This Present Darkness

THREE

"I love your body." Linus rubbed his hands up Chad's strong chest as he straddled his body, holding Chad deep inside him, his hips rotating in a slow, sensual rhythm. He bent down and kissed his husband's warm, damp skin. "Mmm...you feel so good inside me."

His heartbeat quick, erratic, Chad caressed his heated thighs and gently lifted to him. "Baby..." His head sank down against the soft rug before the fireplace, the warmth of the flames enfolding them in a cocoon of serenity. "I love you, Linus." Chad closed his eyes and basked in the physical, emotional, spiritual bond he shared with his husband. His breath shuddered in his throat, his voice quiet, unsteady. "I love you more than life."

Linus' lips touched his mouth and Chad opened his eyes. He curled forward and wrapped his arms around Linus, holding him upright in his lap as their bodies moved together as one. Chad trembled and pressed his head to Linus' brow, gazing into his beautiful blue eyes reflecting the firelight.

"I can't remember my life before you," Linus whispered. "I feel like I didn't truly exist..." he kissed him deeply. "...until you loved me."

Tears formed unexpectedly and ran down Chad's face.

"Why the tears?" Linus brushed them away with his thumbs and kissed his damp cheeks.

"I don't know," Chad admitted thickly. "I guess...I'm just so happy I can't contain it."

Linus smiled and his blue eyes shimmered. "I understand completely." A tear slipped out and rolled down his cheek. "Sometimes I feel so happy, and so in love with you, that I'm sure my heart will explode."

"If it ever does," Chad whispered. "It better explode mine along with it." He held him closer and pushed deeper inside his body. "Because I can't live without you."

"You'll never have to." Linus hugged his head and kissed his hair. "I would never leave you."

Chad closed his eyes again and pressed his lips to Linus' shoulder as they rocked together, soft, shaky breaths pluming from them both as their love for one another ignited their passion, carrying them higher and higher...

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Chad flinched, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. He felt the tears on his face, the coldness of the empty house around him, but couldn't open his eyes and accept the reality all over again. If he didn't look, then maybe he could find his way back into the memory and figure out how to live there. He didn't care if he had to lose his mind to do so; how much of his mind even remained?

He clutched the doorframe and shoved his brow against the cold wood. His jaw clenched and for the first time in months, he cried. Chad let the grief take him, too weary to fight it. Maybe this time it would crush all life from his body and put him out of his misery. His legs buckled and he hit the floor, knees cracking hard, still grasping the doorframe.

"Why did you leave me? You said you would never leave me." He wilted against the frame, shaking with sobs.

"Chad...?" Gentle hands touched his face and Chad jerked as Linus' voice filled his head...his ears...clear as day. "This isn't good crying, baby...what's wrong?"

"Huh!" Chad's eyes snapped open and he was suddenly engulfed with the warmth of the fire, his naked skin heated by the flames and Linus' fevered body. His arms remained locked around his husband as Linus cupped his face and gazed back at him, uncertainty and concern in his lovely eyes. So filled with life. Chad trembled. "Linus...?" His throat swelled tight and eyes filled, overflowing, as he slowly, tentatively moved his hands over Linus' back. I did it. I made it in. I'm really here and it's...real again. Linus is real! He didn't care that his mind had cracked. Didn't care that when – if – he ever came back from this he would surely awake in a mental hospital. He didn't care about anything but this new reality that allowed him to touch and feel his husband. Hold him and...make love to him again.