"I love your body." Linus rubbed his hands up Chad's strong chest as he straddled his body, holding Chad deep inside him, his hips rotating in a slow, sensual rhythm. He bent down and kissed his husband's warm, damp skin. "Mmm...you feel so good inside me."
His heartbeat quick, erratic, Chad caressed his heated thighs and gently lifted to him. "Baby..." His head sank down against the soft rug before the fireplace, the warmth of the flames enfolding them in a cocoon of serenity. "I love you, Linus." Chad closed his eyes and basked in the physical, emotional, spiritual bond he shared with his husband. His breath shuddered in his throat, his voice quiet, unsteady. "I love you more than life."
Linus' lips touched his mouth and Chad opened his eyes. He curled forward and wrapped his arms around Linus, holding him upright in his lap as their bodies moved together as one. Chad trembled and pressed his head to Linus' brow, gazing into his beautiful blue eyes reflecting the firelight.
"I can't remember my life before you," Linus whispered. "I feel like I didn't truly exist..." he kissed him deeply. "...until you loved me."
Tears formed unexpectedly and ran down Chad's face.
"Why the tears?" Linus brushed them away with his thumbs and kissed his damp cheeks.
"I don't know," Chad admitted thickly. "I guess...I'm just so happy I can't contain it."
Linus smiled and his blue eyes shimmered. "I understand completely." A tear slipped out and rolled down his cheek. "Sometimes I feel so happy, and so in love with you, that I'm sure my heart will explode."
"If it ever does," Chad whispered. "It better explode mine along with it." He held him closer and pushed deeper inside his body. "Because I can't live without you."
"You'll never have to." Linus hugged his head and kissed his hair. "I would never leave you."
Chad closed his eyes again and pressed his lips to Linus' shoulder as they rocked together, soft, shaky breaths pluming from them both as their love for one another ignited their passion, carrying them higher and higher...
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Chad flinched, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. He felt the tears on his face, the coldness of the empty house around him, but couldn't open his eyes and accept the reality all over again. If he didn't look, then maybe he could find his way back into the memory and figure out how to live there. He didn't care if he had to lose his mind to do so; how much of his mind even remained?
He clutched the doorframe and shoved his brow against the cold wood. His jaw clenched and for the first time in months, he cried. Chad let the grief take him, too weary to fight it. Maybe this time it would crush all life from his body and put him out of his misery. His legs buckled and he hit the floor, knees cracking hard, still grasping the doorframe.
"Why did you leave me? You said you would never leave me." He wilted against the frame, shaking with sobs.
"Chad...?" Gentle hands touched his face and Chad jerked as Linus' voice filled his head...his ears...clear as day. "This isn't good crying, baby...what's wrong?"
"Huh!" Chad's eyes snapped open and he was suddenly engulfed with the warmth of the fire, his naked skin heated by the flames and Linus' fevered body. His arms remained locked around his husband as Linus cupped his face and gazed back at him, uncertainty and concern in his lovely eyes. So filled with life. Chad trembled. "Linus...?" His throat swelled tight and eyes filled, overflowing, as he slowly, tentatively moved his hands over Linus' back. I did it. I made it in. I'm really here and it's...real again. Linus is real! He didn't care that his mind had cracked. Didn't care that when – if – he ever came back from this he would surely awake in a mental hospital. He didn't care about anything but this new reality that allowed him to touch and feel his husband. Hold him and...make love to him again.
"Chad...?"
"Shh." Chad choked on his sobs and kissed him. His arms tightened, crushing Linus against him as their kiss deepened. His lips parted as Linus' probing tongue sought entrance into his mouth. Shuddered moans piled in his throat. Linus gripped his head, squeezing fists of his hair as he rode Chad with more vigor, puffing into his mouth. A whimpered cry rose up inside Chad and he turned them over, laying Linus on the soft rug without breaking their kiss or leaving his body.
Time spun backward, erasing the year of hell that been Chad's only existence. Maybe it never happened. Maybe it was all just a horrifying nightmare. As if to help convince him, Linus caressed his back and curled his legs around Chad's waist, lifting to Chad's urgent thrusts.
Chad clutched Linus' head, his kiss wavering as he cried against his husband's mouth.
"It's okay, baby," Linus panted and embraced him harder, his throat working and ecstasy radiating in his heated eyes. "I'm here, Chad," he moaned. "Everything is okay."
Chad broke and clung to him. He shoved his face into Linus' neck, crying openly as months of repressed anguish and need suddenly busted free. "Linus..." he cried and thrust into him harder, faster. His fingers dug into the younger man's soft hair, twisting through his strands, gripping tight. "Baby...don't leave me...don't ever leave me..."
"Uuhh..." Linus arched and writhed beneath him, his ecstasy heightening. "Uuhh—Chad! Yes...oh God...don't stop..." He grabbed Chad's flexing ass cheeks and lifted to him desperately. "Oh God, I wanna come...make me come..."
Slowing his pace, Chad began to push in deeper, grinding, hips pivoting.
"Uuh!" Linus arched and gouged Chad's ass, nails digging in. "Yes...oh God...yes, baby!" A choked cry twisted up his throat and his body contorted as Chad forcefully massaged his prostate. "Uuh-uh-I'm gonna come!"
Chad raised up a little and stared down into Linus' face. Love exploded in his blue eyes as his body released with hard jerk of his hips. Chad kissed him fiercely and crushed him in his arms, fucking him with sheer desperation, tears flowing in a torrent as he surrendered every part of himself to his husband.
