need to see me crying on the floor. Niall looks over to me and points me out to the others. I just love Niall.
They all walk towards me. I put on my best fake smile, but I cannot stop the awful sob sounds. As they get closer, Eleanor looks worried and confused, but the others all sort of look like they know what went on. She takes the lead in talking to me, most likely because she has no clue about anything. I am surprised Louis did not tell her.
"Hey, Jessie." She holds her arms out for a hug. I hug her, and she holds me there to talk. "Are you alright?" she whispers into my ear.
"I'm okay," I whisper back.
"Where's Harry?"
"In the car." My voice becomes shaky again. She lets go of me and looks me in the eye, still full of worry. She should not feel sorry for me, it is all my fault. She looks behind me to the car, and so do I. I catch Harry glancing at us in the side mirror.
She turns back to me and gives a small laugh to relieve the tension. "Well aren't you freezing?"
Is it cold? I mean, I am shaking, but I thought that was because of Harry. "I'm not too bad," I lie. Fuck, it is cold.
"Okay. So you're alright then?" Her eyes flicker to Harry.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
She smiles. "Alright. Well, we'll see you later."
I say goodbye and watch them leave. When they are gone, I sit back on the curb. I lay my head on my knees and start to cry again, but this time shivering like crazy.
Why did I do this? Harry actually means something to me. I actually love this boy. I betrayed the boy I love.
I pull out my phone and headphones from my pocket. If music calms Harry down, maybe it will help me too. I put my headphones in and decide to go to Pandora
Mr. Brightside by The Killers comes up first.
...It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
This song so far speaks my feelings. How ironic. Isn't this song about how a guy thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him?
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Zayn smokes.
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
It's all in Harry's head, right?
But she's touching his chest
Now he takes off her dress...
Okay maybe I should skip this song. I shiver. God. This song is going to be haunting me for a while now.
The next song to come up is We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift. I just turn off my phone.
I give up. Music is not going to help me calm down right now.
Maybe I should just cry again. I put my head back on my knees, but crying is not coming to me this time. Now I have no clue what to do.
I feel a tap on my shoulder. I know exactly who it is, but I have no courage to look at him.
He taps me again, but I barely even move. "Hey."
I give up. With the persistence he has, he will not leave until I talk to him. I lift my head up.
He stays quiet, and basically just stares at me. "Harry." I want to say something real, but what do I say now?
He sits on the curb with me and crosses his arms, not saying anything. Does he want me to say something? My mind races to figure out what I could possibly do to make the situation better.
He rubs his arms. "Come on, it's freezing out here."
Wait. "What- come on where?"
"We can talk in the car, come on," he mutters, while starting to get up. I stare at him, astonished. Is this real? Is he still mad at me? Was I the only one listening to our conversation? He raises his eyebrows and holds out a hand to me. "Let's go."
I waste no more time in taking it. He helps me up and we walk to the car silently. Once we are in the car, he starts it and loud music begins blasting immediately. He turns the radio completely off, then he lets the heater on.
For a minute, I revel in the warmth and the fact that Harry is allowing me in his car. A few minutes ago, I thought for certain he was going to make me get a ride from someone else.
But then I glance at Harry. His eyebrows are pointed down, and so are his lips. The tip of his nose is slightly red, contrasting sharply with his paled face. He's still pissed.
"Harry, what do you want me to do?" I ask cautiously.
"Never talk to Zayn again," he lets out right away in his deep, soft voice. He still sounds bitter though, but in a much less accusing form.
"Harry."
He waves it away. "Louis told me that he walked into the kitchen at the party, and you were sitting on the island making out with Zayn. That's all he said about the kiss. What really happened? I need you to tell me the truth."
Do I want to tell him the real story? What the hell am I saying? I have to tell him the real story. I have lied to him too much, my conscience should be seriously bothered by even holding back some of the truth. "I was getting a beer, and Zayn was messing around with me."
"How?"
I shrug. "He stole my beer a couple of times and would push me around and stuff. Just playfully, though. Somehow it got to the point where he'd pinned me against the island." I pause and reflect over the whole scene again. How did I even let him get that far in the first place? I had been flirting with him the entire time, and I let him put his hands on me. It sounds like I wanted him to kiss me. "Then he told me he wanted to kiss me and that I didn't have to kiss him back. Then he leaned in and kissed me."
He meets my eyes. "And you did kiss him back."
I turn away. "Y-yeah."
That fact is what kept me from telling Harry. I kissed Zayn back. If I had not, then this would all be only Zayn's fault, and Harry would not be mad at me. But it is mostly mine. I was willing and sober, which begs the question- why did I do it?
He keeps his eyes on his hands and gives a small cough. "You and Zayn... this was your first time doing anything together, right? You haven't been, you know, sneaking behind my back, have you?"
"Oh god, Harry no," I say with plenty of disgust. "This was the only time we'd ever done anything." Since high school, at least. God, I never realized how serious this could all be taken. Wasn't it just a kiss?
Then again, it stole Harry's trust in me. It confirmed in Zayn's mind that I have feelings for him. And it left me confused.
No kiss is just a kiss. I kissed Zayn back because I wanted to. I kissed him back because something inside me said that Zayn meant more to me than Harry did, even if it was for just that moment.
Was it just for that moment, though?
"What is he to you?" Harry's voice sneaks into my mind.
"What?"
"Is he really just a friend? You keep saying that, but he's more, isn't he?"
"I- well,"
"Don't lie to me." His voice stings. It sounds like he is expecting me to not tell the truth. "What is he to you, honestly?"
Honestly, I want to say that he means nothing to me, but I do not think I can now. "I don't know."
"You need to figure it out soon."
I know.
"I'll talk to him."
He glares at me. "Yeah the fuck right. You'd think I'd let him get anywhere near you again? If you really have to talk to him, I'm going with you."
"Harry, you can't come with me."
"Why not-"
"Because he doesn't need to think that you put me up to this."
"Well you're not going alone."
Well you're not going with me, I mentally sass. I start trying to think of a compromise. "I'll take Niall, he knows about what happened," I suggest. I bite my lip. Let me take Niall, please.
He shakes his head slowly, running his fingers on his chin, before beginning to nod. Yes.
"Okay. Take Niall."
***********
The very next day, Saturday afternoon, Niall and I are sitting outside of Zayn's house in Niall's car. I guess it is safe to say that Harry has not forgiven Zayn or myself for what happened and how he found out. I doubt he will until after I talk to Zayn, and maybe not even then.
"You want me to come in with you?" Niall asks, already unbuckling his seat belt.
"No." Harry would have wanted him to come with me, but if someone else was going to be in the room with Zayn and I, I doubt I would be able to get the full truth from Zayn. "But if it takes a while, come get me." Just in case something happens.
I get out of the car. "How long is a while?" Niall shouts.
"If you think I'm taking too long, come get me," I say again.
"Okay," I hear him mutter as I walk to the front door.
Zayn's front door. I have not been at his house alone since high school. And that time, we made out a bit. I hope history does not decide to repeat itself today.
I knock after seriously mentally prepping myself. I just have to go in, ask about the kiss, and get out. That is the plan. Go in, ask, get out.
This will be easy, right?
The door opens.
I hope so.