"Linus!" Chad cried against his lips, trembling and shaking through his sobs as he let go and emptied himself inside his lover. "Linus..." He held him hard, crying, caressing, savoring the heat and dampness and softness of his husband's flesh and blood body...
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Cold, hard surface chilled Chad's fingertips and his head jerked up, eyes opening. He stared in horror at the doorframe that supported his wilted, trembling body. Freezing darkness enveloped him. His watery eyes darted to the living room...the cold fireplace...empty mantle...
No...No—Linus!
Chad clutched the doorframe, short nails digging into the wood. His head shoved hard against the frame until his skull throbbed. "No..." He smacked his forehead against the wood and screamed. "No! God dammit!" His eyes turned to the dark ceiling. "Why did you take him away? Why?" He sagged into a heap against the frame, shaking. "I was a good son," he cried softly. "I gave you everything I had to give..." He sank to the floor, his cheek pressed to the icy floorboards as tears pooled beneath his face. "Why did you forsake me?" Did you ever love me?
Dead silence answered him. He didn't care; he didn't want the answers. Though he'd stopped believing in God a year ago, the pain of his Heavenly Father's abandonment and betrayal was surfacing alongside the anguish of losing Linus.
Chad stared blankly down the entry hall, his vision eyelevel with the bottom of the front door. The pale light of the dying day seeped weakly through the hairline crack. Something skittered by, disrupting the light. It wasn't uncommon for small forest creatures to venture up on their porch. That had been Linus' favorite thing about living in the country. He'd actually gotten a couple squirrels to come close enough to eat out of his hand. They would never come that close to Chad, but Linus was special; even Chad knew that.
The animal came back, slower this time, and paused outside the door, it's small feet blocking the line of light. Chad became fixated on the tiny shadow patches. A low scraping sound reached Chad. Not scraping; scratching. Had the animals ever scratched on their door before? Chad couldn't remember.
"Go away," he whispered dully, his throat sore and raw. "He isn't here." He isn't coming back.
Chad's chest hitched with a sob and he turned his face against the cold floor. Though he had no will to get to his feet, he finally dragged himself up and entered the kitchen on shaky legs. What had happened back there? It wasn't just a memory. For a moment, Linus had felt real. So real. What the hell was that?
That's your mind cracking.
A bottle of whiskey sat on top of the refrigerator and Chad grabbed it down. Before his life went to hell, he'd never touched the stuff—not a single drop in his life. Now, it comprised most of his diet. Food held no appeal, and when he did eat, his meals were tasteless. He enjoyed nothing. Life was wasted on him. So why did God keep him alive? Like they've been telling you all along—He hates you. And this is your punishment for embracing what He created you to be.
Chad sat down at the kitchen table and stared out the large window at the darkening forest that crept up to the south side of his yard. He removed the cap of the whiskey bottle and took a drink. His punishment was unjust, but what did it matter? He wasn't bitter. All he felt was the pain of losing the two great loves of his life. At least Linus' departure wasn't of his own doing. God chose to abandon Chad.
Tears dripped down his face as he swallowed more liquor. He hated the taste but welcomed the fleeting warmth that each swallow afforded him before the chill set back in. He tried to hold onto the heat he'd felt in Linus' body just moments ago, but it hadn't been real. The warmth of love and fire just an illusion. Chad couldn't remember how it felt not to be so cold inside. So barren. He didn't understand how emotional devastation could make a man feel physically hollowed out, as if he truly had a huge black hole where his heart once resided.
Thoughts of the young men from town drifted back in. Chad recalled the rage that had consumed him when they'd walked away unscathed, unpunished...unremorseful. He remembered the rage—but he no longer experienced it. Somewhere along the way it, too, had absorbed into the pain and became one with it.
His eyes began to grow heavy as the bottle emptied one swallow at a time. Night melted like ink over the sky, draining down and consuming the earth. Chad's gaze rested on the forest. Shadows among shadows moved through the trees. Perhaps the two young men come back to finish what they'd started last Halloween.
Chad stood up, instantly feeling dizzy. He rubbed his damp eyes and made his way to the front door and pulled it open. If they wanted him—they could have him. He stepped out on the porch and went still. Perched along the railing in the growing darkness, small black creatures stared back at him with glowing red eyes. They crouched lower, claws clicking against the wood. Chad squinted and the critter closest to him quivered and he heard a leathery sound, like the ripple of bat wings.
You're hallucinating, like you did in the living room...like back in town when you saw Linus. There's nothing here.
He took a step forward and the red-eyed things sank to their bellies and hissed. Something screeched out in the forest and their heads snapped that way—then they lunged off the railing in a flurry of flapping wings, surging like a black cloud toward the trees.
Chad watched them until they morphed with the darkness and disappeared. If he'd thought they were real, he would be shitting bricks about now. But it was just his liquor-infused brain playing tricks on him. Or someone else playing tricks on him, trying to scare him. He'd faced hell for a year now; nothing frightened him anymore...except memories of Linus.
He walked to the edge of the porch and descended the steps. Chad crossed the dead lawn toward the trees, following the path he hadn't set foot on since Halloween of last year when he had compelled Linus to go for a walk with him in the dark, scary woods...promising to protect him from the...
Ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties...and things that go bump in the night.